If someone touches a hot element... do they sit there bawling and screaming about how painful it is? No. They take their hand away.

You sir, are keeping your hand on the element and are taking your frustrations out on the world.

instead of focusing on the problem, why not work towards solutions.

I found myself in a similar predicament as you, you know what I did? I said I was studying but what I really did was learn time management. I got a job, apartment hunted, and went to school all at the same time.

One year later, I show up with a car (a shitty car but mine nonetheless), announced that I was moving out and gave my parents 2 options:
1. They could respect my decision, accept it and could have good relations visiting each other weekly.
2. They could not accept it, have bad relations and probably not see each other again.

guess what? now I can come and go as I please, bring girls over and do w/e the fuck I want wherever I want. Nothing like having sex while she's washing the dishes :thumbsup:

all those "little" things do bug them.. it is only the one thing that pushes them over the edge.. so now you know all the shit that bugs them.. either you do them , and make them feel that you are more than just a leech eating their food and using their hot water, electricity, the less likely they will treat you like an adult and not their kid. i guarantee, once you start washing yoru own dishes and help around the house, they will give you more respect.

you are not alone though, there are many if not the majority of asian kids that grow up doing shit all and being spoon fed until they are married... the best thing i ever did was move out. i moved out late, at 25, but if I could afford it earlier, I would have.

Thanks for the input RS.

My parents were like that when I was in elementary/high school... I know everyone is telling you to stfu because you live at home but I do think it's a little harsh.

Anyways, how I got my parents off my back when I was in university (and still living at home) was to work hard. I had a job, I had a 3.7 GPA, I partied and drank a lot and my parents didn't care. Parents gave me the basement suite when the tenants moved out, had friends over all night, stayed out til next morning for most weekends, etc. As long as I showed them those A's, they didn't really care what I did or how much it looked like I studied. Although I did SAVE ~15k from my co-op terms and pretty much put myself through school.

Of course, moving out is better if you can afford it... which is what I did after I got my first "career" job.

Vinny G: Thanks for taking the time and providing some insight. Its good to know that I'm not just the only one dealing with this.

When I do show them those marks and stuff, its not all A's but its not bad. (I'm around a 3.0 gpa), all they say is, your marks are for yourself, not for us (parents). And then it leads to some lecture that maybe we've all heard before.

Update: I just got home from school. My mom cooked the family some food. She YELLS, NOT TELL me to eat. I don't yell back. I look at her and I say I ate already. I walk downstairs preparing myself to go wash the car. She goes downstairs and starts yelliing AGAIN about eating the food she cooked. I said, I ate already. She then goes on to assume that I went out to eat. She starts lecturing me about not eating out, how do I get my money, I spend too much money. I tell her that I ate at home at 12 before class today. (it is currently 3:45 when she starts bitching) She calls me a liar that she didn't see any dishes in the sink. I tell her I washed them because personally I don't even like having dirty dishes in the sink. Case in point, she goes around in circles looking at things to bitch at me about because she loves it. I walk out and I hear her from downstairs bitching at my dad how I am never home always out. She said, "look at him now, hes going out again, right after he gets home from school, not even eating or anything." I'm thinking..buddy I'm washing my goddamn car in the backyard. WTF?

Anyone else have to deal with this kind of nonsense?

Your mom is treating you like a kid. Time to stop being a btich, and move the fuck out. Tell your mom you are moving out, and be prepared to do it. That's what I did. They tried to call my bluff, but I rented a room from my friend. After a month, they found out that I was just partying and drinking, and they freaked and invited me back home with the promise of not hassling me, or charging me rent. Your mom would probably cave in a similar circumstance.

the point of moving out isnt to just party etc.. that is part of the experience as you will relish the chance of being your own boss and answering to no one.. BUT you could easily start fucking up in your grades and etc if you are really not ready and are doing it just because you are pissed at your parents.. dont get me wrong, most people probably do move out because theey cant stand their parents anymore, but be prepared to pay bills, and do your own laundry errands etc..

2 questions to OP

1) Do you pay for school?

2) Do you pay rent?

If the answer to either question is "No" I advise you to shut the fuck up you freeloader.

It's part of growing up. This is normal. You need to come to a compromise with your parents. Respect their wishes and earn their respect.

I think it's more family dynamics and how you actually present yourself to your parents. Innocence slowly dies away as you age so whatever crap you're sprouting now will seem trivial and nonsensical when you're let's say... 25 for example.
Young people today tend to think they are smarter than how they actually are and usually the older folks are the ones who can see that clearly.
Plus your parents are probably conservative and Asian? and you're still in school. For all we know, you may have done some stupid stuff back in the day and your mom clearly remembers and won't let it go... so forever (for a while at least) you may got some sort of irresponsible punk kid image. And of course, you're her beloved son. You really can't do enjoy freedom in its purest sense until you are out living on your own but perhaps it will be better when you graduate and start working.

Maybe you also got pretty low tolerance for her bitching? It's best not to explode to her explosions.... I'm 23, finished university and I get to do whatever I want in most cases. But if there's work to do, as long I do it properly, parents have no problems.

Your Parents house, their rules!

You have no idea how lucky you are to have a mom like that.

Would you rather she not call you when you're out at 3:45AM, never make breakfast/lunch/dinner, never give you advice?

I do not freeload off my parents. I pay for my own car, gas, insurance. I worked hard for my money before. I'm in school now. I don't work. They pay for my school. But they expect me to pay them back and I expect myself to pay them back. Please don't assume that I'm just freeloading you POS MR.JAY. Please don't make such harsh comments when you aren't in my shoes. Everyone says moving out is the simple solution. But I respect my parents. I don't want to move out. They don't want me to move out. I know I'm lucky that my mom cooks me good meals. I don't ever take anything for granted. I want to please my parents, but as we all know, we have our own social life, our friends have birthdays, there are events at pubs, clubs, friends house and what not. As bcrdukes said, I WANT COMPROMISE. They are too stubborn to budge...any tips? I've tried the whole sitting down and talking. I had a real good talk, but my dad still thinks that every fucking kid needs to be at home by 12. blah blah blah

Thanks buttersashimi, I can't wait until I'm done school myself. I don't plan on moving out, but hopefully my graduating is a stepping stone towards more independence.

Don't move out. That's as good as running away from your problems.

Talk to your parents about what they expect out of you and vice versa. But at the same time accept your mom for who she is. In the end, she just wants whats best for you (whether she understands it or not.)

Again, this is part of growing up. I went through the same exact episode in life because this sounds all too familiar. It'll work out in the end. I wish my mom and dad would tell me to come home at 12am.

They don't call it growing pains for nothing.

Every brown person feels your pain.

Thats why your mom yells at you and tells them to GTFO

You havent heard, lots of girls around this age go missing and end up (please for give me) dead

I do, but its 95% of the time on the weekend. If I do stay out late, I ALWAYS tell them before I go and not just run out.


I dnt mean to pick on you, but just letting you know my thoughts on your answers... if up to you if you want to put any thought into it.

It does sound like your a punk ass kid. your mom is trying to teach you responsiblity ahead of time before it comes blasting in your face. I moved out when i was 20 and regretted it. I wasnt ready for the responsibility of living on my own at the time. All i thought was to get out of my parents house and not live by their rules. Having to tell them where im going and what time i will be back home. not having friends over coz it late.

You didnt tell her before she cooked dinner that you ate?
If you were married and your wife cooked dinner, she would drop kick your ass right to the curb!

im sry to say but DO you sound like a punk ass kid!
you would do this just to have your parents beg you to go back to their house so that you dnt go down the wrong path.

God i would love to see what you do when your kid becomes like you.


and "invited" isnt the word of choice.

I think some of you need to relax a bit, the OP is obviously trying to consider both sides and make a compromise. Some of you are way too jumpy on "freeloaders" / "mommy's boys" take a second and look understand the situation first.

The problem OP has is that his parents are entirely unwilling to understand the situation from his perspective. Yes, the OP does live under their roof, yes they do provide for him, but does it always have to come down to moving out? Is this what you guys have all learned to do? Run away from problems? Moving out may not always be the best decision, yes you get the independence but you also lose the "edge" you would have over other people who have to work two jobs and go to school at the same time. It's a whole another argument, but the main point is they both have their benefits and it depends on the situation.

I personally think more communication is needed between OP and his parents. Little things like, "I'm not eating lunch because I ate lunch already" ( prior to her finish cooking .) Or just a mention that you'll be out late tonight. Little things count, they show your parents that you are responsible and considerate of them, unlike a punk ass kid.

I would agree that in the scenarios you have told us, your mom does seem to be a bit harsh, but the main thing to understand is why. A small thing like the lunch she cooked for you and expected you to eat, can easily set off her fuse. Work to eliminate these things and maybe then she'll be calm enough for you to sit down and reason with.

I may not be in your shoes but I pay rent, help out my parents bills, my car, gas, insurance, paid for school, worked while I went to school and have a mother that has the same attitude as yours but you don't see me complaining on RS do you?

You can't expect to change someone's way of thinking especially if they have been that way forever

The way I see it you want things to be better for you when you already have it pretty damn fuckin good. Some people have to go home at 10pm instead of going out and enjoying their social life cause they gotta work to pay for everything. You only pay for your own car and insurance and get to go out cause you aren't paying for fuck else.

ANd how do you know that the OP is telling the whole story.

to the OP, where do you go to school, as in, college or university, or bcit etc? Parents just don't go awall on their kids unless they see a bunch of red flags. Or do you have siblings that might have fucked up big time and are making them worried you will turn into the same? Either way, you and your parents need to sit down and talk or get some counselling, or this will go on forever.

Just thought of something!

Maybe your mom is going through menopause. Thus the high levels of emotional stress?
Posted via RS Mobile

seriously, STFU about going home by 12am. You think that's bad? My parents used to only let me go out once a week, and I would have to be home by fucking 10pm try explaining that to your friends/date.
Oh damn they scolded you, try getting whipped with a bamboo cane and not being allowed to make a sound.


QFT.

Seems like more than anything OP just wants sympathy since he's just shooting down everyone's suggestions and responding only to the one's that are like "OP i feel your pain blah blah blah"

OP makes home life sound like hell and he's done nothing wrong, judging by the way he writes on RS this is probably a more accurate of what interactions with his parents sound like:

Now that I actually got time to read this bullshit thru let me correct it from what I can figure out from the info you have provided.

1 you are a bitch. You post your rant on a online car fourm and when ppl give you their opinion and it conflicts with your own you call them a POS.

2 You make it sound like your situation is special well let me let you know. you aint special. welcome to the life of pretty much 80% of asian kids.

3 You say you want compromise but what are you going to do to meet them in the middle? You going start getting some killer grades if they agree?

4 Dude you are 22. This shit ain't high school. Yea friends have bday and there are events but its called priorities. Getting your shit together is more important than your friends pub night.

5 You may pay for all that shit but think about it, if you had to pay rent and for school you wouldn't be able to afford to go out at all plus you wouldn't have any time to go out with all the work you would have to do to afford all that shit.

6 hahaha if I'm a POS than thats fuckin sad bro. This POS just turned 23 and he aint a bitch like u. I can at least say I made my own way instead of leeching off my parents and bitchin about them on RS.

That was 15 years ago. I was a punk-ass kid. It was psychological warfare, and I came out on top. I broke the asian stereotype of studying hard, and going to university, and proved to my parents that I could succeed without going the same route as their friends' kids. That period of time helped to pave a 2-way street of respect between my parents and I. We are a team, now.

The point is I did something about my situation instead of bitch about it like a whiny little girl, which is what the OP is doing.