Speak it Out

[Badhobz]

There’s no fucking cons ! Only pros!

[Badhobz]

Originally Posted by AstulzerRZD

IMO it's way easier for a girl to socialize, climb, and break into new circles so the #1 quality I look for in most girls is their ability to empathize and connect with others.

Da fuck ? Why ?

You want some harlot that goes around connecting with everyone and anyone ? Yah no thanks. I rather have a more conservative woman (for dating / relationships) than some bubbly bimbo who looks like she can gobble cock at a moments notice. I’ve dated those bimbos / sluts before and it’s fun for a bit but it’s tiresome in the long run.

That’s why I love my spy balloon. Shes perfect ! She’s a sassy, balls breaking, cunt that’s completely genuine. She can barely keep on the facade of not yelling at the poors around her and her lame ass insecurities makes me laugh all the time. No fucking way she can empathize with people, she’s very much like me in the sense she don’t give a rats ass about most people outside her family. Like I said she’s perfect!

It’s the only reason I don’t have a harem of hookers over at my place or why I don’t bang the office sluts around me. 16 years I’ve been with this woman and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

[mikemhg]

I kinda agree to Badhobz, but not entirely.

I like a girl that can get along with people, make conversation and be engaging, I don't want to be the one who always has to drive the conversations when we're at a party or out with other couples, so that's important.

At the same time, don't be too extra. We just came back from Pendrell Sound around Desolation Sound on my friend's yacht. My buddy is an older fella, and he brought along 2 of his sugar babies (they're escorts). I got a little annoyed how hard my GF was trying to be all buddy buddy with the slags, taking selfies, over giggling and being giddy at crap. I gave her a few hard eyerolls over the course of the weekend

[68style]

Originally Posted by AstulzerRZD

+ the ability to be socially aware enough to have an engaging conversation that makes us feel good about inviting someone to something or get invited

power couple in my eyes is being able to figure out the most interesting people in every room and hang out with em again

imo if the girl isn't able to do this, what am I investing my own energy / time / resources for?

This wasn't exactly what I was thinking when I said empathy... I was thinking more like they have the ability to self-reflect or imagine themselves in the shoes of another person or they don't just think there's only 1 way for anything to go.

I'm sure we are just at different stages in life, but I sure as heck don't need anyone who can network and raise our social or professional status at this point. I don't see social engagements as opportunities anymore, although I remember a time when I did.

[CivicBlues]

Be careful dating/marrying social climbers, they're just going to climb over your ass one day if you stumble or don't give a fuck about climbing anymore.

[AstulzerRZD]

Originally Posted by CivicBlues

Be careful dating/marrying social climbers, they're just going to climb over your ass one day if you stumble or don't give a fuck about climbing anymore.

dw i'm the more climby one out of the two of us
she's just really good with people

[FOREVER]

Seeing that drmike vs anthony espinosa thread again has inspired me.

I'm going to legal up to get my money back


edit: not Anthony Espinosa but someone else

[bcrdukes]

Wait, what? Get your money back from Anthony Espinosa or is this unrelated?

[68style]

Enough relationships, when do we discuss bcrdukes gender?

[FOREVER]

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

Wait, what? Get your money back from Anthony Espinosa or is this unrelated?

Unrelated, but get money back from someone ** LOL

I should edit my previous post

[bcrdukes]

Originally Posted by 68style

Enough relationships, when do we discuss bcrdukes gender?

[GLOW]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

why I don’t bang the office sluts around me.

you mean the 80+ yo secretary?!

[Badhobz]

No, we have a kabal of super skanks running around the office. HR has a sick joke of hiring them to fill diversity quotas. It’s so bad they’ve started to run in herds and they all hate each other.

They terrify me as I’m pretty sure anything I say will be considered harassment so I just pretend I don’t speak English and hide out with my old bitch gatekeeper.

She’s great at chasing them away

[BIC_BAWS]

Next on the list of "introspective" updates while stoned on creative weed:

So I decided to start dating again or at least actually try to go out for dates, instead of matching, chatting and not feeling like meeting up (re: losing the "light" in me). And it was time to stop beating myself up over past mistakes that led to COMPLICATED situationships.

Anyway, the reason why I'm writing here is because I wanted to share my shock about "adult" dating or rather post-quarter life crisis dating. I'm shocked that setting boundaries - for yourself actually works. My motto right now, as cringey as it sounds it, do it for the plot - what do I have to lose? If all else fails, it's practice (thanks hobz), it's not the end of the world. It is however if I don't keep practicing lol. Weird how fear works.

Anyway in terms of boundaries, I'm trying to take it slow and, for once, not go 0-100. I'm taking into consideration, "attachment styles" which tbh I thought was bogus but apparently not. I learned that it's important to me that a woman has a good relationship with her family, not for the familial aspect, but more like the daddy issue girls are smt and the "trauma" from it.. is not it. I think I'll avoid introducing alcohol in the first few dates as in the past I found that this chick and I only vibed if we were drinking LOL.

It really puts into perspective the intentional aspect of things as I'm learning that if I keep it lowkey and don't overshare (why else am I here) it makes it really low commitment, low effort, low investment. Definitely the benefit of that is not feeling like you're "losing" something. I can't do the dating in abundance thing as it feels disingenuous.. almost like networking to an extent. OTOH, it's a bit of a catch-22. It makes things easier, but I'm almost withholding (?), not allowing myself to really get to know each other. My argument for this is that it's supposed to be done in person on several dates, not on text. I limit texts and get to the point, not as a game, but more like I don't care to talk for a week and not end up going out with them. Also interestingly, I stopped oversharing the "i don't play games" thing. I almost feel like it's bare minimum as a human being.

I always thought "manifesting" was bullshit but I guess if you can envision what you want, you can build towards it. Anyway I have vision of a future, idk what but it's out there, so that's cool.

[donk.]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

I limit texts and get to the point, not as a game, but more like I don't care to talk for a week and not end up going out with them.

Man, this is like the worst part of "modern" dating, when you dont get a number in public.

Online dating..... women want to "get to know you" over an entire week or month by text before they will even go out with you, if at all.
If you say lets go out on the first day, heck, even first week sometimes, your automatically flagged as desperate or mentally unstable more than half the time.

Some of them are just bored, and use you for entertainment.

The funny part is when they vet you for an entire week over text, then you meet up, and they turn out to have a beer gut, or a kid + alcohol rehab past that they never brought up.

Spoiler!

but those stories are for another time lol

Spoiler!

above two references was actually a single person

So you end up leaving the date early, feeling stupid that you spent and entire week talking when it could have been resolved on minute 10 of meeting in person.

God speed bicbaws, may 2025 be the year for you

[red kryptonite]

good for you for getting back in the game. just like the lotto, u gotta be in it to win it.

[mikemhg]

I've been out the game for a minute now in a long-term relationship, but the worst thing I had noticed when you're getting back into the dating game in your 30s is the amount of baggage people have at that age. It's something you weren't abreast to in your 20s.

Dating in your 20s is fun -- Everything is new, girls don't have a bunch of trust issues and trauma, there's no expectations because we're all young and just having a good time.

But man, when you get into the game again in your 30s, it's a completely different story. We become calcified into our own ways and habits, we're less malleable, our expectations are more defined and rigid.

Add into that trust issues, trauma, prior relationship strife, it all adds to a very different experience.

[BIC_BAWS]

I briefly touched on this in my adventure thread, or at least the beginnings of this, and yeah you're right. By the time you make it to late 20s, you're already so jaded. At least I am, and that in itself plays a part in "losing the spark/light". I think the defined and rigid expectations are a result of creating boundaries to prevent previous experiences - a safety net is what it is. I guess by the time you hit 30s, you've worked so hard to make it here so it's not worth it to compromise.

I thought about this quite a bit, I guess I couldn't sleep one night and just started typing into my notes - dated Jan 16, 2024. Now, reflecting back on the below, while I thought affirmations were bullshit, it's nice to read it in a different perspective - in a different light.

Spoiler!

Mid 20's Update

I've always heard that your 20s are the golden years. They say that in your 30s, it doesn't get easier. You have different tools to solve different problems. You gain knowledge and experience. It makes it easier to be indifferent when there's so little energy to be spared for anything else. I love to live my life carefree but I see why people say that people grow to become jaded. Like everyone else, our 20s are ending soon and I'm anxious about running out of time to check boxes off.

My 20s have taught me a lot about privilege, circumstances and sacrifice. I think as I get older, I understand more and more about the sacrifices that my parents made so that I can have some privilege. Things that didn't make sense as to why they were so difficult, are suddenly just as difficult for me due to circumstance.

I am privileged to have gotten to experience life activities where I normally wouldn't have without my parents sacrifice when I was in high school. I remember all the fights my parents would have about money and making rent, but my mom would always make sure that I get to keep going to "incentive school", so that I get to experience things like snowboarding/skiing, rock climbing, and other various outdoor activities. I never could have imagined how expensive it would be. Not just the immediate financial cost, but even more so the future value opportunity cost.

I am privileged that my parents made sacrifices to ensure that I have safe and timely transportation to post-sec. Not many people in our circumstances would pay for a new car. I'm regretful that I made a big deal out of it, because it wasn't what I wanted. Ironically, I see it now when I make automotive related decisions for my brother and he doesn't appreciate it.

I am privileged to have been able to start a business with my friends right out of post sec and to have been able to live off of that for a few years. The privilege is in not having responsibilities like living expenses. I think the experience to have owned and run a business is invaluable but at the cost of my parents sanity.

I am privileged to have spent most of my money in my early 20s on cars and building my business. I've gotten to try a lot of things that a lot of people wouldn't get to in a lifetime - like building a $5K shitbox into something decent on track or buying a 40K car to take to the track. Granted, my bad luck has ironically upgraded me everytime into a newer car.

...

It feels like I'm stuck due to the consequences of circumstance. While I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head and land at my feet, it is a responsibility that I can't ever fail. I miss the days of being carefree and thinking that I have the freedom to move anywhere I want. A mortgage in your 20s feels like burden. I never understood why some people never wanted to own, since that's all that my parents want to do in their lifetime. I'm happy that we - collectively are able to do that. Yet, somehow I feel a little remorse for the burden I have taken on. A burden that makes me feel trapped. I miss being able to take risks and try new things.

I think the peak of my life was when I made a risky decision to go into full time marketing work and made very risky (and failed) investments.

I used to love talking to people and imagining different lifestyles. There was nothing I couldn't do if I put effort into it. Now, I hate having to explain my circumstances and hate feeling like it's a cop out in doing what I want. I hate that it's so easy for some people to say it, but haven't really experienced or seen a life of famililal sacrifice.

I used to think the possibilities are endless, which they are, but I have to remain grounded to the reality of circumstance. I miss being afforded the opportunity to be naive and careless. I miss having ambition but I'm now weighed down by responsibility. I wish I could sleep forever so that nothing will change but I know that the more time I waste, the more time that my parents will have to keep working and thus the less time I will have with them in the future.

Yeah I've been single for awhile, but for the most part I'm content with my life. I'm happy for the friends I have, both here and in my other social circles. I'm fortunate to have a roof over my head and have experienced more track days than any reasonable hobbyist could. I'm blessed to have experienced the stunning architecture of nature as my friends and I find new backroads to explore. Similarly to my enjoyment of small-town BC/WA, it's a welcome change and it's nice to find some perspective.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by donk.

Man, this is like the worst part of "modern" dating, when you dont get a number in public.

Online dating..... women want to "get to know you" over an entire week or month by text before they will even go out with you, if at all.
If you say lets go out on the first day, heck, even first week sometimes, your automatically flagged as desperate or mentally unstable more than half the time.

Some of them are just bored, and use you for entertainment.

The funny part is when they vet you for an entire week over text, then you meet up, and they turn out to have a beer gut, or a kid + alcohol rehab past that they never brought up.

The pool 27+ is pretty shitty, wants to text for a week or more before meeting up. People's schedules are open after week 3-4.

The pool that was 20 - 25 was down to meet-up within a day or week, lower expectations and better quality girlfriends.

[CivicBlues]

Please don't let JasonS2k find this thread...

[tiger_handheld]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

The pool 27+ is pretty shitty, wants to text for a week or more before meeting up. People's schedules are open after week 3-4.

The pool that was 20 - 25 was down to meet-up within a day or week, lower expectations and better quality girlfriends.

if they single, tf they doing for 3-4 weeks?

[mikemhg]

^Because people nowadays need to work up the courage and energy to bother going out with someone they've never met, it's where we're at nowadays.

It's easier to just text for weeks before meeting to figure out if you like them or not, then finally make the effort to actually meet up in person.

It's a crazy way to date, but here we are.

[BIC_BAWS]

What's odd is that my SOPs (for a lack of better words) doesn't align with my age group. Per Gerbs, my age group prefers to chat for weeks before meeting up. But my SOPs is to meet first and then talk more later, cause what's the point of chatting for weeks? All I see is wasted time and effort lol. The way I see it is that the less investment I put in, the less disappointment there will be haha.

Anyway, I made a few first date fumbles already lol, probably leading to the date being cut short but oh well it is what it is.

• Grabbed the wrong drink. We both got something for dine-in, a drink, and I grabbed some other lady's to-go drink.. derp.
• Talked way too much about myself. I'm finding it difficult to switch from networking mode to date mode.
• Was late.. but lowkey her fault for asking me to skip work to go on a date lmfao. Had to take a last minute call.
• Broke my personal rule - checked my phone to see if I had any urgent work emails to respond to

[Traum]

Odd as it may seem, but your first date blunders are reminding me of my own, and that definitely brought a smile to my face LOL~

These are the things that you will look back on with fond memories LOL~