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It's very uncommon for those to get married with kids (specifically in hk / pop stars) and I read tons of their interviews on how they wished their lives were a bit different in their 30s. |
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Wow, didn't think I'd ever be writing a post here but here I am. Long story short, been long-distance for an inordinate amount of time. Separated initially mainly due to covid, then ongoing border controls. We haven't seen each other since 2020. The GF is finally returning pretty soon but things have seemingly markedly shifted in the last few months. I think the feelings on the other end, or rather can feel and sense that things have changed. For sure the lack of physical touch and just being not being in the same time zone or experiencing life together has had its detriment as can be expected. Daily video chats and calls were the norm but then last month its been, a scheduling conflict here or an inconvenience that prevented that. And then it just sort of became the norm to not have them at all. We're far too old and have never been the type to be playing games, so its not that. I'm of the thinking that, you make time for the things you value and prioritize no matter how busy. And I'm sensing that this among all the other small things I've noticed.. "Us" doesn't seem to be a priority or something to be planned around whereas it was very much a focus in the past. Not to make it about me, but the overriding feeling is that "I" am no longer useful or needed for one reason or other. Completely shitty feeling for sure. Either intentional or unintentional, there is something that is causing this and its leaving me, exasperated for some sort of logical reason. My mind is starting to spiral, going to some dark places and I don't remember a time I've ever felt the relationship to be so vulnerable. It's affecting my mood and how I'm conducting my everyday life for sure, and it doesn't feel healthy at all to be carrying these feelings. Like, who do you even talk to if the person you talk and most comfortable with is the source of these issues. For background, its been about 8 years and have never questioned our compatibility but it feels like the ground completely fell out from under us. Given the situation, would you wait it out, pretend all is well until they're back (less than a month ) and sort it out then...Or, bring it up now ( it almost seems like the nuclear rip the band-aid off option ) and figure out if its just a misunderstanding or to confirm the drift. Feel like I know what the smart thing to do is? But emotions are stupid and irrational... proof: we end up on RS doing this kinda thing |
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Wait for her.... You said she's coming back in less than a month? I would be excited, not beat down. Your reunion could be what your relationship needs. Two years is a long time to be away from someone especially THE ONE. I'm guessing she's coming via airplane? Meet her at the airport. Look at her when she comes through the gate, wave with enthusiasm, smile and feel what you felt during your happiest moments with her. If you cry, consider that a massive step as your heart is speaking to you, unfiltered by your mind. Don't rush with impulse just yet. You waited for two years and with 8 years under your belts, is it worth it to jettison yourself now with such little time left before she comes back? Nah, stay the course. Let your body dictate how you feel when you reunite with her. I wouldn't throw this chance away just because of missed video calls / texts & shit. Body language, eye contact, hand holding are HUGE when it comes to social interaction. I'm hoping for the best. |
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Without knowing this inordinate amount of time, this is a tougher question to answer. Plain and simple, the MAJORITY of long distance relationships don't work, perhaps if you have kids and are married it has a better chance, but without those factors, not so much. People need person to person contact, if you're only dating without the above anchored connections, interest gets lost. It's the same way people are burnt out having Zoom meetings, people were engaged with that crap for a few months, but by 2021, those weekly team "Happy Hours" ended quickly :lol I wouldn't bring it up with her at all right now man. You'll just come off as needy and it could turn her off. Perhaps the daily calls have slowed down because she knows she'll be seeing you in person soon enough? Why not just wait until she's back in town, see what the dynamic is like between the two of you at that point. You might find you both reset like nothing has changed, and your concerns totally unwarranted. If you she's back and still continues to be distant in your in-person interactions over the course of a certain amount of time (a month or so), bring it up at that point. |
danggg you got a tight situation. it's been that long already, if she comes back and feelings stays, great, if not. At least ou gave it a shot now that she's back. |
Me and my dad weren't close but he passed away today. I cant say he was a good man but he wasn't a bad man either. Not sure how I feel right now. |
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Kinda reminds me of my relationship with my dad. Way too many issues from my past that affect me to this day but one of the most impactful things I learned in life was the power to forgive. You don't have to tell them in-person that you forgive them. rather, you forgive within your heart (if you can) which reduces your stress and anxiety over time. You let go of the burdens and simply come to terms with what happened and hopefully use the situations to improve your life moving forward. It may never be 100% but it's better than bottling it up 100% for the remainder of YOUR life. I won't tell you how to feel but all I could say is maybe just accept whatever he did for you that was good and say to yourself that what he did overall was 'good enough'. Just a thought. |
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Good post. |
This thread is quiet so I might as well speak it out. A few pages back (basically last summer), I mentioned seeing a girl. Hilarity ensued with some of the responses here. I let things blow over and time pass so I might as well update now: She & I definitely had a spark which bloomed into a full on relationship but it didn't last long. When I pressed her on it, she said she has security issues so I backed off and we stayed as friends. I simply asked her if she wanted me to stay in her life and she said yes. We texted each other for a bit and one day in late September, she started sending walls of texts to me which prompted me to phone her. She wanted to get a lot of things off her mind and used me as her lighting rod. The conversation evolved and I asked her why she was being so sketchy with us and our relationship and then she said it: She was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. Her moving to Canada is what allowed her to escape his clutch. Upon arriving here, she went on some wild horny bender well before I came in. I asked her about that and she said it was her coping mechanism and she didn't enjoy any of it. It was her way of expressing freedom but in hindsight, felt dirty. I talked with her more (I'm not a therapist) but she told me a lot of things that made me feel bad for her. She definitely has issues she needs to get over. Considering we met by chance, she thanked me for being in her life and helping her understand things. She said she's not ready to date anyone until she fixes herself because she wants to present her best self to her future boyfriend. She's taking time off from dating and instead, focusing on her work and family. She said she can't live without me, though, and she also said I inspired her so that's enough for me to say this whole process was worth it. I don't know if she and I will ever get back together but I just want to see her be a better person and not the damaged person I met. I'm hoping Canada gives her that opportunity but so far, so good. She'll get there. I don't think I can wait for her (as much as I'd like to). Fast forward to present day: We don't talk in great depths as we used to but we say hi to each from time to time. She's happy now. I just think of our story as a Shakespeare play. Just waiting for that curtain call. |
Four years... we've been together for four years, I stayed by your side when your life was falling apart I tried to give you everything but for you to leave because of how you have gotten used to being apart from me and giving me a bullshit excuse of how your mother doesn't like me, because of my current situation like fuck me why did I waste my time on you. You were my everything. |
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She's back with the guy she was seeing prior to my friend. She was actually seeing him just before separating from my friend. When my friend asked her 'what's up with that', she simply said 'the heart wants what it wants and I don't owe you an explanation'. She's also a pretty devout Christian. I'm not sure if Jesus was a ratchet? |
Didn't I tell you that was happening? She probably never stopped "dating" the guy. She was likely going through a rocky point with the main guy and used your friend as a distraction to reaffirm her self-esteem. It sucks, but your buddy got played. |
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He has accepted reality and moved on. He's talking to at least three different women and has already been on dates with some of them. He does kind of want to keep tabs on her (from a distance) to see if she ends up miserable again..... .... so he can laugh at her LUL |
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That would be a bad move. |
It's been a week since we've stopped talking, do you think of me at night? Because I lose sleep thinking about you still. |
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I did my part BrokeBack Side note: Dating sucks. Not the concept but, rather the tools and institutions. PC culture has made talking to strangers almost impossible. We really need to change the maple leaf on our flag to a fem pad.... |
its been a month now i still cant get you out of my head on my drive homes and when im alone. no amount of games or books can keep me from thinking about you. the only way i can sleep is by drinking which is what you hated me doing. |
You hitting the gym, bro? Generally speaking, working out / exercises / sports is a proven good way to lift your mood, esp when you keep at it on a consistent basis. Get those endorphins going! Quote:
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Should also start working on improving yourself to get yourself back on that dating market. It's rough out there! |
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With dating the biggest realization everyone needs to have is that everyone has their own value in the dating marketplace. If you're a 6/10, you can probably afford a 6/10 or below. There are exceptions where you can negotiate a 7/10 but you can't have those IG models on social media. So in order to do really well in dating, you have to work on yourself to be the best version of yourself and be someone the person you want to attract wants to date. So this could include, being fit, taking care of your skin, money, hobbies, well dressed, personality. |
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Caveat on "So this could include, being fit, taking care of your skin, money, hobbies, well dressed, personality." If you gonna be fit, smooth skin, money, hobbies, dress, personality(faking it). Can you keep it up for the rest of your life should you get married? Do something you can keep up with and find someone who will accept you for that. Can realistically hit the gym 3x a week, can only skin care once a month, hobbies are D&D on wednesday nights, sweat pants are the pref dress? Sure show your best self on the first date or two but make sure she gets the real you picture fast. Be a 6/10 90% of the time instead of a 8/10 10% of the time and the 10% is the initial phase. |
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