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11-24-2009, 04:52 PM
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#176 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Slurrey
Posts: 173
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
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Here's one I heard a long time ago....
Mary was dating her boyfriend for 5 years when he suddenly left her. She was feeling heartbroken and depressed, but was determined to move on with her life.
She decided to be wild and adventurous and decides to go out and have some fun. She finds herself a nice bar downtown and takes a seat. After ordering herself a drink, she scopes out the bar, searching for hottie to take home.
She then spotted a large black fellow who see her looking his way and smiles. Mary thought to herself... "I've never had a black lover before. I hear they can fuck all nite!!" She smiles back and motions for him to join her. As they sit together she feels the chemistry building between them. The sexual tension keeps building and building until Mary invites her new friend back to her place. He agrees and they quickly make their way there.
They head straight into the bedroom where they continue to passionately kiss and Mary rips her clothes off in anticipation. As she's lying there naked, she says to new friend, " Come here you big black stud!!! Do to me what you do best!!!"
He replies "ok"............
so he punches her in the face and steals her tv.
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11-27-2009, 12:40 PM
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#177 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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Old, but still funny.............. 
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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12-03-2009, 10:47 AM
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#178 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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During a recent password audit, it was found that a blond was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least eight characters long.
(P. S. If you're blond and don't get it, just move on and don't give it another thought.)
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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12-03-2009, 11:22 PM
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#179 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 150
Thanked 16 Times in 6 Posts
Failed 4 Times in 2 Posts
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*** RACIST JOKE ***
What's the difference between a black man and a bench?
A bench can support a family.
What's the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go to the grocery store without Robin'
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12-16-2009, 10:08 AM
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#180 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
Last edited by MG1; 12-16-2009 at 10:17 AM.
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12-16-2009, 02:39 PM
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#181 | | I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
Join Date: May 2004 Location: Edmonton
Posts: 3,529
Thanked 665 Times in 273 Posts
Failed 81 Times in 29 Posts
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It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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12-17-2009, 10:14 AM
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#182 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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01-20-2010, 02:05 PM
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#183 | | I don't get it
Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: bby
Posts: 438
Thanked 882 Times in 103 Posts
Failed 160 Times in 25 Posts
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a woman speeding down the road is pulled over by a lady officer. The officer ask for the woman's driver license. After watching her fumble around her purse for a few minutes, the officer says "look, its square and has your picture on it." "oh" says the woman "here you go" and hands the officer her pocket mirror. The officer looks and the mirror and quickly hands it back, saying "I'm sorry i didnt realize you were a police officer!"
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01-20-2010, 06:50 PM
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#184 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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01-20-2010, 08:55 PM
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#185 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Delta
Posts: 15,911
Thanked 765 Times in 228 Posts
Failed 354 Times in 58 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by spades  a woman speeding down the road is pulled over by a lady officer. The officer ask for the woman's driver license. After watching her fumble around her purse for a few minutes, the officer says "look, its square and has your picture on it." "oh" says the woman "here you go" and hands the officer her pocket mirror. The officer looks and the mirror and quickly hands it back, saying "I'm sorry i didnt realize you were a police officer!" |
lol
__________________
The harder I lift and the more I eat, the better my genetics seem to get.
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01-20-2010, 09:11 PM
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#186 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 563
Thanked 344 Times in 104 Posts
Failed 43 Times in 17 Posts
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lol buddy told me another speeding one a couple days ago, pretty good so enjoy...
Late night an officer pulls over a guy for speeding,
The officer says, "Listen guy... its the end of my night... Im sure you dont want a speeding ticket, im willing to let you off with a warning... If you tell me an excuse that I never herd of before."
Guy says: "Well I was driving around frustrated because my wife just left me for a cop."
Officer: "So how is that an excuse for you speeding?"
The guy: "I thought I saw another person in your car, I sped away because I thought you might be bringing her back!"
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01-20-2010, 11:20 PM
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#187 | | YOU CANT CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: FL400
Posts: 5,865
Thanked 3,092 Times in 1,038 Posts
Failed 553 Times in 157 Posts
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What do you do when you see a pedobear coming at you?
nothing, too old.
__________________
Where the hell am I
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01-21-2010, 01:14 AM
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#188 | | I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,711
Thanked 2,584 Times in 610 Posts
Failed 329 Times in 112 Posts
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so a baby seal walks into a club
__________________
<3 tos'd the troll king
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01-21-2010, 03:12 AM
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#189 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 5,541
Thanked 1,109 Times in 299 Posts
Failed 192 Times in 41 Posts
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So if the white people and the niggas had a war, what would it be called? | |
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01-22-2010, 09:28 PM
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#190 | | MiX iT Up!
Join Date: May 2006 Location: vancouver
Posts: 8,135
Thanked 2,068 Times in 866 Posts
Failed 642 Times in 183 Posts
| A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.." The biker thought about it for a long time... Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?
--
Tiger Woods Holiday Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse. She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry, Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry. He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed. Woman after woman stepped up and confessed. He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori, With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story. From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues, Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news. With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex, When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts. Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin', Tiger's wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden. And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade, "If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid." She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer, Her prenup made Christmas come early this year! 
__________________
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.
Make the effort and take the risk..
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt | |
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01-23-2010, 03:26 AM
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#191 | | ESKETIT
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Shambhala
Posts: 23,333
Thanked 9,688 Times in 2,320 Posts
Failed 997 Times in 240 Posts
|  good read at this time
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01-23-2010, 02:47 PM
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#192 | | Revscene.net has a homepage?!
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,206
Thanked 188 Times in 83 Posts
Failed 148 Times in 32 Posts
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Q:what's the difference with PMS and a terrorist?
A: you can negotiate with a terrorist
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02-12-2010, 11:02 AM
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#193 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked..
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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02-12-2010, 04:15 PM
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#194 | | Need my Daily Fix of RS
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Abbotsford
Posts: 271
Thanked 226 Times in 64 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
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02-13-2010, 12:53 AM
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#195 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Okanagan
Posts: 16,671
Thanked 9,364 Times in 4,073 Posts
Failed 427 Times in 225 Posts
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Originally Posted by jinx_fx A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."  | There's a version of this that's a TV commercial. http://www.clipjunkie.com/I-Think-Yo...s-vid5281.html
__________________ 1991 Toyota Celica GTFour RC // 2007 Toyota Rav4 V6 // 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee
1992 Toyota Celica GT-S ["sold"] \\ 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee CRD [sold] \\ 2000 Jeep Cherokee [sold] \\ 1997 Honda Prelude [sold] \\ 1992 Jeep YJ [sold/crashed] \\ 1987 Mazda RX-7 [sold] \\ 1987 Toyota Celica GT-S [crushed] Quote:
Originally Posted by maksimizer half those dudes are hotter than ,my GF. | Quote:
Originally Posted by RevYouUp reading this thread is like waiting for goku to charge up a spirit bomb in dragon ball z | Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_KarMa OH thank god. I thought u had sex with my wife. :cry: | | |
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02-13-2010, 06:18 PM
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#196 | | No Duplicate Accounts Allowed
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Vancoolver
Posts: 257
Thanked 18 Times in 13 Posts
Failed 49 Times in 23 Posts
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Why do black people hate going to a square dance?
Because every time they scream "Hoedown", they think their sister got shot
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02-13-2010, 06:27 PM
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#197 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,917
Thanked 11,623 Times in 4,963 Posts
Failed 316 Times in 202 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by SMDBICH Why do black people hate going to a square dance?
Because every time they scream "Hoedown", they think their sister got shot | Puts a whole new meaning to "Black humour".
__________________ Quote: |
"there but for the grace of god go I"
| Quote: |
Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.
| YODO = You Only Die Once.
Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
"There must be dissonance before resolution - MG1" a musical reference.
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02-13-2010, 07:09 PM
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#198 | | "Entertainment" mod.
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 5,117
Thanked 3,432 Times in 1,051 Posts
Failed 161 Times in 60 Posts
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A kindergarten teacher decides to hold an experiment with her students to see if they can recognize different flavours attached to colours by giving them different coloured candy.
She gives the students the red one, and they easily recognize it as cherry.
She gives the students the orange one, and they recognize it as orange.
But when she gives them a lightly coloured one, the kids don't know that the candy is honey-flavoured.
"I'll give you all a clue," the teacher said, "it's what your mommy calls your daddy."
Suddenly one girls eyes open wide and she spits out the candy. "Everybody, spit out the candy!" she says. "They're assholes!"
__________________
Borokusowagen.
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02-13-2010, 07:25 PM
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#199 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 1,171
Thanked 398 Times in 71 Posts
Failed 366 Times in 46 Posts
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What do you call a black guy that graduated from med school? | |
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02-13-2010, 10:32 PM
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#200 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 3,189
Thanked 1,699 Times in 446 Posts
Failed 148 Times in 52 Posts
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How do you know a girl is too young for you? | |
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