Vancouver's Real Estate Market

[SSM_DC5]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

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Then the mom said that she was disappointed in him because he's not motivated and that she expected more from him. He said that comment hurt him.

...

John's mom's feelings and perception of the situation could probably be addressed. John is probably grateful for the financial aid to help buy the house, but has John verbally told his parents? John values the time spent with family and probably learned that value from his own childhood where his parents were always at work breaking their backs, so now that he has his own kids, he's spending time with them rather than working. Has John told his parents that he wants to spend more time with the kids to build a relationship? Now I'm assuming mom is retired and supposed to be in the resting phase that she described after working so hard. Does John feel that his mom is truly resting or somehow still breaking her back?

I could be totally wrong is John's thinking and he is just lazy and unmotivated

[MG1]

Better question. Is John really, I mean really............ one more time..... really spending quality time with his family?

Just saiyan............

[Hondaracer]

He could be sitting on his ass enjoying life with friends etc.

Doesn’t really change whether it’s with family or not. What, because he’s not using all that “free time” with family he should definitely be “grinding”? I completely disagree.

[whitev70r]

^ only guy himself can answer these questions. What we deem to be a 'good life' might or might not be his. All of the responses so far are YOUR definitions of a good life applied to his situation.

BUT common sense says that a BALANCE between family, friends, rest, work is the most healthiest .. however people slice the pie differently.

[westopher]

Well, I mean, he chose it, and his parents are grinding at him about it. It’s relatively clear what’s better for him and his family.
Most kids don’t end up in therapy because their parents paid attention to them, but plenty do for the opposite.

[Euro7r]

It is the typical traditional Asian root that I absolutely hate. I'm blessed my parents are not like that. It's the type where all they do is work and make money, then when they get older, have zero friends or hobbies (literally just sit at home doing nothing with their time when they retire with all this $). I don't know how the fuck is that suppose to be "happy" at that point in life, money can't buy time. Like his buddy can be like we can't travel during summer when kids are off on summer break, gotta go work, kids are only young once, will never get to experience that ever again in life.

A balanced life doesn't mean they are lazy or have no hunger for more. Reminds me of my buddy dad that goes around telling us when we are over at his house, how he never made more than $20/hour and bought a house. Fucking idiot to this day when your comparing apples to watermelons in different times.

[Hondaracer]

The mentality also to “grind now to relax later” to do what’s said above, sit at home and horde news papers and cardboard boxes? Sweet retirement

You’re only young enough to actually “enjoy” life once. Most people who get to retirement age are already too old and feeble to do all the things they put off their whole life

[carsncars]

It's definitely not an uncommon sentiment I've heard. I think it's both cultural and generational in this case (Asian, perhaps 1st-generation Canadian born).

A lot of my friends are entering independent practice now (physicians) and many of them would much rather work 3.5-4 days a week on a 0.8 FTE (full time equivalent) role and earn a little less in the interest of enjoying life and avoiding burnout. I've had multiple conversations with friends who have said their parents said something to the same effect - i.e., why would they not work more/earn more given the opportunity, that it's lazy or selfish not to work maximally, etc.

I recognize that many of our parents worked damn hard to provide a lifestyle for their families, and that they would have killed for the earning opportunities we have. I'm privileged to be in a position where I can choose to not work more. At a certain point though, it just comes down to a difference in values that you have to navigate with your family.

Part of it too is that our parents probably grew up in a generation where there was confidence that - generally speaking - the future would be better. The current zeitgeist certainly differs there... so can you blame people for wanting to enjoy time they have now rather than grinding away all of your waking hours for an ill-defined promise of delayed gratification?

[MarkyMark]

I've seen far too many not even make it to retirement or get an illness that prevents them from enjoying it once they get there. Your 30's, 40's and 50's were spent grinding away, not sleeping enough and sacrificing vacations to work more and then when it's time to reap the benefits father time comes to collect on the toll you took on yourself.

You don't need to YOLO through life but you're allowed to stop and smell the roses a bit while you're still young and healthy.

[westopher]

How many of these parents that are grinding these kids to work harder were single income families with the mom staying at home? I bet a reasonable amount, and it's pretty hypocritical.

[PeanutButter]

Man, I love the insight RS provides. It's so much better than other forums where there are so many trolls and a lot of ignorant people. Maybe because RS understands asian culture more?

Anyway, my buddy said that he does think he should probably turn it up a notch, but he doesn't really know how? His job isn't particularly difficult but he doesn't like his job and the only way he could "turn it up" is to work more.

He spends a fair amount of time with his family, his life is pretty perfect. He has a house, work isn't stressful, spends time with his family, get's to hang out with my dumbass on a regular basis, and he drives a tesla..

We were just talking about how housing is the big elephant in the room. How are our kids going to afford a place to stay when they're older. In 20 years, I don't even want to know what the Vancouver RE market is like.. It seems unfathomable.

[westopher]

We will do the same shit everyone else’s parents are doing. Take out a HELOC on our 17.8 million dollar townhome and give our kids the 6 million dollar down payment they need.

[GS8]

The kids will grow up more 'nourished' when both parents are around all the time.

More time or more money is the fundamental question we all ask ourselves as we grow up. Which one is more important to you?

Thing to consider is: You can't take money with you when you die. Life is way too chaotic to think we can harness it to our means & desires. Living a life full of regrets can be a fate worse than death.

[PeanutButter]

Originally Posted by westopher

We will do the same shit everyone else’s parents are doing. Take out a HELOC on our 17.8 million dollar townhome and give our kids the 6 million dollar down payment they need.

I laughed way too hard at this.

Though, I don't think parents are taking a HELOC out. The people I know who have gotten help from their parents were all cash/investments, not HELOC. The only people I know who use HELOC's are RE investors.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

Anyway, my buddy said that he does think he should probably turn it up a notch, but he doesn't really know how? His job isn't particularly difficult but he doesn't like his job and the only way he could "turn it up" is to work more.

He spends a fair amount of time with his family, his life is pretty perfect. He has a house, work isn't stressful, spends time with his family, get's to hang out with my dumbass on a regular basis, and he drives a tesla..

When we were dating my wife would sometimes tell me that I should be more frugal (like her) and I said to her, half jokingly, that my parents didn't come to this country and leave their families behind so that I could also have to work long hard hours and penny pinch my way to a decent life. They worked super hard so I wouldn't have to and it's their dream to see their kids have high paid desk jobs and get bad backs not from physical labour but from being lazy.

My parents (and my in-laws) don't outwardly express it much (cause that's not what Asian parents do) but I'm living the dream they had for their kids (except I didn't become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer).

[Traum]

Just gonna second that Asian root comment Euro7r made here. There is a lot of Asian values that are good and all, but also a ton of stuff that is pure, utter BS. You are supposed to study hard when you are in school instead of spending time playing. Not supposed to date bcos it would distract you from school (and getting good grades). (And god forbid -- you must absolutley abstain from sex bcos... sex is evil and will totally screw up your life if anyone gets preggers?) You are supposed to go to university. Once out of university, you're supposed to find a good (white collar) job. And once you've worked for a few years, you're supposed to get married. And then once you got married, you're supposed to have kids anywhere within a year to no more than a few years. And you are supposed to get a house, and you are supposed to at least invite your parents to live there with you. And then you are supposed to let them look after your children for you, using the age-old ways that they raised you on, except for the parts where they absolutely forbid you to do when you were young (like having candies, for example), but now would spoil the grandchild rotten by doing exactly that very same thing (giving them lots of candies to eat, for example). And then you are supposed to bust your a$$ providing for your family.

There is just so much BS along every step of the way, with my favourite being how the hell am I supposed to marry someone if I wasn't allowed to date anyone at an earlier age?

Thankfully, my parents are generally not like that, even though they absolutely have the undertone for it -- but at least they kept a lid on it well enough to allow me to do whatever the heck I wanted to -- most of the time LOL~ But there are soooo many Asian parents who are like that.

/rant

Originally Posted by Euro7r

It is the typical traditional Asian root that I absolutely hate. I'm blessed my parents are not like that. It's the type where all they do is work and make money, then when they get older, have zero friends or hobbies (literally just sit at home doing nothing with their time when they retire with all this $). I don't know how the fuck is that suppose to be "happy" at that point in life, money can't buy time. Like his buddy can be like we can't travel during summer when kids are off on summer break, gotta go work, kids are only young once, will never get to experience that ever again in life.

[Special K]

So true about working hard now and relax later. That’s complete BS.

I am/will still work hard. However, I don’t feel like there’s going to be down time anytime soon.

[meme405]

This is all good and great, but you dont get to complain about how detached homes should be more affordable in arguably one of the most desirable cities in the world if you aren't willing to grind a bit.

It's fine, you want to value mental health, or work/life balance, or whatever other title this millennial generation gives to not wanting to work hard. That's your prerogative, but don't go on the news and cry when you're stuck renting forever or in a condo with three kids.

[whitev70r]

While I don't believe totally in the work hard now and enjoy life later (I recall a series posted about how someone held that and died young unexpectedly), I do think there is truth in everything and the key of wisdom is balance and knowing yourself. The concept of delayed gratification is known socially and psychologically to result in a more well adjusted person and anecdotally ... overall success and happiness in life. So everything is a balance ... take criticism with a grain of salt and don't be so proud that you can't hear truth even in the lecture of your aging mom/dad.

[twitchyzero]

i'm okay competing with other canadians for a reasonable shelter
just not with shell companies from abroad

[westopher]

Or local shell companies and hedge funds for that matter. It’s a fucking joke.

[Euro7r]

Then there are those individuals I could never understand what they are thinking, no matter how hard I try to analyze. My manager works like 60-70 hours per week earning $100K, early 50s with single kid in university. Her and her husband own a house in Vancouver they live in, and another house that is completely rental, both paid off.

She is burnt the fuck out every time I talk to her, then she complains she doesn't want to be in debt supporting her kid through university, so she continues to work. I'm like WTF are talking about, rental income coming in, whole house easy $2M market value. Makes me wonder what the fuck is considered enough. Then you have us peasants like me here LOL.

When I look at my life, and compare it to previous generation like our parents. I essentially worked the same amount of hours they were busting out, but we ain't getting ahead further financially for all the reasons that have been mentioned in this thread. It doesn't mean we ain't working hard or not hard enough.

[6793026]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

Met up with an old buddy for lunch today, let's call him John. He told me about an interesting/sad interaction between him and his mom. (he said it was okay to share the story)

Background of my friend.
- Asian, 38 y/o
- Wife, two toddlers
- Owns a house in Van.
- He has a commission-based job, if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid
- Makes ~$130k annual (household income just under $200k)

He was at his parent's house and his dad asked him if he was working the following Monday since it's not a stat and John said he took the Monday off. In fact, he took every long weekend off the entire year and made the comment jokingly that life's too short to work any long weekends.

His mom chimed in and said she doesn't understand why John's wasting his potential. She said that it's their fault that he's so lazy and complacent because they gave him a good life and provided too much for him. Apparently, in his mom's eyes, he's just lazy and has no motivation to be more than he is. They did help him out with the down payment for his house.

John stressed that he would rather work less and spend more time with his family than work harder and grind to make more money. His mom said he's still young and he should be working harder to provide a better life for his family. She pointed out that he has two kids, how are they going to have a good life if he continues just doing what he does now. She said he needs to work more now when he's young and when he's older he can rest.

Then the mom said that she was disappointed in him because he's not motivated and that she expected more from him. He said that comment hurt him.

John admits he could work way harder and make way more money, but his work-life balance right now is too good. But, now he's questioning whether he is in fact getting complacent and if his mom is actually right?


I told him that our parent's generation is only focused on making money, working hard, and getting to the final destination later in life, whereas, our generation values the journey and puts more focus on experiences over money. This is probably because our generation is more privileged than our parents. I'm thinking his mom is salty that John hasn't really seen struggle the way she struggled growing up and that's not sitting right with her.

In any case, he's kind of fucked up right now because he's contemplating his whole damn life. I mean, his life is pretty damn cushy right now, we both agreed on that.

sorry, no matter what age, MAN THE FUCK UP. Esp. when you're married. You are apart of your family.
Eg// Wife says A, you agree with A.
Wife has rule B for your kids, and your mom says rule A, you MAN THE FUCK UP and say "No one knows better than the mother of the child on what is best".

At a certain stage in life, one should be able to discern over your parents and tell them to F off and keep their input to themselves.

I have earned my respect and place. If you ain't got nothing positive to say or constructive, don't you dare to drag me down.

[Hondaracer]

I’ve also known people who basically outright refused help from parents/family because they knew they were going to hold it over their heads going forward. If that’s the type of parent you’re gonna be, sorry but you’re a POS.

This is borderline like cult/religious thought process, original sin etc. we suffered for you therefor you must suffer as well. It’s disgusting

[6thGear.]

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

I’ve also known people who basically outright refused help from parents/family because they knew they were going to hold it over their heads going forward. If that’s the type of parent you’re gonna be, sorry but you’re a POS.

This is borderline like cult/religious thought process, original sin etc. we suffered for you therefor you must suffer as well. It’s disgusting

My ex's parents are exactly like that. While still together they offered to give money for a down payment so we can buy a house in Vancouver (when it was still around $1mil) when they knew I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I outright refused which led to arguments between us 2. On the other hand my buddy thought the opposite and accepted a similar offer from his wifes mom. Now married with 2 girls he's paying dearly for it everyday being emasculated by the MIL.