Speak it Out

[6793026]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

[*]When you show up for practice, you're going to at least have to be physically active for the next 1-2 hours. Physical activity is good for the body and even better for the mind. And remember, you can't back out of it, because if you don't show up, you'll let people down.

100%, it's so true, getting a boring hobby won't get you anywhere.
Find an activity partner, group and that bond you get when you win and lose together is totally amazing. Going to the gym, picking up non age appropriate sport (pickle ball), going to pottery class for just the sake of trying to meet girls will not get you anywhere.

It's always about finding and grounding within a community.

[Gerbs]

I've been doing dodgeball + Vball + Golf for the first time this year. Pretty sick, meet tons of people if that's your thing. Otherwise, it's nice to have something to continue to improve on week to week beyond the monotone grind of work, side hustles, relationships, weightlifting.

Feels like playing maplestory again and leveling up week to week.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Sucks for you Ulic.. I gotta revive the thread cause I gotta say some shit I can't say out loud. I've been staying off RS and really just been gaming a lot because I don't have the energy to write a lot. I'm only really writing this because I'm continuing to procrastinate on outstanding projects and this seemed like most low-effort "project" I can complete.

It honestly feels like I'm depressed but it doesn't feel like the same kind of depression as when I was a teen and eager for my parents approval/pride. I don't want to self delete.. but I kind of just want to sleep forever.

There's this article on The Cut about what they called "The Pandemic Skip". I didn't read the article but I watched a Tiktok about it (lol). I entered the pandemic in my early 20s and the pandemic "ended" in my mid 20s. Now that I'm in my "late" 20s (26), I feel like I'm behind on everything. Similarly to the college experience, which I also missed out on by going to BCIT, your 20s is one of the formative years of your life.

---

I'm finding my attention span to be lower too. I started typing this and now I'm too lazy to finish it. Maybe cause I feel like I'm beating a dead horse as I've echo'd this feeling of being stuck across a few other threads before.

So tl;dr I'm feeling lazy and stuck. I miss the early 20s of my life where I started a business and had a passion (or motivation to live life). Now I just want to melt into my sheets and while I know the right thing to do is find some way out of it, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to die. But it almost feels like I already did and I'm stuck in some kind of hell loop.

Oh yeah, on-thread content - dating. I haven't put much effort into dating because of the above thoughts. I don't want to bring someone into my life. But it's a catch-22, if I don't practice it, I feel further behind. Wouldn't be a 40 year old virgin, but at this rate might just turn into one lol

I felt the same way as you. Not just a week here and there but over half of my life. It's a constant battle but it's not a battle that may be won clean but can be held at bay. Ideally it starts out like your body and mind are the two Germanys. You work towards a 'peaceful diplomatic solution' and you bring that wall down and merge everything together. Then you realize you can't and, instead, it ends up staying like the two Koreas. You live your life safely and comfortably while warding off the existential dread and mental purgatory as best you can.

Being sad and down is normal as it allows us to explore life in 3 dimension. To always live life in a perpetual happy state is not normal and requires balance of other emotions. Think of it as a well-balanced diet.

We all have our own unique paths in life. Some prefer the safety of a well lit, already constructed pathway while others (like myself) like to carve our own paths with our own bare hands because the path becomes our own and not someone else's. It definitely gives us a sense of pride and accomplishment along the way. Maybe I can't weld underwater but if I could fix myself and cleanse my soul, then that is an accomplishment I will wear around my waist like a Jon Cena spinner belt.

If you find yourself wanting to sink into the sheets, then it's up to you (or a network of strong people) to pull you from the sheets. This may sound cliche but life is a gift and I don't think anyone should waste theirs. While it's true that millions of people get a raw deck, if you find contentment in your life (not wanting to die is a good starting point), then use that to establish your foundation of where you will construct the ladders you need to ascend to higher positions in life.

I met you and many others this year at the noob meet and it was nice. After being on RS for so long and never attending a meet. It was nice to finally say 'fuck it', bring one of my shitboxes and just chill with cool peeps and remove ourselves from work and life if even for only a few hours.

Personally, I gave up gaming in 2014 (I was addicted) and pornography in 2019 (not addicted but sometimes time would fly) and my mental state improved vastly. I focused on myself. I was never into social media so that helped too. But as I said, we're all different but in the end, we take different steps to get to reach the same general area. We want to go where we will feel safe while also feeling challenged. Where we can enjoy our effort and rest on our laurels.

This year was very rough for me but I made sure to never let my mind sink to the days of my past where I was on the precipice with a very finite outlook on life. I don't treat anything as a wall anymore but merely an obstacle. Motivation can be hard in a world that has become so convenient for us. We live safe, comfortable lives so our reason-to-be can get lost. To that, I say simplify your wants and needs. You are surviving, no doubt. So what's next? A material possession? A new job? A trip? Go out there and discover what it is that's calling you. You don't hear it now because you're stuck in bed. Go climb a mountain, listen to the wind at the top and you'll hear what's calling you.

[GS8]

On-thread content:

Last year, I was dating a girl from Victoria. We became very close. I was going there almost every weekend. She lived with several roommates in a house. She was the oldest at 38 while her roommates'' ages ranged but all in their late 20s / early 30s.

Anyway, they became another family to me. It was nice having such a close group of friends as well as this girl that I was becoming closer and closer to as we hung out more. We did eventually enter a relationship which was around my birthday. We went out for dinner, came back to the house and told everyone the news. They all clapped and were genuinely happy for us. I was so happy that day, I remember every frame of that event in my mind, it's still so clear. We had been dating for 3 months at that point. Her friends told me to look after her and protect her and I promised I would.

Well, not even a month later, she messaged me and told me that her roommates / friends stopped liking her. I asked her what happened and she said she didn't know but they all hang out without her now and it just started out of the blue. Naturally, I took her side because I felt like they all ganged up on her unfairly.

Another month later, I felt the conversations between us start to drift. They were no longer daily and we weren't able to meet because she worked weekends. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that they all had to find a new home and that her roommates found a new home and did not invite her so she had to find a place on her own. I offered to drop my things, go there and be there for her and even help her find a place. She said 'thanks' but she'll be fine. The conversations continued to dwindle until I said fuck this, let me see her IG and she just happened to post a story of her standing beside another guy. I had her on FB but not IG.

I phoned her on a Saturday night and played up the conversation like normal and she thought it would be a normal chat. Then I asked her point blank: "Who is D****** S******?" Her face went total deer-in-headlights. She instantly blurted out "I don't know who that is?" So I just calmly talked her like I was a detective and she was a small child. In the span of 1 minute, her answers changed 4 times before settling on "I met him before you". I replied with "Ok, I got my answer." She then went on to say things like "I love you" and I just stayed silent.

Then she said "Can I call you another time?". I just nodded. After I hung up, she messaged me saying "Please let me think"

We never spoke since

I ended up finding one of her roommates on IG where she and I had a good exchange. She told me what I believe is the truth.

The reason they had a falling out with her was because she started cheating on me a week after my birthday. She was bringing random men into her bedroom before eventually bringing D****** S****** on a regular basis. Turns out this guy is her ex who I guess they reconciled. She's 38 and he's 24. Her ex-roommate also told me that they confronted her one day. All of them surrounded her and said 'what are you doing to GS8? (insert my real name here) He deeply cares for you and you're treating him like absolute shit but it fell on deaf ears with her. With her bringing random weird men into their house all the time and the ex-bf who they never liked, they felt unsafe living with her and made her go live somewhere else. I thanked her ex-roommate for telling me everything. She felt really bad for me but I told her it would be ok. Sure it was a waste of time in the end but my brain was already putting up the red flags and telling me 'tread carefully'. It's insane to me how well the body can recognize danger. I'm glad that love didn't truly blind me. It helps that she's an idiot.

Is there a silver lining to this story? Yes

[6793026]

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.
Always trust your 6th sense.

It's never fun dealing with all this and there's nothing I can say to cheer you up.
Keep your head up and we all know you're the best guy she has ever had will regret this years down the road. 38 w/ and 24 yr old... yeah that's going to really well.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.
Always trust your 6th sense.

It's never fun dealing with all this and there's nothing I can say to cheer you up.
Keep your head up and we all know you're the best guy she has ever had will regret this years down the road. 38 w/ and 24 yr old... yeah that's going to really well.

Luckily, there's a Part 2 and it's good news!


Part 2 - The Silver Lining

Near the late half of 2021, I stopped dating a girl. Shortly after, I started getting fed up of Vancouver girls in general. It was simultaneously making me enjoy singlehood while still pondering if I ever would find someone compatible with me in this delusional city. One day while talking to a friend, she gave some very simple advice:

"Look beyond this city".

So I did. I expanded my search which led me to Alberta where I started talking to a girl in February of 2022. It was very chill and laid back. We shared our stories and kept the conversation going. The distance kept me at bay but I still put in some effort to at least make a friend beyond the city. We were both anticpating a very busy year for us with work and she was also pursuing red seal certification. Nontheless, we remained conversing.
April of 2022 is when my Victoria ex and I first started talking. As she and I spoke, I was still speaking to this Albertan girl to see what would manifest. Before I knew it, the Victoria girl wanted to meet me and I went with it. Despite all this, I was still conversing with the girl from Alberta but in a platonic way. Touching base about how she's doing, how's life, work etc. I was assuming she's doing what I'm doing anyway: Dating locally while keeping a thread of conversation open with me.

When my relationship collapsed in Fall of 2022, Alberta girl was still there. I was so defeated by the end of 2022 with work, family, life in general that I spent time to rebuild myself upward in January. The most important thing I realized during my rebuild was I should have met Alberta girl in 2022 and established something then, instead of distracting myself with some random twat who never cared.
In the beginning of Feburay, I messaged Alberta girl and confessed my feelings to her and told her I want to meet her. She told me she was busy. To me that was code for "I'm already in a relationship". My heart sank a bit but I accepted it because a lot happened in 2022 and the chances of her finding someone were extremely high.

We continued talking platonically until April 2023 when she told me she would be visiting Vancouver with some friends and asked if I wanted to meet. I excitedly told her yes! She landed in Vancouver in mid May and I met her at an Air BNB. It was our first time seeing each other in person and after literally 5 minutes of meeting, we had our first kiss.

And we've been together ever since...

I told her about my past relationship and she told me about hers. We came to the mutual conclusion that our relationship was meant to happen and both of us were tested with other people who served as distractions. We ultimately returned to each other and formed a solid commited relationship for 5 months and counting. Her friends were telling me how happy she's been since I came into her life (even before we became official).
I finally experienced true love and it's unlike anything I've ever expereienced in my past. I apologized to her for not meeting her in 2022 but she understood. What matters is the present and soon, the future. I've been visitng her every 3 weeks and she just returned home after visiting Vancouver again.

I was extremely guarded at first because of my past experiences but my mind was telling me that this is different. This is real, this is authentic and this is forever. Her friends told me that she is deeply in love with me and I feel it when I'm with her. She always cries when we part ways and she's been very kind and thoughful towards me. My 6th sense is telling me that she is the one.
And the proof that she exists is that Badhobz spoke briefly to her at the noob meet when I put her on the spot asking if she preferred my Van over his Lexus and she said she preferred my van. Badhobz chose my van too so it was 2-1 for the van.

Why am I sharing this? Just to show that life can be a beautful mess of unravelling thoughts, wants, dreams, desires, sadness, despair, joy, purity etc. You just never know how life will treat you but it's important to face it all so you to can have interesting stories to share with the next generation about how you surivied and that life truly is a gift. Even a shattered vase can be put back together. It may not be as strong as it originally was, but it's standing free and tall again.

[RabidRat]

Damn. GS8 are you a professional writer? That is some fine prose.

[donk.]

I was gonna say the same thing as rabitrat.

GS8, it takes alot to say some of the shit you posted, some people will take 50% of it to the grave, being sad and upset and never move on.

thanks for sharing

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by GS8

. Motivation can be hard in a world that has become so convenient for us. We live safe, comfortable lives so our reason-to-be can get lost. To that, I say simplify your wants and needs. You are surviving, no doubt. So what's next? A material possession? A new job? A trip? Go out there and discover what it is that's calling you. You don't hear it now because you're stuck in bed. Go climb a mountain, listen to the wind at the top and you'll hear what's calling you.

I'm stealing that. Having a lot of talks with people who have given up or lost hope. The reality is exactly what you said. We live such comfortable lives where our meaning is now lost. People tend to have everything, food, shelter, transportation, friends, career yet feel unsatisfied and don't know where else to go.


That saga was a good read! Even had a redemption arc.

[mikemhg]

I'm now invested in your love life, GS8. Thanks for sharing. I really hope it works out.

I've always been a doubter of long distance relationships, but that's mostly because I know myself. I'm a philandering bastard at heart, and I need my lady around me to keep in in check, if not...

What cadence do you guys plan to see each other?

[EvoFire]

GS8 needs his own life story thread, then publish it into a book.

[RabidRat]

I could totally envision this book at the New Bestsellers table out front at Chapters. I have flipped through much less compelling, much less profound shit on trips out to the bookstore.

I mean at the very minimum, if GS8 wanted to sell-out and just flip the genders, he already out-competes mainstream chick-flick content.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

I'm now invested in your love life, GS8. Thanks for sharing. I really hope it works out.

I've always been a doubter of long distance relationships, but that's mostly because I know myself. I'm a philandering bastard at heart, and I need my lady around me to keep in in check, if not...

What cadence do you guys plan to see each other?

I don't like long distance relationships but there's two things that keep me deeply invested:

1. The strongest connection I've ever felt to a human being. My friend was right in that looking outside of Vancouver would yield someone that I'd have more in common with than someone close by. She was a beacon that kept on blinking till I responded.

2. It gives me reason to travel and leave my bubble / routine. Being Filipino, she takes monthsaries seriously, so I make sure I'm there once a month for a 7-8 days. Since I have a decent job, the trip doesn't ding my wallet too hard but it's the memories we generate that are priceless and worth it. She bought two Ikea multi-photo frames and mounted them on the wall (8 photos each unit). Let's just say one of the frames is almost full.

Getting out of the bubble helps with mental conditioning so much. Your jumpstarting your senses and thus your brain. It feels good and motivation follows.

I won't lie, the more time I spend there, the more fed up I get living here but that's due to the usual culprits (namely cost of living). I viewed open houses in Red Deer last month and I could get a 5 Bed 3 Bath 3 Level house for $479,000 but the trade off is living in Red Deer which already has snow on the ground.

Originally Posted by RabidRat

Damn. GS8 are you a professional writer? That is some fine prose.

Not professional but hobbyist in the past. Short story, poetry, even rapping.

I'll just say growing up poor in a questionable environment makes you grow up quickly and as you reach peak esotericism thanks to harnessing your individuality at a young age does the world start to show its gift to you.

But sometimes (and even to this day), I do wish I could trade it all for living a life where I fall in line with all the other drones in society, raiding the shelves of consumption, parading in the waterfall of cold freedom, masking as diverse thought, then taking a trip to the dopa-mines, and never asking questions because I was raised right and I'll do good.

But them I'm reminded that my girlfriend fell in love with me and not that creature I sometimes dream to be so it certifies my notion that I made the right choices. Sometimes it's good to be outside the gates because you can't always feel the sunshine when you're suffocating from within the utopia.

[Euro7r]

Let's get some action here

Some background information, I had a condo to my own name before I met my current wife. She moved in and we lived together for a good year before we got married & sold my condo to buy a detached house. At the time when I still had my condo ownership, she kept nagging about buying detached, so I eventually sold the condo (got tired of her nagging) so we could use the funds to buy the house.

Fast forward to present date, we've had the detached house for a year now. Here's the challenge I've been facing with house duties. My wife is brought up by parents where she did not have to do a single thing at home (literally ZERO - to the point she has no common sense whatsoever for things that need to be done in a house). Her parents spoiled her to the point she's useless as they just wanted her to focus on studies, typically shitty parenting from my pov as it has made her handicapped. Mind you she doesn't even know how to take out the garbage. Obviously I did not know this because when we were living at the condo, we didn't have all these additional chores, like fixing the house, yard work, taking out garbage etc. At the condo this was pretty much all done for you at the expense of your strata fees.

I've assigned her two simple things to do now, cook and laundry and the rest is all me. Even then this apparently is too much work or stressful for her to do. Laundry machine in the condo was beside our bedroom in the condo, now it's in the basement (too much walking for her...like WTF?). Or she'll tell me she'll do the laundry every 2-4 weeks (like serioulsy??). The kicker here that makes things complicated is the fact she's been addicted to video games (pokemon), she would just go out the house out of the blue to battle neglecting home. Pretty much her pokemon is more important than family. I told her it's fine she can play games as long as she does her house work, then she starts giving me crap about how her friends don't do house work. Or on the weekend, I'll try to get her up early so we can go out to enjoy the weather but she will be too lazy to get up (yet when someone invites her to play pokemon, she'll be right up on the bright early). It's gotten worse to the point where she will tell me she's going out to battle pokemon, but doesn't tell me where or when she will be back.

Is it reasonable to place expectations in a marriage for house duties? Every-time now when I try to let her know, family first, she will makes comments like we should sell the house then and move into a townhouse so we don't have as much house work to do as strata will take care of it.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Let's get some action here

Some background information, I had a condo to my own name before I met my current wife. She moved in and we lived together for a good year before we got married & sold my condo to buy a detached house. At the time when I still had my condo ownership, she kept nagging about buying detached, so I eventually sold the condo (got tired of her nagging) so we could use the funds to buy the house.

Fast forward to present date, we've had the detached house for a year now. Here's the challenge I've been facing with house duties. My wife is brought up by parents where she did not have to do a single thing at home (literally ZERO - to the point she has no common sense whatsoever for things that need to be done in a house). Her parents spoiled her to the point she's useless as they just wanted her to focus on studies, typically shitty parenting from my pov as it has made her handicapped. Mind you she doesn't even know how to take out the garbage. Obviously I did not know this because when we were living at the condo, we didn't have all these additional chores, like fixing the house, yard work, taking out garbage etc. At the condo this was pretty much all done for you at the expense of your strata fees.

I've assigned her two simple things to do now, cook and laundry and the rest is all me. Even then this apparently is too much work or stressful for her to do. Laundry machine in the condo was beside our bedroom in the condo, now it's in the basement (too much walking for her...like WTF?). Or she'll tell me she'll do the laundry every 2-4 weeks (like serioulsy??). The kicker here that makes things complicated is the fact she's been addicted to video games (pokemon), she would just go out the house out of the blue to battle neglecting home. Pretty much her pokemon is more important than family. I told her it's fine she can play games as long as she does her house work, then she starts giving me crap about how her friends don't do house work. Or on the weekend, I'll try to get her up early so we can go out to enjoy the weather but she will be too lazy to get up (yet when someone invites her to play pokemon, she'll be right up on the bright early). It's gotten worse to the point where she will tell me she's going out to battle pokemon, but doesn't tell me where or when she will be back.

Is it reasonable to place expectations in a marriage for house duties? Every-time now when I try to let her know, family first, she will makes comments like we should sell the house then and move into a townhouse so we don't have as much house work to do as strata will take care of it.

Your girl is useless, full stop. Tell me one good thing she does? Blow you? That's not good enough. Any girl with the right amount of overbite can replace her.

Few questions:

How was she pre-marriage? Nevermind house duties, how was she socially and romantically toward you?

Did she put money towards the house purchase? Or was 'nagging' her form of currency?

Does she work? She spent all that time studying right? For what?

-----

You shouldn't be assigning tasks to your wife. She should ideally act proactively when something needs to be done. She would take out the trash if it's full, do the laundry if the hamper is full, clean the bathtub if it's dirty, cook food if you ran out of leftovers. These are the traits of a caring wife that wants to commit to a strong and happy household. She's doing these things because she cares and is it doing it for you like you would do things for her.

Based on what I read in your post, this is not a marriage I see lasting very long. Sounds like she doesn't want to spend much time with you and uses gaming to pass the time. She still nags, doesn't want to commit equally to the marriage, leaves the house on her own and doesn't want to spend early mornings with you.

Again, I'm basing this just on what you wrote. Sounds like she's taking you for a financial ride at your expense and offering little to nothing to the relationship. Maybe house duties should be the least of your concerns at the moment?

Last question: Are you happy with this situation?

I could not live with a woman like that for one week, let alone a lifetime. What a miserable existence. She belongs to redflagdeals...

[CivicBlues]

Yeesh Pokemon? Is this still 2016?



Seriously, can we go back to 2016?

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by CivicBlues

Yeesh Pokemon? Is this still 2016?



Seriously, can we go back to 2016?

That's the thing, Pokemon was like 30 years ago. When she was growing up, her parents didn't let her watch TV, play games, go out, so she got grounded because her stupid parents wanted her to just study study study. Didn't get to live her childhood, now she's married and adult, she's going back in life to relive her childhood she never got to live.

I keep telling her everyone moves forward in life, we don't go back in life. It's not the end of the world if you miss something, there's plenty of shit in life that's ahead.

Also what if you beat the game or gain all these points, do you get a prize? If you do, more than welcome for you to do so. If not, it's really meaningless wasting all this time playing games. I've been there and done that when younger, after you finish the game, you move right on.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

Also what if you beat the game or gain all these points, do you get a prize? If you do, more than welcome for you to do so. If not, it's really meaningless wasting all this time playing games. I've been there and done that when younger, after you finish the game, you move right on.

You're saying this because you weren't the one who had his childhood deprived. It's kind of like a rich person telling someone living in poverty that money isn't the most important thing because you are totally speaking from a different perspective. You are not wrong, but you are also not taking things into account from her perspective. IMO, childhood "traumas" are the things that have the strongest and most long lasting impact on a person's life, and tons of people expend a tremendous amount of effort trying to chase down and make up for the deprivations that they lived through during childhood.

Having said that, there is definitely an issue at hand with the responsibility sharing between you and your wife. At a minimum, you feel like she is not taking on her share of responsibilty, and you are not happy about that. So why don't you guys sit down and have an adult discussion about it? Evaluate what sort of reponsibilities each of you is taking on at home, and make sure you give her the opportunity to tell you what she does. There might be things behind the scenes, or stuff you don't notice that she attends to.

At the end of the day, each party has to be fair to the other, and both of you gotta come out of the relationship feeling that your needs have been met. If one of you have a need that has consistently not been met, resentment is gonna grow, and that is not good for the marriage.

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by GS8

Your girl is useless, full stop. Tell me one good thing she does? Blow you? That's not good enough. Any girl with the right amount of overbite can replace her.

Few questions:

How was she pre-marriage? Nevermind house duties, how was she socially and romantically toward you?

Did she put money towards the house purchase? Or was 'nagging' her form of currency?

Does she work? She spent all that time studying right? For what?

-----

You shouldn't be assigning tasks to your wife. She should ideally act proactively when something needs to be done. She would take out the trash if it's full, do the laundry if the hamper is full, clean the bathtub if it's dirty, cook food if you ran out of leftovers. These are the traits of a caring wife that wants to commit to a strong and happy household. She's doing these things because she cares and is it doing it for you like you would do things for her.

Based on what I read in your post, this is not a marriage I see lasting very long. Sounds like she doesn't want to spend much time with you and uses gaming to pass the time. She still nags, doesn't want to commit equally to the marriage, leaves the house on her own and doesn't want to spend early mornings with you.

Again, I'm basing this just on what you wrote. Sounds like she's taking you for a financial ride at your expense and offering little to nothing to the relationship. Maybe house duties should be the least of your concerns at the moment?

Last question: Are you happy with this situation?

I could not live with a woman like that for one week, let alone a lifetime. What a miserable existence. She belongs to redflagdeals...

Dad in law even admitted she didn't raise his kids up properly, now they are useless. Mom in law won't admit that, but keeps insisting education is #1 priority. Then I asked her now your kids are grown up, when you pass away, then how are they going to know how to survive, "WELL, they can figure out that shit themselves". Great parenting....

Wife contributed a big chunk of money into the house as well, so the money part isn't an issue. The issue is the time usage when she is at home after work and weekends. Like she is able to dedicate hours playing games or seeing her friends, yet can't even take an hour to do laundry a week (it's throw it in and do whatever you want during the wash time - can't be that difficult)? Yah I hate nagging people or reminding people especially your own wife, because like you said they should already automatically do it when they see at home (chip in when needed).

[Badhobz]

I didnt know this thread existed.....


i dont wanna sound like a dick, but did you not know she would be like this when you married her?

Most of the dudes i know who have marital issues all go in with horse blinders on and pretend they didnt know the other person's issues. The signs are obvious from the getgo, most people just chose to overlook/ignore them.

My wifes the same: she comes from HK money, never had to work or do anything. spoiled from her parents, her upbringing, that little cunt flower school, etc.
I wouldnt expect her to cook / clean, although recently shes been getting pretty good at cleaning up but thats cuz i keep yelling at her about her guanddong hoarding.

You cant change the other person, especially at this age and time. You can only change yourself. Either you can put up with it, or you cant.

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

I didnt know this thread existed.....


i dont wanna sound like a dick, but did you not know she would be like this when you married her?

Most of the dudes i know who have marital issues all go in with horse blinders on and pretend they didnt know the other person's issues. The signs are obvious from the getgo, most people just chose to overlook/ignore them.

My wifes the same: she comes from HK money, never had to work or do anything. spoiled from her parents, her upbringing, that little cunt flower school, etc.
I wouldnt expect her to cook / clean, although recently shes been getting pretty good at cleaning up but thats cuz i keep yelling at her about her guanddong hoarding.

You cant change the other person, especially at this age and time. You can only change yourself. Either you can put up with it, or you cant.

No man I've been blinded sided LOL. Legit.

When she moved into my condo she would bake/cook and do the laundry every few days. She likes to bake/cook when I met her. Even told me she hated video games. Suddenly after we moved into the house, 360 change. Doesn't bake, do laundry, and playing video games. No idea if this is due to COVID where back then that was the only thing could do at the condo. Whatever it is, I've been quite fair in terms of my approach. You can play your games, but the games should go after your family things first (not the other way around, the family go after the games).

[bcrdukes]

Sell the house and move back into a condo.

[Badhobz]

how long did you guys live together in the condo? people can put up pretenses for a few months but eventually the real person comes out.

[mikemhg]

Euro7r, your story sounds eerily similar to a friend of mine's. He's dating a Korean woman, same scenario, she grew up coddled, never taught to clean up or remedial household tasks.

It's really put a strain on their marriage because she leaves messes everywhere, dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, meanwhile she works from home, while he's in the office 60+ hours a week at times.

Resentment can be the death of any relationship, whether spouse, or friendships. You let it go on for too long and it can result in a massive problems.

I assume you've talked about it with her, but maybe setup a more formal conversation, attribute the seriousness of the subject to her, and make a plan. As long as the responsibilities are fair and equal between the both of you, I don't see why she'd have problem with that. If she does have a problem, well then the onus is on you in terms of whether or not this is the type of person you can accept as being part of your life in perpetuity.

Good thing you don't have children together, you could imagine that distribution of tasks to only get worse on her part with kids involved.

[Badhobz]

if you have the means, try hiring a maid/house keeper. It might just save your marriage.