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Vancouver Off-Topic / Current EventsThe off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.
Why would a porn flick show more blood rather than sweat/semen? More piercing cries rather than moans of ecstasy? And why would a 3D porn flick show more flying bullets, knives, rocks, guts and gore rather than sex? Fuck. I’d rather see cumshots squirt towards my face instead of seeing bullets or knives come at me from the screen. If I wanted to see flying bullets, I would’ve gone to see “Let the Bullets Fly” instead.
Why would a porn flick turn into a horror movie? Why would it contain head explosions, disembowelments and dismemberment? Fucking motherfuckers! I watch porn because I want to see people having sex, not murdering each other! How can I get a hard-on when I see cocks getting severed?
If you haven’t guessed it by now, the so called porn-cum-slasher flick I’m talking about is 3D Sex and Zen:Extreme Ecstasy. But let’s put aside the gory details for a minute and talk about what the focus of a porn flick should be: the actresses.
Any horndog should get a little stiffy when they hear the names Saori Hara, Yukiko Suo, Lan Yan or Hong Kong’s very own Vonnie Lui, especially if they were to be in a film together. Somehow 3D Sex and Zen managed to fuck up a porno featuring these actresses.
Firstly, they fucking ruined the movie by dubbing over Saori Hara’s voice with that bitch Vienna (Lin)’s! We are perfectly content with hearing the original soundtrack of Japanese pornos even though we don’t understand a word they’re saying.
Secondly, why would you whip Yukiko Suo to shreds in a porno? What’s more, she was fucked to death in the movie! Like literally fucked to death! Most of us who went to see 3D Sex and Zen are horny little bastards, not necrophillic sadist freaks! If you find any dude still pitching a tent after watching these scenes in the theater, I suggest you get up and leave. He may be dangerous.
Another point of contention in 3D Sex and Zen is the orgy scene with Hiro Hayama. Most of the chicks in that scene are way fucking ugly. Motherfucking cunts! How am I supposed to get a stiffy from watching that?
Fuckit. Let’s also put aside this point for the moment and really focus on why I went to see this movie in the first place. I went to see 3D Sex and Zen because of Vonnie Lui.
Before heading to the theaters, I did a little research and found out that Vonnie Lui would be playing the role of a tranny in the film. However, I never expected to see her use “her cock” to club people or to spin a wheel. The movie is also so fucked as to use an old man’s voice for her voice-overs! Further, Vonnie’s character name is Elder of Bliss? WHAT THE FUCK!
Fuckit. Forget the voice-overs as well. As I said before, I went to see this movie because of Vonnie Lui. In fact, one of the key selling points for 3D Sex and Zen is that we finally get to see Vonnie Lui naked. But the fucking sad part is that we only get to see her bare tits for a total of 2 seconds (a user on HKGOLDEN.com even noted that this scene may have been doctored).
That’s right, 2 whole fucking seconds. Was I supposed to glance at her face or her tits during those 2 seconds? And guess what happens after those 2 precious seconds. She puts her clothes back on you say? No, her whole body blows up on screen! My dear goddess Vonnie Lui explodes into pieces of flesh! MOTHERFUCKERS!
Here’s the thing, Vonnie Lui has been my idol ever since I was a young lad. Others have called her ugly and scoffed at her fake boobs. But my love for her has never wavered. So when I first heard about this 3D porn flick starring Vonnie Lui AND two of Japan’s top porn models almost a year ago, I totally jizzed my pants.
I spent an entire year in rabid anticipation for 3D Sex and Zen. And for what? For a two-second flash of Vonnie’s tits and her subsequent bodily explosion? Do you know what fucking kind of mental damage this has caused me? Everytime I see pictures of Vonnie Lui from henceforth I will be reminded of Elder of Bliss’ voice and her exploding body. They fucking ruined the perfect image of my dear Vonnie Lui! YOU FUCKBALLS!!!!
Finally, many question my sanity with regards to my rage in all of this. But I tell you my mind is crystalline and my rage is pure: FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING 3D SEX AND ZEN!!!
Basically, she says she got skinnier, and it was not a Body Double.
Everybody else is calling it BS.
Quote:
Vonnie Lui Hoi Yan, Hiro Hayama (Yip San Ho), Tony Ho Wa Chiu, producer Stephen Shiu Jr. and theme song performer Sukie Shek Wing Lei two nights ago attended the 3D SEX AND ZEN: EXTREME ECSTASY (3D YUK PO TUEN ji GIK LOK BO GAM) celebration. Stephen Shiu Jr. announced that the film after five days in release in Hong Kong passed 14 million at the box office, after one day in release in Taiwan it made close to NT$5 million.
Lui Hoi Yan was excited about the box office success. "I just returned from promoting the film in Taiwan, such a good performance truly is very rare." Speaking of many online criticism about her being the promotion selling point but she did not perform in the buff in the film. Even her topless scene only lasted two seconds. Some even questioned whether she used a double and demanded a "refund". Lui Hoi Yan stressed that she did not use a double. Because during the shoot she was thinner, visually there was a difference. As for why she was not fully naked, she explained, "My character is a hermaphrodite, I am topless but I covered up below. The third spot that everyone saw on screen required computer generated effects."
Did she feel that was like lying to the audience? She was upset and said, "I didn't lie to anyone!" Then she broke down and said, "It took a lot of courage for me to play this character, but instead I was criticized. I am an actress but viewers make me sound like a prostitute. I am just one of the four actresses, why don't viewers stomp on the other actresses? They just point all their arrows at me. I feel humiliated. If it's like this why not just cut out my topless scenes and don't bother." Hiro Hayama consoled her. "Don't cry, tonight is a celebration! Actually she truly gave for the film and worked very hard on her performance."
Would Lui Hoi Yan no longer make category III film? She said that this incident would not affect her decision. In the future whether she would perform in the buff she would make up her mind according to the script. In addition, Stephen Shiu Jr said, "Young people now mistake adult video for category III films. They think that they spend over HK$100 to watch 3D adult video at the movies and criticize that after watching the movie they have no biological response. They have no idea what category III film restrictions are. Since they have an opinion, later when the film will be released on video I will lengthen Lui Hoi Yan's topless scene. (How much longer?) It should be four seconds. On May Day golden week the film will also release an extended edition, which will have 15 minutes more sex scenes that were cut earlier to satisfy everyone."
I thought this was gonna be about the guy who murdered John Lennon.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by skyxx
Sonick is a genius. I won't go into detail what's so great about his post. But it's damn good!
2010 Toyota Rav4 Limited V6 - Wifey's Daily Driver
2009 BMW 128i - Daily Driver
2007 Toyota Rav4 Sport V6 - Sold
1999 Mazda Miata - Sold
2003 Mazda Protege5 - Sold
1987 BMW 325is - Sold
1990 Mazda Miata - Sold
The translation is pretty spot on. It does not retain all of the original humor. It's just not as funny as the original Chinese version read by Chapman.
Hahaha my Chinese is only so-so, so hearing the guy read it and having the translation to help was great!
__________________ Do Not Put Aftershave on Your Balls. -604CEFIRO Looks like I'm gonna have some hot sex again tonight...OOPS i got the 6 pack. that wont last me the night, I better go back and get the 24 pack! -Turbo E kinda off topic but obama is a dilf - miss_crayon Honest to fucking Christ the easiest way to get a married woman in the mood is clean the house and do the laundry.....I've been with the same girl almost 17 years, ask me how I know. - quasi
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