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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 170
Thanked 37 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 83 Times in 7 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by impulseX
Spoiler!
i'll be straight up honest with you. it'll be a matter of time before she leaves you. how do i know? i was in a similar situation. not detail for detail, but close enough.
she begins the constant back and forth flirt texting because she's interested, or he shows interest, or both. even when you're around, she'll do it, because she can't get enough of it. why? because she's actually interested. she won't notice what she's doing until you point it out to her. immediately she'll defend herself. telling you they're just friends, blah blah blah. but the moment you point it out, security system activates and she's slightly more cautious. which is why you've noticed she's done it a little less, but is still continuing. it upsets you, but by now you kinda get the hint that something is going on.
of course when you talked, she'll tell you that she told them she has a bf, but is that her exact words? or did she twist it in a way that has her options still open? think of it this way, all she has to do is tell you that they're just friends, to try and get you to relax. i mean, she has you already, so its not like she has to fight to keep you around. she can just say the right things to keep you strung on. (ie. i'm hungry, come drive me. and you do. if you say something like make something to eat, she immediately gets mad, because thats not the treatment she's used to) and on the flip side, she can flirt all she wants with the guy, and get to know them, and gauge just how much this other guy will do for her, how much happier she is, and basically, fully explore that option while twisting the whole "i have a bf" line, to sounding like maybe "oh i'm seeing someone, but its not serious" or maybe "we're on a break" or something that gives that guy some hope that if he plays his cards right, he'll get her. its a win win for her because during this phase, theres 2 people giving her all this attention.
with you being unhappy, and "insecure" about this, you're just digging yourself the grave. because inadvertently, you're pushing her away, because from the way it sounds, she's bored, nothing is "fresh" in the relationship. nothing to keep that spark going. which is why she says "you're fun. but he's funner to talk to" she stroked your ego by confirming to you that yes you are fun. but if you really look at it... she's saying that you've gotten boring and this new person is more interesting. the more you try to hang onto her by restricting her, the more she'll want to break free, making it that much easier for this other guy or guys.
what can i suggest to you? well, i'll be honest, when this kind of thing was happening to me, i kept trying to hang onto her, kept trying to keep her happy, but soon, you'll notice when its futile. so the only thing that i can really suggest, is to get ready to let it go, because from the sounds of it, she will leave you sooner or later.
(this is just me comparing the signs i see in your original post and what i've experienced. good luck, but stay strong. the more you bend over backwards for her even when she's not paying much attention to you, the more it'll hurt. you can argue that well if you don't try she's as good as gone, but the way i see it, she's already halfway there)
sorry long read
sorry about what uve experienced. My gf still denies that it was flirting, cause shes saying thats the way she talks to her friends even her girl friends. And i do know that its true so maybe that "steak" talk wasnt flirting? maybe just a normal joke? even tho it does seem like a flirt, she claims that it was not her intention. however i still find it unfair how she was able to "joke" around with him and at the same time, flipping out on me when i didnt do anything wrong. If i tell her to stop talking like that to guys, she would just say its unfair how shes able to be herself around girls but not guys.
Jealousy is NEVER a good thing on the side of men. For women, it’s different. If your girlfriend gets jealous or senses competition from another girl, it INCREASES the attraction she feels for you. Women want men who are wanted. It also feels good personally to know that your girlfriend likes you enough to get jealous (as long as it’s not overboard).
But it doesn’t work the other way around. When a GUY gets jealous of ANOTHER guy, it DECREASES your girlfriends attraction for you and INCREASES her attraction towards the other guy. Your jealousy of some other guy is a sign that he is superior to you. And as a result, your girlfriend is naturally inclined to be drawn towards whoever you’re jealous of.
The golden rule you need to remember in terms of jealousy is that over-protective behavior will NEVER prevent your girlfriend from cheating on you. The ONLY thing in this UNIVERSE that will keep your girlfriend from cheating on you, is a high interest level. If her interest level is low, your girlfriend WILL fuk somebody else. Every single girl in the world has skills comparable to Houdini. They can escape any prison their boyfriends put them in to go fuk some other dude who they’re more attracted to.
Ok, so wtf to do?...Always ACT CONFIDENT. Be a pro con-artist. Even if some guy with metallic balls twice as big as yours is talking to your girlfriend, don’t say shit. If your girlfriend is talking with other guys, talk to other girls. Make sure you DON’T tell her something like “can you please stop talking to other guys,” If you do, then you might as well donate your balls to charity. If your ever in doubt of what to do, ask yourself, “What would James Bond do in this scenario?”
Besides just acting confident, if you actually want to get over your jealousy problems you’re going to have to work on inner game and confidence. Jealousy is a manifestation of your insecurities, I e; your fear of competition and loss, and if you act on it, it means you let your emotions control your actions. A very bad combination of personality traits. This is perfectly countered with confidence which is just raw fearlessness.
And on a final note, it’s not ALWAYS your fault. For the most part, it usually is. But, in some instances your girlfriend might just be a whore. If your girlfriend shows disrespectful behavior, like heavy flirting and grinding with another guy at a club for thirty minutes and giving her phone number to him afterwards , then dump her. Seriously, don’t even think twice about it. I know it’s easier said than done, but believe me, it’s easier to dump your girlfriend and get through it than stay with a girlfriend who does shyt like that. I promise you, it’s much better to get over your fears of losing her than to have to live through a relationship like that.
A lot of guys are under the impression that they’ll be able to change their girlfriend’s inner mental framework and turn them into the type of person they want… it won’t happen. Girls are like stocks, Turn-arounds rarely ever Turn around. Don’t get emotional and think straight with your head on your shoulders when dealing with jealousy in relationships.
bishes love attention.
seems like your girl like the chase and not the rest of the relationship.
maybe you should text some girls and see how she feels. willing to bet she'll go ape shit on you and she'll find a way to make herself look like the victim.
related thought: some girls like guys who get jealous, because it shows them that you care. i personally think it is a bit twisted!
__________________
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.
Make the effort and take the risk..
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last edited by tiger_handheld; 08-17-2012 at 05:21 PM.
Being a jealous guy, i over think really easily.. It all began almost a year ago, i was picking up my GF from university and usually we would hold hands while im driving, but this one day she would always let go of my hand and use two hands to text. Its not that common for her to recieve texts constantly or for her to text constantly. Didnt really bother me much, just shruged it off. We decided to eat at red robins on broadway and oak. while ordering, waiting for food, she still couldnt keep her hands off her phone. so i finally asked her, who is she texting? she then told me it was someone she met today Being herself, when she saids "someone" it usually means a guy. So i was pretty pissed that she rather spend her time texting this guy and not spending time with me when i sacarficed my time to pick her up... We had a huge arguement and eventually we solved it.
Next week or so, she would do this again on the way back from university, but this time not as constant. She was hungry so we got take out from and i asked her if anyone asked for her number today as a joke.. She then said yes and gave him her number so that lead to another arguement..
fast forward
last week she woke up late and rushed to work. She texts me saying shes hungry and im like make something small to drink or eat at work. I dont know why, she then flipped and said she'll text me later...i was only trying to help.. anyways today we were just talking about random stuff and that it seems like she treats her friends better than she treats me (including the first guy she gave her number to at university). shes denies it so we went over her texts with that guy from university and on that same day she got pissed at me cause she woke up late, she was having a friendly chat with him about sending "steak" to her thru the phone and how it was bland because he forgot to season......
that got me really worried and overly jealous and for some reason i just got concerned since school was starting for her again. I tried to ask her not to give out her number so easily, but it seems like it was really hard for her to not. we eventually came to an agreement that if its only school related since in university, u need to depend on other people to pass the course?? Being the jealous guy i am, i went further into details and brought up the first guy she gave her number to. i remember one of the texts on the first day was like asking where she lives and what shes eating for dinner.. so i asked her if that was "school related".. eventually she admit she was looking for friendship too.. then her excuse about not spending time with me during that drive to red robins & while waiting for the food was because texting a "new" person is really fun.. So i asked her if im boring and shes like " no,u are fun, but just texting a new person is more fun"...how fun could it be unless theyre flirting?.. right now im scared and jealous that shes going to make more "guy" friends and treat them better than she treats her own bf and possibly lead to more than jsut friends.. And she has hid stuff from me before, but never cheated on me or flirted with another guy. Should i be concerned and worried or not??
1) do you guys have sex on a regular basis? sex plays an important part to maintain a relationship. doesn't have to be intercourse. i don't want to go into too much details.
2) jealousy makes you weak, and also leaves you broke (quote puff daddy). try to learn to be more confident. just remember, at the end of the day, she's your bitch.
3) apparently, she doesn't consider you and her in a relationship, but rather you two are seeing each other. try not to make things so clear like agree on this and that. this is the commitment stage of a relationship. since you guys evidently isn't in a relationship (well to her at least), go out and make your own female friends.
it was 2 years ago since i was in a relationship so what do i know right? it's these stupid little games that makes me don't want a girlfriend. either the girl settles down with you or keep looking for that one who will. life is too short to deal with these dramatic stuff, go be happy somewhere else with someone else.
sorry about what uve experienced. My gf still denies that it was flirting, cause shes saying thats the way she talks to her friends even her girl friends. And i do know that its true so maybe that "steak" talk wasnt flirting? maybe just a normal joke? even tho it does seem like a flirt, she claims that it was not her intention. however i still find it unfair how she was able to "joke" around with him and at the same time, flipping out on me when i didnt do anything wrong. If i tell her to stop talking like that to guys, she would just say its unfair how shes able to be herself around girls but not guys.
It is unfair.
She's your girlfriend, not your child.
How would you feel if she began controlling such a fundamental aspect of your life? Pretty pissed off I bet.
Both myself and all my former girlfriends have always had friendships independent of our relationship with members of the opposite sex, none of the relationships have come to an end because of those friendships. Two adults of opposing sexes can hang out and have conversations without sex becoming an inevitable possibility.
Jealousy is a useless emotion that breeds nothing but paranoia and resentment; it does not save relationships by preventing a partner from cheating, but it's definitely a catalyst to creating the desire to cheat where it might not have otherwise existed.
my gf used to have the thing with the texting all the time on the phone used to annoy the hell out of me because she wouldn't even listen to what were talking about half the time then i have to repeat it. i would get mad and tell her to just text people when she gets home or away from me. We would get into huge arguments over this as well but I think she realized that its one of my peeves and didnt stop but toned it down a lot.
She also used to talk to boys and stuff at school and get their number, them get hers vice versa, it USED to bother me a lot, i never used to say anything about it bugging me but she can tell by my comments and reactions. however after a couple semesters of her being at school i realized she isn't going anywhere, most of those guys were just people that she was in class with anyways. They would talk for a bit after the semester (a week) then she would end up deleting their contact.
oh and i thought she would mind me talking to other girls and stuff and being friends with other girls, she doesn't, you should actually ask her if that's something she would be okay with.
jealousy does not help a relationship.
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Quote:
[03-07, 03:26] Yodamaster - The feeling when you quickly insert without hitting the sides
I'm not a jealous guy at all, but I admit that if my gf was giving her # to random dudes THEN texting them WHILE having dinner with me, I'd be pretty fucking choked. Sounds like she's just giving you a reason to break it off with her so she can enter a new relationship
sorry about what uve experienced. My gf still denies that it was flirting, cause shes saying thats the way she talks to her friends even her girl friends. And i do know that its true so maybe that "steak" talk wasnt flirting? maybe just a normal joke? even tho it does seem like a flirt, she claims that it was not her intention. however i still find it unfair how she was able to "joke" around with him and at the same time, flipping out on me when i didnt do anything wrong. If i tell her to stop talking like that to guys, she would just say its unfair how shes able to be herself around girls but not guys.
no need to be sorry. it sucked, it irked me at the time. but im glad its over with because it actually opened up my eyes. i had the same mentality as you. wanted to do whatever to save what she and i had. was not going to happen. once she trips those warnings in your head, you just cant trust her the same, and you realize it's gonna happen sooner or later, that she'll leave you.
i'm sharing my personal story with you because i'm hoping that you can make the link from your situation to mine, and hopefully get you on the right path. my friends (mutual friends of hers) tried to give me warnings about whats going down. i already had my suspicions but i was too stupid to do anything about it, thinking i can fix things. remember this, and you'll see this throughout many serious topics in this sub-forum It's a two-way street. She has to meet you halfway or it'll never work.
i don't know how long you've been with her, but one last bit of my personal story i'll share with you, and hopefully, you can at least open your eyes a bit, and see the bigger picture.
Spoiler!
my relationship was 3 years strong before these signs started happening. spent the next 6-8 months battling/struggling to save what we had. didn't happen, and uncovered the truth myself (despite the lies that she still fed me) and i called it quits after that. was pissed off, and the stupid side of me was still hopeful something could help salvage it and make things okay again because she meant everything to me then. but no, i smartened up, and moved on. it hasn't even been a year since that last bit happened, but i'm honestly happier knowing that i've finally seen through it all.
tl;dr
3 year relationship.
shit started going downhill
too naive to stay strong, trying to save it
broke up.
happy in less than a year
i'm hoping this helps you out bro. honestly, i feel like im right there in your shoes reading your first post, and i wish you all the best.
You have to assess your problem. This is happening because your gf is not afraid of you. She is not afraid of your anger, and she's not afraid of you leaving her.
Why?
1) Because you're anger really has no consequence. It seems like you're more afraid to lose her than her losing you.
2) She's not afraid of you leaving her because she already has guys (at least 1 guy you know of) that she is keeping at arms length.
Solutions?
I personally would take a more assertive action but I don't really see you having the cajones to do it. I would just say fuck it to chivalry (since I've always had the opinion that chivalry is privilege, not an obligation). I would make it clear what my boundaries are, and they aren't just limited to sexual actions. There are many steps preceding sex that I already consider as crossing my line.
2) and this is seriously what I would do. This is a lost cause until you actually do something dramatic and drastic.
I would cheat. No joke. And wouldn't hesitate.
The thing is, to her, you're probably just an object, a commodity, something convenient for her at the time being. Eventually she's going to learn one day that you can't treat people as commodity. But in my life, this is why I've come to terms when it comes to cheating:
It's better for her to learn this lesson at her expense rather than yours (I mean why not? its her lesson, not yours). I don't think you guys are getting married at this point so if it were to end, at least let it be on your terms and in your favour rather than in her terms and in her favour (which is what she's building up to IMO).
Yes, you're going to be a bad guy for a while but seriously, bad guys have all the fun
Seriously, even if the thing with the new guy were to fail and amount to nothing. I would seriously have more pride than to be some girls "safety net."
you shouldnt be too worried, when i dated girls did the same thing all the time. you just have to keep her interested in you and spice things up in your relationship. try doing something that she has to put her phone away. swimming, paintballing, go karting, lazer tag. all those fun active things will spice up the relationship. keep her interested and curious what you two are going to do on your next date.
you shouldnt be too worried, when i dated girls did the same thing all the time. you just have to keep her interested in you and spice things up in your relationship. try doing something that she has to put her phone away. swimming, paintballing, go karting, lazer tag. all those fun active things will spice up the relationship. keep her interested and curious what you two are going to do on your next date.
she'll probably bring her phone to the pool and just float about texting.
she'll probably just hide somewhere with her paintball gun and text.
she'll probably just park aside and text.
she'll probably just hide in the corner and text.
if she's into activities, she'd encourage him to do it with her. obviously she's trying to open new routes to network with other guys.
as for the OP,
i wouldn't be worry either but i would be hella curious as to why she's handing her number every time she meets a new guy AND constantly texting back and worth AND it's nothing serious (what are you doing? what are you eating? i wish i can bring you a steak?). these shows sign that the guy she's texting is obviously thinking about her and missing her and shit.
if you guys JUST started out, break it off and find someone else. she's obviously still looking, and so should you.
I'm not trying to qualify your experience here but I am curious - How old are you? Is this your first relationship?
It seems very clear - you're out with your girlfriend and she is flirting with other guys. In front of you. She then told you cut-and-dry that she's bored with you (texting new people is more fun).
What's her dating history like? Has she ever cheated on an ex?
Well you might not get those answers, but in any case I think the advice to let this girl go in this thread is sound. However, having been in your shoes when I was younger I know how easy it is to rationalize and stick with something. The rose coloured glasses don't come off without a fight.
And from your responses it looks like you're going to stick this one out. I'll spare you the story of what happened to me (it fucking sucked, I learned though) and suggest you take the other advice in this thread which almost as good as the first option:
start distancing and working on yourself, flirt with other girls if you feel like it, be your own person. Work out, spend time with buddies, do a mini-version of the things you might do if you had broken up.
Because if (or when) that blow comes, it's going to hurt like hell, and if you're already moving forward it'll be easier to get through it and move on to the next.
Good luck
oh and to ImpulseX, totally agree with you on the two-way street thing. It's a fucking tragedy when you arrive at the half way point and realize they never even showed up.
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 170
Thanked 37 Times in 12 Posts
Failed 83 Times in 7 Posts
ty all for the advice and letting me know what you guys would do if u were in my situation. to answer some questions above, im 20, and this is my second serious relationship and i would be her first. We came to an agreement that im going to have to trust her. I do trust her most of the time, but she just has no experience on relationships. She doesnt know where the boarder line is. I told her i understand if shes giving it out to guys for school related stuff, but please just stay on topic and not talk about "what are you eating?, where do you live?" or saying good night to them.. (all these examples are actually what she said to this first guy she gave her number to) and to treat me equally to her friends, if not better. I remember 6 months ago, she was selling something to that guy and they were planning to meet up near fraser. i decided to give her a ride to save her a hassle of bussing and without asking me, she told the guy that they'll meet at joyce instead, so its closer to his house... I dont know just putting all these puzzle pieces together makes sense that she may be interested in him, however she told me million times that hes not her type... She said if she would ever to like another guy, she would break up with me instead of cheating. It doesnt matter how many times i told her that its flirting, she would deny it and say thats how she talks to all her friends.. She showed me some convos with her really close friends and him and i could tell that its a different style. After i pointed it out, she said she'll more careful on what shes going to say or who she gives out her number to.
ty all for the advice and letting me know what you guys would do if u were in my situation. to answer some questions above, im 20, and this is my second serious relationship and i would be her first. We came to an agreement that im going to have to trust her. I do trust her most of the time, but she just has no experience on relationships. She doesnt know where the boarder line is. I told her i understand if shes giving it out to guys for school related stuff, but please just stay on topic and not talk about "what are you eating?, where do you live?" or saying good night to them.. (all these examples are actually what she said to this first guy she gave her number to) and to treat me equally to her friends, if not better. I remember 6 months ago, she was selling her book to that guy and they were planning to meet up near JO. i decided to give her a ride to save her a hassle of bussing and without asking me, she told the guy that they'll meet at joyce skytrain station instead, so its closer to his house... I dont know just putting all these puzzle pieces together makes sense that she may be interested in him, however she told me million times that hes not her type... She said if she would ever to like another guy, she would break up with me instead of cheating. It doesnt matter how many times i told her that its flirting, she would deny it and say thats how she talks to all her friends.. She showed me some convos with her really close friends and him and i could tell that its a different style. After i pointed it out, she said she'll more careful on what shes going to say or who she gives out her number to.
exactly what yaminashi said.
like i said bro. she knows what to say to string you along. its what you wanna hear. you want her to be more careful, you want her to stop. and thats exactly what she tells you.
i wanna help you out because i feel for you, but our advice will only go so far if you dont accept it. but we obviously wont force you since its your life and all.
sooner or later you'll see.. hopefully it won't be too late for you emotionally by then
good luck
seriously brah she has you by the cajones! She is pretty much running your life asking you to make her food and take her places. Now she is expecting you to do everything for her. In return she gives out her number to random dudes and texts them at her own expense infront of you. All in all you should just tell her to kick tires and fined a hotter bitch then her! She would be jealous as fuck and try to come back to you and when that happens show her you new hot ass bitch!
ty all for the advice and letting me know what you guys would do if u were in my situation. to answer some questions above, im 20, and this is my second serious relationship and i would be her first.
It's her first real relationship, she'll have some lessons to learn.
From what it sounds like, she doesn't sound like she's putting out in this relationship as much as you are, and now texting/flirting with other guys that she just willingly gives her number to to whomever requests it. Like Nabatron says, she has you by the cojones and she'll still have you tend to her every request because she knows you will do anything, while she's most likely finding another guy.
If she's at all serious about this relationship with you, she knows that it's wrong to do shit like that with or without you around; but you also need to stop being so insecure and overprotective. If she's as genuine as you are, she should know her boundaries and would know if it's gone too far. My girlfriend's in a sorority and she goes to frat parties with her sisters and friends, but I need not be worried because we both already established a solid level of trust in each other without texting each other every minute of the day.
Long story short, and pretty much along the lines of the others here, it sounds like she's keeping her options open while not worrying too much about you because she already has you. Before she starts two-timing (and it sounds like she's halfway there), get rid of her and save yourself the torment that comes later when you find out the truth. Lots of better people out there man; best of luck to you
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.png "Y U NO...?")
why you no dump her NOW
