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11-28-2010, 09:49 PM
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#476 | | I wish I was where I was when I wished I was here
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: West Coast
Posts: 4,931
Thanked 3,098 Times in 733 Posts
Failed 703 Times in 219 Posts
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A guy was about to head to a Halloween Costume party, and had procrastinated till the last minute to find a costume.
After being told by every single store that all of the costumes have been rented out, he rifles through his house looking for a costume, or anything that he could put together to resemble a costume.
After going through everything in his closet, he came up with a genius idea and went to the party in nothing but a pair of pants.
The party host answers the door and asks the guy what he's supposed to be.
He replies "I'm a premature ejaculation"
Puzzled, the host asks him to explain.
He replies "I just came in my pants"
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11-29-2010, 11:35 AM
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#477 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Canada
Posts: 661
Thanked 452 Times in 55 Posts
Failed 19 Times in 5 Posts
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So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day….
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7.
Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or stupid?’
So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
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11-30-2010, 10:59 PM
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#478 | | resident Oil Guru
Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 7,716
Thanked 10,457 Times in 1,794 Posts
Failed 1,065 Times in 267 Posts
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Indian Student
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named "Chandrasekhar Subramanian"entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History...Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
"Very good!"
Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar, "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper:
"Fuck the Indians"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up, "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, " Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.
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11-30-2010, 11:05 PM
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#479 | | Ask me about how I answered the question "How fat is TOO fat?"
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,135
Thanked 4,146 Times in 1,143 Posts
Failed 1,392 Times in 247 Posts
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they could stand closer to the sink
__________________
I'm so stance my roof rack got a roof rack
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ Current
e92 335i 6MT FBO
e90 330i 6MT
Former
e46 330ci 5MT - RIP
uc1 5AT
em2 5MT
db7 5AT - RIP Quote:
Originally Posted by toyota86  the guys over at lambo vancouver said there are 60-70 pre-orders already. don't quote me though. | | |
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12-04-2010, 08:27 PM
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#480 | | resident Oil Guru
Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 7,716
Thanked 10,457 Times in 1,794 Posts
Failed 1,065 Times in 267 Posts
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Why do Iraqi women not sleep with American soldiers? | |
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12-08-2010, 11:04 PM
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#481 | | Ready to be Man handled by RS!
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Seoul
Posts: 85
Thanked 11 Times in 5 Posts
Failed 11 Times in 1 Post
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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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12-09-2010, 05:12 PM
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#482 | | Ricer Mod
Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Smithers
Posts: 7,008
Thanked 5,276 Times in 1,501 Posts
Failed 214 Times in 74 Posts
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WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Berz out.
__________________
President of RS Beat Down Crew
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12-09-2010, 11:31 PM
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#483 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: /
Posts: 103
Thanked 93 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 51 Times in 8 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by MWR34 Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year. | i dont get it 
only askin because my birthday is july 15th
__________________
lalalala UNCE UNCE UNCE~ | |
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12-09-2010, 11:34 PM
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#484 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,629
Thanked 273 Times in 90 Posts
Failed 62 Times in 32 Posts
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^ Dood, it's because your birthday will be 15 July 2010, then 15 July 2011, then 15 July 2012.. therefore July 15 for every year.  | |
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12-10-2010, 01:28 AM
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#485 | | xxx
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,405
Thanked 777 Times in 247 Posts
Failed 58 Times in 27 Posts
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A guy died and went to hell. There he met the devil and the devil said, "you have been a bad person when you were alive, I'm gonna have you choose an activity behind these three doors and you have to do it for eternity." The guy agreed.
The devil opened door #1, and there was a young man tied up on a table being burned by fire. The guy told the devil, "I don't want to do that."
The devil said okay and opened door #2, and there was a middle age man tied up to the wall and being whipped. The guy told the devil," I don't want to do this either."
The devil said okay and opened the third and final door. In there was an old man being tied to a chair with a blonde giving him head. The guy told the devil,"yeah, I want this one.''
The devil nodded, looked at the blonde and said, "Blondie you can go now I found your replacement."
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12-10-2010, 02:43 AM
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#486 | | Even when im right, revscene.net is still right!
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: richmond
Posts: 1,381
Thanked 1,958 Times in 287 Posts
Failed 630 Times in 86 Posts
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Originally Posted by LexiSauce i dont get it
only askin because my birthday is july 15th | they are expected to answer what year u were born like 1980, but instead they said their birthday is every year on the same day. Quote:
Originally Posted by MWR34 View Post
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year(1980) .
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12-10-2010, 08:00 AM
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#487 | | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 10,216
Thanked 3,233 Times in 1,261 Posts
Failed 137 Times in 65 Posts
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Originally Posted by slammer111 ^ Dood, it's because your birthday will be 15 July 2010, then 15 July 2011, then 15 July 2012.. therefore July 15 for every year. | The original question should be changed from "what is your date of birth" to "when's your birthday" instead...
__________________
Do Not Put Aftershave on Your Balls. -604CEFIRO
Looks like I'm gonna have some hot sex again tonight...OOPS i got the 6 pack. that wont last me the night, I better go back and get the 24 pack! -Turbo E
kinda off topic but obama is a dilf - miss_crayon
Honest to fucking Christ the easiest way to get a married woman in the mood is clean the house and do the laundry.....I've been with the same girl almost 17 years, ask me how I know. - quasi
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12-10-2010, 10:24 AM
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#488 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 502
Thanked 71 Times in 22 Posts
Failed 91 Times in 14 Posts
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DIVORCE versus MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained,
“Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law? I’ll lose my licence!
They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription
__________________
I never went to bed with an ugly woman, but I have woken up with a few!!
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12-10-2010, 11:46 AM
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#489 | | Banned (ABWS)?
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 19,289
Thanked 4,050 Times in 1,728 Posts
Failed 434 Times in 211 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumby The original question should be changed from "what is your date of birth" to "when's your birthday" instead... | yeah, because generally, " date" refers to month/day/year
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12-11-2010, 11:36 AM
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#490 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: /
Posts: 103
Thanked 93 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 51 Times in 8 Posts
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Originally Posted by slammer111 ^ Dood, it's because your birthday will be 15 July 2010, then 15 July 2011, then 15 July 2012.. therefore July 15 for every year. | lmao oh i thought it was some engineering terminology joke since he was posting a few engeineering jokes..
freakin qq
__________________
lalalala UNCE UNCE UNCE~ | |
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12-11-2010, 12:07 PM
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#491 | | Waxin’ Punks
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: South Surrey
Posts: 7,197
Thanked 6,083 Times in 2,099 Posts
Failed 215 Times in 113 Posts
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Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
__________________
If you drive like an asshole, you probably are one. Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1 punkwax, I don't care what your friends say about you, you are gold! | Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemhg What do your farts sound like then? | | 
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12-12-2010, 12:01 PM
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#492 | | Head of HR....have a seat on that couch
Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 21,877
Thanked 15,598 Times in 4,324 Posts
Failed 284 Times in 130 Posts
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
__________________ feedback
Originally posted by v.b.
can we stop, my pussy hurts...
Originally posted by asian_XL
fliptuner, I am gonna grab ur dick and pee in your face, then rub shit all over my face...:lol
Originally posted by Fei-Ji
haha i can taste the cum in my mouth
Originally posted by FastAnna
when I was 13 I wanted to be a video hoe so bad RSUV #7 | |
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12-12-2010, 12:12 PM
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#493 | | Ricer Mod
Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Smithers
Posts: 7,008
Thanked 5,276 Times in 1,501 Posts
Failed 214 Times in 74 Posts
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How can tell you tell if I black guy is well hung?
Berz out.
__________________
President of RS Beat Down Crew
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12-19-2010, 06:17 PM
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#494 | | Better safe than Surrey
Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Main St.
Posts: 1,503
Thanked 911 Times in 235 Posts
Failed 65 Times in 24 Posts
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While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.
Cowboy: 'Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?'
Indian: 'Dog no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'
Dog: 'Doin' alright.'
Indian: ( Look of shock )
Cowboy:'Is this Indian your owner?' ( Pointing at the Indian )
Dog: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Indian: ( Look of disbelief )
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Indian: 'Horse no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Good.'
Indian: ( Extreme look of shock )
Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' ( Pointing at the Indian )
Horse: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How does he treat you?'
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.'
Indian: ( Complete look of utter amazement )
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Indian: 'Sheep liar.'
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12-24-2010, 05:20 PM
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#495 | | Waxin’ Punks
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: South Surrey
Posts: 7,197
Thanked 6,083 Times in 2,099 Posts
Failed 215 Times in 113 Posts
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I got a Rolex for Christmas. I guess the hot lesbians next door misunderstood when I said I wanna watch... Posted via RS Mobile | |
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12-28-2010, 01:05 AM
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#496 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Varrock
Posts: 574
Thanked 16 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 63 Times in 26 Posts
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GENIE JOKE
Three men are on a peak on top of the mountain. One of them a native, the other a black guy, and the last one a white man.
A genie appears and says if you jump off this cliff, I can make you into whatever you want.
The native guy goes first, jumps off the cliff and says "I want to be an eagle" and he soars through the skies.
The black guy goes next, jumps off the cliff and says "I want to be a tugboat" and he floats atop the water.
The white man goes last and just before he jumps, he trips over a rock and says "oh shit" and he turns to shit
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01-30-2011, 04:57 PM
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#497 | | Better safe than Surrey
Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Main St.
Posts: 1,503
Thanked 911 Times in 235 Posts
Failed 65 Times in 24 Posts
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I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota.
He said that since this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
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01-30-2011, 08:19 PM
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#498 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Mid-levels, HK
Posts: 913
Thanked 1,336 Times in 198 Posts
Failed 1,266 Times in 145 Posts
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So a British woman is living in China.
She went to the super market and wanted to buy some chicken breasts. However she didn't know chinese so she showed them her breasts and said "Cawk cawk cawk cawk", and got some chicken breasts.
The next day she went to the supermarket and wanted to buy some sausages. However she faced some difficulties so she brought her husband along as well.
What did the husband do? | |
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01-30-2011, 08:45 PM
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#499 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: vancouver
Posts: 2,863
Thanked 229 Times in 101 Posts
Failed 10 Times in 5 Posts
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What is the difference between black people and a set of tires?
Tires don't sing when you put a set of chains on them.
__________________
vancouver canucks hockey
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01-31-2011, 09:02 AM
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#500 | | Rider
Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Surrey
Posts: 3,269
Thanked 2,081 Times in 532 Posts
Failed 439 Times in 100 Posts
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Why do women fake orgasms ?
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
How many men does it take to open a beer?
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
How do you fix a woman's watch?
Why do men pass gas more than women?
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
I married a Miss Right.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. | |
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