Haha, i got my chance to date her, 2 years later when we stopped working together, it was fun 4 years. We went through multiple rough patches and got through them, the biggest one that didn't change was my financial stability, 1 year into our relationship i started a food service in the beginning its was good but covid hit and it started to go downhill, restaurants were reducing their orders and i still had a truck lease to pay, eventually i defaulted on the truck and the company hit a standstill, she saw that and supported me by lending me money to get a new truck to continue the business, another year later we were constantly arguing about the business and how it wasn't sustainable, but i wouldn't listen. So she had enough and decided that I wasn't right for her. It hurt a lot we had been through so much together and I was looking at a ring but I guess it was too late, there was too much negative sentiment for her. She could no longer see the potential to build a family with me... But it was still the happiest 4 years i had so far, I enjoyed every bit of it, it'll be hard to move on from but eventually i will. Business now, and I've handed it over to my parents, and siblings so i can work towards my electrician red seal.

Also my condolences, its rough and you think about whether or not you're on the right path but, from all the advice you have given me, I can say you got this and move back to van so I can finally meet you in person.

Builds character, Evo. Thanks for sharing your story. That's one thing RS will always be good for, venting grief and celebrating successes. Glad you were able to make the best of the 4 years even though it didn't work out. You've done more than a lot of people do in a lifetime. Don't let people step on you anymore, mate. The only time you lose is if you dwell and don't move on.

I don't know if I can ever move back permanently to Vancouver with my family being rooted halfway around the world. Maybe when my kids grow older and when they are ready to go to school abroad, they'll go to Canada. I still have 2 condos rented out so there's that option for them, but no plans to return to Canada for the next 10 years now that I no longer have any immediate family in YVR. Hopefully I can shake your hand if the day ever comes when I move back.

But you know, you can take the man out of RS, but you can't take the RS outta the man.

Farewell YVR, hope to see you again.

Firstly condolences to your family, it's tough and not easy.

Hope through this life experience, you'll be able to see the light of there are greater things in life than money (not to say money isn't important). Kids grow up fast and you'll want to have memories to remember years to come. Don't want your kids only memories of dad is "he's always working". Personally growing up, my dad was always working so that he can provide a better life for me and my sister. Now I've grown up, I always tell people "my dad worked hard, busted his ass off sweat/grind - make it sound hardcore so it sounds cool LOL". Ultimately what good is money when you don't have family, that's what I'm trying to say.

Japanese culture sounds brutal? Maybe that's why Mitsubishi didn't want to hire me a few years ago, when they interviewed me. They asked me "what's your style of preference of work". I told them "laid back, flexible hours, prefer not to be micro-managed". Never heard from them again after haha.

i plan on going to japan next year once everything is settled, if i do ill reach out and shake your hand in person like the big brother i never had.:accepted:

After 6 months of dating my good friend, we decided to stay friends. Even though it was a hard decision to make, it was the right decision.

It was great at first - we were compatible in many ways and shared similar qualities. But as time passed, our differences became more obvious and stood in the way of us moving further.

If we ever get back together and reconcile, we would need to have a serious talk about how we would change things for the better.

I have an update to this story (this thread is slow anyway). For starters, let me generate some names (not actual names).

My friend: James
The girl: Samantha
The ex / now current boyfriend: Mike
Mutual friend: Melanie

So ever since my friend James and Samantha went their own ways, she basically committed to Mike. He was an ex but they got back together. By committed, I mean she started posting photos and videos of them together all throughout spring and summer including a motorcycle trip through Van Isle.

Anyway, a mutual friend, Melanie, notices that Samantha started removing posts from her IG / FB only to find out they're all posts relating to her & Mike. This is months' worth of posts / reels / collections etc.

Melanie told James for fun and all James could to is :lawl::lawl::lawl:

So basically, Samantha threw James away for Mike who then threw Samantha away. The karma is just too much :lol::lol

Samantha and Mike couldn't even get 10 months out of their relationship redux and now she has no one, though James thinks she'll be someone else's cumrag for now.

James has happily been in a relationship since July and he told me to say thank you to you guys for helping him dodge that bullet, though he describes Samantha as a grenade without a pin that's always in someone's hand.

EDIT: As for me, I just passed one month of being in a relationship :blush:. We started dating in June but didn't make it official until September. She lives in Victoria so there's distance issues but we're making it work. Going there gives me reason to leave my hamster-wheel life.

i'm glad this thread is dying.

it means most of you have grown up and stopped being fucking losers.

congrats, welcome to the real world.

Lol, instead the Parental Thread is picking up. :D

Sucks for you Ulic.. I gotta revive the thread cause I gotta say some shit I can't say out loud. I've been staying off RS and really just been gaming a lot because I don't have the energy to write a lot. I'm only really writing this because I'm continuing to procrastinate on outstanding projects and this seemed like most low-effort "project" I can complete.

It honestly feels like I'm depressed but it doesn't feel like the same kind of depression as when I was a teen and eager for my parents approval/pride. I don't want to self delete.. but I kind of just want to sleep forever.

There's this article on The Cut about what they called "The Pandemic Skip". I didn't read the article but I watched a Tiktok about it (lol). I entered the pandemic in my early 20s and the pandemic "ended" in my mid 20s. Now that I'm in my "late" 20s (26), I feel like I'm behind on everything. Similarly to the college experience, which I also missed out on by going to BCIT, your 20s is one of the formative years of your life.

---

I'm finding my attention span to be lower too. I started typing this and now I'm too lazy to finish it. Maybe cause I feel like I'm beating a dead horse as I've echo'd this feeling of being stuck across a few other threads before.

So tl;dr I'm feeling lazy and stuck. I miss the early 20s of my life where I started a business and had a passion (or motivation to live life). Now I just want to melt into my sheets and while I know the right thing to do is find some way out of it, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to die. But it almost feels like I already did and I'm stuck in some kind of hell loop.

Oh yeah, on-thread content - dating. I haven't put much effort into dating because of the above thoughts. I don't want to bring someone into my life. But it's a catch-22, if I don't practice it, I feel further behind. Wouldn't be a 40 year old virgin, but at this rate might just turn into one lol

IMO, everyone is going to / have had their lulls in addition to their high flying times. I was caught in a couple of those in my 20's and 30's as well, and you just have to try different things to break out of the pattern. Occasionally for some, the situation may resolve on its own (but I wouldn't count on it).

I desperately miss my 20's and 30's -- the freedom, the simplicity, the spontaneity, the smallness of my world at the time -- but I wouldn't trade anything I have now to re-live those moments.

Even now, I'd say I am kind of stuck at a low point, with me wishfully thinking that I am only stuck at this low point for the time being. Lots of things are beyond my control, and the best I can do is to dig in and ride it out. It is not fun, but I try to make the best out of it, and steal back a moment of fun here and there to balance it out.

One thing I did back then when I was in a similar lull as you are now was -- I forced myself to keep going out to enjoy the scene. I went in with no expectations, and 99% of the time came out with no results, other than gaining a tiny bit more of life experience. In the end, it sort of worked out -- the more things you try, the higher the chances of something is going to work to pull you out of that lull.

I fully acknowledge that things are probably much harder for you now, than it was for me back then. At a minimum, things are way more expensive now. And you also have far more and bigger responsibilities than I did back then. But I also think you are much smarter and capable than I am LOL~

So hang in there, and do something before you become a 40 year old virgin LOL~

BIC_B

You sound like how I was around my mid 20s. Low effort gaming mode. Due to other reasons, but similar situation.

Don't worry, it goes away.

As for missing the college experience, your only missing out if that's what you really want to do.
There's other, better, ways to live life in your 20s. Going out with you and your friends to The Ridge, in your "new" type R, beats the above ten fold. That shit was a blast. That shit is something 95% of the population will never experience at your age.

Ps. If you wanna live the college experience, get a buddy or two, and hit up the pint in gastown or Granville on friday/Saturday. Then report back with stories lol...... (I haven't been post covid tho)

As far as i can tell, your life seems like a success. Keep going, it's just an "off" year

If you want some ass, you gotta go get it. Yes come back with stories for us to read

You 100% sound like you're dealing with depression.

Maybe you need a change of venue for a bit, it sounds corny, but maybe you need a little vacation?

If the problems feel deeper you should talk to a physician, it's not wrong to consider anti-depressants if you're feeling in a hole you can't get out of.

Either way most people start to feel that angst in our mid to late 30's, it's a weird time of transition. Young enough to still harken back to days not long ago in your 20's, while at the same time being old enough to be considered actually "old", and that fear of reaching the 40's (aka you're now an old fuck).

It's a scary time.

It's tough.
Gotta recognize there is a need to do something different to stay alive.

I'm 40+ and during my lows (whcih is now), is getting difficult. I am just thankful I have a community to share. One thing i realized is you get what you put into. When you go emo and don't have friends, crawling out from your rut become extremely difficult.

If you don't have a good family or sig. other.. it gets worse.

That's how I cope with it. I don't think vacations, anti-depressive pills, going out more help much when I'm in a sad mood. The sad mood is commonly caused by a lack of productivity, too much gaming, TV, jerking off, eating like shit, not doing any exercise, clocking into work day in day out with nothing to look forward to.

That's where the idea that something needs to be different in order to feel different or stay alive is the key.

It's easier said than done but getting exercise and working out, doing new or old hobbies, trying to meet people that align with your lifestyle, and figuring out life financially really does help with the slump that most people have in their 20's to 30's.


The slump that people have nowadays are caused by the fomo in their head of how their life currently is and what they experienced vs what they think they should've done by now. It scares a lot of people but sadly your current lifestyle is a byproduct of all the work you put to get to the current stage. Only thing you can do is try to change the next few years.

The hard thing about life is that nobody in the dating world cares if you're feeling stuck, lazy or want to melt in their sheet. Man, even if we're being real, a lot of friends won't care about that either not do they wanna be around someone in that stage in life. You mentioned that you feel behind because of the lack of desire to do things. That idea of falling behind and melting into that loop should instill some fear that with no changes, in just a few years you'll repost about missing out on late 20's and early 30's due to inaction today. That's what would scare me enough to make changes, but if it doesn't I'd be melting away forever.

As others have said, it sounds like you may have a bit of depression. You're luckier today, than say 10-15 years ago for the older millennials, because mental health is front and centre and there is no longer any shame about being upfront mental health struggles. Therapy is something you should consider and there are many therapists out there.

With respect to motivation, you should also think about life coaching. It sounds corny but there's a reason why the life coaching industry exists - career and life journeys are no longer linear and the world is moving fast with so much uncertainty. Most of our parents, unless you came from a wealthy and educated family, did not provide us with the tools to succeed in living a productive and meaningful life in the disruptive time that we live in. A life coach can help you refocus your life towards tangible goals and more meaning in a way that relatives or mentors cannot.

On a more general note, I think social media has contributed greatly to worse mental health. The vast majority of people are not living the lives that you see glorified in social media. Also, being in your 20s, as an ethnic minority CIS-gendered male, is still not easy. I remember for me, things didn't start picking up in my life until my 30s. But, you do have to find a way to take some tangible steps to being in a better place. Perhaps that comes with therapy and/or medication. Or, that means finding a coach who can help you define your purpose and your path to get there. Whatever it is, you still have a lot of time. Good luck.

A mentor of mine really distilled life in such a simple way to me, and I'm totally paraphrasing here but life and motivation to live it is based on simple micro "incentives", things to work towards or look forward to. Absent of that, life becomes boring, monotonous, and ultimately depressing.

I use vacations and trips to fill that void of sorts, to give me something to look forward to, some use other things like career advancement, "toys" (cars, clothing, jewelry, etc.), hobbies are a big thing as well (I use skiing as an incentive to try to keep me from getting the winter depression).

When you think about it adult life is simply a series of mini-distractions, for some it's even children to fill that life engagement.

It's the same reason why some retirees have such a mental and physical decline after retirement unless they fill that loss of purpose with something else.

We're stuck within a finite rat race of attempting to keep ourselves amused until we die.

The other day in donk.'s Past Time Car Review thread when you said you felt a little burnt out lately, I thought about asking if everything was ok but I thought I was probably reading too much into it. Glad you posted this!

For what it's worth, I don't know anyone who doesn't feel like they missed out on something or another, growing up.

Most of my friends I grew up with went to either BCIT, SFU, or UBC, and some of us [still, even as recently as last week someone said it!], gripe that we missed out on the "real" college experience where you move far away from home, live in a dorm, make all new friends, party, etc. And yeah, truthfully we did miss out on a huge growth opportunity. But we've all grown up and gone in different directions that gave us different other experiences that grew us, in different ways. One of my close friends did move away - to Montreal - for university, and had that "college experience". He was happy as shit at the time, and we were all envious, but he isn't today any happier or more successful than the rest of us who didn't. We all found our own ways. Tbh my best friend - who went to BCIT btw - is probably one of the most happy, content, and successful people I know.

Something my best buddy taught me years ago, was that contentedness comes from satisfaction with who you are and what you have. That was a good one that I ran with. A while later I added one of my own: an appetite for the future, comes from being open to what you can become. And a little more recently - which I posted about in the Real Estate Thread, real joy comes from having meaning and purpose, and I think for most people, we're hard-wired as human beings to achieve that by addressing what can you do for others? I.e. being someone that people count on (e.g. being on a rec sports team, owning a pet, volunteering to help ppl out who really need it). In other words, how do you make yourself grasp that life has a purpose bigger than just you, and that you have some impact on that? More on that later.

Just a thought, which could maybe do something about both of these last things:

6 months after I moved to Toronto, I started feeling really low. I felt super alone moving so far away from my friends and family, and the 3-hr timezone difference made it hard to call home too. I wasn't making a lot of money at the time so I couldn't afford to fly home and visit. I went to some Reddit meetups and random events via Meetup.com but short bursts of meeting people once or twice doesn't really lend itself to making friends.

So then i signed up for a co-ed rec sports league. For me that was dragonboat, but there's obviously ultimate, volleyball, etc. I googled for teams in the GTA, and found one where from pics the people all seemed to be my age (this part is pretty key). So I registered for the next start of season, and joined up.

Outcome: the next few years that I lived in Toronto still - to this day - had been the happiest in my life. I eventually moved to California and became more successful, but not as happy. But, 10 years later, I'm now married to someone I met dragonboating in Toronto, and we now have a kid together.

Unpacking that experience w/ the rec sports league:

1. When you have to go to practices twice a week or else you'll let your team down, you show up.
2. When you show up for practice, you're going to at least have to be physically active for the next 1-2 hours. Physical activity is good for the body and even better for the mind. And remember, you can't back out of it, because if you don't show up, you'll let people down.
3. People depend on you. That feels good: now you start to feel like you have purpose.
4. People depend on you. Combined with seeing you twice a week, people start to like you.
5. If you pick a team that's in their 20s, a lot of folks will skew toward having fewer commitments, so they're available to hang out. After practices usually, to grab dinner / drinks, whatever, whoever feels like going.
6. As the season goes on, and folks start getting more familiar with each other, they / you / whoever starts planning social events like going zip-lining, white water rafting, camping, whatever. And as fun as the events are when it's people you're starting to like and get to know, it's the road trip itself where you're spending 5 hours packed in a car with 4 other people and you're talking about anything and everything that you start getting to be pretty good friends. My wife and I started out as one of those carpool / road-trip friends.
7. And the friendships are meaningful, and they last (some of the friends I met in Toronto - through dragonboat - a decade ago - I'm still talking to on Whatsapp regularly), I think especially because the core of the friendship built of depending on each other, on trusting in each other. Not just that it's fun to hang out, because friendships based on just that will come and go. Think of your closest friendships right now: are they not your best buddies because you've had each others' backs through all the years, not just because it's fun to hang out?
8. With the friendships you build, you're now committed even harder than you ever were. The sense of meaning and purpose grows. All these people depend on you. Your team wants to win. You train harder. You train outside of practice. You train with these friends. You try new things together and go on adventures all over. You motivate each other to push harder in your lives: interests & careers. People inevitably start dating, and I've seen a ton of people get married out of it.

You might also consider mentoring / tutoring kids from underprivileged neighborhoods. I felt pretty good about committing to doing this when I moved to the SF Bay Area even though I was busy as shit with my career, because it gave me a real sense of meaning and purpose, to be helping somebody out who otherwise might not make it. Maybe felt a little concerned about getting shot driving around in that part of town, but that just adds a little spice to life :D.

Summarizing: I think life can start to feel a little meaningless when we're focused solely on ourselves. And I think the reason for that is because objectively, we as individuals aren't really all that important in the grand scheme of things. I think human beings are hard-wired to care about a sense of belonging, because we know that we're worth significantly more when we're a part of something bigger than ourselves. And we're also hard-wired to feel like we need to be able to make a difference that matters and counts for something. And I think the good news is that plenty of help is needed around the world, so I think we have options! :)

If you can't get yourself motivated to action on any of the above, I totally concur with the other posts in this thread about knocking yourself out of a rut by doing something out of the ordinary - like traveling! (even just planning for it, doing the research, imagining going, if you don't want to spend that money) - and startling your mind out of the usual pattern for long enough that you can muster the energy to get to that next thing you're intending to do.

I hope this helps. But even if it doesn't, I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your posts on RS. No homo dude, but you've been helping bring a little happiness to my life every now and then, as I deal with the absolute fucking horror of raising a newborn. I hear it gets better after the 1st year, but we're still only half way through and I'm just fucking dying lol.

This is why RS is great. There’s a lot of really fantastic dudes here.

I just wanna say, it’s okay for you feel down bro. Sometimes you just need to let it happen. Embrace it, you don’t need to solve everything and fix all your problems. Sometimes you gotta just let the problem fix itself

Being proactive is great but maybe you just need to let things run its course. For most of us guys, we see a problem and we instantly want to fix it. I’m the same way. I got a solution for everything.

But the older I get the more I realize that many aspects of life are not within your control. And the sooner you realize that, the happier you’ll be. You’re sad ? Be sad bro. It’s okay. Embrace it, learn from it and take the time for yourself to understand it better. You don’t need a solution right away. You can just be sad for a while.

When you feel like you’ve had enough you’ll come out of it. If youre having a hard time trying to come out of your rut, reach out. You got a good network of friends (myself included). A lot of us had been there as you can see above. You’re not alone, although honestly sometimes I feel like this city has no sense of community at all, but this is why you have groups like RS.

If you have the means, you should do what i did this summer. Just bugger off and go on a long long drive. *if i factored in gas, i would say the entire 3 days i went galavanting off to SF cost me less than 1000 canadian*

I did nothing but drive for 3 days down to SF. I drove that oregon coast, top down with a 20 year old Sc430 and it really help clear my head. I just wanted some alone time after all the hustle and bustle of life. I wasnt really depressed but i honestly just wanted to get away.

With this interesting pacific weather, it might be a good time to drive the oregon coast and just enjoy your rut. The weather will reflect your mood and vice versa. You might find some deeper meaning starring into the rugged coast line and the ocean. Especially down past newport OR in areas like Goldbeach, its pretty transcendent.

+1 on the Oregon Coast. It's a great drive. These pics don't do it justice but it's what I could scrounge up for now:

https://i.imgur.com/yj3meu5l.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/eeYahy3l.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/IIqvgB2l.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/Ea7t6zml.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/yw5aAK4l.jpg

Man, I can't believe I just missed Badhobz. I could've seen the legendary SC430, the original car with two front-ends!!

Mr rat you really have some great photographic skills. The angles, the lighting, all perfection. Those are some gorgeous shots.

Thanks dude! Shot on iPhone 6s :awwyeah:

I think I'm a little late to the thread, but recognizing it is half the battle. What's scary is not even realizing it yourself that there might be a problem.

Like Traum said, everyone is going to go through some ebbs and flows. A lot of people are still burnt out from covid, and it went from a lot money and nowhere to spend it to suddenly not enough for many right away due to inflation and interest rates and it was a double whammy.

I'm burnt out and :lawl: I want to retire, but I've only worked for 10 years and I still have about 30 ahead of me. Just gotta suck it up for now and find little things to keep me going. I find a lot of joy in just trying new things in the kitchen and succeeding, you'll just need to find something you are interested in doing.

One of my problems I had was being super invested into work before. Everything that happened at work was my problem and I had to fix it. With this current job I have, my JD is basically follow what they say. Give my two cents and if they don't want to listen then I shut my trap and keep doing things their way until it burns them. Yeah it sounds bad but it's one less stress for me to think about. We went on a cruise to San Diego a few weeks ago and it was the first time in many years where I ACTUALLY disconnected from work. It was amazing to not have to think about anything.

Maybe you just need to disconnect for an extended period of time, not just from work but also people around you or things you do everyday.

Speaking from experience, when you are on that Disney cruise out of San Diego, there isn't much to connect to other than the internal Disney WiFi :p

But ditto on the cruise. I went on the three-day cruise with my wife and it was a great way to disconnect. Too bad I got really sick on the cruise.