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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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07-03-2012, 07:03 PM
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#1 | | Official Texas Ambassador
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| [Confidential] Ever yelled at your significant other in front of your friends?
The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me
Back story...
My gf has this problem (I don't want to say what it is). It isn't something huge, but it is something we have discussed on at least three occasions in a calm and civil environment. Each time I have expressed my concern in regards to the problem and each time she has acknowledged the problem and has vowed to try to fix it.
What happened.
Over the weekend I had some friends over at the house and the problem came up. I took her aside and in a calm cool manner called her out on it (in a completely different room). She persisted with the problem and I again called her out on it (now in a more condescending tone). She persisted. Then I lost it. I started yelling and getting pissed off. By this point my friends knew something was up. So essentially, I was yelling at her in front of all my friends.
Now, I feel pretty guilty about yelling at her, especially in front of my friends.. But, I honestly couldn't contain myself because she refused to fix the problem even after I calmly confronted her about it. Which is why I feel somewhat justified in publicly calling her out on it.
We haven't talked about it since (two days ago), but we have texted each other a bit. But, the texts were not related to the incident at all.
I'm just curious what your thoughts on this is?
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1  She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face. | | 
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07-03-2012, 07:07 PM
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#2 | | VLS Head Mod
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unfortunately you're going to have to spill what the problem is in order to get proper advice.
__________________ Quote: Originally posted by ThE ReMiX
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07-03-2012, 07:15 PM
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#3 | | Banned By Establishment
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Can't help unless we know what the thing is.
If its she slurps soup at a dinner party, then you are an asshole for yelling at her. If she has this pesky little habit of smoking meth in your friends bathroom, then she's kind of the asshole.
As a general rule, yelling at your gf in public makes you an asshole...it also makes you 'that' couple and way too much drama to invite next time.
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07-03-2012, 07:16 PM
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#4 | | Banned By Establishment
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what was the problem?
Honestly, if my bf did that to me...all hell would break loose. I am not one to get irrationally angry about things, but if you demean or talk to me in a condescending tone, I'll fucking cut you.
But really....we gotta know what the problem is, it could have been worthy of what you did. This shit needs to be talked out either way though...
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07-03-2012, 07:32 PM
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#5 | | MiX iT Up!
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Hey Doc, it hurts. I need some pills
>where does it hurt?
It hurts I need some pills.
>where does it hurt?
I dont want to say where it hurts, just bloody hurts and I need some pills.
>well here is some asprin
__________________
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.
Make the effort and take the risk..
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt | |
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07-03-2012, 07:57 PM
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#6 | | I subscribe to Revscene
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Confidential post, yet unwilling to go into specifics. Make up your mind!
But for now, let's just say you are the cause of all the problems.  | |
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07-03-2012, 10:22 PM
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#7 | | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
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to be honest, men are very logical and sometimes it works cause girls are more emotional and need a few hours / days ot think it over
HOWEVER, it's also an issue because men are very logical, that we're unwilling and unable to work things out in a non-logical manner that kills us.
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07-03-2012, 10:29 PM
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#8 | | How I Mod your mother
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Yeah I agree with everyone else. We need to know the problem in order to give decent responses.
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
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07-03-2012, 10:39 PM
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#9 | | 無敵
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 to be honest, men are very logical and sometimes it works cause girls are more emotional and need a few hours / days ot think it over
HOWEVER, it's also an issue because men are very logical, that we're unwilling and unable to work things out in a non-logical manner that kills us. | Can we change this to "most" men instead? There's a lot of guys out there that are pretty irrational and illogical when the obvious thing to do is right in front of them.
But to the confidential post, since we don't know who you are, you might as well tell us what your girlfriend did, because like what everyone else has said, it can be either party's fault. But it's not cool to yell at her in front of your friends like that unless it was something major that needed to be done.
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07-03-2012, 10:40 PM
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#10 | | Head of HR....have a seat on that couch
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You realize we don't know who you or your gf are, right?
Spill it already.
__________________ feedback
Originally posted by v.b.
can we stop, my pussy hurts...
Originally posted by asian_XL
fliptuner, I am gonna grab ur dick and pee in your face, then rub shit all over my face...:lol
Originally posted by Fei-Ji
haha i can taste the cum in my mouth
Originally posted by FastAnna
when I was 13 I wanted to be a video hoe so bad RSUV #7 | |
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07-03-2012, 10:41 PM
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#11 | | Banned By Establishment
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur I am not one to get irrationally angry about things, but if you demean or talk to me in a condescending tone, I'll fucking cut you. | This is probably the root of why your boyfriend would do such a thing in the first place. Just sayin'.
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07-03-2012, 10:56 PM
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#12 | | Banned By Establishment
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Originally Posted by Gridlock This is probably the root of why your boyfriend would do such a thing in the first place. Just sayin'. |  im watchin' u
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07-03-2012, 11:50 PM
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#13 | | Hypa owned my ass at least once
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur what was the problem?
Honestly, if my bf did that to me...all hell would break loose. I am not one to get irrationally angry about things, but if you demean or talk to me in a condescending tone, I'll fucking cut you.
But really....we gotta know what the problem is, it could have been worthy of what you did. This shit needs to be talked out either way though... | Big talk.
Would you still act that way even if you were in the wrong? Even if you were out of line? Is there no justification for public scrutiny? Or maybe perhaps the exception only applies to women as men are "supposedly" obliged to chivalry?
I mean seriously?
Have you ever done something that pissed someone off? Made someone angry to the point where they lost patience? Or enough to have caused someone to act unbecoming of themselves?
Are you that perfect?
Yes, we all must exercise restraint. We all must strive to be the "better" person. But are we as imperfect human beings, sometimes deserve what we get? Or do you really just "fucking cut" anyone who has acted out against you?
So to relate to the OP: Just like everyone already has stated, it relate depends on why you had to "publically" call her out. Some actions don't warrant it, but there are actions where it may be an "understandable" reaction.
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07-04-2012, 12:20 AM
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#14 | | I bringith the lowerballerith
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OP u better update this thread, im really anxious as to what the problem is. If I had to narrow it down, it's something she does where she occasionally belittles your comments. That shit can drive a man mad.
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07-04-2012, 12:27 AM
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#15 | | Banned By Establishment
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by Noir Big talk. Yes, it is.
Would you still act that way even if you were in the wrong? Even if you were out of line? Is there no justification for public scrutiny? Or maybe perhaps the exception only applies to women as men are "supposedly" obliged to chivalry?
This has nothing to do with being right or wrong. I have been out of line and I have been wrong, but nothing that has ever warranted 'public scrutiny'. In fact, I can think of only a few things where public scrutiny would be called for (cheating, abused, etc). This has nothing to do with chivalry, it has to do with respect. Using the OP example, although we do not know what the 'problem' is, we can surmised that it had to do with respect. In that case, as the old saying goes, 2 wrongs don't make a right. OP should have handled the situation after the friends had gone or when he pulled her aside, he should have expressed his feelings and left it at that until people were not around.
I don't care what I have done (with exception to the examples given above), I do not deserve 'public scrutiny' or public shaming or to talk talked to in a condescending tone or demeaned. I am an adult and if my bf/husband feels the need to address me a his child, than the problem is bigger than just pulling me aside in a social situation.
I mean seriously? Yes, seriously.
Have you ever done something that pissed someone off? Made someone angry to the point where they lost patience? Or enough to have caused someone to act unbecoming of themselves?
I am sure I have. I am quite sure that at some point my last 15 years of dating that I have done something to push my bf over the edge. Has this ever happened in public? Never. In retrospect has whatever pushed my SO over the edge been blown out of proportion? Yes, and have we settled it in an adult manner.
I don't live a life of irrational mood swings and outbursts. I never have. I have never fought with my bf at a party...or had an argument at a restaurant...or a store, etc. I settle my shit behind a closed door. Maybe it was the way I was raised...maybe it is the fact that I just don't do shit like that.
Same can be said for the way I treat my friends. I have never had a screaming fight in school or on the playground, etc.
I know people that are like this...I find them pathetic. Piss in your own yard, not somebody else's.
I am sure you get my point.
Are you that perfect? My mom thinks so!
Yes, we all must exercise restraint. We all must strive to be the "better" person. But are we as imperfect human beings, sometimes deserve what we get? Or do you really just "fucking cut" anyone who has acted out against you?
I dig. Like you said...we all must exercise restraint. Some are better than others. OP? Not so much. I never said we were perfect and I certainly don't claim to be. I don't really think anyone deserves to be the victim of public ridicule.
And, you only get cut when you fail to realize that comment was tongue and cheek.
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07-04-2012, 03:01 AM
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#16 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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Cool it off a couple days and then talk it over again. This time seriously for the last time and solve it to a point where its going to stop where the discussion ends. It's been too many occassions that this is happenning meaning you didn't solve the problem yet.
Just as everyone said as well but as per above is my suggestion
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07-04-2012, 07:52 PM
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#17 | | How I Mod your mother
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| The following is a reply from the anonymous member
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
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07-05-2012, 03:05 PM
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#18 | | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
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if like you said the problem is small, why get so worked up on it...
cant you just ignore her?
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07-05-2012, 04:19 PM
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#19 | | RS controls my life!
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Is she dumb? If you told her many times about it and she agreed to fix it because she was wrong, then she should fix it. Repeating the mistake three times in one night? even when you gave her warning twice? That seems like retardation to me...
I wouldn't have yelled at her, but I don't blame you for losing your shit.
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07-05-2012, 06:26 PM
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#20 | | Banned By Establishment
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Originally Posted by GGnoRE Is she dumb? If you told her many times about it and she agreed to fix it because she was wrong, then she should fix it. Repeating the mistake three times in one night? even when you gave her warning twice? That seems like retardation to me...
I wouldn't have yelled at her, but I don't blame you for losing your shit. | dude, what if she isn't even aware of the problem....of doesn't think it is a problem.
maybe the OP is flipping the table for no reason.
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07-05-2012, 06:40 PM
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#21 | | RS controls my life!
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Originally Posted by El Bastardo
My gf has this problem (I don't want to say what it is). It isn't something huge, but it is something we have discussed on at least three occasions in a calm and civil environment. Each time I have expressed my concern in regards to the problem and each time she has acknowledged the problem and has vowed to try to fix it.
| She should be aware of the problem. If she didn't think it was a problem then she had many opportunities to have an honest discussion with OP. Instead, she vows to fix it verbally but repeatedly acts the same (annoying) way.
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07-06-2012, 06:49 PM
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#22 | | Official Texas Ambassador
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Sorry for the delayed response.
We ended up talking about the whole situation last night. Like I mentioned earlier, I didn't want to get into the details of exactly what she did. She isn't disrespecting me. It's just a personal thing that we have discussed many times.
So I started off the conversation by apologizing for my actions. No matter what the problem is, I agree that I should have not yelled at her in front of my friends. That was just inappropriate. Though, I did make it clear that even though my actions were not appropriate, I couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again if she did the same thing again. If the problem happens again, I hope I can show some restraint and discuss the matter in a more appropriate environment. I want to be realistic though, I know it is possible I might have another outburst, but I hope I can contain myself if it does happen again.
I also asked her if no one was around would it be appropriate if I yelled at her the exact same way. She said that if there was no one around then yes my actions would have been justified. So I guess that means I am right and she is wrong?
The only thing that got me annoyed was that during the entire discussion she didn't even acknowledge what she did or take responsibility for it. Again, I had to bring up the problem and pretty much spell it out for her. Then she acknowledged the problem again and once again said she would try to fix the issue.
I actually thought she was just pretending to acknowledge the problem this whole time so I asked her about it. And she says that she is not pretending and she actually thinks there is a problem and she needs to work on fixing it. So who knows what's going to happen.
Anyway, thanks for the replies.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1 She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face. | | |
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07-06-2012, 07:09 PM
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#23 | | Female Driven
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No one knows who you are... Spill it!! We're all eager to know what the problem is!!!
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07-06-2012, 07:19 PM
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#24 | | Big Drama Show
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pointless thread is pointless
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07-06-2012, 07:21 PM
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#25 | | Head of HR....have a seat on that couch
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I bet it's like, leg shaking, chewing w/ mouth open or something along those lines.
__________________ feedback
Originally posted by v.b.
can we stop, my pussy hurts...
Originally posted by asian_XL
fliptuner, I am gonna grab ur dick and pee in your face, then rub shit all over my face...:lol
Originally posted by Fei-Ji
haha i can taste the cum in my mouth
Originally posted by FastAnna
when I was 13 I wanted to be a video hoe so bad RSUV #7 | |
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