| rzrshrp | 06-20-2015 09:48 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZN6
(Post 8648809)
:facepalm:
I cringed when I saw your post about your outing, I'm cringing even harder when I read this. You know what I'm reading? A wall of excuses.
I dunno what happened on your "date" but you make it out to sound like a pretty horrible experience from her end. If you didn't have a good conversation going AND you barely knew her, why would you even ask when you should contact her when it ended only a few hours ago? That reeks of desperation which any person, guy or girl would find repulsive.
It ain't the color of your skin, or your height or your looks as long as you look and are pretty average. If she doesn't think she will be romantically involved with you, it's because you have nothing interesting to talk to her about, hence your forced date-conversation. Not being attracted to you physically was the easy way out for her.
If you have any hint of her not being interested, you should not be spilling your heart out. How do you gauge her interest? Well, if the number of happy moments are outweighed the number of awkward, forced conversation type moments, you should know she ain't that into you and if you make that leap, she is definitely gonna boot you in the face. Don't get me wrong, even if the number of happy moments out weigh the awkward moments, there's still a good chance that she will boot you in the face but there would be less chance of that happening. Another good sign that she is not interested is that she keeps her distance when walking with you and there's no attempt for her to physically get close to you.
When I go out with a girl I intend to get together with, after a few times going out with her, if she has made physical contact with me a few times, I will do the same and make contact with her until I eventually reach for her hand and hold it. Even then, it takes time for them to get to know you aren't a serial killer by talking with you and having some engaging conversation. Everything is built up slowly. Nothing in a relationship is instantaneous. I ask the girls I go out with more questions than they ask me to try and get to know them and then I let them bounce back with something to say and let the conversation build over time and establishing who this person is and what they like. You gotta learn some patience and chill out. You know how fishing lures work? If you make movements too sudden and unnatural, you scare all the mother fucking fish away, and then you're gonna go home with a bucket of rocks to eat for the night. If you slowly work the lure in a slow and calculated way and temped fish into biting, eventually you will get a hit.
From the sounds of it, you jumped the gun way too fast and you came off as desperate and got rejected, simple as that. Let me internet-Sherlock this for a bit: So you went out with her on the 4th of June, then you go ahead and tell her how you feel on the 13th. By my poor finger counting, that's 9 days from when you posted last about your first date on June 4th. So in reality, you only dated her for maybe 8 days? Too soon, Junior.
So the paradox is this: Learn patience, quickly.
Well, on to the next. Hope that was a good learning experience. Since you've already spilled your guts for her, being her friend will inevitably end sooner or later when she finds a guy to date. Trust me, when she finds another guy, it's gonna hurt you when she doesn't even want to talk to you.
So like you said, on your date, you didn't even know her much, so what's the point of keeping in contact? Being her friend because she has a lot of single friends is not going to help you. So many guys think this is such an awesome thing, but in reality it is quite possibly the most beta thing to do. If you are banking on her setting you up with one of them, you're just gonna remain one of her play things. She got power over you.
Are you gonna be emotionally attached to a girl who doesn't want you and who you barely know? Just take the hit and move on. Like I said before, go out and do shit and experience the world beyond work, it will make you less boring to be around.
| Haha ouch... I needed that.
Hm I see your point. And now that I am more level headed about what happened, and after analyzing it like 1000x I came to a conclusion.
The first date wasn't the best, yes. But we did start talking again after that and she said she "had fun" on the first date, which I don't agree with but whatever. I guess I didn't know her that well that's why it wasn't that great the first time. I didn't talk to her at all over text for the whole week until the next date. I thought maybe it was just the timing or something so we went on a second date, and it was awesome! The conversation was slightly forced on the first date because we spammed each other like crazy on fb in the weeks leading up to the date, as a result, we didn't have a lot left to talk about.
But anyway, my summer is pretty packed anyway. Have to work and study for my MCAT which is later in the summer. It's not like I chose to only work and study :(
I completely understand what you are saying brah, but believe me, I have done this several times as well. The only reason I was moving so fast was because I had other priorities (studying, friends, working, etc.) and I really did not want to invest a large amount of time/effort/money in a girl I wasn't even sure would like me back. So instead of just wondering how she felt all the time, I just told her. And you make it sound like I told her that I loved her hopelessly lol, all I said was "I enjoy spending time with you, do you want to carry this relationship further?" she said "like me as your girlfriend?" or something and I said "no, I mean we can take it slow and date casually for now".
Wow lol, I just got called boring... I usually do a lot of other things hobbies and such, but like I said this is not much of a summer for me. And I am SOL for finding another girl to date in the meantime (that's not from my immediate social circle) because I just work and study at the moment.
Reason I wanted to stay friends with her was because the second date was legit fun and we had a really nice conversation about something we viewed in a very similar way, she is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of mutual friends too soo...
Anyway, I really appreciate your support through all of this man. My progress is slow but it's steady.... I am learning a lot, and learning not to take rejection too personally. I hope it all pays off.
Edit: Btw, as a side note, I would much rather have gotten rejected up front than to be entertaining her for months on end only to find myself in the friendzone tbh. So I feel that it was good that I just told her how I felt. No games |
