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12-12-2023, 11:58 AM
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#29151 | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
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Those of us who grew up in more "Westernized" households where the expectation was to GTFO by age 19 would have a different opinion about having their parents live with them at old age.
At lot of older folks are having to deal with that very reckoning, hence you're seeing more and more need for access to affordable care homes, or care homes in general.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
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12-12-2023, 12:30 PM
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#29152 | I have named my kids VIC and VLS
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Also most westernized parents probably have reasonably substantial retirement savings outside of their home. So they can comfortably downsize and live a similar lifestyle etc. can even pay for their own care if need be.
People who are cash poor with a rotting asset in a poorly maintained home put their kids in a tough spot
Taking care of elderly parents is a huge burden.
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12-12-2023, 01:21 PM
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#29153 | Performance Moderator
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Originally Posted by quasi I'm not living with my parents ever, it would destroy my marriage. My wife gets along fine with them as long as they aren't living with us but they would drive her and me nuts. It's kind of easy because they live so far away but even when they lived 20 minutes away I still only seen them maybe once every other month so not like were hanging out all the time. I probably talk to them more now that they live far away, I try to call them both a few times a week but it's pretty one sided the last time my dad called me was my birthday and before that probably spring time?
I'll likely be taking in my niece next year who's 18 and been living with them ever since my sister passed away, that's as far as my contribution goes.
I can't see my parents wanting to live with us either, I'm sure I get on their nerves as well. For those that do it and it works, more power to you but that's not the way for me. | Sorry to hear about your sister even if it was a long time ago.
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12-12-2023, 02:18 PM
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#29154 | Orgasm Donor & Alatar owned my ass twice!
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Originally Posted by quasi I'm not living with my parents ever, it would destroy my marriage. My wife gets along fine with them as long as they aren't living with us but they would drive her and me nuts. It's kind of easy because they live so far away but even when they lived 20 minutes away I still only seen them maybe once every other month so not like were hanging out all the time. I probably talk to them more now that they live far away, I try to call them both a few times a week but it's pretty one sided the last time my dad called me was my birthday and before that probably spring time? | I am looking at the prospect of doing that some time in the near to medium term future, except that it will be with my MIL, and it is only supposed to be a 6 - 9 month thing. Regardless of the duration, I am absolutely not looking forward to it.
I dunno what that is going to do to my marriage, but I'm thinking that there is a good chance it'll drive me crazy, or at least constantly get on my nerves. But there is really no escaping it, so I am just going to have to try my best to establish and enforce the boundaries.
#StayInYourLane
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12-12-2023, 03:13 PM
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#29155 | I subscribe to the Fight Club ONLY
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full disclosure, i have had my fights with my OWN family but not with my inlaws.
I have learned to swallow my egos and sometimes shown the "WTF" face to my inlaws.
having said that.. they have supported us financially in many ways with giving us a huge lump sum during our renos... again, I never take this for granted and it's something i'm forever grateful.
I don't swallow my pride cause of regardless if it's 500 or 50k. I do tell my wife I will not provide them with a spare key to keep our distance away.
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12-12-2023, 03:15 PM
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#29156 | My homepage has been set to RS
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Originally Posted by Hondaracer Also most westernized parents probably have reasonably substantial retirement savings outside of their home. So they can comfortably downsize and live a similar lifestyle etc. can even pay for their own care if need be.
People who are cash poor with a rotting asset in a poorly maintained home put their kids in a tough spot
Taking care of elderly parents is a huge burden. | Most of the western people I know are like third or fourth generation Canadian and they don't really have much to show for it.
I was just thinking, if my family was third or fourth generation canadian we would have a small empire by now.
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12-12-2023, 03:17 PM
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#29157 | RS Veteran
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Edit / Delete / Fail
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Originally Posted by JDMDreams Do you identify as lesbian | Quote:
Originally Posted by GLOW based on my haircut, maybe |
Last edited by bcrdukes; 12-12-2023 at 03:18 PM.
Reason: but y?
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12-12-2023, 03:55 PM
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#29158 | Performance Moderator
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter Most of the western people I know are like third or fourth generation Canadian and they don't really have much to show for it.
I was just thinking, if my family was third or fourth generation canadian we would have a small empire by now. | Depends, people who came here from HK or were pretty well off from China or TW came in with a different kind of mindset and a lot of cash from a more expensive place to a backwater priced place in Canada in the 1980's, I know all my friends I grew up with were mindblown how much they could get for a $ here back then compared to where they came from.
The people who are already here for many generations didn't have the same influx of cash from a higher $ value country or mindset to start collecting precious land. Just wanted to live life and be happy type of thing. Owning property is troublesome on a good day, who wants to deal with that? Nobody could have predicted what's happened here the last 25 years with valuations. My dad is pretty rich, but he'd be obscenely wealthy if he had even dipped his toes in real estate let alone gone full bore on it... but he hates the idea of it, he hated the idea of being a landlord and dealing with properties and collecting rents and he was just happy to do his own thing. If everyone has an empire building mentality, then it's just a community of people stabbing each other in the fuckin back every day all day. Goodbye sense of community or ever having any real friends.
We could go to paces in SE Asia or South America and do the same thing, start buying shit up left and right and sit back all pompous like "What were these locals thinking ha ha ha I've only been here a few years and I fuckin own them now! Idiots!" but that's pretty short-sighted and super entitled thinking.
You're only ever anywhere because someone welcomed you to be there in the first place. When you go to someone's place to visit and you really like it there, ideally you move in to the same area and become a good neighbour... unfortunately some people have the mentality of $$$$$$ over everything else, they see something nice it's just profit to them, take advantage of lax rules or a trusting nature and they buy everyone's place out from under them and take over instead. Europeans did it to the natives en masse, rich individuals from a variety of other countries are doing it to Vancouver now and have been for quite a few years.
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12-12-2023, 04:44 PM
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#29159 | linguistic ninja
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter Most of the western people I know are like third or fourth generation Canadian and they don't really have much to show for it.
I was just thinking, if my family was third or fourth generation canadian we would have a small empire by now. | You never heard of the Chinese saying "Wealth does not last past three generations"?
First Generation earns it
Second Generation grows it
Third Generation spends it.
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12-12-2023, 08:15 PM
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#29160 | My homepage has been set to RS
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Originally Posted by 68style Depends, people who came here from HK or were pretty well off from China or TW came in with a different kind of mindset and a lot of cash from a more expensive place to a backwater priced place in Canada in the 1980's, I know all my friends I grew up with were mindblown how much they could get for a $ here back then compared to where they came from.
... | My parents and all of my aunts and uncles came here with nothing. They were not well off or rich by any measure. I think your family is atypical if they came here with cash in the bank.
My parents first house was $68,xxx in the 80's, you didn't need a lot of money to buy a house back then. My dad worked at McDonalds ($3.xx/hour) and then factory jobs, and then IKEA. My mom worked odd jobs and ended up at the bank. It's the same story for all my uncles and aunts, they were just regular uneducated people who worked and bought a house.
So if you were already a 2nd or 3rd generation canadian, you could have easily done that because they would have been at least one generation ahead of my parents where english was their third language they spoke.
And no one welcomed my parents or my aunts and uncles, the racism in Vancouver was high. My uncle would tell me stories of people spitting on him and calling him "Jappy", our family is Chinese. Let's not pretend Vancouver was all sunshine and rainbows for immigrants back in the day. Quote:
Originally Posted by CivicBlues You never heard of the Chinese saying "Wealth does not last past three generations"?
First Generation earns it
Second Generation grows it
Third Generation spends it. | This is a pretty good quote, I suspect it's similar to hard times yield hard men, hard men yield good times, good times yield weak men.
I think our generation is educated enough and we have the resources (internet) to teach our children and instill good generational values so that by the time we pass, we will have a mini-empire to pass on to them and their children and their children.
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12-13-2023, 01:08 AM
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#29161 | I WANT MY 10 YEARS BACK FROM RS.net!
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any of yall remember ice1cube from the earlier internet days?
he went on to have supra and nsx, shared a lot of immigrant struggles and taking care of aging parents to managing mom's conditions
this thread could definitely benefit from some of those insights (not that they're the only and right answer, but food for thought)
hope he comes back some years down the road to update on life after mom's passing
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12-13-2023, 04:42 AM
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#29162 | RabidMod
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter This is a pretty good quote, I suspect it's similar to hard times yield hard men, hard men yield good times, good times yield weak men.
I think our generation is educated enough and we have the resources (internet) to teach our children and instill good generational values so that by the time we pass, we will have a mini-empire to pass on to them and their children and their children. | I think life has also gotten more complicated (harder in many ways) for this next generation so they're going to have to stay tough or get left behind.
All this AI shit. And the access that people have to influence and outright manipulate others via social media. I think kids who grow up to have feeble minds are going to have a bad time.
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12-13-2023, 08:40 AM
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#29163 | Performance Moderator
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter My parents and all of my aunts and uncles came here with nothing. They were not well off or rich by any measure. I think your family is atypical if they came here with cash in the bank.
My parents first house was $68,xxx in the 80's, you didn't need a lot of money to buy a house back then. My dad worked at McDonalds ($3.xx/hour) and then factory jobs, and then IKEA. My mom worked odd jobs and ended up at the bank. It's the same story for all my uncles and aunts, they were just regular uneducated people who worked and bought a house.
So if you were already a 2nd or 3rd generation canadian, you could have easily done that because they would have been at least one generation ahead of my parents where english was their third language they spoke.
And no one welcomed my parents or my aunts and uncles, the racism in Vancouver was high. My uncle would tell me stories of people spitting on him and calling him "Jappy", our family is Chinese. Let's not pretend Vancouver was all sunshine and rainbows for immigrants back in the day.
| Did you miss the part where I said "depends" and "people who were well off"?
My dad is 2nd gen here, but his dad was a milk delivery man and they ran a farm... so he came from nothing too even though he'd been here a generation. Things were different back then, nobody here was thinking about real estate except a few tycoon types. It was a new country, just trying to get running water and electricity in half the places.
Why not just be proud of what your parents did? They may not have had much money, but they came here searching for a better life... and you have a better life as a result of coming here because they obviously thought despite some nutjobs saying stupid shit that it was better than wherever they came from. So why do you have to pair what your parents accomplished with some condescending all encompassing BS like "People who were already here are stupid because they didn't build empires"?
You just sound super insecure when you talk like that.
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12-13-2023, 08:41 AM
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#29164 | Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
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It's becoming very clear how influential the dumbest people on the planet can become due to algorithms, and how there are exponential amounts of morons to follow them because they reaffirm a completely incorrect belief by the watcher. If something isn't done to sort it out I can't imagine the next generation will have a chance.
(Seems out of context since we both posted at the same time but that was to rabidrat, unrelated to th convo above)
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12-13-2023, 09:53 AM
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#29165 | linguistic ninja
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Man everyone thinking they can create a "mini-empire" for themselves and their insignificant little family is what helped us get into this housing mess in the first place.
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12-13-2023, 10:09 AM
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#29166 | My homepage has been set to RS
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Originally Posted by 68style Did you miss the part where I said "depends" and "people who were well off"?
My dad is 2nd gen here, but his dad was a milk delivery man and they ran a farm... so he came from nothing too even though he'd been here a generation. Things were different back then, nobody here was thinking about real estate except a few tycoon types. It was a new country, just trying to get running water and electricity in half the places.
Why not just be proud of what your parents did? They may not have had much money, but they came here searching for a better life... and you have a better life as a result of coming here because they obviously thought despite some nutjobs saying stupid shit that it was better than wherever they came from. So why do you have to pair what your parents accomplished with some condescending all encompassing BS like "People who were already here are stupid because they didn't build empires"?
You just sound super insecure when you talk like that. | Whoa, my man. I didn't mean any offence to my comment. We're just in a real estate forum and i'm typing what's on my mind.
Further, I think it's backhanded to quote me like you did above, when that's not what I said at all. You should consider how you use your quotations because that's not right. I wouldn't call anyone stupid, but if you felt that's what I meant, not sure what I can do about that.
I think we would all agree, it's hard to convey emotion over text.
In regards to my insecurity, I mean, I probably am in many ways. We would have to have a deeper discussion on that if you really wanted to dissect it.
I guess it's a little bit of knowledge and a little bit of cultural influence. In the same light, it's the same as when people say, "I can't believe people wear shoes in the house". Some people resonate with that and some people don't. You just don't resonate with what I'm saying on that particular topic, that's cool.
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12-13-2023, 10:13 AM
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#29167 | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter In regards to my insecurity, I mean, I probably am in many ways. We would have to have a deeper discussion on that if you really wanted to dissect it. | ... like needing to have your kids live in your 4-plex ... , just kidding man, pulling your leg.
It's all good, sometimes we make general statements on a forum for ease and there are so many nuances. The 'empire' comment is prob true for a good many but not true for all. But then, we have to define what an 'empire' means ... it could range from a downpayment to a condo to an actual gift of a condo. No one real life situation can be summarized in a sentence or a paragraph on a forum.
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12-13-2023, 10:14 AM
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#29168 | My homepage has been set to RS
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Originally Posted by CivicBlues Man everyone thinking they can create a "mini-empire" for themselves and their insignificant little family is what helped us get into this housing mess in the first place. | Man, now I feel like I need to walk on egg shells with my comments here...
Please don't take offence, but if I may push back...
Your comment is ironic. You are calling people's little families insignificant, but in the next sentence you are blaming those same insignificant families for the housing crisis? So, are those insignificant families really insignificant?
Are we not in a capitalistic system?
Capitalism - an economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit.
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12-13-2023, 10:16 AM
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#29169 | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
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He’s being facetious Mr nutty. Chill choom (I’ve been playing a lot of cyberpunk)
Everyone is out to grab a slice of the good life. That’s the whole point. Otherwise we’d all be a bunch of hippie Buddhist’s sitting under a tree talking about immaterial shit
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12-13-2023, 10:16 AM
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#29170 | My homepage has been set to RS
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Originally Posted by whitev70r ... like needing to have your kids live in your 4-plex ... , just kidding man, pulling your leg.
It's good, sometimes we make general statements on a forum for ease and there are so many nuances. No one real life situation can be summarized in a sentence or a paragraph on a forum. | Actually, I do feel insecure about them leaving me. I told my wife that I'm scared if my kids go away for college because they might find a girl and not come back home.
I guess you guys are right. I am insecure.
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12-13-2023, 10:20 AM
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#29171 | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
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Nothing wrong with that. You sound like a good parent. Better than most pieces of shit parents I’ve seen on the east side growing up.
Actually all you guys seem like wholesome and responsible parents. I’m glad you’re all fostering the next generation of Canadians. Although I ain’t gonna hire any of them |
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12-13-2023, 10:20 AM
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#29172 | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
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Maybe it says more about my own upbringing and childhood experience, but it is my assumption that no matter how good a parent is and how good intentions are, a kid's gonna find something wrong to blame their parents for how they are one way or another when they get older.
Take my opinion with a tiny grain of salt, since I my wife and I decided years ago that we wouldn't have kids lol.
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12-13-2023, 10:27 AM
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#29173 | linguistic ninja
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Originally Posted by PeanutButter Man, now I feel like I need to walk on egg shells with my comments here...
Please don't take offence, but if I may push back...
Your comment is ironic. You are calling people's little families insignificant, but in the next sentence you are blaming those same insignificant families for the housing crisis? So, are those insignificant families really insignificant?
Are we not in a capitalistic system?
Capitalism - an economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit. | Nah we live in a pseduo-market oligarchy with a huge incumbency bias. Nothing encapsulates that more than our housing market.
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12-13-2023, 10:28 AM
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#29174 | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
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So after all this bullshit of buying, Selling, Moving etc etc. I told the wife I think we should probably sell the new house and upgrade again in another 2-3 years. Logic is that the home depreciates (while land appreciates, but usually slower than the house depreciates) and it’s harder and harder to sell an “older” home if it’s 5-6 years old vs a brand new one.
Thus even though I thought I’m gonna die in this place and they’ll have to airlift my bloated Kirkland covered corpse out of here, it’s likely we will start looking again in 2 years when the market rebounds a bit.
Seems to make the most financial sense anyways.
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12-13-2023, 10:48 AM
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#29175 | I have named my kids VIC and VLS
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Being an immigrant coming here and buying a house long before they became commodified and then being stubborn/lazy enough to never sell until you finally realize the gains due to the aforementioned housing crisis isn’t exactly some immigrant success story lol.
It’s not like they came here and grew some successful business on their backs and now have generational wealth that will prop up the family for decades, it’s just the exact same story a huge portion of boomers and immigrants had due to nothing else but timing and government mis-management.
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