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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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01-01-2013, 04:34 PM
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#1 | | Official Texas Ambassador
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| [Confidential] Love is way too difficult sometimes
The following is an anonymous post. If the original poster would like to reply to any comments, please PM me
Maybe I just have to get this off my chest and tell someone so I need to do this.
I have had a fantastic relationship for the last two years with a girl I met and things have always been easy. I love spending time with her and If someone asked if I could see myself in the future marrying her I would say yes.
However, I`m starting to come to terms that I am still and have always been in love with one of my closest girlfriends. Its been about 10 years since I had this feeling in my heart that we were meant to be with each other. Throughout that time she was always in long term relationships with one or two of my friends and some others I did not really know. I never felt a major sense of urgency or jealousy to act on my feelings. There were obviously nights that I can remember going home feeling shitty as I would stare at her before I`d leave.
I even spent a couple weeks with her and some friends when I went back packing and while somewhere locked away in my feelings that I was in love I never felt the need to go for it.
We have kissed and made out a handful of times. Recently, she has been dating a lot, but has sent me some messages about how confused she is with us. She`s told my best friend that she has thought a lot about us and wants to at least try having a relationship with me.
We hung out yesterday during the day and had a great time. My girlfriends was away for New Years with her family. At our new years party she brought some guy she started dating and I realized at the end of the night that everything is starting to bottle up inside me and is tearing me apart.
Even though we have never been together, this is the girl that I want to be the mother of my children. My biggest fear is that I break up with my girlfriend, date this girl and if it does not work I know the feelings I`d have if she moved on after. I used to get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I`d see her with other guys and if our relationship failed, I fear what it would do to me having her as not even a friend, because I don`t think I could go back to just being friends after.
I feel like I have just needed to get this off my chest, so thanks for revscene for offering this wonderful service!
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1  She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face. | | 
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01-01-2013, 05:15 PM
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#2 | | My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Vancouver
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whoa chill on the stuff about the marriage or tat shes going to be the mother of your kids...
Since you have so much feelings and really want to be with her, I doubt you would want to keep staying as friends with her. Tell her you want to be with her.
You only live once, so go and be straight up to her, let her know how you feel. You would never know how you guys would be like. Its a risk but take it since you never felt this way before.
Dump your current gf, I am sure you are losing feelings for her or have more feelings with the other one. Its not very good to have her around while you have feelings for another girl.
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01-01-2013, 05:19 PM
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#3 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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you already know what to do op, do what feels right..
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01-01-2013, 05:29 PM
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#4 | | Hypa owned my ass at least once
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if I were you and you have the opportunity, I would roll the dice on the new one.
this is bad advice but..... "fortune favors the bold"  | |
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01-01-2013, 06:01 PM
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#5 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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People tend to want what they can't have. It's a shame.
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01-01-2013, 07:13 PM
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#6 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: bedroom
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I kind of went through a similar situation.
I was with a guy for a very long time, but always had this friend who I always felt there was potential with. I am not one for cheating so nothing ever happened, but there was always this feeling when I was around the friend. When my relationship with my bf was in a bad place, I would always think of this friend. I thought several times (and attempted a few) about breaking up with the bf, never specifically to date my friend, but because our relationship just wasn't working.
I never wanted that friend to be the reason we broke up and I never wanted to jump from one relationship to another, so I pushed those feelings aside and continued to be with the bf. Well, years turned into more years and the feelings for my friend NEVER went away and, if anything, grew more. I found it harder and harder to breakup with my bf as there was no CLEAR reason to. Yes, the relationship was 'meh', the sex was bad, the connection was slipping, etc but I figured that happens after a while. Its like a frog in boiling water...when it happens slowly over time, you don't notice it.
The relationship came to a crashing stop through his actions and I was 'free'. My friend was obviously aware of the situation and had decided to confess his feelings for me. It was overwhelming....and amazing! We have been together since and it is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never knew I could love someone this much.
We joke some times about how "we should have done this years ago"....but, would it have been this good? Would we still be together? Would it have worked if I dumped my bf 'for him'? Would it have been a good idea to start a relationship like that?
Who knows....but I don't regret staying with my ex for so long. What happened happened and maybe it was meant to happen this way. Maybe we would not have been ready for a serious relationship with each other years ago.
I don't know what advice I am really offering here, but I would caution you on breaking up with your current girl for another. Your feelings of guilt may affect your relationship with the friend....it may put too much pressure on a new relationship, etc.
I think, if you do not see a future, you should end it with your gf. End it for that reason, and only that reason. It will leave you in a good place to start something new. Also, if it does not work with your friend, you won't be second guessing the break-up....if there was no future, the end was inevitable regardless of your friend.
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01-01-2013, 08:57 PM
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#7 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New West
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur I kind of went through a similar situation.
I was with a guy for a very long time, but always had this friend who I always felt there was potential with. I am not one for cheating so nothing ever happened, but there was always this feeling when I was around the friend. When my relationship with my bf was in a bad place, I would always think of this friend. I thought several times (and attempted a few) about breaking up with the bf, never specifically to date my friend, but because our relationship just wasn't working.
I never wanted that friend to be the reason we broke up and I never wanted to jump from one relationship to another, so I pushed those feelings aside and continued to be with the bf. Well, years turned into more years and the feelings for my friend NEVER went away and, if anything, grew more. I found it harder and harder to breakup with my bf as there was no CLEAR reason to. Yes, the relationship was 'meh', the sex was bad, the connection was slipping, etc but I figured that happens after a while. Its like a frog in boiling water...when it happens slowly over time, you don't notice it.
The relationship came to a crashing stop through his actions and I was 'free'. My friend was obviously aware of the situation and had decided to confess his feelings for me. It was overwhelming....and amazing! We have been together since and it is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never knew I could love someone this much.
We joke some times about how "we should have done this years ago"....but, would it have been this good? Would we still be together? Would it have worked if I dumped my bf 'for him'? Would it have been a good idea to start a relationship like that?
Who knows....but I don't regret staying with my ex for so long. What happened happened and maybe it was meant to happen this way. Maybe we would not have been ready for a serious relationship with each other years ago.
I don't know what advice I am really offering here, but I would caution you on breaking up with your current girl for another. Your feelings of guilt may affect your relationship with the friend....it may put too much pressure on a new relationship, etc.
I think, if you do not see a future, you should end it with your gf. End it for that reason, and only that reason. It will leave you in a good place to start something new. Also, if it does not work with your friend, you won't be second guessing the break-up....if there was no future, the end was inevitable regardless of your friend. | I'm glad you hooked up with that guy. Word on the street is he's pretty fucking awesome. And your ex is a douche canoe.
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01-01-2013, 09:18 PM
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#8 | | In RS I Trust
Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Mission
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Life is meant to take chances and if you take them it will mean that much more. I honestly think go for your friend and take that leap. Do you really want to go through life wondering what if? The person you should be with should also be your best friend and it seems like you have that with her so do what you know is right in your heart.
I'm in the same situation as well but I know she doesn't have feeling toward me like that(I think anyways)which I respect and all I want her for her to be happy. I do envy you for having this opportunity but just don't let it go because once you do it will be lost forever.
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01-01-2013, 09:35 PM
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#9 | | Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
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Originally Posted by Gridlock I'm glad you hooked up with that guy. Word on the street is he's pretty fucking awesome. And your ex is a douche canoe. | Hmmm clever  | |
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01-01-2013, 09:48 PM
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#10 | | Lomac owned my ass at least once
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Go for it.
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01-01-2013, 11:00 PM
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#11 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur I kind of went through a similar situation. | If I had a nickel everytime I read a variation of this . . .  | |
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01-01-2013, 11:11 PM
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#12 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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Go with your feelings. Nobody on the this forum or in the world can tell you anything more than what your feelings says.
If you do, you might live knowing that you've tried, but might also live with regret that you did.
Tough situation.
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01-01-2013, 11:38 PM
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#13 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
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if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If you do want to end it with your current girlfriend, just like what Dinosaur said, make sure to have to reason to do so, and not solely for this other girl. You will feel a lot less guilty in the long run.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by !Aznboi128 me: can I tap that
her: why are all guys asking the same f**king question?
me: i uno.... so can I tap that
her: stfu you got a gf
me: tap together?
no reply... | | |
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01-02-2013, 09:35 AM
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#14 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New West
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Originally Posted by Spoon If I had a nickel everytime I read a variation of this . . . | You'd have like a free quarter!
The story may be old, but I think its more helpful than "smoke weed", "lift and work out" or any combination of the work "alpha" or "beta"
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01-02-2013, 10:27 AM
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#15 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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^
No hard feelings. It's just funny that I know what she was going to say before she even said it. | |
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01-04-2013, 01:09 PM
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#16 | | Everyone wants a piece of R S...
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I think it is important to identify this 'feeling' you have for your friend. In reality we often want and desire what we can't have.
Could your friend's perfect gf/wife image be just an imagination of what you THINK would be like to have a relationship with her?
Given that she doesn't seem to be able to keep a long term relationship at this point; could you really be the one that could tie her down?
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