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Vancouver Off-Topic / Current EventsThe off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.
anyone else notice how much extended medical practitioners are charging these days? i still see some that are reasonable, like $110-120/hr for an RMT, but some are charging like $180/hr now? i know most ppl have benefits that pay for this, but when your benefits cover like $500 for each type of practitioner, $500 wouldn't even get you three 1hr massages anymore.
They can charge whatever they want, but a lot of the extended coverage has a per session cap. If they charge over the cap you'll have pay out of pocket anyways. So if they charge $180, and your cap is $110 (it was for me a before covid) then you have to pay $70 out of pocket.
Wife wanted kids, so we had kids. Most of our friends have kids, but I don't know which gen we are part of when we are all ~85-90. I find most couples who get married end up having kids except for the ones that can't, and very few that choose the DINK life.
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Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS
I'm 26 in a few weeks. I know women are going to ask me this question frequently on dates. It's not a simple answer. It depends on if we can afford it AND provide the child with a childhood that doesn't show struggle. As I reference previously, I grew up in BC Housing and for a decent part of my childhood we got our groceries at the food bank. I don't tend to celebrate holidays or my birthday, but I think that's because growing up, we didn't have money to celebrate it. For Christmas, we'd go to the Richmond Christmas Fund. We never did dinners or have people over, because once again, we couldn't afford it. I don't want my kids to experience that, so the only way I would be willing to have kids is if I can guarantee that they won't have to live a childhood of feeling like we're too poor to live / feeling like a waste of space because the family doesn't have enough money so as a child I feel like a parasite.
AND on the other token, I don't know how I can be delicate around a child. Most of my peers, professionally and personally, know that I don't beat around the bush and I tell it how it is.
Today, I had an employee make a complaint because someone (probably me) hurt his feelings (LOL). Two days ago, I told him, "hey I appreciate your hard work but I found these mistakes, can you please be more mindful of it." He did seem like he took it a little too personally so I gave him some space, but I checked in on him at the end of the day and apologized if I was too harsh. He said that he's fine it's just the project that's stressful but "you're all good".
Anyway, point being is that, I don't have the patience to tip toe around someone in their mid-30s let alone a real child lol.
I think it shows that you have given it enough thought to understand it's not a simple answer, if the girl demands a yes or no then she might not be for since it's not a black and white answer for you. It's also the person you are with as well, you might be a good fit with one person to have kids, but not with another. Then there are people who's sole purpose in life is to have kids.
The whole affording bit though, most will never be financially ready to have a kid. You just need to figure out what is a must have and what you will need to forgo. Organized sports may be an important enough factor for you to forgo traveling somewhere far once a year. Your lifestyle may mean you need to spend money on bikes and the transporting devices required so you can have family rides together rather than having a sports car. Extra curricular activities are more important than always having nice/new clothes, instead doing with hand me downs. It's things that we have to think about all the time, and more so now with 2 kids.
The whole tip toeing bit is tough, especially if the child is very sensitive (like mine)
Wife wanted kids, so we had kids. Most of our friends have kids, but I don't know which gen we are part of when we are all ~85-90. I find most couples who get married end up having kids except for the ones that can't, and very few that choose the DINK life.
We chose the DINK life, never tried for kids. Wife didn't want kids, was quite surprised when she told me. Growing up she always thought she did but a few years into marriage she felt she didn't really have the urge or desire to do so.
I was indifferent one way or another, just knew I would be all in one way or another as long as we made the most of whatever choice we made.
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Originally Posted by skyxx
Sonick is a genius. I won't go into detail what's so great about his post. But it's damn good!
2010 Toyota Rav4 Limited V6 - Wifey's Daily Driver
2009 BMW 128i - Daily Driver
2007 Toyota Rav4 Sport V6 - Sold
1999 Mazda Miata - Sold
2003 Mazda Protege5 - Sold
1987 BMW 325is - Sold
1990 Mazda Miata - Sold
Wife wanted kids, so we had kids. Most of our friends have kids, but I don't know which gen we are part of when we are all ~85-90. I find most couples who get married end up having kids except for the ones that can't, and very few that choose the DINK life.
we chose the DINK life too (SINK life, but i guess she makes more than me via bank interest/investments than me working).
I became this way after working at a school of autistic children. I cant stand the idea of rolling dice with God. These special needs kids were so sweet, but looking at their parents when they pick up the kids... they just seem like they were defeated or dead inside. They hated their lives and to an extent, im sure they hate their kids too.
There's a small chance, but still a chance nevertheless. Why risk it.
we chose the DINK life too (SINK life, but i guess she makes more than me via bank interest/investments than me working).
I became this way after working at a school of autistic children. I cant stand the idea of rolling dice with God. These special needs kids were so sweet, but looking at their parents when they pick up the kids... they just seem like they were defeated or dead inside. They hated their lives and to an extent, im sure they hate their kids too.
There's a small chance, but still a chance nevertheless. Why risk it.
I went to an elementary school that had a special needs program. Students in the program were integrated into our classroom with a dedicated worker, and we all got along with them fine. I'm sure the parents experienced an extra level of burden, but I never got the impression they ever despised their child. From what I could see it felt like they tried their best and provided as much as they could given the circumstances.
its a bit different having a special needs program as part of the regular school vs a special needs school. The school i was in had all levels of special needs. From high-functioning kids to the poor kids that basically just screamed for 8h.
Guess which one had the parents that looked like they were defeated.
These poor poor kids... life's hard enough without the added challenges of autism.
These special needs kids were so sweet, but looking at their parents when they pick up the kids... they just seem like they were defeated or dead inside. They hated their lives and to an extent, im sure they hate their kids too.
I send my kid to a sorta rich kid daycare (CEFA) and some of the very rich parents look like they'd very much rather be anywhere but with their kids. I'd say about half of the kids are excited to see their parents at pickup, a quarter are of the "oh good you're here" and the last quarter look like they're just participating in their daily prison transfer.
I joked with my wife that one of my kid's classmates looks like a miniature 40 year old working 2 jobs to get by. She's perpetually looking bummed and unkempt and her (very rich) parents do nothing but frown much less pay attention to her.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badhobz
we chose the DINK life too (SINK life, but i guess she makes more than me via bank interest/investments than me working).
I became this way after working at a school of autistic children. I cant stand the idea of rolling dice with God. These special needs kids were so sweet, but looking at their parents when they pick up the kids... they just seem like they were defeated or dead inside. They hated their lives and to an extent, im sure they hate their kids too.
There's a small chance, but still a chance nevertheless. Why risk it.
My prior GF who I was with for a long time had a brother with downs syndrome. He is an exceptional guy, tons of fun, huge personality, and loved by everyone. That said, their father, who also is a great man, really had to take on a lot. He is insanely successful, like beyond most peoples wildest dreams, but it was never enough, because of what he thought he needed to provide for his son to have a comfortable life. That was, and is a very scary part of this whole thing, and it was a huge reason why I delayed and delayed it. You want your kid to be ok, regardless of anything, and there are things that go far beyond just being their parent, but being a caregiver, and it can get bigger and bigger than you imagined. There is so much you truly can't control.
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98 technoviolet M3/2/5
Quote:
Originally Posted by boostfever
Westopher is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fsy82
seems like you got a dick up your ass well..get that checked
Quote:
Originally Posted by punkwax
Well.. I’d hate to be the first to say it, but Westopher is correct.
With Down syndrome, I thought it can be detected during pregnancy. So it wasn't very much of a concern to me. But I was concerned about the risk of the baby having other developmental issues, and AFAIK, that risk level goes up with age, and really starts shooting up after 35.
Prior to having our child, my wife and I also had a mutual understanding/agreement that if there were any serious issues being detected in the fetus, we would abort and terminate the pregnancy, and Down syndrome was precisely the example we used in our discussion. Fortunately, we never had to really make that decision.
With Down syndrome, I thought it can be detected during pregnancy. So it wasn't very much of a concern to me. But I was concerned about the risk of the baby having other developmental issues, and AFAIK, that risk level goes up with age, and really starts shooting up after 35.
Prior to having our child, my wife and I also had a mutual understanding/agreement that if there were any serious issues being detected in the fetus, we would abort and terminate the pregnancy, and Down syndrome was precisely the example we used in our discussion. Fortunately, we never had to really make that decision.
We had our first when my wife was 40 (she's now 44) and while she would like to have another the risks and challenges of a geriatric pregnancy have been one of the reasons (not the highest) I've not wanted to have a second. It was hard enough the first the time - our first miscarriage resulted in an ambulance ride to the ER then later our kid ended up spending a few days in the NICU when she was born which was then followed by another miscarriage a couple years later that resulted in another hospital stay.
I'm pretty even keeled and not bothered my much but I'm not sure I can handle that all again on top of risks of birth defects like Down syndrome etc (which we would terminate).
Randomly reminds me of back in the way days, Castle Fun Park did not have accessibility of any kind for the disabled because the owners did not want 'those people' in their facility. 'Those people' were an abomination according to them. Given that CFP is in Abby, you get the idea.
Speaking of down syndrome, didn't you guys notice more of them running around when we were kids? I find it rare nowadays to see someone with downs, I assume because we're aborting them before birth as opposed to back in the day?
I had a friend in elementary school named Brian, he had downs. I used to fight other kids that would pick on him, he was a big dumb oaf, easily about a foot taller than all of us and about 20-30lbs heavier. Big silly bastard with bright red hair.
I hate people who act like you're some kind of freak if you don't want to have kids.
"Oh you'll change your mind"
"Who's going to take care of you when you're older?!"
"Traveling and all that stuff will get boring eventually"
Fuck outta here, don't try to force me into your miserable life of dirty diapers and 4 hours sleeps. I appreciate the posters here who are honest about how hard it is raising a child, especially in a city like Vancouver.
We're happy as hell traveling about when we want, digital nomading in the fall and winters in Mexico, sleeping in and doing whatever the fuck we want on weekends.
My GF is Filipino so I'm sure if all cards aligned she'd pop out 100 babies, I'm lucky reality also circulates well within her head. The life of freedom is quite alluring to her so we've settled on being DINKs. Considered freezing eggs just in case our mindsets changed, but it bloody hell it's expensive.
Speaking of down syndrome, didn't you guys notice more of them running around when we were kids? I find it rare nowadays to see someone with downs, I assume because we're aborting them before birth as opposed to back in the day?
Prenatal genetic testing can now be done quite early and is quite comprehensive so parents know quite early on if there's going to be trouble. It's not 100% accurate but close enough. In some European countries things like Down syndrome has basically been eradicated and it's considered entirely socially acceptable to terminate a pregnancy for this reason. I recall reading an article about how it's almost become socially unacceptable to keep a Down syndrome child.
Quite a few are childless b/c they never found themselves a partner - especially the women for whom I won't touch the subject with them cause for most of them it hurts.
Do you think that past a certain age, people are very unlikely to find a partner, especially for kids? Seems like the majority of girls around me mention they'll be childless if they don't have a good prospect by 28 - 33. From what I see in my current friend groups between 27 - 31, only a small pool of folks who made their $$$ had kids, let alone are married. Almost none of the guys I spoke to are planning to have kids until at least 33 - 40. It sounds like everyone wants to give their kids expensive educational daycare, multi program sports, organic food, best school catchments, funding college, etc.
This increase in costs is delaying their prospects of kids until they can afford it whereas I just grew up in an immigrant family that yolo'd it and never had all this extra stuff. It's been creating interesting convos between my friend where a lot of girls ONLY want their kids growing up with all the luxuries while the guys are indifferent and will only provide if they can afford that extra costs.
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Well, it's easier to have kids later with advances in modern medicine and fertility treatments, but yeah, you kinda need to have the prospects in your early 30s at the latest, because it gets much more complicated after 35. Me and my wife were married for 8 years, together for 11 before the kid came along. We had been married for 6 years before we got serious about the idea. It's a bigger commitment than marriage is.
The blessing about my dad just fucking off when I was born is I never had to deal with a messy coparenting situation like some of my friends did. It's really fucked up having parents that hate each other and having to watch it.
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98 technoviolet M3/2/5
Quote:
Originally Posted by boostfever
Westopher is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fsy82
seems like you got a dick up your ass well..get that checked
Quote:
Originally Posted by punkwax
Well.. I’d hate to be the first to say it, but Westopher is correct.
If you're a woman, 35, and single. Damn. That one must hurt. The chances of them finding a husband is definitely diminishing every day.
I think most single men who are 35 would probably want to date someone younger.
I do know a couple of pretty good-looking girls who are single and are 35+, but the problem with both of them is that they're too picky. And while I do think they are attractive, they definitely don't look like they're 20 anymore.
What do you guys think are crucial conversations you should have with your partner on kids before getting married? We're entering this new era of having both parents being breadwinners so what's a fair way to split duties without resenting a partner. If one earns more do you guys think he/she should do more?
In the past, I noticed a trend where girls I've casually dated suggested they'll only want to marry partners that had the same mindset of raising the kids with extra 3-5+ curriculars, tutors, west side schools, detached homes for extra bedrooms, funding their post-sec, maid/cleaners/consistent babysitters etc. AKA giving my kids the best life, all of this costs an extra $1.2-2.5/month per kid. If they want 2 - 3 kids, you gotta be raking in at least an extra $4-6k/month to afford this lol. I feel like I'm too selfish for myself where if I had that extra $4-6K/month I don't think I'd want to pour it on my kids. But everyone says this will change once you have the kids.
Less than 1% of my friends have kids or are engaged, and those who do are fortunate enough be single income parents where the wife raises the kids. So y'all are the only one's with experience on this stuff for the next couple of years.
all the single ladies i know who are 35+ pretty much arent even looking.
I got a few friends in that category and i think they've either 1) given up 2) become so used to being independent, they see it as a chore to get into a relationship.
They seem happy enough so i dont even bother hooking them up anymore. Strangely i dont know a lot of single dudes in that category as it seems they've all settled down with somebody good or bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutButter
I do know a couple of pretty good-looking girls who are single and are 35+, but the problem with both of them is that they're too picky. And while I do think they are attractive, they definitely don't look like they're 20 anymore.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerbs
What do you guys think are crucial conversations you should have with your partner on kids before getting married? We're entering this new era of having both parents being breadwinners so what's a fair way to split duties without resenting a partner. If one earns more do you guys think he/she should do more?
In the past, I noticed a trend where girls I've casually dated suggested they'll only want to marry partners that had the same mindset of raising the kids with extra 3-5+ curriculars, tutors, west side schools, detached homes for extra bedrooms, funding their post-sec, maid/cleaners/consistent babysitters etc. AKA giving my kids the best life, all of this costs an extra $1.2-2.5/month per kid. If they want 2 - 3 kids, you gotta be raking in at least an extra $4-6k/month to afford this lol. I feel like I'm too selfish for myself where if I had that extra $4-6K/month I don't think I'd want to pour it on my kids. But everyone says this will change once you have the kids.
Less than 1% of my friends have kids or are engaged, and those who do are fortunate enough be single income parents where the wife raises the kids. So y'all are the only one's with experience on this stuff for the next couple of years.
I can only speak from my experience, but we just carried on with our jobs the way we previously did, and adapted our schedules to work with childcare as well as possible. We never had to have a conversation because we both knew that the other person was committed to it. I think thats far fetched for many couples, but it worked for us. That's how we knew it was gonna work. We've never had squabbles about money. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. I've made more, she's made more, but it's a partnership. We'd never hold it over each others heads, but we also make sure there would never be a reason for the other to do that. If my wife has something she really wants to do with some friends, and I'm not at work, I'll be taking care of the kid solo, and she does the same. I probably spend a little more time doing childcare than she does solo, but she does more than I do when it comes to cooking, cleaning etc, so we just work with how it fell. Both of us are pretty naturally not lazy people though. That said, lazy people make lazy parents. You just fucking do it, and there's no excuses. It's frustrating to watch parents clearly not paying attention to their kids out in the world. Again, why have one?
__________________
98 technoviolet M3/2/5
Quote:
Originally Posted by boostfever
Westopher is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fsy82
seems like you got a dick up your ass well..get that checked
Quote:
Originally Posted by punkwax
Well.. I’d hate to be the first to say it, but Westopher is correct.
What do you guys think are crucial conversations you should have with your partner on kids before getting married? We're entering this new era of having both parents being breadwinners so what's a fair way to split duties without resenting a partner. If one earns more do you guys think he/she should do more?
In the past, I noticed a trend where girls I've casually dated suggested they'll only want to marry partners that had the same mindset of raising the kids with extra 3-5+ curriculars, tutors, west side schools, detached homes for extra bedrooms, funding their post-sec, maid/cleaners/consistent babysitters etc. AKA giving my kids the best life, all of this costs an extra $1.2-2.5/month per kid. If they want 2 - 3 kids, you gotta be raking in at least an extra $4-6k/month to afford this lol. I feel like I'm too selfish for myself where if I had that extra $4-6K/month I don't think I'd want to pour it on my kids. But everyone says this will change once you have the kids.
Less than 1% of my friends have kids or are engaged, and those who do are fortunate enough be single income parents where the wife raises the kids. So y'all are the only one's with experience on this stuff for the next couple of years.
In the last page I said you have to figure what's a need and what's a want and what you need to give up. These women you are describing don't sound realistic or they expect parents to cough up the dough. All of us and my friends have some combo of the aforementioned luxuries but not all of them, you just need to pick and choose.
And Gerbs aren't you also only in your 20s like BAWS? You still got time to go.
We've never had squabbles about money. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. I've made more, she's made more, but it's a partnership.
tangent topic:
a friend of mine and his wife are the exact opposite. He wants to split everything down the line 50/50. He'll keep tabs of how much he spent vs how much she spent and demand payback for the difference. Like he bitches about their mortgage and how she doesnt pay her fair share (shes unemployed right now).
Also, if he orders her mom some Amazon crap, he expects to be compensated back (even if its like 20-30 bucks).
Stuff like this seems super petty to me. I mean shes your wife man. Youre suppose to function as one unit not some fucking business relationship. Even when he takes her car in to get serviced, he wants her to pay for her own.
This kinda shit bugs the crap out of me, but thats just how he's raised.
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