Speak it Out

[CivicBlues]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

OP mentioned this girl is in her mid 30's.

Jesus and here I am reading this like some kinda HS drama

[GS8]

Originally Posted by CivicBlues

Jesus and here I am reading this like some kinda HS drama

Both are mid to late 30s.

My friend said he felt like a 'stallion being ridden around an endless paradise for months until a strong wind blew everything away, only to reveal the endless desert, no rider and himself as a pack mule'.

He should just be a poet.

[mikemhg]

Sounds to me this girl had some side dick the entire time, or was at least entertaining another man. She was using your friend as an emotional blanket, based on what this other man wasn't willing to provide her.

My thoughts at least.

[Traum]

I'm sorry I can't resist, but "being ridden around like a stallion in an endless paradise" sounds like at least your friend got "something good" out of it...

Originally Posted by GS8

My friend said he felt like a 'stallion being ridden around an endless paradise for months until a strong wind blew everything away, only to reveal the endless desert, no rider and himself as a pack mule'.

He should just be a poet.

[RiceIntegraRS]

Originally Posted by Traum

Had a similar experience as GS8's friend back in my mid 20's. My temper was a lot shorter back then, and it was both heart-breaking and infuriating to have the girl that you're pouring your heart out for tell you that she doesn't have much feelings for you even though she knows you love her dearly. In my case, she also told me she only wanted her ex to love her.

Looking back at it now, I'm glad it happened because the failed relationship helped me grow. But at the time when it happened, it was absolutely devastating.

I think alot of guys have that 1 chick that fucks them up royaly to the point where they just dont give a fuck about girls anymore until the right one comes along.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by Traum

Had a similar experience as GS8's friend back in my mid 20's. My temper was a lot shorter back then, and it was both heart-breaking and infuriating to have the girl that you're pouring your heart out for tell you that she doesn't have much feelings for you even though she knows you love her dearly. In my case, she also told me she only wanted her ex to love her.

Looking back at it now, I'm glad it happened because the failed relationship helped me grow. But at the time when it happened, it was absolutely devastating.

You can't make someone like you

[GS8]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

You can't make someone like you

It's true, you can't. However the onus should be on the person who isn't feeling it to speak up sooner than later. What can be a pebble of impact to the other person's head can easily become an asteroid.

It's easy for the person dishing the truth out to do so but it's nowhere as easy to take that news especially if TOO MUCH time has passed.

There's nothing wrong with trying to see if there's a connection but with active dating, I imagine the average person would know within a month if there's any connection. It should be at this point where someone's conscience steps in as it should to minimize the hurt. In the case of my friend, that was 8 months. What does that say about her conscience?

[6793026]

Originally Posted by GS8

IMO, if anything, she should have said much earlier on 'Hey sorry, I'm not really feeling anything between us. Peace.' But it was dragged on and on and two weeks after posting an 'official' photo of them together in a restaurant (which garners happiness from her family), she then hard-drops her truth.

Don't hate the player...If i was a chick, i see a dude keeps picking me up to nice restaurant, fun summer drives, nice car cruises... why would i say "i don't feel for you"
"we are dating, I thought that was just be and you"
"OH, dating doesn't mean it was exclusive"
Now that hurts.
Again, you didn't DTR (Definite The Relationship).... I learned the hard way and will FOREVER always ask the girl... yo, you feeling anything.. cause I would not want to be just dating for the sake of a "good time" and then realize 3 months in, that you don't feel anything.

[Euro7r]

Friend of a friend, met this new guy after breaking up from a relationship. Guy is 40, has medical job but renting. He does everything the ex-bf never did, go out to eat, go out to do things, does all the house work, work less to pretty much pamper her. Ex-bf never had time as he was always busting his ass off working to provide financially, and pay for the mortgage of his home. She is like all over this new guy now, but we want to warn her this guy seems full of shit.

If I were a guy trying to provide a better life for you, and your being inconsiderate bitching and not helping, would have dumped her ass too.

I think this new guy is full of shit because he was waiting in the sidelines listening to her displeasures of the ex-bf, came in and swooped her up during the vulnerable breakup period. Also he's 40 and still renting, it tells me he has no financial literacy, rather pay rent than use that same money towards getting a place? I do not know of a single guy that does all the work, and the girl sits and does shit all (she doesn't does shit all). I wouldn't even wanna touch this kinda shit a mile away. She ain't sucking his dick or giving him pussy either because they go to church, so I'm not convinced why a guy would do all this for nothing in return in this day and age. It's like saying I'm going to go work hard everyday for a living, come home to cook, do housework, while you don't need to do a single thing. Right, this doesn't sound sustainable? It might be great when a new relationship kicks off, give it some time and I feel this will derail fast because the girl doesn't do a single thing. I guess young girls are naive as fuck these days when you throw them a bone here and there - oh yeah she's wayyyyy younger.

[bcrdukes]

At age 40, you start running out of options so he has to put in the extra effort to do what it takes to keep this girl entertained and/or happy. What he's doing is not wrong, but there are likely external factors preventing him to pursuing a woman within his age bracket. Love is like Vancouver real estate. Buy now or die trying.

[Traum]

I agree with bcrdukes' suggestions, but I also think that if the girl really doesn't do shxt at all, the relationship is going to derail sooner or later. A relationship that works requires contributions from both sides. If one side isn't contributing, sooner or later the other side is going to pull the plug.

If I were Euro7r, I'd actually go warn the medical dude about the chick LOL~ (instead of warning the chick about the lack of financial planning / literacy with the guy)

[Teriyaki]

Going to throw this out there.

Just because one goes to church, does not mean one doesn't bone. Speaking as a former church goer.

Is it the case with them? Only they'd really know.
Before even getting into the financial stuff, there could be plenty of reasons one is renting. Wouldn't write off one's entire financial prudence just from that one fact alone.

I agree with Traum on this, seems like the guy is getting the short end of the stick here.

[6793026]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

It's like saying I'm going to go work hard everyday for a living, come home to cook, do housework, while you don't need to do a single thing. Right, this doesn't sound sustainable? It might be great when a new relationship kicks off, give it some time and I feel this will derail fast because the girl doesn't do a single thing. I guess young girls are naive as fuck these days when you throw them a bone here and there - oh yeah she's wayyyyy younger.

Not trying to shit on people but there are those who just loves to rent. 64 yr old dude still rents now but is still trying to stay employed so he can pay rent.
This shit would rarely happen in an asian culture when the 1st thing we learn is to buy a place asap so you have roof over shoulders.

my financial advisor still says..wtf, how can someone like you have paid off ___ , guys at your age are still banging girls and buying rounds....

everyone is diff. 40 yr old dude is living the dream to be honest. younger girls all over him, getting all the attention. what I feel bad for are the 20-30 yr old guys.. NOT having the income to compete which is why so so so many 20 -30 yr old are still single cause these older men are fishing in their pond.

[GS8]

My questions / comments are in RED

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Friend of a friend, met this new guy after breaking up from a relationship.

How did they break up? Was it mutual parting of ways or did one of them want out? Any cause(s) that was shared?

Guy is 40, has medical job but renting. He does everything the ex-bf never did, go out to eat, go out to do things, does all the house work, work less to pretty much pamper her.

What does she do while he's doing basically everything? Does she go to school? Work? Both?

Ex-bf never had time as he was always busting his ass off working to provide financially, and pay for the mortgage of his home.

Is this what primarily led to the breakup? Did she bring this up with him to try and save the relationship?

She is like all over this new guy now, but we want to warn her this guy seems full of shit. If I were a guy trying to provide a better life for you, and your being inconsiderate bitching and not helping, would have dumped her ass too.

She likes to be pampered is the vibe I'm getting. The idea of someone always being at work with no time for anything else has become so common, regardless of industry and is especially prevalent in Vancouver. That 'lifestyle' goes back decades and there's many factors at play.

I think this new guy is full of shit because he was waiting in the sidelines listening to her displeasures of the ex-bf, came in and swooped her up during the vulnerable breakup period.

It happens. I learned that 'grieving' after a failed relationship is pretty healthy and normal. Jumping into a new relationship soon after can be quite detrimental and lead to more problems down the road.

Also he's 40 and still renting, it tells me he has no financial literacy, rather pay rent than use that same money towards getting a place?

None of us should judge anyone's financial literacy unless we know the WHOLE story for context.

I do not know of a single guy that does all the work, and the girl sits and does shit all (she doesn't does shit all). I wouldn't even wanna touch this kinda shit a mile away.

Well you're speaking anecdotally but knowing what men would PAY FOR (nevermind doing for free) just for a woman they like is an embarrassment. We can move forward technologically but backwards socially & psychologically.

She ain't sucking his dick or giving him pussy either because they go to church, so I'm not convinced why a guy would do all this for nothing in return in this day and age. It's like saying I'm going to go work hard everyday for a living, come home to cook, do housework, while you don't need to do a single thing.

What does she do while he's busting his ass rather his nuts on her chin? What do they do together? Have they considered ditching Church for Church's?


Right, this doesn't sound sustainable? It might be great when a new relationship kicks off, give it some time and I feel this will derail fast because the girl doesn't do a single thing. I guess young girls are naive as fuck these days when you throw them a bone here and there - oh yeah she's wayyyyy younger.

TL;DR: She's going to get bored of this guy and move on to someone else. This is her RPG and she'll just level up until some Boss destroys her because she leveled up her charisma while ignoring her defense.

Parts of this story remind me of what I shared about my friend in this same thread. I'm wondering if people nowadays are approaching dating from a completely different angle. I can't imagine reading some 5th grade literature from some IG Doctor / Mother of 7 / SmOOthY QuEEn YAAASSS and treating it as the Gospel according to Moe Szyslak.

[mikemhg]

The chick sounds pretty useless, but to be devil's advocate, this part stuck out to me:

Friend of a friend, met this new guy after breaking up from a relationship. Guy is 40, has medical job but renting. He does everything the ex-bf never did, go out to eat, go out to do things, does all the house work, work less to pretty much pamper her. Ex-bf never had time as he was always busting his ass off working to provide financially, and pay for the mortgage of his home. She is like all over this new guy now, but we want to warn her this guy seems full of shit.

Life isn't always just about wealth and money, that's a very Asian mentality that doesn't translate very well to a productive and loving relationship. Perhaps she simply wanted a partner she could enjoy living life with, doing things, going out, having experiences. Maybe your buddy was a boring fuddy who only has his mind solely on one objective (that's his prerogative), but ultimately that doesn't translate to a strong and healthy relationship.

[Presto]

Maybe they really clicked, and are genuinely into each other.

She was 20. I was 30. We both knew we wanted to be with each other for the long-haul, but when I met my wife, she was kinda (definitely) useless. In the beginning, I was the one doing most of the work in the relationship. Hell, I even drove from Langley to City Square in Vancouver, every frickin' afternoon when I was done my job, to go pick her up from vfx makeup school. It was stressful, and annoying, to do that everyday, but I thought she was worth the effort.

Our 10 year wedding anniversary was last September, and my wife picked up a lot of skills and experience along the way. The first few years were a bit rough, but we have synergy, now. She handles most of the cooking and cleaning, too.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Also he's 40 and still renting, it tells me he has no financial literacy, rather pay rent than use that same money towards getting a place? I do not know of a single guy that does all the work, and the girl sits and does shit all (she doesn't does shit all). I wouldn't even wanna touch this kinda shit a mile away. She ain't sucking his dick or giving him pussy either because they go to church..

To be fair, some of my most successful friends rent a 2BR at wayyyy below market rate in Vancouver, think $2,400/month in Station Square and Mount Pleasant areas.

They hedge their rent inflation by owning 2 to 4 properties in high cash flow older properties around lower mainland that are considered high risk for normies. No one outside their close friends group knows they own 4 properties plus a $500,000+ ETF portfolio at 30 - 32 years old.

So not all renters are poor and you might not know someone's financial situation especially if they don't flaunt it.


However, this dude is doing all that for no pussy. He's probably not smart like the people I mention above

[BIC_BAWS]

This whole renting thing reminds me of when my ex gf's parents forced a breakup (for the better actually) because my family rents.

Jokes on them I bought a house LMAO

[6793026]

Originally Posted by Presto

Our 10 year wedding anniversary was last September, and my wife picked up a lot of skills and experience along the way. The first few years were a bit rough, but we have synergy, now. She handles most of the cooking and cleaning, too.

good on ya. Not every woman (and to be fair, man) change so willingly / effectively. Just cause you shower them with love, one has to want to change...

Congrads and that's probably why you have been married for 10 yrs.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by 6793026

good on ya. Not every woman (and to be fair, man) change so willingly / effectively. Just cause you shower them with love, one has to want to change...

Congrads and that's probably why you have been married for 10 yrs.

The thing with getting someone to change for relationship strength is that you are essentially undoing an addiction.

We tend to associate addictions with physical causes such as drinking / gambing etc, but in the case of relationship building, you're dealing with many things that are intangible which makes it harder. Part of the battle is whether they want to change and the other big part is finding out what needs to change (this can be excruciatingly difficult for the person to figure out).

It's easy to say 'yes, I want to change for us' but put in practice is a much different story because, out of habit (addiction), the person will revert back to their old ways and almost undo the hard work put in. This can lead to guilt and remorse and potentially end of the relationship. With patience, determination and CONSISTENCY, anyone can change from who they were to who they want to be. But before any steps can be taken, the person has to admit they are not happy with who they are. They don't have to decide who they want to be overnight but instead, gradually move away from all the qualities they do not like and towards qualities they do. In time, they will change and will be naturally happy with their new place in life and will not ever want to go back. They just beat their addiction with the help of a loving partner and good relationship building.

Anyone who watched their partner change for the better deserves all their happiness but it looks like they will because their partner changed for them.

[tiger_handheld]

They hedge their rent inflation by owning 2 to 4 properties in high cash flow older properties around lower mainland that are considered high risk for normies. No one outside their close friends group knows they own 4 properties plus a $500,000+ ETF portfolio at 30 - 32 years old.


share more so we can all be like them... cuz this sounds like a cryptobro and not your average vancityjoe

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by tiger_handheld

They hedge their rent inflation by owning 2 to 4 properties in high cash flow older properties around lower mainland that are considered high risk for normies. No one outside their close friends group knows they own 4 properties plus a $500,000+ ETF portfolio at 30 - 32 years old.


share more so we can all be like them... cuz this sounds like a cryptobro and not your average vancityjoe

If they hold crypto like a cult, sell you daytrade fx advice, claim pre-sales in 2022 is the play, play with options without a CFA, run.

[instantneedles]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Friend of a friend, met this new guy after breaking up from a relationship. Guy is 40, has medical job but renting. He does everything the ex-bf never did, go out to eat, go out to do things, does all the house work, work less to pretty much pamper her. Ex-bf never had time as he was always busting his ass off working to provide financially, and pay for the mortgage of his home. She is like all over this new guy now, but we want to warn her this guy seems full of shit.

If I were a guy trying to provide a better life for you, and your being inconsiderate bitching and not helping, would have dumped her ass too.

I think this new guy is full of shit because he was waiting in the sidelines listening to her displeasures of the ex-bf, came in and swooped her up during the vulnerable breakup period. Also he's 40 and still renting, it tells me he has no financial literacy, rather pay rent than use that same money towards getting a place? I do not know of a single guy that does all the work, and the girl sits and does shit all (she doesn't does shit all). I wouldn't even wanna touch this kinda shit a mile away. She ain't sucking his dick or giving him pussy either because they go to church, so I'm not convinced why a guy would do all this for nothing in return in this day and age. It's like saying I'm going to go work hard everyday for a living, come home to cook, do housework, while you don't need to do a single thing. Right, this doesn't sound sustainable? It might be great when a new relationship kicks off, give it some time and I feel this will derail fast because the girl doesn't do a single thing. I guess young girls are naive as fuck these days when you throw them a bone here and there - oh yeah she's wayyyyy younger.

A dating coach once told me that a relationship is one of the best investments you can make (over any other passive income stream). It's one of the reasons why so many people pay him thousands of dollars.

At first, I was like wtf is this guy talking about - you can't put a dollar sign in front of a relationship. But I can kinda see where he's coming from.

Your salary is multiplied by whatever your spouse is making (assuming they earn at least average salary of $60,000) - for the typical person, there is no other passive income stream that will make you that much in return.

As someone who aspires to own a house one day, I just don't see it happening without the help of someone else. Also, what's the point of owning a house if you're the only one living in it? Kinda lonely.

Add on to that, what other passive income stream is going to give you the emotional fulfillment that a relationship would? Is your crypto investment going to comfort you after a stressful day at work?

So I feel like even though the new boyfriend might not be doing so well financially right now - if he plays his cards right, he is looking at one of the biggest financial investments he could ever make in his entire life.

[Mr.Money]

i don't know why people put so much pressure on being in a relationship.

some of these skinny perfect Instagram models be like "fuck all that i have passive income from this. focus on my life and career for the next chapter".


done. plain and simple.

[GS8]

While growing up, I remember asking myself if I wanted more time or more money in my life.

Now that I'm even older, I find myself asking if I want to exist or if I want to live.