| Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events The off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum. |
 | | 
02-21-2009, 09:38 PM
|
#51 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: richmond
Posts: 2,157
Thanked 239 Times in 48 Posts
Failed 51 Times in 11 Posts
|
lol good thread. kills a lot of time reading all the jokes
| 
|  | |
02-21-2009, 10:53 PM
|
#52 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 5,540
Thanked 980 Times in 166 Posts
Failed 399 Times in 67 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Black SC2  What do you say when you see your TV floating across your living room at night?
"Put it down ni**er!"
What do you say when you see your fridge floating across your living room at night?
Nothing, that's a big damn ni**er! |  | |
| | |
02-21-2009, 11:10 PM
|
#53 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 604
Posts: 2,300
Thanked 551 Times in 80 Posts
Failed 37 Times in 10 Posts
|
great thread 
__________________
PSN: JHUJeW
O o
/Ż/___________________________ _ __/
| SHOOP DA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!
\_\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Ż ŻŻ\
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 04:35 AM
|
#54 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Victoria
Posts: 1,028
Thanked 436 Times in 92 Posts
Failed 292 Times in 68 Posts
|
Q: What's the hardest thing about throwing a baby down a flight of stairs?
A: My dick.
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 12:31 PM
|
#55 | | Everyone wants a piece of R S...
Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: vic
Posts: 351
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
this is a bit gross but eh it's fc
Q: How do you get a fag to fuck a girl?
A: Put poo in her vagina.
__________________
"it aint a tight car if it aint a GSR"
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 08:03 PM
|
#56 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
|
A bunch of college students studying music go to Germany to visit the birthplace of the great master, Beethoven. They visit his town, school, place where he wrote the fantastic music, etc. Last on their list before heading home was his tomb in Vienna. When they arrive, they hear strange music. It's coming from within the tomb. Freaking out, they start to run. A few of them are so captivated by the strange sound that they stay. One of the brave students, a geek with thick glasses, says he recognizes the sound. He pulls some music from his backpack and nods his head. Yup, it's the ninth symphony played backwards. Sure enough, that's what it was. They go home puzzled at what had happened.
They come back the next day. They hear strange sounds agin. This time a little different. The geek says, Aha! This is the 8th symphony played backwards. Canceling their flight back home, they decide to come back yet another day. This time it's the 7th, the 6th......... by this time they are freaking out. They tell the authorities and it becomes big news. The authorities decide to dig up Beethoven's final resting place. They couldn't believe what they saw.
Beethoven decomposing................. da dum chi <<corny joke drum thing>>
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 08:08 PM
|
#57 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
|
More corny music jokes.
Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A. A flat miner.
Q. What do you get when you bomb an army base with pianos?
A. A flat major.
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 08:46 PM
|
#58 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Happyland.
Posts: 438
Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
good read.
=D
__________________
This is going to be LEGENDARY!
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 08:48 PM
|
#59 | | RS controls my life!
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Funky Town
Posts: 711
Thanked 1,037 Times in 94 Posts
Failed 62 Times in 11 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by 89blkcivic A bunch of college students studying music go to Germany to visit the birthplace of the great master, Beethoven. They visit his town, school, place where he wrote the fantastic music, etc. Last on their list before heading home was his tomb in Vienna. When they arrive, they hear strange music. It's coming from within the tomb. Freaking out, they start to run. A few of them are so captivated by the strange sound that they stay. One of the brave students, a geek with thick glasses, says he recognizes the sound. He pulls some music from his backpack and nods his head. Yup, it's the ninth symphony played backwards. Sure enough, that's what it was. They go home puzzled at what had happened.
They come back the next day. They hear strange sounds agin. This time a little different. The geek says, Aha! This is the 8th symphony played backwards. Canceling their flight back home, they decide to come back yet another day. This time it's the 7th, the 6th......... by this time they are freaking out. They tell the authorities and it becomes big news. The authorities decide to dig up Beethoven's final resting place. They couldn't believe what they saw.
Beethoven decomposing................. da dum chi <<corny joke drum thing>> | LOL !! ha ha ha ha that's a good one =]
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 09:21 PM
|
#60 | | Douchebag Lover
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: The Island.
Posts: 939
Thanked 66 Times in 19 Posts
Failed 29 Times in 9 Posts
|
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 09:23 PM
|
#61 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Dentz
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
| Wow....... that's hilarious.
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
| |
| | |
02-22-2009, 09:42 PM
|
#62 | | Head of HR....have a seat on that couch
Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 21,877
Thanked 15,598 Times in 4,324 Posts
Failed 284 Times in 130 Posts
|
A German Shepherd and a Rottweiler are sitting in neighbouring cages at the vets. The Shepherd looks over to the Rotty and says "So what are you in for?". The Rotty says "My master left me in the house all day alone and I got a bit bored, so I chewed up all the furniture. Come that evening the kids got home from school, and, me being a Rottweiler, I ate them... so I'm in to get put down. What about you?"
The Shepherd says "Well sort of a similar thing happened to me really. I was also left by my master all day. My mistress came home from her aerobics class in the afternoon and jumped straight into the shower. When she came out she dropped her towel and bent over to pick it up, me being a German Shepherd and hung like a horse I mounted her and got stuck in."
The Rottweiler says "So you're in here to be put down too huh?" The Shepherd replies "No, I'm in here to get my nails clipped..."
----------------
A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
__________________ feedback
Originally posted by v.b.
can we stop, my pussy hurts...
Originally posted by asian_XL
fliptuner, I am gonna grab ur dick and pee in your face, then rub shit all over my face...:lol
Originally posted by Fei-Ji
haha i can taste the cum in my mouth
Originally posted by FastAnna
when I was 13 I wanted to be a video hoe so bad RSUV #7 | |
| | |
02-23-2009, 10:08 AM
|
#63 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 157
Thanked 14 Times in 9 Posts
Failed 38 Times in 11 Posts
|
a good woman does 70 chores
cook and 69
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 10:09 AM
|
#64 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 157
Thanked 14 Times in 9 Posts
Failed 38 Times in 11 Posts
|
what's do you call a gay dinosaur??
mega-sore-ass
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 10:20 AM
|
#65 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
Failed 73 Times in 13 Posts
|
So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 10:25 AM
|
#66 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
Failed 73 Times in 13 Posts
|
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of her car and asks the man what’s wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”
The blonde says, “Don’t worry.”
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit!?”
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says…
Hair Spray — Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 04:47 PM
|
#67 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 604
Posts: 2,300
Thanked 551 Times in 80 Posts
Failed 37 Times in 10 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Grandmaster TSE So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra... | HAHAHHAAHHA!!!!!
__________________
PSN: JHUJeW
O o
/Ż/___________________________ _ __/
| SHOOP DA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!
\_\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Ż ŻŻ\
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 10:17 PM
|
#68 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Richmond
Posts: 4,457
Thanked 2,259 Times in 439 Posts
Failed 595 Times in 124 Posts
|
Why don't you buy a woman a watch?
- there's one on the stove
What do you call a woman 1foot from the kitchen?
- confused
What do you call a woman 2 feet from the kitchen?
- lost
What do you do when the stove is broken?
- smack the bitch.
| |
| | |
02-23-2009, 11:42 PM
|
#69 | | MoD
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: a rainy city
Posts: 3,486
Thanked 1,805 Times in 227 Posts
Failed 124 Times in 20 Posts
|
A recent survey shows that 20% of woman have admitted to being the victim of domestic abuse.
The other 80% of woman wouldn't dare open their mouths.
| |
| | |
02-24-2009, 02:51 PM
|
#70 | | Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 243
Thanked 68 Times in 13 Posts
Failed 70 Times in 3 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by k2_alpha A recent survey shows that 20% of woman have admitted to being the victim of domestic abuse.
The other 80% of woman wouldn't dare open their mouths. | 11/12 people enjoy gang rape | |
| | |
02-24-2009, 03:06 PM
|
#71 | | How I Mod your mother
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,688
Thanked 977 Times in 477 Posts
Failed 18 Times in 11 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by anklesprain 11/12 people enjoy gang rape | .... 
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
| | |
| | |
02-24-2009, 03:11 PM
|
#72 | | Glorious Gaming PC Master Race
Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Coquitlam y0!
Posts: 21,240
Thanked 968 Times in 446 Posts
Failed 83 Times in 30 Posts
|
old one:
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
the bear says to the rabbit "Excuse me, Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
the rabbit says "No"
so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
| |
| | |
02-27-2009, 12:05 AM
|
#73 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
|
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. 
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow.................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange...............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God!! They're ass-holes
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
| |
| | |
03-11-2009, 01:27 PM
|
#74 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: May 2008 Location: my computer
Posts: 26
Thanked 5 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he
saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad
ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced
me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat
just like me hat and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I
also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he
would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after
Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat.
What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I
decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou
Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in hell, right?"
Murphy slowly shook his head and said, "No, Father, after ya talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."
| |
| | |
03-11-2009, 02:04 PM
|
#75 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
Failed 73 Times in 13 Posts
|
One day a school boy was showing off his new watch at school.
One of his mates asks how he got it. He said "Well the other night i walked in on my mum and dad having sex, my dad got mad and said if i got out of his bedroom and left them alone he would buy me a new watch". His mate was amazed and said "Wow! I’ll try that tonight". Later on that night he walked into his parents room. "What you doin son?" His dad asks. His son smiled and said, "Can i have a watch dad?". His dad nodded and said " Course you can son..pull up a chair".
| |
| | | |
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
| | |
All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:27 AM.
|
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
