Internet altered modern romance

[mr_chin]

Internet advises relationship seekers to stop being needy, but be yourself.

First of all, if you're a needy person in a relationship, then that's you isn't it? People will advise you to stop being needy, then doesn't that mean you have to stop being yourself?

If you're a needy person, shouldn't you show the other person that you're needy and eventually find someone who will like you for your neediness?

It's funny because internet uses advice based on the majority of the people who feels neediness can be annoying.

I think neediness fails when one side treats the relationship very seriously while the other is looking for more space. Also, many people cannot tell the difference between needy and controlling.

[Gridlock]

I'm gonna take a stab at this, and its going to be kind of a general statement, as I don't truly get where you are going, tbh.

1. You assume that people don't change. Over the course of time, you gain new perspectives that make you a better person. It's part of the human condition, if you let it.

2. You assume that when people say, "don't change for people", that they mean everything. They don't. If you are an asshole, the general consensus is, "you can go ahead and stop being an asshole." Really, what people mean is that if you are really into listening to jazz, then don't pretend to like the opera to keep fucking a girl. I've got my finger on the pulse of society, and trust me, that fight happens far more than we'd care to admit.

3. The group of people, men or women, that put in their list of things to look for in a potential mate, "must be needy as fuck" is going to be a very small group. So unless you intend to seek out and date Rihanna, then you might need to cool it a bit on the 300 texts per day.

4. More of a follow up to 3 than anything, even if you do find someone that finds neediness as attractive, they are eventually going to be tired of having you crawl up their ass daily and leave you.

That's just an opinion...your mileage may vary.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by mr_chin

Internet advises relationship seekers to stop being needy, but be yourself.

First of all, if you're a needy person in a relationship, then that's you isn't it? People will advise you to stop being needy, then doesn't that mean you have to stop being yourself?

"Being yourself" applies to positive traits, interests, principles.

Being "needy" is not a positive trait. Think of it this way. Replace "needy" with, for simplicity's sake, "an asshole."

You can't just say "I'm an asshole." Whoever wants to date me has to deal with me being an asshole. Well, you can say that. But you won't get anywhere.

If you're an asshole, check yourself. If you're needy, likewise.

related-ish note
I came across this guy the other day from someone posting on Facebook.
www.qualitydatinglife.wordpress.com
Apparently this guy's a dating coach from Vancouver lol

[mr_chin]

Originally Posted by Gridlock

I'm gonna take a stab at this, and its going to be kind of a general statement, as I don't truly get where you are going, tbh.

1. You assume that people don't change. Over the course of time, you gain new perspectives that make you a better person. It's part of the human condition, if you let it.

2. You assume that when people say, "don't change for people", that they mean everything. They don't. If you are an asshole, the general consensus is, "you can go ahead and stop being an asshole." Really, what people mean is that if you are really into listening to jazz, then don't pretend to like the opera to keep fucking a girl. I've got my finger on the pulse of society, and trust me, that fight happens far more than we'd care to admit.

3. The group of people, men or women, that put in their list of things to look for in a potential mate, "must be needy as fuck" is going to be a very small group. So unless you intend to seek out and date Rihanna, then you might need to cool it a bit on the 300 texts per day.

4. More of a follow up to 3 than anything, even if you do find someone that finds neediness as attractive, they are eventually going to be tired of having you crawl up their ass daily and leave you.

That's just an opinion...your mileage may vary.

I just don't understand some when they say, "be yourself on a date", but don't be "needy". If you're simply a needy person, then how do you be yourself, if you have to stop being needy? Kinda paradoxical.

I guess when it comes to advice like "don't be needy", they should kinda elaborate a little or define what "needy" actually means. Overly attached? Insecurity? Controlling? Constant reassurance and validation?

Originally Posted by PJ

"Being yourself" applies to positive traits, interests, principles.

Being "needy" is not a positive trait. Think of it this way. Replace "needy" with, for simplicity's sake, "an asshole."

You can't just say "I'm an asshole." Whoever wants to date me has to deal with me being an asshole. Well, you can say that. But you won't get anywhere.

If you're an asshole, check yourself. If you're needy, likewise.

related-ish note
I came across this guy the other day from someone posting on Facebook.
Quality Dating Life | JJ Thomas
Apparently this guy's a dating coach from Vancouver lol

To tell you the truth, from so many assholes I've met, they don't know that they're are actually assholes. They are just themselves. They think they're doing something nice and kind and saying something perfectly normal, but in most people's perspective, they're assholes.

Some assholes are actually very nice people when you get to know them at a deeper level and understand the reason for them to be assholes. But majority of them are just assholes for no reasons.

But I mean, imagine how hard it is for someone who is "needy" to stop being "needy" just to be accepted. If I was a needy person, I think I rather just express it and hope that someone will accept me one day, then go through the rest of my life trying to hold in my neediness.