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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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05-22-2018, 11:13 AM
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#24126 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Vancouver
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS  Thanks guys  we actually kind of touched on the subject before we started going out on dates/seeing each other, since we've been talking for about over a month now. And neither of us like to sleep around or see two people at one time. (I personally did that once, and that was a shit show LOL). She says she doesn't do open relationships, so does that automatically make us exclusive? Aka i shouldn't go be an asshole and see other girls (not like that would happen anyway)?
Through hard and soft requirements, I've eliminated playing games. I have no tolerance for it, yet the whatever im in, seems boring without games. Yikes.
After our first date (Friday), she did mention that she'd like to hang out more, instead of going on dates, because she doesn't want date nights to feel like every other night. But at the same time, she previously mentioned that if it's a date, it has to be specified? I'm confused. And she also mentioned that we're not seeing each other, but we kind of are. | If she says you're "kind of" seeing each other then it's still open, imo?? Like it doesn't mean she's actively seeking someone out but the option is there if the opportunity presents itself. Sounds like she's not sure about you yet and feeling you out.
A good rule of thumb to go by is just treat them how you'd want to be treated in return. If you would feel shitty if you found out she was also dating someone else then don't do it. When you really want to know if you guys are exclusive just ask her lol it seems like that's what she wants done.
Basically what she's saying is if it's a date you need to literally say "let's go on a date" right? So that could be you guys having a meal then doing an activity. Then a regular hang out would be something more chill where you guys could like hang out in sweats or comfy clothes? Like watch TV or Netflix?
I'm like that in a way lol. Me and my bf hang out all the time since we live together but we rarely go on dates cuz hes always prepping for his shows. So I've told him now that if he wants to take me on a date he needs to clarify its a date cuz otherwise it doesn't feel like a date. Weird right??
Anyways sounds like she's setting it up in a way that if you want it to move further you need to ask her directly so she will never have to be the one to ask "what are we?".
Last edited by MSREE; 05-22-2018 at 11:21 AM.
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05-22-2018, 11:45 AM
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#24127 | | reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Vancouver
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS Thanks guys we actually kind of touched on the subject before we started going out on dates/seeing each other, since we've been talking for about over a month now. And neither of us like to sleep around or see two people at one time. (I personally did that once, and that was a shit show LOL). She says she doesn't do open relationships, so does that automatically make us exclusive? Aka i shouldn't go be an asshole and see other girls (not like that would happen anyway)?
Through hard and soft requirements, I've eliminated playing games. I have no tolerance for it, yet the whatever im in, seems boring without games. Yikes.
After our first date (Friday), she did mention that she'd like to hang out more, instead of going on dates, because she doesn't want date nights to feel like every other night. But at the same time, she previously mentioned that if it's a date, it has to be specified? I'm confused. And she also mentioned that we're not seeing each other, but we kind of are. | That just means hang out as a friend. Nothing more. I would say go out and see other girls if that`s her attitude. Like she said she likes to hang out more and not no dates. You only `Hang out`with friends.
Also are you paying for everything when you guys go out? If you do then stop because she is saying hang out meaning she should pay for her share.
To me she is testing waters. That's fine but keep in mind if someone better than you comes along you are going to get the boot. So why pay for her and only see her? If someone you like more comes your way go for it. She didn't want to date you just yet so is fair game.
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05-22-2018, 01:08 PM
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#24128 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Vancouver
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FRIENDZONED.
NEXXXXTTTTTTT
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05-22-2018, 05:28 PM
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#24129 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Vancouver
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I told her if one is interested, they will try their best to make some sort of free time. "Maybe next week or week after", I wasn't sure how to take it as.
Then she tells she keeps her schedule as ''busy" as possible and then lists out her plans for the entire week on what she is occupied with. She doesn't plan to move her schedule around to accommodate anyone and that she ain't here for chit chat, and wants to build a connection with someone.
So how the fuck do you build a connection/meet/find someone with all that said above...
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05-22-2018, 05:52 PM
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#24130 | | I subscribe to the Fight Club ONLY
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: BC, HK, USA
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Originally Posted by Euro7r I
So how the fuck do you build a connection/meet/find someone with all that said above... | dont you hate that shit.. and people complain they really want to settle and meet a nice guy yet all they do is "me me me" time.
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05-22-2018, 08:30 PM
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#24131 | | MiX iT Up!
Join Date: May 2006 Location: vancouver
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Originally Posted by Euro7r I told her if one is interested, they will try their best to make some sort of free time. "Maybe next week or week after", I wasn't sure how to take it as.
Then she tells she keeps her schedule as ''busy" as possible and then lists out her plans for the entire week on what she is occupied with. She doesn't plan to move her schedule around to accommodate anyone and that she ain't here for chit chat, and wants to build a connection with someone.
So how the fuck do you build a connection/meet/find someone with all that said above... | did you ask her that question? i would throw that in there casually.
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"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt | |
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05-22-2018, 08:56 PM
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#24132 | | reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Vancouver
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Originally Posted by Euro7r I told her if one is interested, they will try their best to make some sort of free time. "Maybe next week or week after", I wasn't sure how to take it as.
Then she tells she keeps her schedule as ''busy" as possible and then lists out her plans for the entire week on what she is occupied with. She doesn't plan to move her schedule around to accommodate anyone and that she ain't here for chit chat, and wants to build a connection with someone.
So how the fuck do you build a connection/meet/find someone with all that said above... | That's BS if she likes someone she WILL MAKE TIME! Even it means less sleep, skipping her yoga class etc etc.... there is always a way if she wants to make time for you. To me her attitude is I don't care about you.
If I were I would say something like since you are so busy when is the next available appointment you are free so I can book it? Is it a week? a month or a year? Make it sound as condescending as possible.
If she doesn't like then leave. She isn't respecting you at all.
Here is what you should do. Stop every form of communication with her till she reaches out for you. Even then don't sound like super happy or hyper just reply with a few words that doesn't express any feelings. Basically show you that you are piss at her and don't give a f about her. Make her feel sorry for what she did. If she doesn't message you in a week move on.
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05-22-2018, 09:06 PM
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#24133 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Vancouver
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I indirectly addressed her comment on "maybe next week or the week after" to meet up after I asked her when she is available. I didn't want to/planned to come off as being a jerk by calling her out directly. I did say that I understand everyone has their own schedules in life and busy, but if one is interested, they'll try their best to make a "little" time. Also I said please don't take it the wrong way, just that as adults I am being straight up transparent with how I see things and that I am open to hearing your thoughts about it.
She did apologize if she came off as not interested in meeting, so I give her credit back on that; however, the rest is BS? Her schedule busy for like who knows when and she doesn't want to accommodate/move her schedule around to free up time for someone that she doesn't know.
In conclusion, I don't see what her point of messaging me in the first place if one can't/doesn't want to even make time. E.g. Works during day, doesn't want to meet at night because she doesn't want to, weekend she has plans with friends. So...what the fuck? lol
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05-22-2018, 09:53 PM
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#24134 | | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Vancouver
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DId you two have a prior history? It sure sound like she wants to make a connection with someone but unfornately that’s not you.
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05-23-2018, 10:24 AM
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#24135 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
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Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp That just means hang out as a friend. Nothing more. I would say go out and see other girls if that`s her attitude. Like she said she likes to hang out more and not no dates. You only `Hang out`with friends.
Also are you paying for everything when you guys go out? If you do then stop because she is saying hang out meaning she should pay for her share.
To me she is testing waters. That's fine but keep in mind if someone better than you comes along you are going to get the boot. So why pay for her and only see her? If someone you like more comes your way go for it. She didn't want to date you just yet so is fair game. | Yeah that's my perspective on it too. I replied with, sure, we can do more casual things and hang out, but I only want to spend time, alone, with you.
Paid for the 1st date, cause that was an actual date. And then dutch from there.
That last part, I used to do that all the time. But ended up burning bridges along the way. It's pretty fucking annoying, they don't want you when you want them, but once you've got a good thing going on with someone else, they come right back and complain about how you did xyz to them. Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 dont you hate that shit.. and people complain they really want to settle and meet a nice guy yet all they do is "me me me" time. | Yes I hate that shit, it's really fucking annoying. "Oh i want someone who will treat me right, but I like assholes (who are nice)". To me, that just sounds like someone that wants to be spanked. I should've spanked her LMAO. Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp That's BS if she likes someone she WILL MAKE TIME! | This. Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp Here is what you should do. Stop every form of communication with her till she reaches out for you. Even then don't sound like super happy or hyper just reply with a few words that doesn't express any feelings. Basically show you that you are piss at her and don't give a f about her. Make her feel sorry for what she did. If she doesn't message you in a week move on. | This is kinda what I'm planning to do as well. I was kind of ticked off yesterday, cause while I was driving us to Cypress (to see the sunset - and for me to do some spirited driving), she was playing a phone game the entire time. And while we talk so freely and frequently on text, she's really fucking boring irl. Like I'm the type of person that will never stop talking, ask anyone. Yet, I ran out of things to say.
She mentioned that she's not entirely comfortable with me yet, and that's fair. I'm a really extroverted and open, so I can talk about anything, and I know that most people aren't me. She's introverted, and generally it's hard and tiring for introverts to talk. But I feel like she could at least try to make conversation.
I'm looking for someone to stay the night/love in all the wrong places (Tinder). On a side note, my life is good now, and while I like my linkedin being empty (aka my achievements hidden), I do want someone to share my life with, ya know?
Yes dapperfield, I'm being a fucking pussy LMAO.
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05-23-2018, 09:03 PM
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#24136 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Vancouver
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Originally Posted by threezero DId you two have a prior history? It sure sound like she wants to make a connection with someone but unfornately that’s not you. | No. We started chatting last Sunday and so far only exchanged a few messages, which were pretty simple. Then I asked her to meet up.
If she didn't want to connect with me, she could have straight up said no. Plus she claims she ain't here to chit chat but to find a connection. But I don't think she is at all serious based on how she can't make time to meet.
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05-24-2018, 03:23 AM
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#24137 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
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So I have two options, not give a shit about her and wait for someone else to take my chance, OR I'd like to suggest to do a timed trial. 1 month, we give it all we got for one month, and if it doesn't work, we cut our losses.
What do you guys think?
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05-24-2018, 07:28 AM
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#24138 | | I subscribe to the Fight Club ONLY
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: BC, HK, USA
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time trial? wtf... this is relationship we are talking about here. Of course it'll be rainbows and unicorns for the 1st 3 weeks; you'll end up getting a summer fling and maybe getting laid and getting to be booty call?
Just gotta set your expectations straight.
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05-24-2018, 08:58 AM
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#24139 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Vancouver
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05-24-2018, 12:46 PM
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#24140 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: /
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS She's really fucking boring irl. Like I'm the type of person that will never stop talking, ask anyone. Yet, I ran out of things to say. | From my experience, a lot of girls are just terrible at communicating in person. If being able to have mentally engaging talks with your SO is important for you. I wouldn't settle for someone who is super boring irl. It'll make you go fucking insane, especially when you go out to eat and their on their phone the entire time. Makes you rather just go grab food/drinks with the guys. 
Sounds like you should cut your losses and keep her as a friend, since she seems super boring to you anyways.
On the other note, how important is it for you guys to have a SO who is career driven. Seems like tons of girls in Vancouver just stay in retail/customer service.
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05-24-2018, 12:59 PM
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#24141 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Vancouver
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Retail/Customer service, aren't those just gold diggas?
I want the mother of my children to be a role model, not a basic bitch getting by with one household income lol.
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05-24-2018, 01:02 PM
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#24142 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Vancouver
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Don't girls in Vancouver just marry rich fobs and end up being clais driving bentaygas? 
Girls I've met all seem to either want to do nothing but travel or do something finance related
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05-24-2018, 01:30 PM
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#24143 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: /
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Originally Posted by dapperfied Retail/Customer service, aren't those just gold diggas? | Haha, that's so true. They like to flex on snapchat/IG by taking pictures of their designer bags or the steering wheel of their base-model cla250 that daddy bought.
Fortunately they can sustain it all with a <$30k income because they have no expenses and can technically live at home forever. But those who are more fortunate, have a condo waiting for them to move in whenever they like. Quote:
Originally Posted by SpeedStars Girls I've met all seem to either want to do nothing but travel or do something finance related | �� Where do you find all them girls
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05-24-2018, 01:41 PM
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#24144 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Vancouver
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∆∆ Tinder 
Girls with career driven mindsets who are actually busy, rarely have time to meet people otherwise...
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05-24-2018, 01:42 PM
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#24145 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: revscene
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Originally Posted by Gerbs On the other note, how important is it for you guys to have a SO who is career driven. Seems like tons of girls in Vancouver just stay in retail/customer service. | BCIT has shaped me to become a very goal-driven person. While at BCIT, making it through the day is an accomplishment, let alone the semester. As a result, my ideal SO would support my constant need for having to achieve and learn new things.
But most girls in Van are just shallow, and idk if I'm expecting too much at 21 for people to actually understand having responsibilities and a drive to succeed/improve. I hate stagnation.
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05-24-2018, 02:10 PM
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#24146 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
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Not that anyone I knew noticed, but there's a nice feeling of quitting facebook to reveal who decided to keep in touch...even if its for one-sided favors that I know I will never get a return on.
At least the main thing blowing up my phone is Chinese robocalls instead of seeing facebook bullshit from people that toss you away once they're done with you.
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Borokusowagen.
Last edited by CorneringArtist; 05-24-2018 at 02:16 PM.
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05-24-2018, 02:38 PM
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#24147 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: /
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS I'm expecting too much at 21 for people to actually understand having responsibilities and a drive to succeed/improve. I hate stagnation. | I feel the same. It helps a lot when you surround yourself with people who are driven to succeed. I'm glad to see myself lose contact with people from high school who hasn't really done anything with their lives.
One of my pet peeves are girls who actually like to flaunt that their lazy, always tired, or being a potato. We all have 24 hours in a day, make it count.
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05-24-2018, 05:20 PM
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#24148 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Vancouver
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I think its more comes down to your values and what you determine as successful by your standards no?
I was never able to finish school because my parents couldnt afford it and I worked customer service for a long time and I helped my family as much as I could. I may not be successful but Ive always prided myself in being able to help my parents and pay for family dinners when 30 of us get together. When I visited my brother who is 6 years older than me, i was able to pay for everything we did and buy him groceries for after I left. Now hes making better money, he buys me gifts from Holt Renfrew and I dont even shop there for myself lol. When I go out with my friends, I pay the whole bill and Ill do it happily. So when I havent been able to work, everybody remembered that and they didnt hesitate in taking care of me when they invite me out.
My hubs made minimum wage when I met him but I helped him and when he got promoted, I was able to not work for 2 years now.
Just because a somebody works in retail/customer service doesnt mean theyre useless. They might have their money right, a good head on their shoulders and treat people in their life very well, and who are you to judge them as a person based on the title of their job?
I think its more about who the person is on the inside. Id rather have a SO with the same values as me than someone who's successful on paper but our values dont align. Just my opinion though
Last edited by MSREE; 05-24-2018 at 05:26 PM.
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05-24-2018, 05:29 PM
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#24149 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Vancouver DT
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something is better than nothing at all.
I guess vancouver'ers have the mindset to date exclusively if you're in the same "Wealth" class.
i would honestly feel bad for anyone struggling to make ends meet in such an expensive city.
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Fly Your Own Flag.
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05-24-2018, 09:58 PM
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#24150 | | I subscribe to the Fight Club ONLY
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: BC, HK, USA
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*not trying to pick a bone, but I always tell my teens to define struggling. I see people "struggling" yet they are using their iphones, spending 100 for cable, 100 for internet, 100 for cell phone bills, eating out all the time and doesn't try to find a full time job and complain being stuck working at retail 2 days a week.
I volunteer and serve at the downtown east side and those who are less fortunate are the true struggling class.
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