REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

Girl · 07-07-2009, 08:32 PM

Dear RS Members:

Quote:

What I am is a 26 year old male with major social problems. My problem is the inability to communicate effectively through words. Often times, I dont talk not because I am shy but because I have nothing in my mind to say. Completely blank on ideas. When people are around me, dead silence is very common because I tend to kill conversations by saying close ended comments. If I try to make conversations, it's usually be asking questions as if I am interrogating.

I know people generally dislike silence especially with 1 on 1 outings with friends or 'potential dates' and because of this, I dont have many friends (only have a very small handful of friends but they are mostly collegue-friends.)

Because of my poor social skills, this makes me severely introvert, low self esteem/confidence, and pessimistic (known social deterrents).

This seems to be a downward spiral and wonder if a shrink would be able to "fix me up". And I wonder if I might be 'brain-dead' on my right side (seeing how the right controls creativity and social skills).

Should I go see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist? And does MSP cover these therapy?

Sincerely,

Lost for Words

liu13 · 07-07-2009, 08:50 PM

go pick up a sales job, it forces you to interact with people

drama class back in jr high did it for me, a few sales gigs helped too, it's a matter of confidence and being comfortable with yourself

or just say hi and attempt to start a small talk convo with your co worker or friend, keep in mind their opinion of you is completely worthless

Girl · 07-07-2009, 09:41 PM

Read the paper, be knowledgeable with current news and events, brush up on random trivia. Those things are awesome convo starters and convo with people that you have the same interest with would make things easier. Practice makes perfect, so start with small talk and you can pick up on how others interact with ppl.

If you want to keep a convo going, ask open ended questions, really listen to them. If you want to start a conversation, make small talk, about their outfit, the weather, whatever! Skies the limit. Maybe start with non face-to-face interactions, like MSN since it'll give you more time to think and you can move onwards to face to face. And I say pick dates that would have limited talk time, like a movie or something and a few times just lean in and ask if she's cold, or comment on something about the movie, this will make you appear "social" and you can work up your esteem and comfort level.

SkinnyPupp · 07-07-2009, 10:01 PM

You need more interesting friends

CorneringArtist · 07-07-2009, 10:47 PM

I can kind of relate to the OP in regards to the part about not talking, since I'd rather analyze a conversation silently then come up with something on the fly. I also have a constant need to think pessimistically since I have a bit of a hard time thinking on the bright side of things. I hate being socially outgoing, even though I had a retail job, I just checked in, pulled my weight, and checked out (like I do with most things).

However, when needed, I try to joke or attempt to start conversations among groups of people regarding interesting things, like what's going on in the news or little bits of info I pick up here and there (since I know a lot about cars, people tend to hook on what I know. This seriously helped me out in my early years of high school (I'm an HS senior now, I know that I'm about 9 years younger but I want to help), since I was reserved and didn't have much to say.

Talking to people in groups helps out a lot. I'm very factual for some reason, and knowing a few things here and there would make great adds to conversation topics already in progress. If anyone asks your opinion, just say "I'm not sure yet" and just keep thinking. 1 on 1, I learned to ask a few things about people; they thought it's not interrogative at all since I even asked that. Once you get to know a person a little better, you can have conversations on just about anything.

Like Girl mentioned above me, non-face-to-face conversations might be a good start if what I suggested seems like too much. It pays to start small and work from there.

waddy41 · 07-07-2009, 11:12 PM

I think the more important thing is finding new people to interact with....
no shrink can help with that...

more importantly...don't alienate the people that are already in your life....force yourself to go out more and you'll meet friend's friends....etc...and your network will spiral out..

i can relate....i recently lost all my hair...and it's really hard meeting new people...even facing old friends and family was hard...but eventually i got comfortable with my situation...and just get on with life.....

achiam · 07-08-2009, 03:42 PM

I think its a matter of who you're with when you're in these situations.
Are you familiar with the topic of conversation with these groups of people?

TekDragon · 07-09-2009, 11:55 AM

If you feel that you require the assistance of a psychologist or psychiatrist, speak with your family doctor. They will be able to recommend you to a specialist at this point.

That being said, I would see what your doctor has to say. Perhaps simple counseling is all that is required, hard to say. Good luck, and keep up updated.

penner2k · 07-13-2009, 11:10 AM

I dont think a doctor will help with your situation.
Like Girl said.. you need to find things to talk about. I refer to myself as the king of useless facts cuz honestly my brain is full of totally random facts.
A great way to learn new things is to just talk to people. You also need to have "experiences" so when someone is talking about something you have something to talk about with them.

ZhangFei · 07-13-2009, 06:05 PM

read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People

can't recommend that book enough

iEye · 07-16-2009, 11:20 PM

I believe a Psychiatrist requires a referral from a family physician while a psychologist do not. I'm not sure if MSP covers a psychiatrist, but for sure a psychologist is not. My visit with a neurologist was covered by MSP, so I'm assuming the same with a psychiatrist.

bcrdukes · 07-17-2009, 08:51 AM

Come out to VLS Coffee Meets.

Gt-R R34 · 07-17-2009, 07:22 PM

another thing would be, just join a club or sport activities, you'll have something to start in common with.

And if you say you are using closed-comments. try thinking before you speak(this sounds mean but it isn't), like give it that moment's pause and remind yourself. "I need to have a open ended question, or open ended comment."

Also. TONE TONE TONE!! the tone of your voice is very important too.

jACEDesignsLtd · 07-26-2009, 10:07 PM

Try finding something you are passionate about talking about. Then find others who share this similar interest and would be happy to talk about these things with you. Then expand your social skills from there.

murd0c · 08-02-2009, 01:00 AM

try to find a hobbie. I honestly think that will be the best way to start off with, find something that you don't have to but you can still go out and interact with people and speak about the hobbie you picked. If both of you are interested in something simular you will have something to talk about which could lead you into asking leading questions about other things or what you found that interested you.

Ulic Qel-Droma · 08-02-2009, 03:26 PM

well despite what other people have said, if you seriously think you have a problem, go talk to a doctor, if he thinks it's serious he'll forward you to a specialist... i'd go see a doctor anyways, go see your fam doc.