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Vancouver Off-Topic / Current EventsThe off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.
this isnt really a joke, but i wanted to share a clever analogy.
A girl complains to a guy that society views girls who sleep with alot of guys as sluts and whores and are looked down upon. and that guys who sleep with alot of girls are praised as heros.
so the guy replies her with:
a key that can pick many locks is a master key. a lock that is picked by many keys is a bad lock.
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
Wisdom:
WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS AGO, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO, WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD."
"NOW WE HAVE A $1,200,000 HOME, A $45,000 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN
SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT & FIND A HOT 25-YEAR OLD, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.
Edit: I had to edit the price of the house to be more realistic with GVRD. The original joke had the house pegged at $500, 000.00. Now that is a joke in itself. LOL
__________________
Quote:
"there but for the grace of god go I"
Quote:
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
A Chinese man walks into a bar. The black bartender asks him if he wants anything to drink.
"Gimme a Jigger, Nigger!"
Shaken a bit, the black bartender says "That is extremely racist and I won't serve you anything if you keep it up!"
Upon hearing this, the Chinese man apologizes. The bartender allows him the drink on the condition that he never say anything racist again. The Chinese man agrees. A few moments later, the Chinese man says "Gimme a Jig, Nig!"
Pissed, the black man says "That's it! No more for you. How would you like it if the roles were reversed?"
"I wouldn't mind," says the Chinese man.
"Fine! You get behind the bar and I'll order the drink!" says the bartender and they switch places.
The black man sits and says "Gimme a drink, Chink!"
this isnt really a joke, but i wanted to share a clever analogy.
A girl complains to a guy that society views girls who sleep with alot of guys as sluts and whores and are looked down upon. and that guys who sleep with alot of girls are praised as heros.
so the guy replies her with:
a key that can pick many locks is a master key. a lock that is picked by many keys is a bad lock.
the girl shutup after that.
And this clever analogy is also called... REPOST!!
this isnt really a joke, but i wanted to share a clever analogy.
A girl complains to a guy that society views girls who sleep with alot of guys as sluts and whores and are looked down upon. and that guys who sleep with alot of girls are praised as heros.
so the guy replies her with:
a key that can pick many locks is a master key. a lock that is picked by many keys is a bad lock.
An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway.
The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them.
The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it.
The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
Lame joke, but whatever............
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
__________________
Quote:
"there but for the grace of god go I"
Quote:
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzNightmare
People PM'ed you?
They could have just asked on the thread... maybe were scared of getting fails. lol
Or laughed at..........
I totally understand not getting jokes because of cultural difference, not understanding biblical references, etc.
I see RS as a great place for people to learn new things. I enjoy this place because it keeps me uptodate with what's happening with youth. Internet memes and shit. I scare my kids when I actually know what they are talking about.
I learn a lot of shit about China - Mainlanders, Hongers, etc.
Anyway...........................
__________________
Quote:
"there but for the grace of god go I"
Quote:
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by liu13
woody allen is a genius
He's also a bit of a perv - cradle robber. Fucked his own stepdaughter, didn't he? OK, married her................
Jeepers, I'm hijacking my own thread....... back to jokes, then. Carry on.
======================================
At age 4 success is .... . .not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . have a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
__________________
Quote:
"there but for the grace of god go I"
Quote:
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
sorry but someone explain this sheep lie to me?
