Speak it Out

[Inaii]

Originally Posted by Presto

There's a lot of reasons, but I would have to say it's mainly laziness and jealousy. We like our freedom to do what we want when we want. We also are selfish, and we don't each other's love parted-out to children.

That is actually a very good reason NOT to have kids. And I commend your ability to be honest enough with yourself and each other to recognize that, much respect to you and your wife Presto!

----------

even though it's long distance and we don't always get to talk, he makes me so deliriously happy that sometimes I feel like I could just explode into sparkles and rainbows. It's a really weird feeling for me, one I've never really experienced before. And when we fight, it's stupid things like whether bear or cat form druids are better. Or if dubstep is real music. And sometimes, I look at my last relationship and wonder why I wasted 7 years of my life when I could have been with him from the start (I don't ever regret my daughter though, she's one of the brightest lights in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way). Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go puke rainbows and cry from happiness

[alwayslive]

The worst part about this breakup is probably the loneliness and boredom.

When all of your buddies are busy, when there's no one to talk to, when theres no more work to do, when you've already eaten and gone to the gym, when you're too tired or lazy to go for a drive or read, those times where everything is just...silent. Those are probably the worst times. Those are the times when I feel lonely as shit.

[Presto]

Just got back from lunch and the office closes in an hour. Happy Canada day!

[BaoTurbo]

Why do people in Vancouver drive so slow? If everyone just sped up a bit more and more aware then there wouldn't be so many traffic jams. But no, they want to drive slowly like they have all the time in the world after a long day after work or they want to drive super careful like they just got their license.

/rant

[yray]

^drive fast when raining, drive slow when sunny

[SpeedStars]

Feels like I am being taken for a ride. But maybe I'm taking myself out for a ride. Need to refocus my energy on something else and stop acting paranoid, though I've rarely been wrong based on my gut.

[PK-EK]

Girlfriend is so patriotic and has so much brainwashing from the Chinese government that even if I show the slightest bit of negative feelings towards China, she gets upset.

She thinks i'm one of those Hong Kong Umbrella movement extremest......

she literally thought about breaking up with me because of this topic....

fml

[Inaii]

You know that staying with her is just going to bite you in the ass later right? She won't tolerate you being yourself and having your own opinions. I don't know how you can stand to be with someone like that.

[Presto]

He likes the Communist poon.

[BaoTurbo]

China is pretty great. I was just there 3 months ago and spent the best out of $4k CAN that money can buy. I was treated like a king and partied like no tmr

[dapperfied]

Tell her it's fake newz.

Originally Posted by PK-EK

Girlfriend is so patriotic and has so much brainwashing from the Chinese government that even if I show the slightest bit of negative feelings towards China, she gets upset.

She thinks i'm one of those Hong Kong Umbrella movement extremest......

she literally thought about breaking up with me because of this topic....

fml

[bcrdukes]

I love Commie girls.

[dapperfied]

Then you should move to North Korea!

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

I love Commie girls.

[<3 envee]

I feel like I have literally hit rock bottom...

[325isMSPORT]

Temporary retirement... I will be back one day.

[Hehe]

First time posting in this thread as I have retired long before I ever discovered this thread. This is mainly to get some collaborative intelligence from RS (not sure if the ideal place, but I'm out of ideas and want to see if anyone can take a different perspective)

So I have this god sister. She has always been that nice little sister I never had. Her parents take me as part of family and treat me like their own son and are among my parents absolute best friends.

Fast forward to present day, she came over the other day for a vacay with her BF from TPE, and her BF is one of those conservative TW dudes who doesn't quite get the very close relationship me and my god sister have and that we were both western raised and are very unlike the traditional TW people. Anyway, long story short, the dude somehow got jelly about the way we interacted and got angry. I was pissed and yelled at him something along the line of how insecure are you about your relationship when you can't stand your GF to have some closer interaction with other male, even when knowing fully that the base of our relationship is nothing romantic, but just true close friend.

Then my god sister got pissed too and refused to board the same flight back with him. Now they are on the brink of breakup and somehow I'm feeling that it's kinda my fault of not being considerate of her BF's feeling.

So, I'm thinking about texting the dude on Line trying to sort this shitty situation out, but I'm not sure what kind of approach I should take. Has anyone been in similar situations who can share a thought or two? Thought about just taking the dude's position and apologize... but in all honesty, I don't feel I did anything wrong.

[BaoTurbo]

Originally Posted by Hehe

First time posting in this thread as I have retired long before I ever discovered this thread. This is mainly to get some collaborative intelligence from RS (not sure if the ideal place, but I'm out of ideas and want to see if anyone can take a different perspective)

So I have this god sister. She has always been that nice little sister I never had. Her parents take me as part of family and treat me like their own son and are among my parents absolute best friends.

Fast forward to present day, she came over the other day for a vacay with her BF from TPE, and her BF is one of those conservative TW dudes who doesn't quite get the very close relationship me and my god sister have and that we were both western raised and are very unlike the traditional TW people. Anyway, long story short, the dude somehow got jelly about the way we interacted and got angry. I was pissed and yelled at him something along the line of how insecure are you about your relationship when you can't stand your GF to have some closer interaction with other male, even when knowing fully that the base of our relationship is nothing romantic, but just true close friend.

Then my god sister got pissed too and refused to board the same flight back with him. Now they are on the brink of breakup and somehow I'm feeling that it's kinda my fault of not being considerate of her BF's feeling.

So, I'm thinking about texting the dude on Line trying to sort this shitty situation out, but I'm not sure what kind of approach I should take. Has anyone been in similar situations who can share a thought or two? Thought about just taking the dude's position and apologize... but in all honesty, I don't feel I did anything wrong.

Some things to consider properly is this guys backround first of all:
- conservative
- grew up in asian environment
- surrounded by asian culture

People who grew up in Asian environments don't really have close relations with the opposite sex when they are "taken". He doesn't understand the difference in culture and the supporting facts that you are also considered part of the family essentially, like a brother.

He's all in the wrong IMO. He hasn't opened up to the fact that there is a clash of cultures here and is narrow minded and wants to stay that way. He's jealous of the chemistry you guys have and feels threatened which is normal as a human being but not the mature way to approach the situation. He should have taken the time to know why you guys have that kind of chemistry and how he can do better to have that same chemistry with his GF

So no you don't need to apologize to him, he just needs to wake up. Your god sister brought him along to meet you probably because she wants to introduce him to you gain a level of trust; like say for example in the future she comes over here alone and you are here to take care of her.

I have had god sisters even hold my hand/arm when we go out, but thats the degree of comfortability we have in our relations.

[Hehe]

Originally Posted by BaoTurbo

Some things to consider properly is this guys backround first of all:
- conservative
- grew up in asian environment
- surrounded by asian culture

People who grew up in Asian environments don't really have close relations with the opposite sex when they are "taken". He doesn't understand the difference in culture and the supporting facts that you are also considered part of the family essentially, like a brother.

He's all in the wrong IMO. He hasn't opened up to the fact that there is a clash of cultures here and is narrow minded and wants to stay that way. He's jealous of the chemistry you guys have and feels threatened which is normal as a human being but not the mature way to approach the situation. He should have taken the time to know why you guys have that kind of chemistry and how he can do better to have that same chemistry with his GF

So no you don't need to apologize to him, he just needs to wake up. Your god sister brought him along to meet you probably because she wants to introduce him to you gain a level of trust; like say for example in the future she comes over here alone and you are here to take care of her.

I have had god sisters even hold my hand/arm when we go out, but thats the degree of comfortability we have in our relations.

Thanks. I think the problem surrounds the level of comfort that my little god sis has in front of me as far as intimacy goes. Stuff like she has no problem getting on the same bed with me to pillow fight and/or sleep... But the truth is that we have been doing this since she was like 7 and came to live with us for a few months because her parents were doing some emergency travel. And it probably has shocked him that she might be more comfortable in front of me than of him.

Well, I think I'm going to reason with him a bit with our stories and I hope he can understand why she has such level of comfort in front of me. We literally grew up together and the only other person she might do the same with is my brother, who she also considers like her own brother.

[PK-EK]

man.... I read half way and thought you guys were gonna fuck

[Hehe]

Originally Posted by PK-EK

man.... I read half way and thought you guys were gonna fuck

Whatever porn you have been watching... stop...

So I talked to the dude a bit, the source of his jelly comes from both the interaction and the prep-talk my god sis gave him. Something along the line that she thought she was gonna marry me or my bro one day when she was little and that she absolutely loves us since we have been so good to her over the years.

I just told him to grow up and think differently. She's only child and by the time she met us, it was simply kinda a crush one has when one's becoming aware of the sexuality thing and opposite sex figure. Since basically, we were her first close encounter to males except for her dad. Nevertheless, she has long passed that stage of dreaming anything romantic. She only sees us as close families and feels really safe when she's around me and we care each other as a family, that's all.

If anything, our interaction/stories with her serve as a guideline on what kind of treatment he should be giving her over the long term for the relationship to last as that might be the kind of treatment she wants (basically treating her like a little princess)

I did, however, apologized for not being more thoughtful. But I told him that it's up to him to save this relationship if he still cares.

[Akinari]

Peeps I need some advice or guidance.

What do you do when you're in a situation where your SO is visibly upset, sometimes crying or bawling her eyes out, but she refuses under any circumstances to tell you why she's upset, only that her parents are mad at her?

The response would be something along the lines of "I can't tell you because I'm not allowed to" or "my parents don't like it when I tell you things".

What do you do when an SO's parents say one thing in front of you, act all smiley faced and friendly in front of you, but talk shit about you behind your back with your SO, and force your SO not to tell you?

It's so difficult and frustrating for me because I want to understand what's going on but I can't. I don't know if confronting her parents will do any good for anyone or myself either, but I'm a at a loss here.

I asked her if it's cause she doesn't trust me or anything, but she says she does.

I love her to death but I have no idea what to do in a situation like this, where I'm trying to help but she's not letting me help. Should I just give her space? And in a situation where her parents are upset at something I'm doing, but no one is willing to tell me what, what am I supposed to do? Keep my distance from her family?

[Hehe]

Originally Posted by Akinari

Peeps I need some advice or guidance.

What do you do when you're in a situation where your SO is visibly upset, sometimes crying or bawling her eyes out, but she refuses under any circumstances to tell you why she's upset, only that her parents are mad at her?

The response would be something along the lines of "I can't tell you because I'm not allowed to" or "my parents don't like it when I tell you things".

What do you do when an SO's parents say one thing in front of you, act all smiley faced and friendly in front of you, but talk shit about you behind your back with your SO, and force your SO not to tell you?

It's so difficult and frustrating for me because I want to understand what's going on but I can't. I don't know if confronting her parents will do any good for anyone or myself either, but I'm a at a loss here.

I asked her if it's cause she doesn't trust me or anything, but she says she does.

I love her to death but I have no idea what to do in a situation like this, where I'm trying to help but she's not letting me help. Should I just give her space? And in a situation where her parents are upset at something I'm doing, but no one is willing to tell me what, what am I supposed to do? Keep my distance from her family?

It depends really, because some families are like that. They can be very private about certain stuff because they were taught that way.

IMO, just be supportive and try to cheer her up by doing something that would comfort her... like a bottle of good wine or something. If she wants to share, she would... no need to force it. By showing your support, you already let her know that you care but respect her decision.

Also, be careful of what you wish for. The truth is not for everyone. And you might feel worse if there's nothing you could do or it's something very difficult.

I have had very bad experience with my ex regarding this and led to our breakup. So, again... be careful with what you wish for.

[FOREVER]

S P O N T A N E O U S

[Hehe]

Just to post an update to my story... they broke up last night. My lil sis couldn't take it as she couldn't stand to think what their differences in culture and dude's unwillingness to learn and adapt would do in the future.

Jeesus... now I really feel bad... 4yrs into the relationship with plans to get married some time down the road and destroyed in a 2week trip.

I'm gonna get an earful next time I meet her parents....

[Mr.HappySilp]

Originally Posted by Hehe

Just to post an update to my story... they broke up last night. My lil sis couldn't take it as she couldn't stand to think what their differences in culture and dude's unwillingness to learn and adapt would do in the future.

Jeesus... now I really feel bad... 4yrs into the relationship with plans to get married some time down the road and destroyed in a 2week trip.

I'm gonna get an earful next time I meet her parents....

There is a saying before getting marry is to travel with that person and see how the relation takes you. IN this case it won't last even if they do get marry anyways.