Speak it Out

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Do you consider someone who ghosts you as someone who cuts you off for a bit? Or someone that literally just ignores you?

On a side note, would you guys ever talk to someone again if they cut you off because their S/O didn't want them talking to the opposite sex?

Personally I consider anyone that ghosts me, assuming that they literally disappeared, as someone who literally ignores me. And if they didn't give me a reason why, it's pretty much saying that they don't value me/our (platonic or not) relationship. And that's not worth my time.

Secondly, that's happened to me so many times. I just take it as it is. Initially I was really mad at my best friend for doing such a thing. However, I also get why. And I just take it as it is - boyfriend's an insecure little bitch.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

[Mr.Money]

what the fuck...i know LG's and these LG's dont even play these LG games of ghosting you're all talking about...

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Mr.Money

what the fuck...i know LG's and these LG's dont even play these LG games of ghosting you're all talking about...

Wanna intro to said LGs?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

[MSREE]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

On a side note, would you guys ever talk to someone again if they cut you off because their S/O didn't want them talking to the opposite sex?

Im not allowed to talk to dudes who slide into my dms on fb or ig. Lol. Dont bother if shes still in the relationship.
If shes not then go ahead, you may get a reply???

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by MSREE

Im not allowed to talk to dudes who slide into my dms on fb or ig. Lol. Dont bother if shes still in the relationship.
If shes not then go ahead, you may get a reply???

I don't think Gerbs (at least I'm not) is talking about randos sliding into DMs. I think he's saying on the basis of being ghosted by a female friend

[MSREE]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

I don't think Gerbs (at least I'm not) is talking about randos sliding into DMs. I think he's saying on the basis of being ghosted by a female friend

Oooh a friend??? If its a friend who does that dont even bother lol shes not even a friend then imo.
Esp if you guys were friends before the bf came along???

[kross9]

Started my biologics treatment. Fuck that injection hurts more than my cortisone shots...

And I gotta do this shit for the rest of my life... Least i got medical to cover the stupid costs....
Its a huge relief to not have to walk with a cane anymore. it was quite depressing and hard to do stuff.

[Tone Loc]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

But despite all your improvements mentally and physically, wouldn't you have had to have to confidence to cold pick up someone in the first place? Like you could be in the best shape of your life and improve yourself across many aspects, but still uncomfortable to pick up a random?

On another note, I completely agree with everything you're saying. I've been saying that to many of my friends, who seem to think the only way life will get better or the only reason they have to succeed at life, is to get a girlfriend.

For me, my confidence now comes from being happy with myself. I look at the mirror now, and I like what I see. Of course, I don't think of myself as perfect and I know I have lots to work on, but for the first time in many years I am proud of who I am.

In that 4-year longtermer that I was in, I was extremely unhappy with myself. It's not one of those things that I knew while in the relationship, but when shit hit the fan I began to see through the fog so to speak.

I was 22, plodding through school and taking forever to get my degree, putting my dream career on hold because my ex didn't want me to relocate for it, gaining weight and quit going to the gym, not spending very much time with my own friends...

And then we broke up, and on top of all of that shit I was now alone.

At that point I decided it was time for a change:

- I went back to the gym and lost 40 pounds in about 6 months of heavy working out and a serious diet.

- I pushed myself harder to take more courses and get my degree, which I did by Dec 2016.

- I applied for my "dream job", and I got in. I had to relocate to Toronto for it, but I'm super stoked that I'm doing something I love, and that it's a career with benefits and a pension and job security... not bad for being 24!

- Needless to say I moved out of my parents house, and now am fully independent. I had to borrow some $$ from the bank of mom and dad for furniture, pots/pans and all of that stuff, but I'm on the road to paying it all back. I'm much better with money and budgeting now.

- I began going out more with my friends and spending time with the boys. Super positive change. Also started spending lots of time with my family which was really beneficial in improving our dynamic.

It is all of those positive changes that made me feel confident enough to approach women, because I felt that I was finally bringing something to the table and that I was proud of who I was. My attitude was "your loss" if I got rejected, because my perception of self-worth greatly increased.

My point is, a lot of those changes happened BECAUSE I was single, and because I realized that confidence, and being happy with oneself, all that jazz, comes from YOU. And I realized I needed to make a lot of changes in order for me to be happy with me.

When you're happy with yourself, people take notice. And believe me, they like it.

[Akinari]

Can I get a consensus here?

When she blames you when she gets in trouble with her parents because of something you're doing, yet you're completely unaware of what you're doing and she sort of refuses to tell you what you're doing?

You've made it very clear that your parents are sexist and favour your two brothers over you and treat them differently. So it's alright when your brothers do certain things and your parents turn a blind eye, yet when I do the same shit you blow up on me and your parents shit on me? Familial double standards much?

It's unfortunate, but I'm starting to see and understand that this isn't getting anywhere.

The older I get, the more I start to realize the importance of having similar family values.

[MSREE]

Originally Posted by Akinari

Can I get a consensus here?

When she blames you when she gets in trouble with her parents because of something you're doing, yet you're completely unaware of what you're doing and she sort of refuses to tell you what you're doing?

You've made it very clear that your parents are sexist and favour your two brothers over you and treat them differently. So it's alright when your brothers do certain things and your parents turn a blind eye, yet when I do the same shit you blow up on me and your parents shit on me? Familial double standards much?

It's unfortunate, but I'm starting to see and understand that this isn't getting anywhere.

The older I get, the more I start to realize the importance of having similar family values.

My brother is the golden child......He could get away with murder and my parents would pay the legal fees lol. Im female - my parents were more on my ass............until i told them *politely and repeatedly* to fuck off. Lol. Its your chicks job to assert her individuality with her parents. She shouldn't be blaming you, she should be fighting for her own equality in their eyes. Shes projecting her family problems onto you because shes afraid to take it out on her parents.

I also had a best friend where i was in the same position as you. Her parents hated me b/c she paid more attention to me and they always talked shit about me yet i watched over her, SAVED HER FROM HER OWN SUICIDE BECAUSE SHE LEFT A GOODBYE VOICEMAIL.......my parents even paid for her vacations when she was with us and my mom would pick her up and drive her home even late at night.

Long story short, if she cant grow the balls to stand up to her own parents, youll always get shit on. Get out while you can.

Guess who the mom blamed when the cops came to rescue my (ex)friend from killing herself? ........me LOL.

[MSREE]

K so what the fuck. I was watching the videos he posted of his work party and even the videos of his coworkers. He seems to be really close to this girl Joanna in all the vids. In the vid he posted shes right beside him.....
He doesnt even record or post vids with me in them........................
After what he put me thru last night, i feel pretty shitty now..

[TOS'd]

Are they coworkers?

[MSREE]

Originally Posted by TOS'd

Are they coworkers?

Yeah lol when we first started dating he told me he loves the gym he works at cuz of all the hot asian girls and thats something ive never forgotten lol.
This Joanna character is one of those tiny asians lol.

Ive been feeling pretty underappreciated lately from small things he does that just adds up and on friday, i burst into tears while getting ready for work just because of pure frustration. Communication is very hard. He has a big ego and thinks he does nothing wrong...so its hard for me to talk to him when im feeling something. He forced me to go shopping on Friday I guess to try and ease his guilt about making me cry.

Planning on getting ready and going downtown to look at christmas lights or something by myself. Maybe ill feel more grounded

[bcrdukes]

Bake me a cake.

Please.

[dapperfied]

[CorneringArtist]

There must be a red flag over my head that says I'm not even worth a look. Literally zero responses trying online shit, even with effort.

I'm ready to kill myself by 30 if this keeps up.

[TOS'd]

Originally Posted by CorneringArtist

There must be a red flag over my head that says I'm not even worth a look. Literally zero responses trying online shit, even with effort.

I'm ready to kill myself by 30 if this keeps up.

Please don't. Didn't you get a reply on EME right away? What became of that?

[MSREE]

Originally Posted by CorneringArtist

There must be a red flag over my head that says I'm not even worth a look. Literally zero responses trying online shit, even with effort.

I'm ready to kill myself by 30 if this keeps up.

Are you sure it's worth it to talk like that?

As someone who has attempted suicide at 15 y/o, I can tell you that what you're complaining about is temporary and fixable, while death is certain.

If you're serious, I suggest that you get professional help immediately. If you're saying it to get attention, smarten up.

If you can't even respect yourself, why would you expect other people to?

[BIC_BAWS]

Sometimes its not about getting attention, even though it might not be as serious as you think it is. I remember at like 13/14/15/16, I've contemplated it many times. But it turned out I really just liked the pain of making myself hurt and thinking about whether or not people would miss me.

Fact is, people are going to miss you. Even the people that you didn't think would care, are going to miss you. And it's selfish to put them through that. I think the best advice I got was when I was contemplating it and my buddy told, if you're going to say that, go walk into the middle of the street right now (and wait to get hit). That's kinda when I realized I didn't want to die.

Like MSREE said, professional help is the best case scenario. Even if that's not what you're looking for, sometimes its nice to just talk to someone or write it out somewhere, then destroy it.

Originally Posted by MSREE

Are you sure it's worth it to talk like that?

As someone who has attempted suicide at 15 y/o, I can tell you that what you're complaining about is temporary and fixable, while death is certain.

If you're serious, I suggest that you get professional help immediately. If you're saying it to get attention, smarten up.

If you can't even respect yourself, why would you expect other people to?

Anyone good at analyzing dreams here? I feel like it might be because I've been eating mangos and vaping before bed.

I've been having really realistic, vivid, detail oriented, and generally fucked up dreams for the past three consecutive days. It was so bad that the best sleep I got was when I got shitfaced last night and passed out on the bathroom floor for 12 hours.

Dream 1:
It was one of those dreams where you couldn't tell what was reality. And it incorporated the two exams that I actually had that day. Might be because I was reading the thread about grudges.

-start dream-
I dreamt that my dad passed away. In my dream, I found out the news as I was going to school for an exam, so when I got to school, I told the prof and left. I skipped the exam and cried with someone. And then since I skipped the exam and given the news, I went home to sleep and not study.

-briefly woke up- Then I woke up and was really shaken up, went back to sleep.

I had a continuing dream where I woke up in the dream and was wondering if I just had a nightmare and freaked out cause I had an exam I didn't study for. I then asked my kid brother if it was true - that dad had passed away, and it wasn't just a nightmare. In the dream, my kid brother told me it was true. And then in this continuing dream, I learned more details about how my dad passed away.
-end dream-

I think what's really screwed up was how real it felt. And that I had a dream within a dream, within a dream. And that my best friend just went through this, but in real life.

The thing is I never really had a good relationship with my dad. And as a child/teen that really screwed me up. And at that point in my life, I was led to believe that he didn't love me or that he never wanted to me to be alive. I remember my mother telling me that when I was born, my father looked like he lost the potential for all of his dreams. I killed his dreams. Frankly, I have a strong dislike for my father. But given that dream. Big wake up call? I remember in the dream, I was thinking, I wish I had one more day to tell him everything I wanted to and was I a good enough son? This dream made me reconsider my relationship with him.

Dream 2:
This dream happened the night after Dream 1.

-Start Dream-
This time I dreamt that I got Belle back (LMAO WTF). And my parents caught me in bed with her, and the whole fiasco with how my dad's an asshole. And dad was saying shit like no sex before marriage and like what if you get her pregnant etc.

But I kept dreaming about how we would see each other regardless of if my parents liked it or not.
-End Dream-

Well what's weird is that I didn't really see Belle's face. But it was a detailed dream, like I could feel the softness of her skin and the feeling of her lips.

What's even more weird is that I had a similar dream about my ex, a long time ago. But in both cases it felt so real, to the point of being able to feel their warmth and touch of their skin.

Tbh not sure why I dreamed about Belle LOL.

Dream 3
Non existent had the best sleep ever, until I woke up. I got shitfaced on 3 hapa izakaya bamboo pitchers of sake and ended up on the bathroom floor for 12 hours, while puking for 4 hours. Oh how I wished I stopped drinking when I hit my limit. But no, I was being stupid and finished the sake. Oh but I did end up drunk texting Belle LOL. And she replied, but I didn't see it until I was sober rip.

I honestly don't understand how people go out every weekend and do this. Either I started way too early, built my tolerance up, and stopped. Or I just can't do this high school style drinking anymore. I contemplating calling an ambulance last night. Oh and I would imagine heated floors to be a blessing.

[UnknownJinX]

Originally Posted by Tone Loc

For me, my confidence now comes from being happy with myself. I look at the mirror now, and I like what I see. Of course, I don't think of myself as perfect and I know I have lots to work on, but for the first time in many years I am proud of who I am.

In that 4-year longtermer that I was in, I was extremely unhappy with myself. It's not one of those things that I knew while in the relationship, but when shit hit the fan I began to see through the fog so to speak.

I was 22, plodding through school and taking forever to get my degree, putting my dream career on hold because my ex didn't want me to relocate for it, gaining weight and quit going to the gym, not spending very much time with my own friends...

And then we broke up, and on top of all of that shit I was now alone.

At that point I decided it was time for a change:

- I went back to the gym and lost 40 pounds in about 6 months of heavy working out and a serious diet.

- I pushed myself harder to take more courses and get my degree, which I did by Dec 2016.

- I applied for my "dream job", and I got in. I had to relocate to Toronto for it, but I'm super stoked that I'm doing something I love, and that it's a career with benefits and a pension and job security... not bad for being 24!

- Needless to say I moved out of my parents house, and now am fully independent. I had to borrow some $$ from the bank of mom and dad for furniture, pots/pans and all of that stuff, but I'm on the road to paying it all back. I'm much better with money and budgeting now.

- I began going out more with my friends and spending time with the boys. Super positive change. Also started spending lots of time with my family which was really beneficial in improving our dynamic.

It is all of those positive changes that made me feel confident enough to approach women, because I felt that I was finally bringing something to the table and that I was proud of who I was. My attitude was "your loss" if I got rejected, because my perception of self-worth greatly increased.

My point is, a lot of those changes happened BECAUSE I was single, and because I realized that confidence, and being happy with oneself, all that jazz, comes from YOU. And I realized I needed to make a lot of changes in order for me to be happy with me.

When you're happy with yourself, people take notice. And believe me, they like it.

The more I read what you have to say, the more I realize that this is probably what I should do.

I should just focus on making myself better and improving myself. I talked to my dad and he really encouraged me to get a personal trainer, which I am going to do next year. I suppose this is my New Year resolution.

Should also talk to more people, just as friends. You never know what will happen.

Originally Posted by CorneringArtist

There must be a red flag over my head that says I'm not even worth a look. Literally zero responses trying online shit, even with effort.

I'm ready to kill myself by 30 if this keeps up.

How did the Noob and Stock meet go? Did you make it?

I hope you talk to a professional if you have thoughts like this often.

And like Tone Loc said, you gotta realize you don't need a relationship to be happy and have a good life. Focus on improving yourself and good things will come to you.

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Sometimes its not about getting attention, even though it might not be as serious as you think it is. I remember at like 13/14/15/16, I've contemplated it many times. But it turned out I really just liked the pain of making myself hurt and thinking about whether or not people would miss me.

Fact is, people are going to miss you. Even the people that you didn't think would care, are going to miss you. And it's selfish to put them through that. I think the best advice I got was when I was contemplating it and my buddy told, if you're going to say that, go walk into the middle of the street right now (and wait to get hit). That's kinda when I realized I didn't want to die.

Like MSREE said, professional help is the best case scenario. Even if that's not what you're looking for, sometimes its nice to just talk to someone or write it out somewhere, then destroy it.

Anyone good at analyzing dreams here? I feel like it might be because I've been eating mangos and vaping before bed.

I've been having really realistic, vivid, detail oriented, and generally fucked up dreams for the past three consecutive days. It was so bad that the best sleep I got was when I got shitfaced last night and passed out on the bathroom floor for 12 hours.

Never had the thought of suicide. Guess I have a silly, yet optimistic side that keeps me up. And yeah, the thought of killing myself will probably break my grandparents' hearts.

I haven't had dreams for a while now. That, or I don't remember any I had recently.

Also haven't really drunk much alcohol since I started doing some late night driving. Even when I drink, I never get too drunk. Last time I got really drunk was at the Frosh.

[CorneringArtist]

Originally Posted by TOS'd

Please don't. Didn't you get a reply on EME right away? What became of that?

Lost interest, bot, or ghosted, take your pick. The sad reality is that expectation only leads to resentment.

However, being left in a spot where I have no friends I can truly trust anymore, and unable to reach out has me contemplating giving up completely if nothing changes, and the last time I tried professional help, it was ten years ago and didn't help at all. Falling into the crowd of being unable to trust them is the main problem, even if it's their job.q There's been no variety in my life outside of job changes, and going to Japan in March is the only pause button I'll have had in seven years.

As for the meet, it was familiar faces for the most part.

[XplicitLuder]

I wish i could say ending what we had , i wouldnt miss you. But i'd be lying if i said i dont miss you.

Youll always have a spot in my heart, and i do hope we can be there for eachother whenever we need a friend to talk to, but Im trying to grow up , better myself, and truly enjoying being in my own skin.

I got some goals i AM going to achieve by this time next year, and its time to start working on becoming the best me possible

[MSREE]

Back to being a housewife lol
It was nice working for 2 days
Gotta remember everything happens for a reason and even though Im frustrated that my health stuff is getting in the way, I need to listen to my body. Whatever will be, will be.

[GS8]

Originally Posted by Tone Loc

For me, my confidence now comes from being happy with myself. I look at the mirror now, and I like what I see. Of course, I don't think of myself as perfect and I know I have lots to work on, but for the first time in many years I am proud of who I am.

In that 4-year longtermer that I was in, I was extremely unhappy with myself. It's not one of those things that I knew while in the relationship, but when shit hit the fan I began to see through the fog so to speak.

I was 22, plodding through school and taking forever to get my degree, putting my dream career on hold because my ex didn't want me to relocate for it, gaining weight and quit going to the gym, not spending very much time with my own friends...

And then we broke up, and on top of all of that shit I was now alone.

At that point I decided it was time for a change:

- I went back to the gym and lost 40 pounds in about 6 months of heavy working out and a serious diet.

- I pushed myself harder to take more courses and get my degree, which I did by Dec 2016.

- I applied for my "dream job", and I got in. I had to relocate to Toronto for it, but I'm super stoked that I'm doing something I love, and that it's a career with benefits and a pension and job security... not bad for being 24!

- Needless to say I moved out of my parents house, and now am fully independent. I had to borrow some $$ from the bank of mom and dad for furniture, pots/pans and all of that stuff, but I'm on the road to paying it all back. I'm much better with money and budgeting now.

- I began going out more with my friends and spending time with the boys. Super positive change. Also started spending lots of time with my family which was really beneficial in improving our dynamic.

It is all of those positive changes that made me feel confident enough to approach women, because I felt that I was finally bringing something to the table and that I was proud of who I was. My attitude was "your loss" if I got rejected, because my perception of self-worth greatly increased.

My point is, a lot of those changes happened BECAUSE I was single, and because I realized that confidence, and being happy with oneself, all that jazz, comes from YOU. And I realized I needed to make a lot of changes in order for me to be happy with me.

When you're happy with yourself, people take notice. And believe me, they like it.

This is more or less my story as well. But add to that, I've been meditating for 10 years. I'm not talking about white-wash yoga type stuff. I'm talking deep-within-the-bowels-of-the-brain level stuff. You won't believe how much dead mental weight I shed. I felt so much lighter than before and my confidence shot up. Also gave up people and things I felt were bringing me down and never looked back.

And like Tone said, it's when you're happy and positive that people notice. You'd be surprised how we subconsciously pass off our emotions in conversations with others. I've had completely different friends tell me things about myself I never knew but they gauged just by talking with me. It's very easy to pass off a good or bad mood to someone but most people don't want a bad mood so they guard themselves. A good mood, however is infectious so when people see you happy, they are happy for you. Your happiness can also inspire them to better themselves.

If you feel life is starting to suck, TAKE UP HOBBIES. I can't stress this enough. If you sit on social media all day and mope about why you're life isn't as great as others, ALT + F4 that shit and take up something productive. You don't even have to be good at the hobbies you choose. Just get out there and do something.

[Tone Loc]

Originally Posted by UnknownJinX

should just focus on making myself better and improving myself. I talked to my dad and he really encouraged me to get a personal trainer, which I am going to do next year. I suppose this is my New Year resolution.

Should also talk to more people, just as friends. You never know what will happen.

I'm glad you're willing to try it out. Nothing bad ever came from a person who wanted to better themselves. Also, you're 100% right about the "talk to more people" thing, the more friends you make, the more you'll have things to do, and when you're out doing random stuff greatly increases your chances of meeting more people.... maybe one of them could be someone special. Who knows? And even if you don't meet someone special you'll have some hella good times to reminisce on.

Originally Posted by GS8

If you feel life is starting to suck, TAKE UP HOBBIES. I can't stress this enough. If you sit on social media all day and mope about why you're life isn't as great as others, ALT + F4 that shit and take up something productive. You don't even have to be good at the hobbies you choose. Just get out there and do something.

Props to you for mentioning it because I totally forgot. This is huge! Occupy your time with fun and exciting things instead of staring at your phone or computer all day. For me, I had the gym but I also got into digital photography when it was nice out. Was a great way to go out by myself, explore the city, and be alone with my thoughts.

Plus, most hobbies make for amazing conversation starters/openers...

On the topic of suicide, if you're truly meaning it, please seek help. I contemplated suicide many times in my early teenage years due to being bullied constantly (who knew being fat, nerdy, AND the new kid was a bad combo?) as well as when one of my exes - who was also my best friend for 4 years prior to us dating - got drunk and cheated on me during university.

Obviously, I don't know what you're going through, but I do know that there are people who are willing to listen. Talking about things makes a huge difference, and ultimately that was what stopped me from going over the edge were the caring words and thoughts, and listening ears, of my loved ones. Hell, shoot me a PM if you really want to talk. If I can help just one person to avoid the path that I nearly took, I'm happy to be paying things forward.

Like I've been constantly stressing, if you're unhappy single what makes you think you'll be suddenly happy in a relationship? Every relationship I've ever had tested me mentally and emotionally more than being single ever did. Being single gave me the opportunity to be free from those stressors and focus on the barebones "me". If anything, being in a relationship whilst having pre-existing issues will just make things worse. Gotta figure that shit out on your own first, or with the help of friends and family.