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Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events The off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.

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Old 03-22-2014, 10:05 PM   #676
RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
 
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I thought it would end with ...well that'd mean I was a Vancouver Canuck =(
Don't know wether to thank or fail. So enjoy one of both.
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:22 AM   #677
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The Germans train two super spies during WWII. They send them to London to gather intelligence from the enemy.

When the spies arrive, they go into a bar and ask the bartender for two martinis.

The bartender asks, "Dry?"

"NICHT DREI, ZWEI!"
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:37 AM   #678
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Originally Posted by Alatar View Post
The Germans train two super spies during WWII. They send them to London to gather intelligence from the enemy.

When the spies arrive, they go into a bar and ask the bartender for two martinis.

The bartender asks, "Dry?"

"NICHT DREI, ZWEI!"
This joke requires some context/background.
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:49 AM   #679
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Or some understanding of German and being able to count two three.
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:57 AM   #680
Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
 
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Originally Posted by Alatar View Post
The Germans train two super spies during WWII. They send them to London to gather intelligence from the enemy.

When the spies arrive, they go into a bar and ask the bartender for two martinis.

The bartender asks, "Dry?"

"NICHT DREI, ZWEI!"
Sehr lustig! Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:32 AM   #681
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still don't get it.
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Old 04-13-2014, 01:53 PM   #682
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Old 04-13-2014, 03:17 PM   #683
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alatar View Post
The Germans train two super spies during WWII. They send them to London to gather intelligence from the enemy.

When the spies arrive, they go into a bar and ask the bartender for two martinis.

The bartender asks, "Dry?"

"NICHT DREI, ZWEI!"
DREI = 3 in German...
ZWEI = 2 in German...

"The Bartender asks, "Dry?"

"Not THREE, TWO!"
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Old 04-13-2014, 03:18 PM   #684
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DREI = 3 in German...
ZWEI = 2 in German...

"The Bartender asks, "Dry?"

"Not THREE, TWO!"
Explaining the joke just simplifies it too much.
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Old 04-16-2014, 02:54 PM   #685
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Why does a midget laugh when he runs? Because the grass tickles his balls lmfao
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Old 05-29-2014, 12:02 PM   #686
Head of HR....have a seat on that couch
 
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So, I was tickling my little brother's feet when mum wakes up and starts giving me a right earful. Something about "Waiting until he's born".
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can we stop, my pussy hurts...
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fliptuner, I am gonna grab ur dick and pee in your face, then rub shit all over my face...:lol
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when I was 13 I wanted to be a video hoe so bad


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Old 05-30-2014, 03:35 AM   #687
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When is a right time to kick a midget in the balls? When he's standing next to your girl and say that her hair smells nice hahaha
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Old 05-30-2014, 03:54 AM   #688
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Not sure if repost but love this one.

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

I use this quite often when I invite someone over to my place.
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Old 08-25-2014, 03:54 PM   #689
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I was naked in my hotel room the other day when the maid came in... Finally.
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Old 08-25-2014, 06:36 PM   #690
I wish I was where I was when I wished I was here
 
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I was naked in my hotel room the other day when the maid came in... Finally.
Go on....
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:31 AM   #691
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Quote:
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper.

He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be
when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law
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Old 10-09-2014, 04:39 PM   #692
RS controls my life!
 
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Old 10-17-2014, 11:46 AM   #693
I wish I was where I was when I wished I was here
 
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The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


--------------------------

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
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Old 10-30-2014, 09:57 PM   #694
Everyone wants a piece of R S...
 
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A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car? "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:11 PM   #695
RS controls my life!
 
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:48 PM   #696
In RS I Trust
 
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Old 11-17-2014, 02:42 PM   #697
RS controls my life!
 
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So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere…










Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
I hear it’s making headlines.

Last edited by Godzira; 11-17-2014 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 12-17-2014, 09:54 AM   #698
RS controls my life!
 
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meh,
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I believe cars are meant to be driven. I see zero point in having a beautiful car and never driving it. Might as well have Miranda Kerr in your bed and sleeping on the ground cause you don't want to fudge her mascara...

We go through our entire lives being told what to do every step of the way. The garage was always the one place where you could indulge in your own passion, with not a care for the outside world.
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Old 12-17-2014, 01:13 PM   #699
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Are racist jokes allowed?

HOw does a black girl know she's pregnant??

Pulls out her tampon and the cotton has been picked off.
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Old 01-05-2015, 04:12 PM   #700
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkunkWorks View Post
I believe cars are meant to be driven. I see zero point in having a beautiful car and never driving it. Might as well have Miranda Kerr in your bed and sleeping on the ground cause you don't want to fudge her mascara...

We go through our entire lives being told what to do every step of the way. The garage was always the one place where you could indulge in your own passion, with not a care for the outside world.
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