Speak it Out

[TOS'd]

If shes playing Pokemon GO, can I get her trainer code?

[mikemhg]

This also highlights a number one fact I always say to people, not specific to Euro.

Live together with your spouse before getting married! Don't move in together only after marriage! Too many marriages end within the first few years in relationships where they're first exposure to living together was only after getting married.

Ego and facades can be put up and last for years when you only see someone a few times a week, not living together. Those facades can't stay in place when you're around someone 24/7 in a living situation, that's normally when you start to notice the side of a person you weren't aware of, and that's usually when the relationship deteriorates exponentially.

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

if you have the means, try hiring a maid/house keeper. It might just save your marriage.

Sure you could do that, but honestly I'd still be pissed off having a lazy bitch around me. It would make me lose respect for them as a person, which would come out eventually in other ways.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

My wife is brought up by parents where she did not have to do a single thing at home (literally ZERO - to the point she has no common sense whatsoever for things that need to be done in a house). Her parents spoiled her to the point she's useless as they just wanted her to focus on studies, typically shitty parenting from my pov as it has made her handicapped. Mind you she doesn't even know how to take out the garbage.

In my closer circle, 80% of girls in the group are like this. Most girls are handicapped when it comes to house duties these days because of their parents but also because men allow it these days.

On the weekend, I spoke with a few of them about this and they said I can do it if I was alone. But their man can cook, clean and do all the chores without too much nagging or conflict so why would the girlies start doing any of it.

I said you right, if a girl can cook, clean and maintain peace, I ain't stirring the pot.

Originally Posted by Euro7r

then she starts giving me crap about how her friends don't do house work.

Can confirm women hate it when they're the odd one out in the group that has to do a "MANS" job aka everything in this modern age. Especially if they're a Vancouver 7.5-8+

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by GS8

Your girl is useless, full stop. Tell me one good thing she does? Blow you? That's not good enough. Any girl with the right amount of overbite can replace her.

Some guys do all the chores + pay for the house to not even get pity blowy once a month let alone daily

Originally Posted by Euro7r

No man I've been blinded sided LOL. Legit.

When she moved into my condo she would bake/cook and do the laundry every few days. She likes to bake/cook when I met her. Even told me she hated video games. Suddenly after we moved into the house, 360 change. Doesn't bake, do laundry, and playing video games. No idea if this is due to COVID where back then that was the only thing could do at the condo. Whatever it is, I've been quite fair in terms of my approach. You can play your games, but the games should go after your family things first (not the other way around, the family go after the games).

I've seen change ups where they cook, clean, and maintain a a house to your standards then change up around year 2-4, which is scary.

[BIC_BAWS]

Everytime I read about Gerbs' experience with the women in his circle... it makes me want to stay single forever lmao

[Badhobz]

ive said this a billion times. If me and tiny ever get divorced I'm going to be up to my head in prostitutes.

I have no intention of dating or even knowing the name of these bitches. Ill pay my money, get my service and then they can fuck off in the morning.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Everytime I read about Gerbs' experience with the women in his circle... it makes me want to stay single forever lmao

The worst part is we know they be like that, but I cannot comprehend their logic

Originally Posted by mikemhg

Ego and facades can be put up and last for years when you only see someone a few times a week, not living together. Those facades can't stay in place when you're around someone 24/7 in a living situation, that's normally when you start to notice the side of a person you weren't aware of, and that's usually when the relationship deteriorates exponentially.

How long do you think living together before you can see through facades? 2.5 years?

[Traum]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

How long do you think living together before you can see through facades? 2.5 years?

If the girl is wealthier than you are, take as long as you need to find out.

If you are the wealthier person in the relationship, you gotta make a decision by the 21st month. That'd still leave 3 months for "eviction", after which you'd be considered a common law couple, and the girl would be entitled to claim 1/2 of your shxt LOL~

disclaimer -- The contents provided above do not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice.

[TOS'd]

Reminds me of a "friend" whos in an interesting situation.

- He recently met this girl (chinese) who comes from a wealthy family. Relationship is approx. 3-4 months old now.
- Within one week of dating, Girl buys my friend the most expensive latest iphone.
- Girl does not have a job. Gets money from family and through side-gigs with her ex-boyfriends where they will buy rolexes/high-end bags then sell them in China.
- Ex-boyfriends all drive lambos/ferraris and she hangs out with them regularly. She gets picked up and never has to drive.
- Girl told my friend he has to cut all contact with his female friends. Friend told the girl he doesn't like that she hangs out with her ex's regularly.
- Girl said shes not going to stop hanging out with her ex's. and he(friend) still has to cut all contact with female friends. Friend said okay and secretly kept contact/met up with one close female friend a few times. Girl finds out and is livid. Makes guy call the female friend on speaker, and makes him berate her and tell her he is cutting her out of his life while the girlfriend listens in.
- Friend takes on second job because he recetly purchased a condo (his dad helped with downpayment). Girl finds out and tells him to quit. Offers to pay him a monthly allowance instead of him taking a second job. Girl expects 100% of the costs to be covered by him for dates/anything they do together (she has expensive tastes).

A bit about the guy.

- Average chinese guy.
- Drives a 10th gen honda accord.

My thoughts

- Girl couldn't control/boss the ex's around because they were wealthier than her.
- Friend is now her new pet and once she is bored with him she will dump him and move on.
- Friend has rose tinted glasses on and is willing to do anything she asks him to do.
- This won't last.
- I'm still trying to get a name/picture of said girl...for science.

[underscore]

Tell bro to run

[Traum]

Originally Posted by underscore

Tell bro to run

Run? or do you mean "run with it while it lasts" LOL~

If I were the guy, I'd totally play along and milk the relationship for all it is worth~ First a top of the line iPhone, and now he is getting paid a god damn monthly allowance? Sign me up for that, for crying out loud~ Why would he say no to that?!

(Of course, if I were him, I'd be smarter and not get busted for chatting with my female friends lol~)

But if I were him, I'd also not fully go along with everything the girl tells me to do. If you do that, it'll be too easy / boring for the chick. You gotta pick and choose your fights, giving the girl the satisfaction of having some influence / control over what she wants you to do. But at the same time, you can't let the girl walk all over you so that she feels like there is still something for her to "conquer".

[CivicBlues]

Isn't everyone here in their late 30s and 40s by now? Pains me to see this is the state of "mature" relationships these days. This sounds like shit we'd pull in our teens and early 20s

[Euro7r]

As "Traum" mentioned childhood trauma is no joke and obviously I ain't taking it lightly as I haven't experienced the type of extreme my wife has gone through. It's impacting our marriage emotionally as certain behavior trigger her emotions, now to the point she's completely "LOST" in life in what she wants. Aside from the lack of commitment in helping the house work out, in general when I met her she was a great person. Just that she's currently stuck in a hole where she's bitter of not having a childhood experiences a child would have had. As we can't go back in time, it's challenging to figure out how to overcome this.

Even doing dishes at home after eating her food as a child, her mom would not let her. So now in our marriage doing dishes is hard because it reminds her of how her mom would scold her NOT to do dishes as she will break something in the kitchen. Or you can't cook your own meal as you'll burn the house down.

She didn't get the freedom she got as a typical child to do certain things and this is also another issue. Her mom never let her go out with friends, always had to report to her for everything. But isn't this like for all girls for safety sakes when your a teenager? Now in our marriage, I ask her where she is going, with whom and what time, she tells me she feels "restrained". I'm like WTF, if you go missing where the fuck am I gonna find you (This is caring as a husband not trying to be a mom). So you can see certain childhood trauma triggers her emotions.

At the beginning of our dating relationship and marriage, this was never an issue, but lately it's become an issue that's slowly propped up. I'm not quite how why it's come up now but not before...

To me not everyone gets to experience every "SINGLE" thing in life. But it's her brought up of "GREEDY-NESS" of her parents where she wants everything now which isn't even realistic. She'll see her friends go travel, and now she wants to go everywhere. But yet she neglects the fact her friends don't have mortgage and we do. It's like she wants the house, the toys, the travel, the food etc etc. The list goes on, and social media is a shit hole for making things worse as she sees her friends having it all with little to no effort. Must be great to have parents just hand their child money LOL.

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

The worst part is we know they be like that, but I cannot comprehend their logic



How long do you think living together before you can see through facades? 2.5 years?

2.5 years is pretty long to keep up a facade when living together.

I'd say about a year or so you get a general idea of how the person is going to be day-to-day.

Do people change further down the line? Sure, maybe sometimes, but that would be impossible to forecast, and I'd say there are bigger issues going on if a person does a complete 180 from their common character 3+ years later.

[mikemhg]

I agree some of these stories are nuts to read if these are grown ass men.

No pussy is worth that bullshit, any pussy gets old/boring eventually, anyways.

[Teriyaki]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

...

To me not everyone gets to experience every "SINGLE" thing in life. But it's her brought up of "GREEDY-NESS" of her parents where she wants everything now which isn't even realistic. She'll see her friends go travel, and now she wants to go everywhere. But yet she neglects the fact her friends don't have mortgage and we do. It's like she wants the house, the toys, the travel, the food etc etc. The list goes on, and social media is a shit hole for making things worse as she sees her friends having it all with little to no effort. Must be great to have parents just hand their child money LOL.

Social media is an absolute cancer for skewing what reality looks like. Thats for sure. It shows the lavish trips people go on, the bags you buy, the fancy new cars.

It sure as heck doesn't show you the scrimping and saving. It doesn't show you the debt payments. It doesn't show you the boring meals you eat. It sure as heck doesn't show you the daily work people have to put in like washing the dishes and toilet cleaning to have a functional household.

Thats some deep-seated trauma but don't think they're alone at all in their situation, and nothing can't be changed. I believe that the only thing holding anyone back from changing is their level of desire to change. Do they have a desire to change? A desire to grow and get past those feelings? If so you're golden. Maybe seek some self-help books, or even consider therapy to discuss some of these issues. If they don't have a desire to change or grow though, thats going to be a very long up-hill battle...

[Badhobz]

Originally Posted by TOS'd

A bit about the guy.

- Average chinese guy.
- Drives a 10th gen honda accord.

My thoughts

- Girl couldn't control/boss the ex's around because they were wealthier than her.
- Friend is now her new pet and once she is bored with him she will dump him and move on.
- Friend has rose tinted glasses on and is willing to do anything she asks him to do.
- This won't last.
- I'm still trying to get a name/picture of said girl...for science.

this is hot! financial domination!!! pics of crazy bitch plz.

[Badhobz]

Originally Posted by Euro7r

But yet she neglects the fact her friends don't have mortgage and we do. It's like she wants the house, the toys, the travel, the food etc etc. The list goes on, and social media is a shit hole for making things worse as she sees her friends having it all with little to no effort. Must be great to have parents just hand their child money LOL.

she seems immature. By the time she gets her shit together, years would have flown by and you'll be an old man.

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

she seems immature. By the time she gets her shit together, years would have flown by and you'll be an old man.

The thing is she never had that chance to be "immature" when she was younger where everyone could do whatever they wanted. All the shit that would piss our parents off with lol.

[underscore]

Originally Posted by Traum

Run? or do you mean "run with it while it lasts" LOL~

If I were the guy, I'd totally play along and milk the relationship for all it is worth~ First a top of the line iPhone, and now he is getting paid a god damn monthly allowance? Sign me up for that, for crying out loud~ Why would he say no to that?!

(Of course, if I were him, I'd be smarter and not get busted for chatting with my female friends lol~)

But if I were him, I'd also not fully go along with everything the girl tells me to do. If you do that, it'll be too easy / boring for the chick. You gotta pick and choose your fights, giving the girl the satisfaction of having some influence / control over what she wants you to do. But at the same time, you can't let the girl walk all over you so that she feels like there is still something for her to "conquer".

That's way too much stress and drama and b/s. I wouldn't have put up with that crap as a teenager, let alone an adult. Good friends are valuable and not worth losing for a shitty phone lol.

And if she's still hanging out with her ex's but not wanting him to have any female friends usually means she's cheating. Throw in potential STDs or her getting pregnant and it's even more not worth it.

[GS8]

One thing to consider is that men & women handle trauma differently due to biology / hormone makeup.

But trying to live in a past you never had? I'd go for counselling if that was the case. Last thing I'd want is for my adult girlfriend to become my child girlfriend

By the time she expresses her inner child, she'll hit menopause and then she'll REALLY feel left behind in life. Those "I'm so far behind" moments hit you like a bullet train and can have a worse effect on your quality of life.

----

Man, I'm so glad Chinese girls find me repulsive. I don't have to deal with their drama so it's a win-win.

Then again, with my Pocky stick looking legs, I find me a bit repulsive too

[Traum]

100% agree on social media being an absolute cancer for skewing reality. And I would add that in reality, even if each person would only go on a single vacation and eat 1 fancy meal a year, if you have 300+ friends on social media, that's enough to show a constant stream of friends being on vacation and enjoying a fancy meal every single day in the whole year.

Logically, I understand this. But emotionally, I am not completely immune against this type of onslaught either, although I would already consider myself to be on the tougher end. So if someone with lower immunity than I do is getting bombarded with this sort of reality skewing, it is very easy to get a distorted view of how other people are living their lives.

Originally Posted by Teriyaki

Social media is an absolute cancer for skewing what reality looks like. Thats for sure. It shows the lavish trips people go on, the bags you buy, the fancy new cars.

It sure as heck doesn't show you the scrimping and saving. It doesn't show you the debt payments. It doesn't show you the boring meals you eat. It sure as heck doesn't show you the daily work people have to put in like washing the dishes and toilet cleaning to have a functional household.

As a question to Euro7r, is there some other stressor (other than COVID lockdowns) that might have come up for your wife to cause the change in behaviour? It is entirely possible -- or maybe even likely -- that her Pokemon habit is a stress-releasing response to cope with whatever stressor that might have come up. Normally, when that happens and the stressor goes away, the stress response should subside or even completely go away as well. So if you can identify some sort of possible stressor, that could be your ticket to resolve the Pokemon habit.

[Euro7r]

Originally Posted by GS8

One thing to consider is that men & women handle trauma differently due to biology / hormone makeup.

But trying to live in a past you never had? I'd go for counselling if that was the case. Last thing I'd want is for my adult girlfriend to become my child girlfriend

By the time she expresses her inner child, she'll hit menopause and then she'll REALLY feel left behind in life. Those "I'm so far behind" moments hit you like a bullet train and can have a worse effect on your quality of life.

----

Man, I'm so glad Chinese girls find me repulsive. I don't have to deal with their drama so it's a win-win.

Then again, with my Pocky stick looking legs, I find me a bit repulsive too

Yeah that's what I've been telling the wife, you can't go back in time and there's nothing that can change history. History is history. I did ask what you are trying to achieve at this point in life by living the so called life you never had? Go out and party until 4am? Go blow money on things you didn't get a chance to when your in your 20's? There are plenty of things to look forward in life, can travel anywhere you want now without any restrictions. Can eat whatever you want without your mom telling you what not to eat. So I'm quite puzzled what exactly is creating this emotional struggle. Counsellor told her to stop talking to her mom because her mom created all this childhood trauma (which means her mom is a trigger).

Originally Posted by Traum

100% agree on social media being an absolute cancer for skewing reality. And I would add that in reality, even if each person would only go on a single vacation and eat 1 fancy meal a year, if you have 300+ friends on social media, that's enough to show a constant stream of friends being on vacation and enjoying a fancy meal every single day in the whole year.

Logically, I understand this. But emotionally, I am not completely immune against this type of onslaught either, although I would already consider myself to be on the tougher end. So if someone with lower immunity than I do is getting bombarded with this sort of reality skewing, it is very easy to get a distorted view of how other people are living their lives.


As a question to Euro7r, is there some other stressor (other than COVID lockdowns) that might have come up for your wife to cause the change in behaviour? It is entirely possible -- or maybe even likely -- that her Pokemon habit is a stress-releasing response to cope with whatever stressor that might have come up. Normally, when that happens and the stressor goes away, the stress response should subside or even completely go away as well. So if you can identify some sort of possible stressor, that could be your ticket to resolve the Pokemon habit.

Yeah her Pokemon habits is to help "destress" and not have to think about the issues, but the underlying issues are still there. She also have friends that have young kids that started playing pokemon, so her girlfriend (moms) feel they need to play in order to "bond" with their children. I don't know how the fuck you bond with your child staring down at a smartphone. I dunno, me growing up I'd physically do shit together with my dad or mom. E.g. Go play sports, ride bike etc. Dunno what kinda life skill you would learn staring a fucking phone for hours?. So now she gets influenced by her girlfriends this is something also as parents should do.

Don't get me wrong, everyone has their own ways to "destress" from whatever personal shit they are dealing with. Although there needs to be a balance, so shit doesn't go extreme. I'm still learning, newbie in marriage.

[68style]

Has she thought of going to a counsellor? She needs it bro.

I mean there's 2 ways to see childhood trauma... for example, myself, I hate being criticized by people close to me because I grew up wiht my Dad basically redoing every single thing I ever did and making me feel stupid.

But instead of being like oh boo hoo my daddy never approved of me, I look at it as a challenge to motivate me instead.

She's choosing to hide from it instead of face it. I think some counselling could help her a lot... both individual and as a couple because individual she will likely lie to the counsellor and downplay her lack of contributions in daily life... that's fine... but they're really 2 separate issues right now. Fix herself and then fix you guys.

I hope she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch man, that's some kinda shit to be putting up with.