REVscene Automotive Forum - Chapman To read 18 year old's review of new 3D sex and zen movie in HK (semi-NWS)

Quote:

Originally Posted by InvisibleSoul (Post 7405016)

Damn, other forum link is busted.

Why would a porn flick show more blood rather than sweat/semen? More piercing cries rather than moans of ecstasy? And why would a 3D porn flick show more flying bullets, knives, rocks, guts and gore rather than sex? Fuck. I’d rather see cumshots squirt towards my face instead of seeing bullets or knives come at me from the screen. If I wanted to see flying bullets, I would’ve gone to see “Let the Bullets Fly” instead.

Why would a porn flick turn into a horror movie? Why would it contain head explosions, disembowelments and dismemberment? Fucking motherfuckers! I watch porn because I want to see people having sex, not murdering each other! How can I get a hard-on when I see cocks getting severed?

If you haven’t guessed it by now, the so called porn-cum-slasher flick I’m talking about is 3D Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstasy. But let’s put aside the gory details for a minute and talk about what the focus of a porn flick should be: the actresses.

Any horndog should get a little stiffy when they hear the names Saori Hara, Yukiko Suo, Lan Yan or Hong Kong’s very own Vonnie Lui, especially if they were to be in a film together. Somehow 3D Sex and Zen managed to fuck up a porno featuring these actresses.

Firstly, they fucking ruined the movie by dubbing over Saori Hara’s voice with that bitch Vienna (Lin)’s! We are perfectly content with hearing the original soundtrack of Japanese pornos even though we don’t understand a word they’re saying.

Secondly, why would you whip Yukiko Suo to shreds in a porno? What’s more, she was fucked to death in the movie! Like literally fucked to death! Most of us who went to see 3D Sex and Zen are horny little bastards, not necrophillic sadist freaks! If you find any dude still pitching a tent after watching these scenes in the theater, I suggest you get up and leave. He may be dangerous.

Another point of contention in 3D Sex and Zen is the orgy scene with Hiro Hayama. Most of the chicks in that scene are way fucking ugly. Motherfucking cunts! How am I supposed to get a stiffy from watching that?

Fuckit. Let’s also put aside this point for the moment and really focus on why I went to see this movie in the first place. I went to see 3D Sex and Zen because of Vonnie Lui.

Before heading to the theaters, I did a little research and found out that Vonnie Lui would be playing the role of a tranny in the film. However, I never expected to see her use “her cock” to club people or to spin a wheel. The movie is also so fucked as to use an old man’s voice for her voice-overs! Further, Vonnie’s character name is Elder of Bliss? WHAT THE FUCK!

Fuckit. Forget the voice-overs as well. As I said before, I went to see this movie because of Vonnie Lui. In fact, one of the key selling points for 3D Sex and Zen is that we finally get to see Vonnie Lui naked. But the fucking sad part is that we only get to see her bare tits for a total of 2 seconds (a user on HKGOLDEN.com even noted that this scene may have been doctored).

That’s right, 2 whole fucking seconds. Was I supposed to glance at her face or her tits during those 2 seconds? And guess what happens after those 2 precious seconds. She puts her clothes back on you say? No, her whole body blows up on screen! My dear goddess Vonnie Lui explodes into pieces of flesh! MOTHERFUCKERS!

Here’s the thing, Vonnie Lui has been my idol ever since I was a young lad. Others have called her ugly and scoffed at her fake boobs. But my love for her has never wavered. So when I first heard about this 3D porn flick starring Vonnie Lui AND two of Japan’s top porn models almost a year ago, I totally jizzed my pants.

I spent an entire year in rabid anticipation for 3D Sex and Zen. And for what? For a two-second flash of Vonnie’s tits and her subsequent bodily explosion? Do you know what fucking kind of mental damage this has caused me? Everytime I see pictures of Vonnie Lui from henceforth I will be reminded of Elder of Bliss’ voice and her exploding body. They fucking ruined the perfect image of my dear Vonnie Lui! YOU FUCKBALLS!!!!

Finally, many question my sanity with regards to my rage in all of this. But I tell you my mind is crystalline and my rage is pure: FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING 3D SEX AND ZEN!!!

點解好地地一套咸片，會血仲多過汗/精？慘叫、哀號仲多過呻吟、叫床？
點解好地地一套3D咸片，3D嘅竟然係子彈、飛刀、石頭、血、內臟，而完全唔關性愛事？屌，我寧願3D嘅係精，寧願俾葉山豪顏射我，都唔想睇子彈飛刀呀，要睇子彈飛，我睇讓子彈飛唔好？

點解好地地一套咸片，會咁血腥？爆頭、腰斬、斷手、斷腳……通通有齊，屌你老母我真係嚇撚到鳩到縮，我入黎係睇你點做愛，唔係睇你點做低人呀，仆街﹗

點解好地地一套咸片，會有切jer、斷撚……等等「男人最痛」情節出現？仆街，你叫人點扯呀？駛唔駛重口味到咁？

ok，咁都算撚數啦，血腥、暴力呢d都唔係最重要。唔好講話AV，一套色情電影最重要ge元素係咩呢？無錯，就係女主角。兩大專業AV女優、藍燕……仲有我地香港代表雷凱欣，稍為咸濕少少，真係聽到都扯扯地 ─ 但係事實又係點呢？

屌你老母﹗原紗央莉竟然用配音，仲要用果條八婆vienna配﹗我地平日睇AV都係聽唔到D AV講乜架啦，聽返日文有咩問題？仲原汁原味添啦，屌﹗

仲有，周防雪子俾人打到皮開肉綻，大佬呀，用不著玩SM下話？你估個個觀眾都咁撚重口味？最後周防俾人屌死左呀﹗死撚左呀﹗如果你身邊條友係咁恐怖嘅埸面，都仲起到機嘅，我勸你即刻執野走，佢好危險。

重點場面葉山豪一挑十幾多P，屌你老母臭閪，其他果D臨記裸女豬撚到仆街，無一個正常，你叫我扯？我就真係想叫佢地扯呀﹗仆街﹗

Fine，原紗央莉我可以唔睇，周防我可以唔睇，臨時都當佢地無到，我地入場ge目的係咩？你都戇鳩既，你睇奧運跨欄ge目的係咩呀？梗係睇劉翔啦，點解呀？因為支持自己友呀嘛﹗無錯﹗我入場ge目的就係我地嘅雷凱欣，為香港增光嘅雷凱欣﹗

事前我已經做曬research，知道雷凱欣係飾演陰陽人，已經有心理準備。但係，點解要安排佢fing jer、用jer jer轉車輪？用jer當棍毆人？點撚解唔俾雷凱欣用番自己把聲呀﹗點撚解要配把阿伯聲呀﹗點撚解要佢用把阿伯聲挑逗人呀﹗點撚解要佢自稱為「老夫」呀？仆街﹗你想點撚樣呀﹗

聲，算啦，細個睇AV都可以mute左佢唔聽聲齋睇，呢套戲亮點係「雷凱欣會露三點」，只不過，露兩點嘅時間得果2秒，係呀，係2秒呀，2秒，夠我睇佢個胸，定係夠睇佢個樣？(更有高登巴打極度懷疑露點場面係ke y上去) 2秒之後點？著番衫？爆鈕？係呀，係爆呀，不過係全身爆開果隻爆，2秒之後，我心愛嘅雷凱欣就成個爆炸，變成一堆血肉呀﹗屌你老母﹗﹗﹗﹗

由禁室培慾起，我自細已經視雷凱欣為我女神，好多人都話佢唔靚or假波or樣衰，但我對佢ge 熱愛從來都無動搖過。由知道香港會有3D色情片，到知道有兩大AV女優，再知道女神雷凱欣都有份演，再到知道我趕得切1 8歲入場睇﹗呢一年你知唔知我幾撚興奮幾撚期待？但原來一年ge苦等只換來2秒ge露點以及爆炸，你知唔知我心靈受到幾撚大創傷？以後我睇親雷凱欣d 寫真/J圖，我都會不自覺諗起佢用把死人阿伯聲講野，同埋成個人爆炸果個畫面，你知唔知咁樣會有心理陰影架？我女神就咁幻滅啦﹗仆街﹗

同行友人都話我痴左線，但我好冷靜好清醒 ─ 無J過雷凱欣嘅人係唔會明白呢種感受架﹗3D肉蒲團，我屌你老母﹗我真係好撚嬲呀﹗﹗﹗