You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.
Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
Anyone with kids know those little people can turn your and your spouse life upside down, huge lifestyle change (could be good or could be bad). Having a kid with autism or any special needs is that x10. Mad props to those parents who keep it cool and carry on
Primary reason why I'm so afraid to ever have them.
Recently went on a trip to a friends place with another couple and their 2 kids. Trip was amazing and their kids are pretty good fun to be around with etc.
However then I had a realization afterwards that you never get a break from that lol..in the back of my mind I was kinda like ehhh you have kids you can go take a month off from it lol
We told them, if my wife and I ever have kids you know somthing went wrong
Anyone with kids know those little people can turn your and your spouse life upside down, huge lifestyle change (could be good or could be bad). Having a kid with autism or any special needs is that x10. Mad props to those parents who keep it cool and carry on
This girl I was seeing is looking after her niece who is low functioning autistic. She's 14 but has the mind of a 3.5 year old. Still can't speak but can communicate to some extent. She's also tall and wide for her age. The girl told me that bathing her was like bathing two people because of the time needed. The upside is she loves the water and doesn't fuss. Whenever they go to beach, she'll always run to the water but obviously they have to keep her close.
She also wakes up at 5am every morning looking for food. I learned quite a bit about autism from the girl I was seeing. It really is a full time job. There's basically three people looking after her and it's still overwhelming but like I said, she's 14 so the family never gave up on her. They're hoping that as she gets older, she'll begin to speak and have some ability to communicate more intricately especially when it comes to her wants and do not wants. But you do what you gotta do out of unconditional love. That's what sacrifice is based on.
........
Yes this girl I'm talking about is the same one I mentioned in previous pages. After the first few dates, nothing has been the same. Lots of distance. Let me emphasize it has nothing to do with looking after her niece.
Basically she's a Filipino TFW living / working for her sister and needs to do it for 2 more years to get PR. It's time sapping no doubt and she's a damn good caregiver especially to her LFA niece and cleans the house regularly all while maintaining a damn good physique. She also has a needy mother but her mother is also 70 years old and despite having a BF, lives alone and basically 'never shuts up' (quote from the girl). Cue the baggage??
Notice how I haven't said GF? Yeah that's right. After the first few times together, that was it. It's been three weeks since we've seen each other in person. We were talking a couple of hours ago and she said 'I can't talk much anymore. I have go to see my mom'. I sighed, said 'you know where I'll be' and just stopped talking. I'm not even going to wish her good morning tomorrow. Fuck it. I tried to make her feel special, pull her out of her grind and the grind just sucks her back in.
I've been very patient for the last 2 months but a huge part of the problem is she NEVER talks about herself. She just says things like 'I'm exhausted, sorry for not talking much". Like damn, at least give me something to work with? I work 50 hours a week but can still communicate. I don't go 4 hours without saying something and then resume the conversation like there wasn't a 4 hour time gap. But then we can't meet up either so.......
Maybe things will get better when the kids are back in school but...I'm too fucking old for this....
Spoiler!
I just watched the sunset from my patio, alone. The leftover rays creasing my pores and splitting them open with joyous delight. Ah yes, these are the simple moments in life I enjoy. Fuck the baggage. Let that shit ride the carousel in an endless spiral.
My birthday is coming up soon. Do I just have to repeat the same shit I've went through decades ago?
EDIT: I'm just disappointed with how stangnant this feels. There's been no elevation to our 'relationship'. It's pretty much been relegated to 'Good morning', random daytime banter, 'Good night'. Rinse and repeat...
EDIT: I'm just disappointed with how stangnant this feels. There's been no elevation to our 'relationship'. It's pretty much been relegated to 'Good morning', random daytime banter, 'Good night'. Rinse and repeat...
I'm sure you understand this already, but it is worth repeating -- when there is someone in your life that you feel responsible for -- whether it is your elderly parents, a seriously ill partner, an autistic dependent, or just a child -- they becoming consuming to quite an extent. So much so that the person might just not have any time for other things, or even time for themselves.
And then I thought of the following scenes from "Love Actually", because it is just exactly like that...
EDIT: I'm just disappointed with how stangnant this feels. There's been no elevation to our 'relationship'. It's pretty much been relegated to 'Good morning', random daytime banter, 'Good night'. Rinse and repeat...
She's hustle and grinding to provide for her family (just little to no time for much personal time). Don't think she's intentionally being "dry" with the conversations, considering prior you guys were quite active in the communication. It ultimately starts with communication in terms of what you are expecting or trying to achieve between you and her. Even in midst of how busy she is, there's gotta be some personal time somewhere for you both.
I'm sure you understand this already, but it is worth repeating -- when there is someone in your life that you feel responsible for -- whether it is your elderly parents, a seriously ill partner, an autistic dependent, or just a child -- they becoming consuming to quite an extent. So much so that the person might just not have any time for other things, or even time for themselves.
And then I thought of the following scenes from "Love Actually", because it is just exactly like that..
Oh I'm aware of that and that's why I've been generous in waiting. She doesn't even live far from me. Hell, I offered to meet her close to her place and just talk / embrace for 15 min and then I'll leave. She loved that idea and it has yet to transpire so...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Euro7r
She's hustle and grinding to provide for her family (just little to no time for much personal time). Don't think she's intentionally being "dry" with the conversations, considering prior you guys were quite active in the communication. It ultimately starts with communication in terms of what you are expecting or trying to achieve between you and her. Even in midst of how busy she is, there's gotta be some personal time somewhere for you both.
It's the little 'in between things'
Like when I send her a morning message and it takes her 4 hours to reply...
...yet she's been on WhatsApp MULTIPLE times within that 4 hour window. I don't think about it much but sometimes I do ask specific questions and it seems like an ignore (she's not actually reading the convo but she's definitely been on the app)
Or this is a normal thing that people do? I just thought I'd be given a bit more attention given our history. I don't even like texting to be honest but despite asking to see her in person again, it gets pushed and pushed. I mean, how long can a man wait?
Or did the Internet really ruin people's ability to communicate and connect?
Oh I'm aware of that and that's why I've been generous in waiting. She doesn't even live far from me. Hell, I offered to meet her close to her place and just talk / embrace for 15 min and then I'll leave. She loved that idea and it has yet to transpire so...
It's the little 'in between things'
Like when I send her a morning message and it takes her 4 hours to reply...
...yet she's been on WhatsApp MULTIPLE times within that 4 hour window. I don't think about it much but sometimes I do ask specific questions and it seems like an ignore (she's not actually reading the convo but she's definitely been on the app)
Or this is a normal thing that people do? I just thought I'd be given a bit more attention given our history. I don't even like texting to be honest but despite asking to see her in person again, it gets pushed and pushed. I mean, how long can a man wait?
Or did the Internet really ruin people's ability to communicate and connect?
You must boring she doesn't wanna talk to you anymore LOL JK. Sounds like she lost interest in you. I've encountered these types of girls, like they'll be ready to make time for all their friends but reply when they feel like it when you are trying to get to know them (even though they claim they are busy). I think if she's really into you, the conversations will be engaging. If it's like surface level "hey how's it going yadadada", then it's probably derailing to the wrong direction.
She doesn't want to see you physically or chat with you much online, that's some not so good signs. At this point you'll feel more fulfilling dropping your pants and jerking one than trying to strike conversation with her.
What were/was the unreconcilable issues if you don't mind answering?
I'll provide an update once I have some time to process everything. Seperation still on-going due to us still living together. That's about to change soon.
Took a leap of faith and left the job I was so comfortable with and the people I worked with was basically my second family. It's been a good 5 years but sacrifices had to be made to advance my career and growth.
Asked a girl out and got rejected 3x in the same conversation LMFAO. I'm mad chilling cause it's funny as fuck but everyone thinks I'm down bad and sad af.
Just found out that I misread the signs too whoops LMAO. Go next
Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk
__________________
|| 18 FK8 | R-18692 | Rallye Red | 6 MT ||
|| SOLD 97 E36 M3 Sedan | Arctic Silver | 5MT ||
|| RIP 02 E46 330ci | Schwartz Black II | 5MT | M-Tech II | Black Cube | Shadowline | Stoff Laser/Anthrazit ||
|| RIP 02 E46 M3 | Carbon Black | 6MT ||
Asked a girl out and got rejected 3x in the same conversation LMFAO. I'm mad chilling cause it's funny as fuck but everyone thinks I'm down bad and sad af.
Just found out that I misread the signs too whoops LMAO. Go next
Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk
lol same thing happened to me, but on three separate occasions. I thought 3rd time's the charm but apparently not lol.
I gave up after the 3rd time. Funny thing though was that after a period of a few weeks, she reached out to me again so maybe that will happen to you
There are no principles, there are only events. There is no good and bad, there are only circumstances. The superior espouses events and circumstances in order to guide them.
Oh I'm aware of that and that's why I've been generous in waiting. She doesn't even live far from me. Hell, I offered to meet her close to her place and just talk / embrace for 15 min and then I'll leave. She loved that idea and it has yet to transpire so...
It's the little 'in between things'
Like when I send her a morning message and it takes her 4 hours to reply...
...yet she's been on WhatsApp MULTIPLE times within that 4 hour window. I don't think about it much but sometimes I do ask specific questions and it seems like an ignore (she's not actually reading the convo but she's definitely been on the app)
Or this is a normal thing that people do? I just thought I'd be given a bit more attention given our history. I don't even like texting to be honest but despite asking to see her in person again, it gets pushed and pushed. I mean, how long can a man wait?
Or did the Internet really ruin people's ability to communicate and connect?
Man you're playing the wrong game here, I appreciate your honesty though.
First, stop with the good morning texts, that shit is corny and annoying as fuck.
I hate it when a girl wants to do the good morning and good night texts all the time, get outta here with that garbage. My current GF used to do that with me, and I started to find it stressful, I eventually had to tell her "I'm not one of those guys, don't text me all day, I'm doing shit".
Seems to me you probably text her too often? I regularly take 4 hour gaps if not longer to respond to people, I do it all the time. The reason? I'm doing stuff, or I don't want to get caught into a back and forth conversation by text with timeframe obligations. Maybe she's the same way?
To build on this, you run into the folly of too many text messages, leading to nothing to fucking talk about. I don't care about what you ate today, I don't care about whatever stupid hobby or boring ass activity, or mundane meetup you had with *insert name friend*, that I don't even know.
When dating and someone texts you too much it can become stressful. You find yourself having to respond to a wall of text, a wall of questions, a wall of shit you don't feel like answering to. You also run out of things to talk about, and thus end up having to come up with more boring bullshit to converse about.
Keep it short and sweet, keep it brief and infrequent. Leave the the text convo's for actual meetups, that way you have way more to talk about, and it keeps a sense of mystery, you'll learn more about a person organically in person, then ever through text.
Also to add, if this one doesn't work out, I don't think you're losing much there bud.
Let's see here -- Family baggage, autistic niece (that you'll have to hang out with if things get more serious), needy mother that will drive you crazy, and no real career?
Looks and a nice body can get old after you're banging for a year or so, if she can't even carry an engaging convo among other things, it doesn't sound like she brings much to the table in terms of a partner to succeed with.
Might sound savage, and I don't know your career/financial situation, but this girl might be a major burden if things get serious.
Also to add, if this one doesn't work out, I don't think you're losing much there bud.
Let's see here -- Family baggage, autistic niece (that you'll have to hang out with if things get more serious), needy mother that will drive you crazy, and no real career?
Looks and a nice body can get old after you're banging for a year or so, if she can't even carry an engaging convo among other things, it doesn't sound like she brings much to the table in terms of a partner to succeed with.
Might sound savage, and I don't know your career/financial situation, but this girl might be a major burden if things get serious.
I get what you're saying. My last post was what I call a 'stream of consciousness'. Basically unfiltered, quasi-incoherent rambles directly from my brain to my fingertips. I still meant what I said. It just lacked context.
In the beginning, we barely texted because we would meet each other. The texting only increased as the busy schedule came in. Not totally small talk but anyway...
I'm putting this one to bed (not sleep as that can be akin to killing) for now and basically making her do the legwork if she wants me in her life. My cares are basically at the waterfall right now, only being held by a small boulder.
Also, this passed Sunday, I went out with another girl. Holy fuck was the weather amazing. No smoke, partly cloudy and cool. We went to Rocky Point, sat on a bench and talked for 2.5 hours and weren't welded to said bench. Then went to the Boathouse, had some cocktails, food and said our goodbyes. It was nice. She's a great soul too. Despite her brother having a heart attack 2 days before, she wanted to go out with me to remove herself from being pulled down by anxiety / stress etc. She loved the day and loved being in my company. Told me it was what she needed.
I'm sure in my case, this won't last long either because that's always the story. The opposite of a Hallmark movie
so I'm going to be blunt, and since my break up; I ain't sugar coating shit no more. (yes, the old hopeless romantic PK-EK is dead, you miss him? go back 500 pages, has back there)
you and her are two different people in two different worlds
she is focused on her family and getting her life on track.
I noticed this when I dated the fresh off the boat mainlander girl.
since I was CBC, the things I valued were not completely in line with her.
you won't be happy to be with her.
you understand why her family and rest of her life is important to her, but you will only be able to put up with it for a while before it consumes you.
you will feel like she isn't giving it 100% and you will feel like its not fair
you will be burnt out
you will feel dead inside after it is all over
stop now, go find a nice girl to have some fun dates with and to sleep with.
then move on, this one isn't good. she is not on the same wave length as you. move on
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by TOS'd
The reason for Speak it Out is to actually set PK-EK up with someone, whether that be someone from this thread or outside of RS.
Recently went on a trip to a friends place with another couple and their 2 kids. Trip was amazing and their kids are pretty good fun to be around with etc.
However then I had a realization afterwards that you never get a break from that lol..in the back of my mind I was kinda like ehhh you have kids you can go take a month off from it lol
We told them, if my wife and I ever have kids you know somthing went wrong
This. So we have a 15mo old who is amazing. Went to a friends for a pool party a few weeks ago and it was enjoyable, but I didn’t have a second to myself. It was a bit refreshing for my friends to see just how non-stop it is. Like literally, 24h a day for the next xxx years.
Lucky for me an acquaintance showe uo (he has a 7mo at home) and he was so happy to see another baby, that let me toss the boy his way for enough time to shove a hot dog in my face haha
It sounds like a lot of the resistance towards having kids is coming from the commitment you have to give to it.
For you people considering having kids, how much does $$ also play a factor in your decision?
The biggest barrier for me honestly is the financial commitment - I don't really have a stable job atm because I work as a contractor, so the thought of having to pay for another human being for at least the first 25 years of their life is hard to imagine
There are no principles, there are only events. There is no good and bad, there are only circumstances. The superior espouses events and circumstances in order to guide them.
We can plan all we want when it comes to financial stability, but there is nothing we can do that will guarantee those plans will play out.
Even though you're a contractor and your income may or may not be all that stable, assuming that you already practice good financial planning, I don't think you are going to be any less prepared than someone who is working a "stable" job. Your financial planning is still going to take into account that you'll be better off in certain months, and will be leaner in other months. You and your partner will just need to budget the amount that your kid is going to need, and life just carries on. If things go according to plan, great! If it doesn't, you figure something out.
IMO, the planning and execution parts aren't really all that different whether you have a kid or not. But of course, the mentality and your sense of responsibility might not be the same even though the actual doing part is not different.
It sounds like a lot of the resistance towards having kids is coming from the commitment you have to give to it.
For you people considering having kids, how much does $$ also play a factor in your decision?
The biggest barrier for me honestly is the financial commitment - I don't really have a stable job atm because I work as a contractor, so the thought of having to pay for another human being for at least the first 25 years of their life is hard to imagine
I don't think I'm at the age to have kids yet nor have I met anyone that I actually would want to have kids yet. But as of right now, I'd like to have at least 500K in cash/investments/assets before I would even consider having kids.
I grew up poor like government housing poor, as previously mentioned. Life wasn't as bad as many of my other friends who also grew up poor or house poor. But I am facing all the consequences of my family not being financially well-off. No, I did not say financially irresponsible but that's what most people (and my ex's family) assumes. (must be the old BMW thing lol)
I have about 5 years before I have to really start thinking about it. I think in that time, I should be able to meet my financial goals and be ready to start a family.
__________________
|| 18 FK8 | R-18692 | Rallye Red | 6 MT ||
|| SOLD 97 E36 M3 Sedan | Arctic Silver | 5MT ||
|| RIP 02 E46 330ci | Schwartz Black II | 5MT | M-Tech II | Black Cube | Shadowline | Stoff Laser/Anthrazit ||
|| RIP 02 E46 M3 | Carbon Black | 6MT ||
It sounds like a lot of the resistance towards having kids is coming from the commitment you have to give to it.
For you people considering having kids, how much does $$ also play a factor in your decision?
The biggest barrier for me honestly is the financial commitment - I don't really have a stable job atm because I work as a contractor, so the thought of having to pay for another human being for at least the first 25 years of their life is hard to imagine
I think if finance is top priority when having kids, then I think 99% of people in Vancouver won't be having kids considering how damn expensive it is to live here. I always believe it's all about planning ahead for the time to have kids. In this case, plan to put aside say $500 a month aside and start doing it for like 2-3 years, it might not seem a lot, but it's still better than having nothing to start with. It's really the mentality approach when you have those responsibilities, you will do whatever it takes to make ends meet.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
