Long Distance Relationship Tips?

[roastpuff]

Hey guys, so I recently entered my first ever relationship... and it's a quirky path alright.

My girlfriend and I hit it off during a group project at school, and I asked her out at the end of final exams. So, we've been going out for 4 weeks now, and recently decided to make it "official" that we're a couple. For the both of us, this is our first 'serious' relationship so we're both working on new territory.

Here's the fun part: she's got a 4-month co-op term in Penticton (Forestry student) starting Jan 9th. So, I'm going to see her maybe once in February during Reading Break, and that's it until April.

We're both committed to making it work - we talked a lot regarding what we think a relationship should include (communication, being sure we say clearly what we mean, honesty, etc.) and even though it's a long distance relationship for now we want to see it grow if we can.

Any tips for those of you who have been in long-distance relationships? I'm planning to try and surprise her with a visit, if possible, and sending letters and other surprises to keep it fun and add something extra other than just Skyping etc.

Thanks in advance guys.

[twitchyzero]

you've only seen each other for a few weeks and she going to be away for 4 months?

good luck.

unless she's a real keeper...probably not worth it.

[XplicitLuder]

oh man good luck. Def gonna be hard being away from eachother specially since you guys just started. Though i don't know how you guys are, i think it'll turn out alright. Coming from basically getting into my first serious relationship as well, i think that because it's the "first" one, ppl normally do whatever they can to not fuck it up. So unless you guys are like partyers 24/7 and don't give 2 rats ass, i think you will do just fine Gonna be tough tho, but as long as you keep that communication...well..let's just say communication is key lol

[trancehead]

its juts 4 months. not the end of the world.

phone sex might be your only hope though

[Nlkko]

Originally Posted by roastpuff

I'm planning to try and surprise her with a visit, if possible, and sending letters and other surprises to keep it fun

Does she like those stuffs? Don't do it if she doesn't. Not everyone likes surprises, pleasant or not.

4 months is nothing. It goes faster than you think. Hardly a "long-distance relationship" because it's only temporary.

Just do what you do and don't be trippin'

[Shead]

Single for 4 months!?!?

[JKam]

Originally Posted by roastpuff

I'm planning to try and surprise her with a visit, if possible, and sending letters and other surprises to keep it fun and add something extra other than just Skyping etc.

You're setting up a huge standard of "romance" if you're going to do that regularly. When she returns she'll probably expect something extravagantly romantic.

Of course, I'm just generalizing her with the typical Vancouver girl. Yours might be different.

[k2_alpha]

Video chat.

Better than phone calls as you at least get to see something.

Skype or FaceTime.

Pro tip though, make sure if one of you are busy, don't get jealous.
If events are in the way, then be understanding.

[hirevtuner]

hold off on the relationship until she comes back, focus on your shit and you won't be emotionally attached

[hsh4]

If this is your first relationship insecurity is going to kick in probably a week in. its tough so good luck
Posted via RS Mobile

[dinosaur]

ya dude....i'd be worried.... forestry guys are hot.

in all seriousness...it can work. i use to work out of town a lot (archaeology) and was in relationships. it can be exciting (whether its a new relationship or and old one).

try and stay in as much communication as possible...send her emails at night for her to read in the morning....text her when you are thinking about her and maybe even think about sending her flowers to where she is staying. I sent a hand-written letter once for something different. If she is going to cheat, she will do it whether she is out of town or not so don't worry about it right now. Maybe 1/2 thru you can make a weekend trip up there or she can come down or even meet 1/2 way for a weekend in Manning Park.

Keep it light and fun and be sure not to get all weird and paranoid. Also, she is going to be tired and really busy....if she is kinda distant one day or you don't hear from her in a few days....remember that. Don't go all crazy....she is going to be WAY busier than you and in an totally different mind-set sometimes.

[Gridlock]

Monogamish. It's a word. It's your friend.

Seriously, Getting all committed to someone you don't really know so soon before she leaves is foolish. I personally wouldn't get all, "I'm in a LDR!" about it as much as a person I'm seeing is going away for awhile. Yeah, you skype a little and write each other cute fb messages, but from the sounds of it, you aren't ready to be jacking off to heavy breathing on the phone.

You'll know, btw.

As its your first big relationship, it doesn't sound like you are out woo-ing different women and such so I don't think its a big deal to hold off while she's gone. But why get all "there" in your relationship when you can re-ignite everything upon her return?

[roastpuff]

Originally Posted by twitchyzero

you've only seen each other for a few weeks and she going to be away for 4 months?

good luck.

unless she's a real keeper...probably not worth it.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think she's worth it... definitely a long-term "bring it home to mom" prospect IMO.

Originally Posted by XplicitLuder

oh man good luck. Def gonna be hard being away from eachother specially since you guys just started. Though i don't know how you guys are, i think it'll turn out alright. Coming from basically getting into my first serious relationship as well, i think that because it's the "first" one, ppl normally do whatever they can to not fuck it up. So unless you guys are like partyers 24/7 and don't give 2 rats ass, i think you will do just fine Gonna be tough tho, but as long as you keep that communication...well..let's just say communication is key lol

Yeah, that's what we figured as well hehe. Let's just say our phones are getting a good workout. Good thing I have unlimited texting/favorite number calling.

Originally Posted by trancehead

its juts 4 months. not the end of the world.

phone sex might be your only hope though

4 months ought to go fast considering it's a school term. And with webcams... (just kidding).

Originally Posted by Nlkko

Does she like those stuffs? Don't do it if she doesn't. Not everyone likes surprises, pleasant or not.

4 months is nothing. It goes faster than you think. Hardly a "long-distance relationship" because it's only temporary.

Just do what you do and don't be trippin'

Thanks for the advice! She does like surprises, so it should be good, I think. May try to combine it with a skiing trip to Apex/Silver Star.

Originally Posted by Shead

Single for 4 months!?!?

for four months?

Originally Posted by JKam

You're setting up a huge standard of "romance" if you're going to do that regularly. When she returns she'll probably expect something extravagantly romantic.

Of course, I'm just generalizing her with the typical Vancouver girl. Yours might be different.

Well, so far, she seems to be a fairly low maintenance type of girl, and doesn't expect me to pay for every date, cater to her every whim type of thing. And the surprises/romantic touches are not going to be "regular" like what you're saying, hopefully... it's best to do it in moderation so the novelty doesn't wear off, right?

Originally Posted by k2_alpha

Video chat.

Better than phone calls as you at least get to see something.

Skype or FaceTime.

Pro tip though, make sure if one of you are busy, don't get jealous.
If events are in the way, then be understanding.

Thanks! Something I will definitely keep in mind. My school/work schedule and hers sometimes clash if I have late shifts.

Originally Posted by hirevtuner

hold off on the relationship until she comes back, focus on your shit and you won't be emotionally attached

Thanks for the advice, you're basically advising against emotional attachment until she's back in town?

Originally Posted by hsh4

If this is your first relationship insecurity is going to kick in probably a week in. its tough so good luck
Posted via RS Mobile

Thanks. So far so good? Well it's Day 3...

Originally Posted by dinosaur

ya dude....i'd be worried.... forestry guys are hot.

in all seriousness...it can work. i use to work out of town a lot (archaeology) and was in relationships. it can be exciting (whether its a new relationship or and old one).

try and stay in as much communication as possible...send her emails at night for her to read in the morning....text her when you are thinking about her and maybe even think about sending her flowers to where she is staying. I sent a hand-written letter once for something different. If she is going to cheat, she will do it whether she is out of town or not so don't worry about it right now. Maybe 1/2 thru you can make a weekend trip up there or she can come down or even meet 1/2 way for a weekend in Manning Park.

Keep it light and fun and be sure not to get all weird and paranoid. Also, she is going to be tired and really busy....if she is kinda distant one day or you don't hear from her in a few days....remember that. Don't go all crazy....she is going to be WAY busier than you and in an totally different mind-set sometimes.

Originally Posted by Gridlock

Monogamish. It's a word. It's your friend.

Seriously, Getting all committed to someone you don't really know so soon before she leaves is foolish. I personally wouldn't get all, "I'm in a LDR!" about it as much as a person I'm seeing is going away for awhile. Yeah, you skype a little and write each other cute fb messages, but from the sounds of it, you aren't ready to be jacking off to heavy breathing on the phone.

You'll know, btw.

As its your first big relationship, it doesn't sound like you are out woo-ing different women and such so I don't think its a big deal to hold off while she's gone. But why get all "there" in your relationship when you can re-ignite everything upon her return?

Thank you to the both of you - the two of you always offer good advice. Gridlock, if possible, can I get you to expand on your last statement? I don't quite understand it.

[V4NC1TY]

For sure, long-distance relationships require a shit-ton of trust

I agree with hirevtuner; you should probably hold it off until she comes back
However, you're still going to be emotionally attached for like the first few weeks, depending on how quick you can get over people. The problem is, though, you might find somebody better and lose interest in her
If you two constantly keep in touch with each other and communicate every day, then it could probably work
4 months is a long time though! I can't stand to be away from my girlfriend for more than a week

[Gridlock]

Originally Posted by Gridlock

As its your first big relationship, it doesn't sound like you are out woo-ing different women and such so I don't think its a big deal to hold off while she's gone. But why get all "there" in your relationship when you can re-ignite everything upon her return?

Yeah, I can expand. Although it doesn't sound like you are out dating different women, and at a point where a conversation about becoming monotonous with each other actually means you have to cut other people off, but why get all committed in a relationship that is going on hold for 4 months at a really awkward time, when you can have a real conversation that says, I'd like to keep dating you, but don't want you to have to feel restricted because of a new relationship when its on hold for 4 months.

But its really on you to know where you guys are at, and what hers and your expectations are going to be. It's both of yours first relationships, so I don't think that you are going to be all caught up with meeting other people and things like that, but I think its premature to be all locked down in a committed relationship with a 4 month break, when you can relax a little for 4 months and renew when she is back.

[!Yaminashi]

She might get the wrong idea if you mention holding off on your relationship and not getting committed
Posted via RS Mobile

[dinosaur]

^ agreed.

The only way to set up a relationship for failure, is to tell her you are still shopping.

Why not make a commitment for 4 months? It is really not a long period of time and it is not like she will be THAT far away.

[tiger_handheld]

some chicks say that shopping keeps the current guy on his toes and doing stuff to keep her interest.. true or false?

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

lol 4 months???
dude 4 month's passes in a blink of an eye unless you're a little kid still.

i don't even know where the past fuckin 3 years went.


my only advice is don't be nosey.
ie. don't expect to know what she's doing all the time. or if she's not pickin up her phone some nights, and she didn't tell you she's going out etc etc

you'll get paranoid. you'll get curious. it's part of human psychology. you resist those primal temptations. those are traps that you're gonna set for yourself.

what's the difference if she went on a 1 week trip vs a 4 month trip?
there is none man. if anything it's all in your head.

DONT have ridiculous "promises" or set schedules
like "WE'RE GONNA TALK EVERYDAY AT 10PM FOR 1 HOUR"
or some bullshit
cuz no one can keep those or will keep those.

dont be clingy. be transparent, but don't be a interrogator.

lol, try 6 year long distance. and another 1 year with another broad.

[hirevtuner]

relationship is a 2 way street, works both ways, either you find another or she finds another in that time frame
you guys are still fresh and will not have that "honeymoon"phase until she comes back so that's the logic of holding back, if it is meant to happen it will let it be natural, cannot be forced

[BaoTurbo]

I am in the same situation now but better, still same concept.

Me and the gf have been going out for about 2 months and in the meantime even before we started going out, she knew I had to leave for Victoria since I got accepted to UVIC in Jan. I can always come back for the weekends and we see each other for 2 days, but then we won't be seeing each other after that. Its been 2 weeks so far since I left...

So far we've been doing pretty well. Texting a lot during the day to see what each other is up to. We did facetime once but I find texting and calling is a better way than holding up the phone all night to talk about what happened and etc (imo).

For me, I think the key is "trust" and "commitment". You don't need to be clingy or anything but trust is a good thing and being clingy sometimes to see what she is up to is not a bad thing to check up on her once in a while. I find that you need to spill everything that has happened in your life lately or she does the same, to kind of get a sense of what each other is doing everyday and don't be shy in doing so. It keeps the talk going and you both get a sense of whats going on, like; tired from work, school, any guys/girls, new friends?, hows the environment, pics?..etc. Sometimes saying sweet things and sending each other stuff is a real good thing because you both know you still think of each other each day and have something to hold on to if you know what I mean.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by tiger_handheld

some chicks say that shopping keeps the current guy on his toes and doing stuff to keep her interest.. true or false?

False.

Girls don't like guys that play games....and guys should not be in relationships with girls who play games. These type of relationships often are the "on again, off again" ones full of stupid "don't you love me"-type arguments, are rarely mature and don't turn into a life long relationships.

IMO, of course.

[Yuffa]

I say the best way to get through this is to have something to look forward to at the end of it. Maybe a mini vacation down the the States? Maybe start a time-consuming craft project thing together so you have something hand-made to give each other at the end of the 4 months? Learn to play a song and give her the recording? I donno...come up with something creative that you'll both enjoy doing while thinking about each other.

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma

lol 4 months???
dude 4 month's passes in a blink of an eye unless you're a little kid still.

i don't even know where the past fuckin 3 years went.


my only advice is don't be nosey.
ie. don't expect to know what she's doing all the time. or if she's not pickin up her phone some nights, and she didn't tell you she's going out etc etc

you'll get paranoid. you'll get curious. it's part of human psychology. you resist those primal temptations. those are traps that you're gonna set for yourself.

what's the difference if she went on a 1 week trip vs a 4 month trip?
there is none man. if anything it's all in your head.

DONT have ridiculous "promises" or set schedules
like "WE'RE GONNA TALK EVERYDAY AT 10PM FOR 1 HOUR"
or some bullshit
cuz no one can keep those or will keep those.

dont be clingy. be transparent, but don't be a interrogator.

lol, try 6 year long distance. and another 1 year with another broad.

I agree with pretty much everything said here, especially the 4 months flying by, cause it really will. I say go for it, you really have nothing to lose.

Dont listen to any of the comments putting the cheat bug into your head. If she's the type to cheat, at least you'll know within 4 months as opposed to 4 years in, and she'll have lost out on a potentially great relationship.
Besides, you dont want a girl that opens up wide that easy for random dick anyway

I'd also hold back on doing all these things for her while she's there. Give her the space she needs to do what it is she's there to do.

Originally Posted by dinosaur

False.

Girls don't like guys that play games....and guys should not be in relationships with girls who play games. These type of relationships often are the "on again, off again" ones full of stupid "don't you love me"-type arguments, are rarely mature and don't turn into a life long relationships.

IMO, of course.

Agree with this as well

[westopher]

There is already a ton of good advice in this thread, but I'll do my best to add to it. I did a year away from mine, and I am glad I did now that she is here. The best advice I've seen is, give them some space, don't expect to know what they are doing and where they are all the time. It starts to get taxing, and eventually brings up the belief that you don't trust them. If you are too busy to chat on the phone, or make that Skype date, say so, and be understanding if she is too busy as well. Go out and live your life as a guy who isn't looking but not a guy who is sitting around waiting. Spend the time hanging out with friends, and keep busy, and time will fly. Strippers also help, because you can look at naked girls, without cheating, so its win/win.