A resident in trying to pick up people in relationships? lol

I thought this thread is for addressing your problems, venting and getting advice.
Not getting creeped on by randoms....

The reason for Speak it Out is to actually set PK-EK up with someone, whether that be someone from this thread or outside of RS.

Poor PK-EK....

#Godbless #Praying4u

She thinks my cooking is bad :pokerface: although I actually follow recipes and when I don't, it's a recipes that I more or less have in my head lol

Just found out that my friend's boyfriend cheated on her... Ouch

And in that instant, my problems became frivolous :pokerface:

6 months ago on my birthday my partner told me that he tried to knit a scarf for me, but it was really complicated pattern and he'd never done it before and he got busy and couldn't finish it. I ended up not getting a birthday present, which wasn't a huge deal but it would have been nice to receive one. He's busy with school, I get it. He says he'd finish it by Christmas, Christmas rolls along and it's not finished. I joke that I'll get it on my next birthday and he promises* to have it done way before then. Flashback into the present and I'm quite sure he hasn't knitted at all. I poked fun at him (passive-aggressively, I know, go me, always the best thing to do in a relationship), but I stopped after Christmas because I don't want to be a nag and I thought I'd let him do it on his own time.

Sometimes when I think about that scarf, my thought process goes like this:

1. He has so much time to do other things, like Monster Hunter, but he can't find a couple hours between September and now to finish it. Sure I won't need to use any scarves until fall/winter, but he was the one who said he would do it. I didn't pin that on him, he said he would so he should just f'ing do as his promised.

2. F* this shit, I'll just tell him to give it to me and I'll knit it myself. Sure I don't have much time to do it and I'll probably get it done in September, but at least if I have it then it's on my onus to finish it and it would most probably get finished if I do it.

3. I wish he would care more about me. It's great to receive gifts and I've given him plenty. I can hardly count how many he has given me. I know I should just be happy that I have a great boyfriend, but I like getting stuff too. Taking the care to create something shows love. You don't need to be creative. You just need to motivated. And I can't see him being motivated to do many things to make me happy. He doesn't seem to be motivated to do very much these days except for playing mahjong.

4. Well, it's hard to knit. I don't know how either and it may be pretty hard to do. He's pretty stressed with work and doesn't want to think to much and just relax. I haven't made anything substantial for him. Just a few cards. Who'm I to say that he doesn't get me presents when I don't do much for him too. I can't really cook and he cooks for the both of us, albeit rarely, but still he does it and we use his kitchen too and we make a mess.

5. I'm just being too selfish. Just forget about it. There's no need to tell him, it's just a big fuss over nothing. Take a deep breath and forget about the scarf. I might get it on my birthday, or never. Don't hold a grudge. Just move on. Stop being a little bitch and being so needy. \

I get kind of down right about now. I should just talk to him openly about my feelings right? But I can't understand whether I'm being unreasonable or my feelings are valid. The recurring thought I have is that my feelings are not valid, they're petty.

Though none of you know the extent of my relationship, can anyone give it to me straight: am I a little bitch?

tl;dr: boyfriend promises to make me a scarf, doesn't end up doing. I get frustrated because I don't want to nag but I still want to get what I want. I feel like I'm just being a little bitch. Am I?

^ You'll be okay, people all have needs. It really just ties to him bringing it up out of no where and then disregarding it completely, right? It sounds like it's not what the "object" is, it's a matter of principles.

Are you guys pretty young?

Some guys are just really wishy washy, or just plain forgetful.

It looks like you've gone through majority of the stages of acceptance. But it'll keep bothering you until that scarf is made, if it is.

You should just tell him how you feel since it's been bothering you for so long and see what happens.

---

All I hear is words being spoken. Until I see it, I don't believe it.

Most people are simply superficial at this age, a pretty face can hide all sorts of secrets.

Who cares what people think. If it makes you happy, then it makes you happy, right?

After reflecting with so many people, there's so many ideas and thoughts running through my mind.

Something I've wanted all my life may not be so unobtainable after all.

Tired of waiting. A new year, time to take control. Direction. Risk. Chance. Inspiration. Opportunity. Future.

Yous a bitch son,
Quit being a little girl. Youre a man act like one.
Its just a scarf. Let it go.

Have you ever played Monster Hunter? One minute it's "5 more minutes then i'll wipe and i'll go sleep." Then it's 4am on a Saturday morning, you realize that you lost your job, lost 20 lbs, your pet died cus you haven't fed it in a week, you're paraplegic cus you've been sitting on the toilet for a week and your face is plastered on the side of the milk carton cus you've been MIA for a week. Yeah, it's that kind of game.

But seriously, that's a ridiculous amount of thought process for something so small. That's pretty much what starts fights. Shit gets brought out and little things gets amplified. If women could just not give a shit about stupid little things...the divorce rates would probably be lower.

This sums its up perfectly:

Agreed with the other two above me. It's a scarf... not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things IMO.

The fact that this is the "big problem" in your relationship should make you thankful, really. He's not cheating, not doing shady things, or involved in something you can't reconcile with (dealing drugs, for instance). He's working hard and probably doesn't have time to knit.

Nagging him about a gift, keyword being "gift" is stupid and pointless. And it also is a little bit selfish. Who cares if you buy him gifts, you do that on your own choice and volition. So don't be using that against him the moment something goes wrong. It sounds harsh, but it's true... I don't know why so many females play that same card the moment something goes wrong... "I did X for him but he won't do Y". Your actions do not license you to a reciprocation. Otherwise every single white knight would be drowning in poon because they're so nice to girls. It sucks, I know.

Nobody's perfect.

Well it is a small thing, but if it leave it and can't stop thinking about it, it'll end up leading to more fights.

Since you're in a relationship, shouldn't you be open enough with each other to discuss things like that?

At least, you'll be able to move on from it after hearing what he has to say.
Whether there is no scarf, or there is. You'll at least stop thinking about it and questioning it, once you know his answer.

it's not about the scarf, it's about the lies

okay, jokes aside now...
it's something he'd said he would do. he made a promise. promises are not made just to be broken.

yes, it is a scarf and nothing more, but it represents another underlying issue that has to be taken care of:
he simply doesn't respect you and/or the relationship enough to honour his own word.
this is showing that he has real commitment issues. if you know you cannot do something or cannot keep a promise, don't say that you will. just don't. be honest about it. admit that you have no intention of actually doing it. don't promise something, break the promise, then act like you're still going to keep it.
whether or not he finishes the scarf, the fact of the matter is that he doesn't seem to view his promises towards you as anything of great importance. that has to change.
otherwise, not only will you not be getting a scarf, you will not be getting a good, fulfilling, committed long-term relationship either.

whoa whoa whoa, back up there.
that escalated quickly. Chill the fuck out.
This is the single most fucking annoyingest thing with women. They take things and over analyse it to death. So we just went from a scarf to commitment issues? yeeeesh.

No, that's not showing commitment issues. I don't know the guy but as a guy who gets annoyed with this type of shit, here's my 2 cents.

The most likely situation is that, the guy just can't do it because its too fucking hard or whatever. And guys can attest, sometimes we feel bad about not being able to do something so we just don't say anything about it in hopes that she forgets about it. It's not that we don't have the balls to tell you we can't do it...if i had to guess he probably feels bad he can't do it, too fucking lazy to do it and doesn't wanna tell you because he doesn't wanna deal with aftermath...or shit along those lines.

It's really more basic than it is, so do yourself and him a favor and don't over analyse it.

:facepalm:

please do yourself a favour and actually try to understand what I am trying to say.

it's always the small things that escalate into big things.
it is necessary to catch these habits early on in a relationship or a friendship between two people. if A thinks it is fine to essentially hide their true intentions (ex. of not wanting to finish something they'd said they'd do) to B over something small and B accepts it, A will only take it that it is not a problem at all to avoid taking responsibility for their own words/actions/promises. sure, it may be something small, but it is always small things that build into habits that later on involve much more serious situations. it may be a scarf this time, but what about next time? it could be a date. an important event. an anniversary dinner. a meeting with the parents. a vacation trip. it could even be a pregnancy.

it is not about whether or not you have the balls to tell the truth. what is important is that your ego should not be prioritized over a commitment with someone important to you.
admitting that you done goof'd and that you couldn't keep a promise will show that you aren't just all talk. it'll show that promises actually mean something to you, but it just so happens that you couldn't keep it.
it is much worse to pretend to want to keep a promise when you have no intention of actually doing so.

if you are in a relationship with someone and you are currently guilty of this, please kindly do your partner a favour and admit that you cannot keep whichever promises you've made. this will save them the heartache of finding out you were hiding your true intentions from them and will save you the headache of having to repeatedly coming up with excuses.

What are you, a 16yr old girl? I'd put my money on girl at least.
God, you must be a chick because that shit was so long i didn't even bother to read it.

You clearly have no idea how men think.

The past exchanges pretty much speak for themselves. Small shit...AAAAAAND its a big deal worthy of a blurb.


and pardon my language but this, seriously? :fulloffuck: Thanks for proving my point.

Quote:

it may be a scarf this time, but what about next time? it could be a date. an important event. an anniversary dinner. a meeting with the parents. a vacation trip. it could even be a pregnancy.

utter fucking bullshit

Those are different situations sweetie, they're not all the same. There is no umbrella term or umbrella. Just because this happened to this specific thing doesn't mean it'll apply to life's next challenge.
Holy fuck, maybe i'm feeding the troll but holy fuck. :facepalm:

and here we see a single male in his natural habitat.

proves my point.
I heard the 24 is looking for loonie writers to fill their columns for idiots who need relationship advice.
Might look good in your resume when you can apply for jobs when you turn 16.

single male haha
:lawl:
you have no idea. I rmbr when i was 12. You've got a long way to grow up buddy.
Talk to me when you're done puberty and have some real world experience.

And so females don't understand males, and males don't understand females...

Don't know why some people complain about being single, when they can't realize the other party's feelings when they're in a relationship.

Relationships are all about give and take. Everyone sees appreciation in different ways and forms. If there is so much doubt, it'll surely break at some point or another.

don't worry, PK-EK will make you a scarf and hand deliver it to you.

PK-EK response: :accepted:

MEN, WTF? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "it's the little things that count"

for a MAN to do something remotely crafty for their woman already makes us melt. To be promised something SO crafty, that takes SO much time and SO much effort, such as a home-made scarf, to the majority of woman kind, is one of the most meaningful things she will ever receive.

To be promised such a meaningful gift, then being stalled, and given hope, then eventually realizing that you're not gonna get this wonderful, meaningful bundle of warmth that you know you're gonna cherish, sucks the hairiest balls ever.

I don't think you're being a little bitch, I think you have every right to be disappointed. You've been over promised something, and it wasn't even under delivered- it wasn't even fucking real to begin with. Get angry, confront him, and make it known to him that you don't appreciate empty promises. Have the fight, get your point across and don't let it happen again. Good luck.

I do realize that it's a lot of thinking, not denying that at all and I think if I keep building this small thing up, it'll become a larger fight which is what I don't want to happen, hence coming here for some advice.

Also, I'm a guy and my partner is also a guy. It's understandable to assume that I'm a woman, but:

LOLed at this. I love the "women are bitches" generalization you've just given. I'm not sure if it's a joke, but it's not even funny in this day and age. You may have a great relationship with a woman, but this kind of attitude is pretty toxic.

Thank you. I appreciate your comment entirely. It's really not an eye for an eye in any relationship. I give because I want to, not because I expect something out of it of equal value. I feel appreciated in other ways and I understand that.

Wow this was beyond anything I ever thought of. I don't agree at all with this. 1 thing doesn't generalize to everything.

I appreciate the last insight. I didn't think he would feel this way. But this women-hating thing has to stop. It's really not good for you 6o4__boi.

I don't doubt our relationship at all. I'm not generalizing this to "oh he doesn't love me enough".

Looking forward to it PK

Not sure if srs but you've summed up pretty much how I feel about this gift. Gift as it is, I'm not entitled to it, it's more about how much I was looking forward to it and then it not happening. It's more of a disappointment, like not getting that job I really want or the cannelloni is sold out at Marcellos.

I feel like most of you didn't read my #4 and #5, though understandably it was a huge post. I don't generalize this one little scarf to having doubts about our relationship. I don't love him any less.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll be open to him and I don't think it'll be a huge thing. We could even knit it together or I end up knitting him one or we forget about it and just have sex. I have a lot of backup plans to how this can go down.

ugh . . been so lazy and slack lately. need to get back into it

Don't falter.

LOL that sounds exactly like what happened with my ex except it was Christmas instead of birthday! She told me about it a few weeks prior to Christmas and that she had completed a small part of it. Christmas rolls around and 50% progress or so (busy with school, exams, and extracurricular). A year rolls around and still nothing. I didn't really care too much about it but every time I asked she would get upset saying she had no time, ran out of yarn and had to buy some, or some other excuse. Broke up with her just shy of 2 years later and still never saw a trace of that scarf hahaha.

Don't get your hopes up... your story sounds way too similar to mine and based on experience, it's better to not ask about it to avoid arguments. Consider it goneee

I agree with 604_boi on this... it's a one time occasion. My ex wasn't like that in all other aspects of the relationship, but somehow she cbf finishing that scarf haha. Don't look too much into it... maybe knitting turned out to be much more time consuming and boring than it originally seemed?

Conversation that originated from the scarf post ends here.

If you wish to continue please start a new thread in this subsection or in fight club.

Keep this thread on its original purpose.