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03-25-2009, 08:34 PM
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#101 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
Failed 73 Times in 13 Posts
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why can't ray charles read??? | 
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03-25-2009, 09:37 PM
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#102 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Banned
Posts: 330
Thanked 14 Times in 6 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too
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03-31-2009, 01:14 PM
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#103 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,974
Thanked 11,669 Times in 4,988 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
' Do you know how they make these gloves? ' he asked.
' No, I don't, ' she replied.
' Well, ' he spoofed, ' there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size. '
She didn't crack a smile.
' Oh, well. I tried, ' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
' What's so funny? ' he asked.
' I was just envisioning how condoms are made! '
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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03-31-2009, 01:32 PM
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#104 | | How I Mod your mother
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,688
Thanked 977 Times in 477 Posts
Failed 18 Times in 11 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by jinx_fx  George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going
up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the
garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened
the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people
in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock
your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them
now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two
Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd
shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" | LOL I thought this one was pretty good, but can't you get charged with calling in with false information IRL?
If not, might be a good way to get police to respond in vancouver 
The ferrari one is good too, I swear I've heard it before though
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
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03-31-2009, 01:43 PM
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#105 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 931
Thanked 384 Times in 91 Posts
Failed 21 Times in 9 Posts
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A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here."
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03-31-2009, 01:49 PM
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#106 | | is best wrench
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,485
Thanked 1,208 Times in 272 Posts
Failed 190 Times in 33 Posts
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A mexican and a black guy guy are in a car. Who is driving? | |
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03-31-2009, 11:16 PM
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#107 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: May 2008 Location: my computer
Posts: 26
Thanked 5 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
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04-02-2009, 07:16 PM
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#108 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: May 2008 Location: my computer
Posts: 26
Thanked 5 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Are you going to come again next time?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little dribble on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
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04-07-2009, 07:08 PM
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#109 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,974
Thanked 11,669 Times in 4,988 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards........ you need:
A Heart to love him,
A Diamond to marry him,
A Club to smash his fucking head in, and
A Spade to bury the bastatrd.
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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04-08-2009, 03:43 PM
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#110 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2006 Location: canada
Posts: 58
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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A redhead, a burnette, and a blonde are being chase by the police.
The three of them passes by some potato sacks and decide to hide in them.
When the police pass by, he decides to poke the potato sacks.
At first he poked the sac with the burnette in it. The burnette says, "Woof Woof". So the police thought it was a dog inside.
He then poked the next sac with the redhead in it. The redhead says, " Meow Meow". The police thought it was a cat inside.
He then poked the next sac with the blonde in it. The blonde says, "Po-Ta-To".
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04-11-2009, 04:37 PM
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#111 | | MoD
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: a rainy city
Posts: 3,486
Thanked 1,805 Times in 227 Posts
Failed 124 Times in 20 Posts
| Old Timer Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around
there again and we can do it for old time's
sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy,
but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard
their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just
keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning
on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are
making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..
After about half an hour of lying on the ground
recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly
amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret
is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
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04-11-2009, 08:19 PM
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#112 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: burnaby
Posts: 926
Thanked 101 Times in 32 Posts
Failed 16 Times in 6 Posts
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^
not bad i chuckled a lil, but didn't have to be THAT long..
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04-11-2009, 10:01 PM
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#113 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: west vancouver
Posts: 878
Thanked 82 Times in 33 Posts
Failed 101 Times in 27 Posts
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Whats the difference between a girls ass and a fridge?
The fridge doesnt scream when you put the meat in.
What do you call a black guy minding his own business?
A nigger.
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04-23-2009, 10:59 AM
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#114 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
Failed 73 Times in 13 Posts
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A little boy comes home from school, runs up to his mom and says "guess what!! I had sex with my teacher today!" The mom gets pissed and starts yelling at her son "just wait till your father gets home" So the dad shows up after work and the mom made the son tell him what had happened. After talking to his wife, he tells his son that he's too young to be doing that and not to do it again.
Later on the night the father tells his son to go to the garage with him. The dad sits him down, offers him a beer and tells his son he was proud of him
So when the dad gets to work he starts bragging about how his little boy is having sex with his teacher. The dad gets home and asks his son if he had sex again. The son says "no my ass still hurts from the first time."
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04-23-2009, 12:15 PM
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#115 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: burnaby
Posts: 460
Thanked 70 Times in 26 Posts
Failed 29 Times in 3 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by shenmecar i dont get it? | baby stole the cotton?
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04-30-2009, 05:58 PM
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#116 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: batavia
Posts: 2,226
Thanked 63 Times in 22 Posts
Failed 122 Times in 8 Posts
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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the
confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father... She started to
repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
'Should I tell her the war is over?''
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04-30-2009, 07:43 PM
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#117 | | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,482
Thanked 386 Times in 177 Posts
Failed 64 Times in 20 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by cakeTech Friend told me this.
How does a black lady know she's pregnant?
When she took out her tampon, all the cotton was gone. |
omg i LOLED SO BAD!!!! lol holy crap ahahhhaah that is so funny!!!!
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05-07-2009, 08:38 PM
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#118 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: May 2008 Location: my computer
Posts: 26
Thanked 5 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.”
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.”
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?”
The Molson president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
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05-08-2009, 12:58 AM
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#119 | | Even when im right, revscene.net is still right!
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: richmond
Posts: 1,381
Thanked 1,958 Times in 287 Posts
Failed 630 Times in 86 Posts
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A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street and see a group of young boys.
The priest says, Lets go fuck them!
and the Rabbi Says, Out of what?
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05-08-2009, 03:13 AM
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#120 | | I am on the internets
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,991
Thanked 184 Times in 80 Posts
Failed 129 Times in 31 Posts
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definitely lots of good ones.
keep this alive
__________________
"As Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'There is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'.
And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at Keira Knightley.
She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works." - JC on the Alfa 8C
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05-08-2009, 12:06 PM
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#121 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: burnaby
Posts: 460
Thanked 70 Times in 26 Posts
Failed 29 Times in 3 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by aman23 Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? | Definitely not telling this one at a bar.
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05-08-2009, 06:47 PM
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#122 | | Waxin’ Punks
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: South Surrey
Posts: 7,217
Thanked 6,101 Times in 2,111 Posts
Failed 215 Times in 113 Posts
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What's the first thing ravers say when their Ecstasy wears off?
Fuck this music sucks.
Last edited by punkwax; 05-08-2009 at 06:55 PM.
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05-08-2009, 07:53 PM
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#123 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 604
Posts: 2,300
Thanked 551 Times in 80 Posts
Failed 37 Times in 10 Posts
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what do you call 10 Black people in a shed?
Farming Equipment! 
__________________
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06-24-2009, 11:38 AM
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#124 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,974
Thanked 11,669 Times in 4,988 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley:
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)->
'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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06-24-2009, 12:43 PM
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#125 | | Salad makes me squirt ranch dressing. Only half of that is an analogy.
Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 271
Thanked 86 Times in 26 Posts
Failed 20 Times in 2 Posts
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weak sauce
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