10 Commandments of suburban parking (National Post)

[Acura604]

A big part of the reason many of us headed off into the suburbs is to get a little elbow room — and free parking. You would think that ample space and all these parking spots would make for harmonious, neighbourly relations. But you would be wrong. Sometimes, it seems like I spend more time parking than I actually do driving, and I definitely spend more time with a simmering case of parking lot rage than I do road rage. Instead of railing against how inconsiderate people are, I figure I’ll just simplify the matter with these 10 Commandments of Suburban Parking.

1. Thou shalt not park in front of thy neighbour’s house

This goes for you, your guests, the UPS guy and anyone else in your life who parks in front of a house that isn’t yours. I know it sounds insane and I will never take it as seriously as one friend’s nightmare neighbour — if his guests park in front of his neighbour’s house, this neighbour has been known to come out and give them a smack-down. But it still bothers me to look out my front window and see a car that’s not mine. I realize I don’t own that stretch of asphalt, but my heart says otherwise. Parking in front of someone else’s house in the ’burbs (especially if the stretch of street in front of your own house is empty) will get you anything from the stink-eye to a ticket to a sock in the jaw.

2. Thou shalt not confuse four-way flashers for omnipotence

I promise you, there are parking spaces along one side or the other of the convenience store attached to your local gas station. Use them. Putting your four-ways on when you leave your car right in front of the doors doesn’t mean it isn’t parked. It does not make your car an emergency services vehicle. It does not make it invisible. It makes you a jerk.

3. Thou shalt not make up spots on thine own

Parking spaces are the bits in between the parallel yellow lines. They are rectangular. If there is a trapezoid, triangle, half-moon or any other shape entirely outlined in paint at the end of a row of parking spots, it is not a parking spot. It is the opposite of a parking spot. It does not denote a special spot reserved just for you, one the rest of us were not smart enough to recognize as a spot.

4. Thou shalt not be too lazy to correct thy position

If you pull into a spot and discover you are five centimetres from one line and 50 from the other, correct. If you park, get out of your car and then notice that its hind end is sticking out, get back in and pull up. If you realize you are at an angle when the spot isn’t, fix it.

5. Thou shalt give up after two attempts

If you are trying to squeeze your Sienna into a space meant for an iQ, you get two tries. Anyone can screw it up once, but the second screw-up tells you that the spot is too small. Move on.

6. Thou shalt not crowd thy neighbour in an uncrowded lot

I know there must be some sort of warped human psychology to this. It has happened to me more than once.If you’ve ever been to one of those big box giganto lots, you’ve probably seen it. In the interest of a little exercise or to protect the paint on your baby, you park far away from the store, in a deserted corner of the lot. When you come out, there is a car parked right beside you and another one right behind. It’s creepy. Stop it.

7. Thou shalt not take backing in as an inalienable right

I agree that backing in to a parking space is nice. Since you have to either back in or back out, I figure backing in is the safest route — the odds of someone lurking in the spot are pretty slim, but the odds of someone walking past as you back out is, strictly by anecdotal evidence, almost 100%. However, if there is a lineup of people behind you, drive in. If you drive a Smart, drive in.

8. Thou shalt move up or stay back as far as possible

When parallel parking, if there is obviously enough space for four cars and you are the third to arrive, leave room for the fourth.

9. Thou shalt stay between thine own lines

You get one spot. Only one. One car, one spot. The math is simple. For some reason, the concept is not. Again, I have only anecdotal evidence of this, but I believe you are much more likely to get keyed deliberately for being a jackass than you are likely to get keyed by accident for being in the wrong spot at the wrong time.

10. Thou shalt not crowd thy two-wheeled brethren

Finally, whether motorcycle or scooter, anything with an engine and a right to its own lane on the street has a right to its own spot in a parking lot. I actually don’t much care if you ignore this one, but the giant whose Harley you’re crowding might.

© Copyright (c) National Post

[TOS'd]

Can someone translate this into Chinese?

[wasabisashimi]

no need, Most C-lais has computer parking systems now. Birds eye view or auto parallel parking computer on their Bimmer or Lexus.