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03-25-2010, 02:17 PM
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#226 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: None
Posts: 3,135
Thanked 667 Times in 265 Posts
Failed 86 Times in 39 Posts
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After school, a kid walks into a strip club with his backpack but the bouncer stops him saying " Yo kid, you're too young".
The kid then says: " My mom works here"
Last edited by G; 03-26-2010 at 10:07 AM.
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03-25-2010, 04:49 PM
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#227 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: vancouver,nbc
Posts: 72
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 6 Times in 1 Post
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So a bunch of snowboarders are sitting around hanging out.
Someone asks if you could be a mutant what would your super powers be?
Guy next to him answers "I wanna fly, go anywhere I want!"
Somebody pipes up "That's stupid, I would wanna be storm! Get to a mountain and dump snow, Fresh POW all the time!"
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03-25-2010, 09:30 PM
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#228 | | The RS Freebie guru
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: East Vancouver
Posts: 22,032
Thanked 2,491 Times in 860 Posts
Failed 137 Times in 67 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by R  After school, a kid walks into a strip club with his backpack but the bouncer stops him saying " Yo kid, you're too young".
The kid then says: " Don't worry, my mom works here" | Wat?
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03-26-2010, 08:35 AM
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#229 | | Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: richmond
Posts: 879
Thanked 2,284 Times in 186 Posts
Failed 423 Times in 115 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by garage.adrian So a bunch of snowboarders are sitting around hanging out.
Someone asks if you could be a mutant what would your super powers be?
Guy next to him answers "I wanna fly, go anywhere I want!"
Somebody pipes up "That's stupid, I would wanna be storm! Get to a mountain and dump snow, Fresh POW all the time!" | lmfao that was so bad i actually chuckled to myself.
__________________
spaghetti cakes
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03-26-2010, 09:00 AM
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#230 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
| The Dark Side of Women
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"
The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.
The woman doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you. He's dead. Show me what you bought."
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
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Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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03-26-2010, 09:08 AM
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#231 | | I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,711
Thanked 2,584 Times in 610 Posts
Failed 329 Times in 112 Posts
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^LOL terrible
What do you do when you see an amputee being hanged?
Start guessing the right letters.
__________________
<3 tos'd the troll king
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03-26-2010, 09:12 AM
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#232 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 5,541
Thanked 1,109 Times in 299 Posts
Failed 192 Times in 41 Posts
| *Racist jokes*
Don't read if you get offended easily.
Why do black people have white palms?
Why are black people like jelly beans?
What's the most confusing day in the ghetto?
What did the black kid get for Christmas? | |
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03-26-2010, 09:38 AM
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#233 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Richmond
Posts: 5,138
Thanked 2,216 Times in 510 Posts
Failed 852 Times in 132 Posts
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Why do black people stink?
So blind people can hate them too. Posted via RS Mobile | |
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03-26-2010, 10:06 AM
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#234 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Canada
Posts: 5,647
Thanked 1,816 Times in 450 Posts
Failed 4,294,967,295 Times in 173 Posts
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A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he
stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at her and says, 'Giraffe, my friend, Think about
what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the
forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!' The giraffe looks
at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the
rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit
again says, 'Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about
what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the
pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!' The elephant looks
at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and
starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up some
smack. 'Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're
doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you
will feel so good!' The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and
starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.
The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the
presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. 'Lion,' they
reprimand, 'why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us
all!' The lion answers, 'That little f**ker has me running around
the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!'
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03-26-2010, 10:08 AM
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#235 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Canada
Posts: 5,647
Thanked 1,816 Times in 450 Posts
Failed 4,294,967,295 Times in 173 Posts
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Two guys were picked up by the cops for selling drugs and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said:
You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one:
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honour, I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever."
"10 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honour. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honour, I persuaded 50 people to give up drugs forever."
"50 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison...."
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03-26-2010, 10:09 AM
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#236 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Canada
Posts: 5,647
Thanked 1,816 Times in 450 Posts
Failed 4,294,967,295 Times in 173 Posts
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sorry about post whoring, but these drug joke are too damn funny
Q: How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning
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03-26-2010, 10:39 AM
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#237 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 16,142
Thanked 627 Times in 368 Posts
Failed 1,106 Times in 390 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by iRomey What did the left vagina lip say to the right vagina lip? |  that shit is awsome lol
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03-26-2010, 10:44 AM
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#238 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 16,142
Thanked 627 Times in 368 Posts
Failed 1,106 Times in 390 Posts
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racial joke
Why is the NBA full of black ppl?
Because it always consists of "stealing, shooting, and running"
What do you say to a black priest???
Holly SHIT!!!!!
What do you say when you see a floating tv at night??
Drop it nigger
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03-27-2010, 02:04 PM
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#239 | | I wish I was where I was when I wished I was here
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: West Coast
Posts: 4,931
Thanked 3,098 Times in 733 Posts
Failed 703 Times in 219 Posts
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One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
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03-27-2010, 08:57 PM
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#240 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: May 2006 Location: PoCo
Posts: 2,062
Thanked 551 Times in 141 Posts
Failed 84 Times in 48 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Mugen EvOlutioN racial joke
What do you say when you see a floating tv at night??
Drop it nigger | What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your fridge floating in mid air?
Nothing, that's one big black dude.
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03-27-2010, 09:45 PM
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#241 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Canada
Posts: 2,327
Thanked 1,645 Times in 446 Posts
Failed 19 Times in 10 Posts
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Why are black people getting bigger and stronger? | |
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03-27-2010, 09:50 PM
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#242 | | RS controls my life!
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: vancouver
Posts: 780
Thanked 234 Times in 59 Posts
Failed 36 Times in 11 Posts
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^
Not entirley true...TV's are getting bigger but they are way lighter than before.
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03-27-2010, 11:28 PM
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#243 | | Revscene.net has a homepage?!
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: RICHMOND
Posts: 1,299
Thanked 200 Times in 76 Posts
Failed 56 Times in 20 Posts
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What do you call a muslim standing between 2 large buildings??
Ali Posted via RS Mobile | |
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03-28-2010, 04:47 PM
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#244 | | In RS I Trust
Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Mission
Posts: 20,730
Thanked 17,626 Times in 4,327 Posts
Failed 1,037 Times in 352 Posts
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
' Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?' ; ;
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
That's when Mrs. Smith fainted
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03-28-2010, 06:10 PM
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#245 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Surrey B.C
Posts: 151
Thanked 33 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 1 Time in 1 Post
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Racial jokes here. Do not read if u can't take it.
Azn guy goes to an eye doctor and lays down in the docs chair. the doctor looks at his eyes and tells him hes got bad news, hes got a catarac.
Aznriental guy says no i drive a Rincoln Continentel.
Whats the difference between a black guy and a park bench?
Whats the fastest thing on earth?
Whats a jews biggest dilemma?
Last edited by 98twofourty; 03-28-2010 at 06:26 PM.
Reason: changed wording
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03-28-2010, 06:30 PM
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#246 | | I wish I was where I was when I wished I was here
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: West Coast
Posts: 4,931
Thanked 3,098 Times in 733 Posts
Failed 703 Times in 219 Posts
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This little girl walks over to her grandmother and asks "Granny, can you show me a magic trick?" "No dear, but I think your grand father knows one." So the little girl walks over to her grandpa and asks "Grandpa, granny says you know some magic tricks, could you show me one?" The grand father looks at her, "Sure, just hop on my lap!" So the little girl jumps on his lap. "Now, can you feel a finger poking up your ass?" asks the grandpa, "Yeah" replies the girl "Well look, no hands!"
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03-28-2010, 10:18 PM
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#247 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: burnaby
Posts: 444
Thanked 32 Times in 22 Posts
Failed 93 Times in 37 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by red_2 ^
Not entirley true...TV's are getting bigger but they are way lighter than before. | underscore why the hell you fail him, its true lol
When i tried to move my old big ass brick trinitron tv it took 3 guys lol
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03-28-2010, 10:23 PM
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#248 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Okanagan
Posts: 16,671
Thanked 9,364 Times in 4,073 Posts
Failed 427 Times in 225 Posts
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yes I know, but that's not the point of the joke.
__________________ 1991 Toyota Celica GTFour RC // 2007 Toyota Rav4 V6 // 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee
1992 Toyota Celica GT-S ["sold"] \\ 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee CRD [sold] \\ 2000 Jeep Cherokee [sold] \\ 1997 Honda Prelude [sold] \\ 1992 Jeep YJ [sold/crashed] \\ 1987 Mazda RX-7 [sold] \\ 1987 Toyota Celica GT-S [crushed] Quote:
Originally Posted by maksimizer half those dudes are hotter than ,my GF. | Quote:
Originally Posted by RevYouUp reading this thread is like waiting for goku to charge up a spirit bomb in dragon ball z | Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_KarMa OH thank god. I thought u had sex with my wife. :cry: | | |
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03-28-2010, 10:38 PM
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#249 | | The RS Freebie guru
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: East Vancouver
Posts: 22,032
Thanked 2,491 Times in 860 Posts
Failed 137 Times in 67 Posts
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Originally Posted by underscore yes I know, but that's not the point of the joke. | But the joke sucks if the premise of it is logically faulty.
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03-28-2010, 10:41 PM
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#250 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Okanagan
Posts: 16,671
Thanked 9,364 Times in 4,073 Posts
Failed 427 Times in 225 Posts
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it's an old joke. not all jokes are flawless, especially short ones.
besides, if I see my parents 52" floating around in the middle of the night, I'm not gonna say a damn thing, even though it's light compared to a 52" CRT
__________________ 1991 Toyota Celica GTFour RC // 2007 Toyota Rav4 V6 // 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee
1992 Toyota Celica GT-S ["sold"] \\ 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee CRD [sold] \\ 2000 Jeep Cherokee [sold] \\ 1997 Honda Prelude [sold] \\ 1992 Jeep YJ [sold/crashed] \\ 1987 Mazda RX-7 [sold] \\ 1987 Toyota Celica GT-S [crushed] Quote:
Originally Posted by maksimizer half those dudes are hotter than ,my GF. | Quote:
Originally Posted by RevYouUp reading this thread is like waiting for goku to charge up a spirit bomb in dragon ball z | Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_KarMa OH thank god. I thought u had sex with my wife. :cry: | | |
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