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04-15-2010, 11:12 PM
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#1 | Media Officer / MOD
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: vancouver
Posts: 28,076
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| 25 quotes from Jermey Clarkson
source: http://jalopnik.com/5517986/ Quote: ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_ferrari_430_scuderia_red_148.jpg)
"I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_pig.jpg)
On the Porsche Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom."
Image credit: Such a Charlatan ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_messershmidt.jpg)
When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel: "When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!' They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder gargling with nails." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_knightly.jpg)
"I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."
Photo credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_bmw_wreck.jpg)
"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that's what gets you." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_koenigsegg-ccx.jpg)
"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... being stabbed?" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_detroit.jpg)
On Detroit: "God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_pet_bear.jpg)
"Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would."
Photo Credit: EvilSushi ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_2005renault-clio-v6-13.jpg)
On the Renault Clio V6: "I think the problem is that it's French. It's a surrendermonkey." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_ferrari_enzo_2002_01_b.jpg)
On the Enzo Ferrari: "I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_cayenne-21-08-06.jpg)
On the Porsche Cayenne: "I've seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_asthma_inhaler.jpg)
"The air-conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_toyota_camry_beige_3qtr.jpg)
"Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_bmw_6series_rear.jpg)
"If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends' houses so they don't see its backside." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_pagani-zonda-3.jpg)
"That Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_2009_corvette_zr1_first_drive.jpg)
On the Chevrolet Corvette: "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_2008_alfa_romeo_brera.jpg)
On the Alfa Romeo Brera: "Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't you?" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_turbo.jpg)
"A turbo: Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens, and you go faster." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_espace.jpg)
"This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Oh good, I've got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'" ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_2004-tvr-sagaris-ra-top-1600x1200.jpg)
"In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled — usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_bus_lane__o__large.jpg)
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"
Photo Credit: Chemsford ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_barry_white.jpg)
On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG: "It sounds like Barry White eating wasps." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_ford_galaxy_2.jpg)
"I'd rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_wheelbarrow.jpg)
"Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow." ![](http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/12/2010/04/500x_nascar_bmw_7-series.jpg)
"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."
| found this quite funny, as I remember most of the episodes... can't wait for top gear to start
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| | This post thanked by: | !Tigger, 1exotic, AVS_Racing, bootymac, dinfung, eugg, FN-2199, Gouki, HonestTea, jmanhas, Meister1982, monkeywrench, pronator, The_AK, tofu1413, tonyvu, TypeRNammer, underscore |
04-16-2010, 01:01 AM
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#2 | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6,044
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lol my favourite one was the porn one
and then he started making the face and bobbing his head back and forth
that made me laugh pretty hard,
__________________ 1996 Honda Accord 1995 Nissan 240sx 2004 Infiniti G35 2005 Honda Jazz BuySell Feedback Quote:
"It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good ... They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time. "
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04-16-2010, 02:25 AM
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#3 | Hypa owned my ass at least once
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6,592
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sweet sweet top gear
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04-16-2010, 07:37 AM
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#4 | Hopeless Romantic
Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 2,544
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So many memorable moments on top gear...
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04-16-2010, 08:41 AM
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#5 | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Richmond
Posts: 8,645
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*looking at the 8C Competizione*
"...and I'm nursing a semi here"
ROFL
__________________ ⇐ If I bothered replying, that's the face I made while I typed. - 2017 Alfa Romeo Giula Q4
- 1999 Nissan Stagea 260RS 1 of 748
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- 1991 Lexus LS400 mint boi
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04-16-2010, 11:25 AM
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#6 | My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,758
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hahahah I remember most of them, Clarkson's a thug
Last edited by greendb7; 04-16-2010 at 01:22 PM.
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04-16-2010, 08:22 PM
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#7 | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 12,074
Thanked 3,186 Times in 929 Posts
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| Quote:
On the Enzo Ferrari: "I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'"
| hahaha
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04-16-2010, 11:31 PM
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#8 | I am on the internets
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,991
Thanked 184 Times in 80 Posts
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on the Alfa 8C
"Some cars have tuned exausts, so the sound they make is as fake as a hooker's smile. But this sounds real, this sounds fantastic!!"
__________________
"As Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'There is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'.
And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at Keira Knightley.
She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works." - JC on the Alfa 8C
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04-17-2010, 01:15 AM
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#9 | YOU CANT CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: FL400
Posts: 5,865
Thanked 3,092 Times in 1,038 Posts
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who is Jermey Clarkson?
__________________
Where the hell am I
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04-17-2010, 03:59 AM
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#10 | Need my Daily Fix of RS
Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: home
Posts: 273
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Now I cant wait for Season 15...
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04-17-2010, 11:22 AM
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#11 | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Okanagan
Posts: 16,554
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bahaha so much win
__________________ 1991 Toyota Celica GTFour RC // 2007 Toyota Rav4 V6 // 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee
1992 Toyota Celica GT-S ["sold"] \\ 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee CRD [sold] \\ 2000 Jeep Cherokee [sold] \\ 1997 Honda Prelude [sold] \\ 1992 Jeep YJ [sold/crashed] \\ 1987 Mazda RX-7 [sold] \\ 1987 Toyota Celica GT-S [crushed] Quote:
Originally Posted by maksimizer half those dudes are hotter than ,my GF. | Quote:
Originally Posted by RevYouUp reading this thread is like waiting for goku to charge up a spirit bomb in dragon ball z | Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_KarMa OH thank god. I thought u had sex with my wife. :cry: | |
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04-17-2010, 08:38 PM
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#12 | YOU CANT CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: FL400
Posts: 5,865
Thanked 3,092 Times in 1,038 Posts
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June is so far away
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Where the hell am I
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04-17-2010, 09:09 PM
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#13 | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,046
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Question: When a host says something so clever, is that something he came up with on the spot, or is it something the script writer wrote?
I want to believe he came up with all those funny quotes, but I have always wondered.
__________________
FD coming back online~
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04-17-2010, 11:16 PM
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#14 | Media Officer / MOD
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: vancouver
Posts: 28,076
Thanked 5,752 Times in 1,725 Posts
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^ if you watched top gear enough you should know, Clarkson writes up scripts during the breaks.
Stiggy!~ in lego land
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&sll=52.801282,-2.121791&sspn=0.011818,0.033023&ie=UTF8&hnear=&t=h&layer=c&cbll=51.463652,-0.653697&panoid=jnmJe9rDaJWQ_vi78zHkIA&cbp=13,340.8,,1,5.78&hq=&ll=51.463717,-0.653579&spn=0,0.0103&z=18 |
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04-18-2010, 12:43 AM
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#15 | Editor
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Raincouver
Posts: 3,516
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ahh clarkson. sucha witty guy.
and wtf stig in a lego car!
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