Speak it Out

[Fafine]

Originally Posted by Parts > Hearts

Valentine's Day is coming up and I just really want to make him happy but I don't know any way of doing so that doesn't include sending him car parts as gifts and now I'm sad because I can't think of anything to do to make him happy

A good Bj goes a long way.

[Jayboogz]

Originally Posted by Parts > Hearts

Valentine's Day is coming up and I just really want to make him happy but I don't know any way of doing so that doesn't include sending him car parts as gifts and now I'm sad because I can't think of anything to do to make him happy

[Vansterdam]

Originally Posted by Fafine

A good Bj goes a long way.

anal

[6793026]

think we talked about this for the longest time. KISS.

SIMPLY telling him to NOT buy you anyhting and NOT fall into the hallmark holiday is a huge turn on.

Just casual dinner and letting him get laid and at the end "happy valentine's day" is simpliy the best gift a girl can give a guy.

[hchang]

Originally Posted by Vansterdam

anal

Whatever floats your boat....

[Godzira]

Originally Posted by Vansterdam

anal

I don't think that's something you do with someone you respect... maybe that's just me.

[Pegacorn]

Originally Posted by 6793026

think we talked about this for the longest time. KISS.

SIMPLY telling him to NOT buy you anyhting and NOT fall into the hallmark holiday is a huge turn on.

Just casual dinner and letting him get laid and at the end "happy valentine's day" is simpliy the best gift a girl can give a guy.

"Letting" him get laid? Do your gf's not mutually enjoy your sexual encounters? Man, if having sex felt like i was "letting" him get some, I would be very depressed about my life. Casual dinner sounds fine and yay sex, but I don't think there's anything wrong with using the day as an excuse to show your partner that you give a shit. Make a card or some such shit, or pick a flower out of a ditch. I hate it when people are like "I don't need a day to show them I care", well what the feck are you doing the other 364 days of the year that make you so righteous on this one? If your girl wants to be treated like a special little princess one day of the year, fucking do it. Maybe you won't spend so much time hoping she "lets" you put it in her.

[Vansterdam]

Originally Posted by Godzira

I don't think that's something you do with someone you respect... maybe that's just me.

soo a BJ is okay but no anal dafuq /nohomo

[ZN6]

Just had one of those dates last night where it was "that" kind of date. You know the awkward one where it's silence and both parties couldn't wait to get the hell out.

It was the 3rd date after two great ones.

It could not have gone any worse, nearly shot a piece of crab leg in her face when I tried to crack the leg. The piece slipped out of my hand. Note to self: never order a soupy dish with food that has a carapace that needs a nut cracker.

Coast is the least comfortable restaurant I've EVER been to and the bad date made it even worse. The table that we sat at for 2 was tiny enough and was especially cramped with the huge plates for which half the size would have been more than sufficient to carry the food. The food wasn't especially good either for the price. Good thing it was happy hour, but normal buck-a-shuck quality oysters are almost 4 bucks at Coast and even with 50% off that it's a rip for the quality.

[Godzira]

Originally Posted by Vansterdam

soo a BJ is okay but no anal dafuq /nohomo

bj is way different!!!!
it's enjoyable for both and just this :


Why Girls Should Never Have Anal Sex | VICE | Canada

IT FEELS LIKE SHITTING BACKWARDS
Taking a long, hard-earned dump feels great, there’s no question about it. Now, take this wonderfully cathartic feeling, multiply it by a million and then turn it into a negative by attaching a big, bold minus sign (–) to the front of it.

No one's ass is a Tardis. Your anal cavity is a finite space and you're introducing more matter into it. Capacity at the butt party will very soon be reached and, tired of being knocked on constantly, your backdoor will break. Almost irreparably. Which brings me to point number two (hahaha).

YOUR BACKDOOR WILL STAY BROKEN FOR A WHILE
Where I come from, there is an old saying that is kinda equivalent to the British one about watching paint dry which goes like this: "[Doing something insignificant/pointless/boring] is like waiting the nine days it takes an arse to recover."

And, you know, a quick internet search just confirmed that this is exactly how long a butthole needs to rediscover its previous state of firmness and that, therefore, this is exactly how long you need to wait between any anal get-together. Nine days.

Giving you this valuable piece of advice on how to have anal sex probably runs at cross-purposes to an article that is trying to dissuade you from doing just that, but my point is: The human body has a number of clearly defined entrances and exits. I know that's the kind of thing that squares and homophobes say, but I don’t see why that should be messed around with.

Still not convinced? Here’s what your door being broken actually means:

YOU SHIT CUM
And don’t think for one second this will be in the privacy of your bathroom or office toilet stall or Porta Potty. It can happen at any moment at any given time and long after the act. I’ve actually witnessed my friend’s face change five different shades of green after she realized her ass had begun to leak while she was dancing on the couch of an Ibizan club during happy hour. In her bikini. (I know.) At first, we thought it was all the coke she’d been taking, but turns out, her boyfriend’s penis was to blame.

As for those of you who are planning on using a condom or some funky sex object, you’ll still feel like you constantly need to crap. Which, especially if you are one of those mutant bulimic types, might sound pretty cool. But here’s the catch: You won’t. You are looking at about 25 ultimately unsuccessful visits to the bathroom per day, the only outcome of which will be the newfound sensation of your asshole contracting. Which is pretty bleak.



THE PERVERSE POWER GAME
My other friend, whom we’ll call Marlene, and who, incidentally, was my sluttier advisor back in the days of naiveté and who got married at the age of 21, had this gem to share: “I absolutely love it but I don’t give it to them whenever I feel like it. You are a woman and sex needs to be on your terms. You have to make them beg for it, bring them to the verge of crying for it and then, only give it up when you have something really important to ask for in return. Like a yacht holiday.”

If you don’t see why this is fucked up, you’re worthy of all the shit that’s about to hit the fan blowing in your direction.

THE LACK OF SPONTANEITY
In order to take the leap, you first have to run the whole situation through in your mind again, and again, and again. And even with all this analyzing, I’m sorry to break it to you, but it will be nothing like what you’ve fantasized. With anal, there’s no such thing as parts sliding easily into other parts that have been designed by thousands of years of evolution/God (and I know how much all you guys love sticking things in each other's asses) to make the process easier by lubricating themselves automatically. There’s no being grabbed and pushed on the bed, no sense of impulse, no passion.

All there is intensive planning and foreplay made mechanical by the half-hearted boners and dried-up moisture that the prospect of imminent pain creates. (Oh, pardon me, did I forget to mention that? IT’S GONNA HURT. A LOT.) And don’t get me started on the huge quantities of slippery substances, artificial or organic, that will prove a motherfucker to clean off your body, your hair, your bed sheets or your spacecraft.

To put it simply, no matter how good the intentions of both parties, it’s just not worth the fuss. Just think of it as a never-ending struggling-to-put-the-condom-on-properly situation. PLUS you’ll have to scrub the floors to get rid of the lube after. On your knees.



YOUR GUY WILL STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER YOUR MAIN FUNHOLE
And the bigger problem is you most likely will, too. Once he’s in, he’ll be so concerned with hurting you, or too engrossed in the mental image of himself as a stallion (ew), or both, and you so dumbfounded by hardship, that the chances are that neither of you are going to remember about that little lady we call vagina and the major role she plays in keeping the garden party going.

In any case, if I’ve completely failed at making you reconsider bum sex, I guess make sure you give her the attention she needs. You know how.

That’s pretty much it. The only remaining point for me to make is that:

I’M STILL NOT CONVINCED BOYS ENJOY IT THAT MUCH, EITHER
A boyfriend once told me it would hurt him, too. Something about things being too tight, but it’s been so long that I’m hazy on the specifics of the conversation. He still wanted to do it, though.

Whatever, I couldn’t care less. I’m not a boy, I’m a girl. If you are one however, how about offering some insight in the comments?

As for the gays, I’m sorry about this being too focused on straight people sex, but you’ve had a whole VICE Guide to Being Gay to read up on.

I think most girls do it just because they have nothing else to offer. if you can't be fun and exciting in bed then go for anal its a shoe in.

[Godzira]

Like I said maybe its just me and I'm sure some girls may enjoy it... who knows...
But it's not my thing! :P

[melloman]

Originally Posted by Godzira

THE PERVERSE POWER GAME
My other friend, whom we’ll call Marlene, and who, incidentally, was my sluttier advisor back in the days of naiveté and who got married at the age of 21, had this gem to share: “I absolutely love it but I don’t give it to them whenever I feel like it. You are a woman and sex needs to be on your terms. You have to make them beg for it, bring them to the verge of crying for it and then, only give it up when you have something really important to ask for in return. Like a yacht holiday.”

If you don’t see why this is fucked up, you’re worthy of all the shit that’s about to hit the fan blowing in your direction.

Girls with this mentality, should just burn. It's not even about anal, because this one statement I have personally witnessed ruin tons of relationships. Granted, if the guys that horny and the girl isn't... the relationship is doomed to fail anyway.

If the sex ain't great for both parties.. Break up. Eventually you'll get torn apart anyway.

[BrRsn]

the only reason guys like anal is because we know you hate it

[6o4__boi]

Originally Posted by Godzira

I think most girls do it just because they have nothing else to offer. if you can't be fun and exciting in bed then go for anal its a shoe in.

that's a shitty way of putting it.
it's good to have options open, nothing wrong with some open mindedness.
why can't anal fall under "fun and exciting" in bed?

[Godzira]

Originally Posted by melloman

Girls with this mentality, should just burn. It's not even about anal, because this one statement I have personally witnessed ruin tons of relationships. Granted, if the guys that horny and the girl isn't... the relationship is doomed to fail anyway.

If the sex ain't great for both parties.. Break up. Eventually you'll get torn apart anyway.

agreed!! I know a lot of girls that hold it on a pedestal and make trades with their spouse for sex. That's just retarded.

Originally Posted by BrRsn

the only reason guys like anal is because we know you hate it

haha Jim Jefferies is awesome.

[Tone Loc]

Am I the only guy who personally doesn't want to have anal? The idea of putting my cherished member in what is basically a shithole doesn't appeal to me. Sort of like taking a Bugatti Atalante through a brush car wash...

[320icar]

Yeah I've never had an interest in the back door. Sorry but a good pussy after some hefty foreplay is absolute heaven on earth. Why would I feel the need to go up the butt. So many things that could go wrong. I'm not saying I'm opposed to it. If my girlfriend asked if we could to try it out, that's fine by me. We're comfortable with out sexuality. But i won't be the one suggesting it

[Parts > Hearts]

Originally Posted by Fafine

A good Bj goes a long way.

I'm ready for a good dose of protein!

Originally Posted by Vansterdam

anal

to be fair though we've done that a few times and neither of us really enjoyed it that much so nah

[JShifter]

That moment when your waiting for a text thinking it's the person you want to talk to and when you hear your phone beep and you take a look at the message and you feel so disappointed cause it's not the person you want to talk to. That feeling sucks especially when your checking your phone all the time...

[wontons]

i used to think i had everything when i was with you. now you won't even talk to me anymore. it really fucking hurts.

[TOS'd]

Originally Posted by PK-EK

This kristy_blitzgear girl, I want to date the shit out of her.

I enjoy reading her articles so much, I really do feel like I found my soulmate

I love all the food write ups that Christy makes.
I have the biggest fatboy crush on her!
I really want to meet this amazing writer one day and go on a food date with her

[wontons]

no matter how i laugh at others for having to celebrate valentines day to make myself feel better. i really wish you were still with me so i could make you the happiest girl ever......

[325isMSPORT]

hopefully ill be able to scrounge up some money left over from my engine project to for a nice dinner

[Godzira]

I've never cared about Vday, with anyone else it was just another day. But this year I'm pretty excited for it it's on a Saturday and we're just going to hang out and have a nice steak dinner.

[6thGear.]

Originally Posted by 325isMSPORT

hopefully ill be able to scrounge up some money left over from my engine project to for a nice dinner

Should cook for her instead. Cheaper and much more meaningful