[Confidential] Opinion on this girl and my situation
 

The following is a post from an anonymous Revscene member. Please keep the discussion mature and civil. Flaming, trolling, or memes will not be tolerated.

Met a girl about a month a girl, we started talking quite a bit about our lives etc and we became “friends”. We were able to talk to each other about practically everything previous relationships life troubles, well more of her life troubles. (note shes a bit older than me by a couple of years, I’m 22, shes 26) I began to care a lot about her and eventually developed feelings for her. Love being around her and everything and she also seemed to love being around me. She became sick and ended up in the hospital, pretty much spent the entire day by her bedside.
Eventually I tell her I liked her, though she was not ready for another relationship yet (hers just ended about 2 months ago, a month ago before I met her) she kind of friendzoned me in a way and she wanted to just stay friends for then and we agreed. As time goes by she begins to ask me more about why I like her, what do I think of her and I give her the truth and everything and she replies with things such as “you’re so cute, it is so cute how you like me, I really like you too” sooner than later she begins telling me how she misses me and eventually dropped an I love you on me. Me still having strong feelings for her I tell her my feelings are still just as strong for you. We hang out more, eventually leading to sleeping with each other, still being there for each other, I guess became friends with benefits I guess? As time goes on we talk to each other practically every day, almost pretty much things couples would do, just we weren’t officially titled as a couple (as said by her lol)
Eventually, some other guy comes into the picture and tells her he has a crush on her too, which put her in a difficult situation. She has told me about him before, and she told me she told him they are only friends and nothing more. Things slowly stayed the same between us before this other guy began asking her out more, telling her he misses her even though she did not feel the same. Eventually she goes out with him for a day, she told me she found it very awkward to be with him as he tried to hug her and stuff. Me slowly getting jealous I tell her, she tells me nothing to really worry about as she isn’t interested. They go out a second time, and she begins to start ignoring me and occasionally talking to me. I become a bit more upset because I guess I did not understand the situation. The other guy eventually asks her can they become officially dating and she never replied to him as she told me.
So now I do believe they are dating now, and few days ago she invited me over so we can talk, she was pretty much assuring me that she really cares about me and that I will not lose her, and nothing is pretty much going on between them. When I pretty much knew I probably won’t be seeing her again.
So I have not talked to her in the past 2 days, she never replied to my messages a few days ago and I just don’t want to bother messaging her knowing she is ignoring me (she is on her phone almost like 99% of the time)
What do you guys think of the situation? Sure I know its RS but hey, some advice would be nice. I believe most people will just say move on but I really care about her and I still pretty much can’t stop thinking about her or worrying about her. As I hear, the other guy is really nice to her too (but aren’t all guys like that to a girl they like lolol) Kinda wonder did she just use me for the past month.
Thanks for reading, and sorry about the long read.

The only thing you can possibly do is tell her how you feel. If she chooses to ignore that then I guess there's nothing you can do and it's time to move on.. It sounds like she's unsure of what she really wants (never heard of that one before...) and wants to have all the benefits of being in a relationship but just being able to peace out whenever she wants, without all the headaches. Probably a good idea to stay away from someone who isn't sure what they want, as that will probably lead to other problems further on in your relationship.

wheres the cliffs brah, you expect us to read all that ?

guy likes girl, girl is unsure what she wants, they hook up but girl doesn't want to label them gf/bf. girl finds out another guy has crush on her, other guy starts hanging out with her, op is jealous, girl now kind of avoiding op. what to do? you're welcome.

Usually I spend my time with these types of posts trying to tell the OP how he needs to move on and how the girl is a bish....blah blah blah. Today, I will give you this:


And because I am nice, the lyrics to the song that I was humming when I read the post:

Use me when you want to come
I bled just to have it touched
When I'm in you I want to die

User friendly fucking dopestar obscene
Will you die when you're high
You'd never die just for me
She says,
"I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you
'til somebody better comes along."

Use me like I was a whore
Relationships are such a bore
Delete the ones that you've fucked

User friendly fucking dopestar obscene
Will you die when you're high
You'd never die just for me
She says,
"I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you
'til somebody better comes along."

That is all.

It`s your call on this one OP.

I am assuming, based on your post, that they just started dating.

It`s your chance to show her how you feel by doing what the other guy has done: "officially asked her out".

You told her how you feel.

But, from your post, you did not officially ask her out.

That is my 2 cents: ask her out while her relationship with the other is still very, very new.

You also stated that she did not tell you that she and the other guy are going out.

So, technically, she thinks you don't know about the other guy dating her.

This is... an opening you can use.

Take a risk if she is worth it.

Or, regret it afterwards if you don't.

But, don't tarry.

Do it soon, or don't do it at all (ask her out).

I'm a blunt and upfront guy, so I'd tell her that I like her, and that I'd like to go out with her.
If she feels the same way, great. If not, then move on.
If she's not sure how she feels, I'd go for a few more dates. If she still has no answer, I'd probably move on.

22 is a decent age to start casual dating. Plenty of fish out there. No pun intended. Go have some fun.

she just ended last relationship
was single and ready to mingle . and found you
got to know you, and maybe knows you too well now

now she has a shiny new toy in front of her.
she wants to know this too now

lets try and be objective here. was the new boy an upgrade? if massively yes (looks, wealth, social status) . or if not an upgrade, she just wants the shiney new toy for that new novelty factor

this is just human/womenly nature.
just distance yourself from her. that may be the best thing to do. if she come crawling back, then hopefully you know how to take control of the situation moving forward. you win

if she doesnt come crawling back, you still win. plenty of girls out there.

..and your question about being used. do not frame this on yourself. it just sounds like youve been victimized (not only to others, but to your own conciousness as well). you are only a victim if you frame yourself to be one. but no, that is not the proactive way to approach this situation

^This man speaks the truth.

im gonna add something else...

no 26 year old woman is going to consider a srs relationship with a 22 year old. yes, its only 4 years difference....but that is a BIG 4 years.

also....do we still "ask people out" in our 20s? really?

move on. you were the "in between".

True, 22 and 26 is a big difference.

^nah, not if they are Asian :ifyouknow:

This is a good point. I'm thinking that all her "well we're not really going out" could have been a pretty strong hint that she WANTED you to ask her out, and when you didn't, she took that as being friendzoned herself. The new dude just moved in where you held back: that makes HER feel more attractive, and thus makes HIM more attractive to her.

So, like Marshall says... do the ol' Rom-Com thing, sweep her off her feet, give her the old "It's you and me, baby" and show her that you're more than just talk; show her that you don't just "love" her and "care" about her, but that you WANT her.

Assuming you actually do.

TL;DR: everyone wants to feel WANTED. New guy gave her that; you didn't.
NOW is your chance: shit now, or get off the pot.

edit: re age difference: be sure to point out that when she's 80, you'll still be a spring chicken at 76, and she can brag to her nursing-home friends about her young buck :troll:

This post beats all.
/end

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

@Marshall Placid I did ask her out, just she told me she wasn't ready for another relationship. Guess I might have missed saying it but she did say they are dating for now and she told me before they even did date. What made it weird was she almost asked me everyday if I liked her, if i loved her, if i missed her lol. Can't ask her out now anyways.. She completely stopped talking to me out of no where. I was at her house a few days ago and everything seemed fine, next day won't reply to a text or call (been few days now)

@trancehead good point about the frame. Thank you

I was in my early 20's and dating a 32 year old...lasted 8 months before I called it quits(yes, I called it quits, not her). I stayed at her place most nights, we went out with my friends, on dates, short trips here and there. she was a big fan of PDA(I hate it), so everyone around us knew we were together. in comparison, she was a 10, I was a 3. she was the one buying me all the stuff. she had fake tits, fake smile, nose, hair, you name it she probably had it.

for this girl...just tell her its you or him. if its him, cut her off and just give her cold responses when she trys to talk to you. (don't tell her you met a new girl and have been talking to her...that'll probably give her more reason to drift apart from you lol)

you were the rebound plain and simple, move on

All I had to do was read the first few sentences to KNOW that you will never date her and that she USED YOU as a time/gap filler until the right person for her came along. Have you watched the movie, "He's Just Not Into You"? Well if so, you are Conor (Kevin Connolly), and she is Anna (Scarlett Johansson). If you haven't watched it, do it, and you will realize how much time and energy you are wasting.

Is she really dug you as a bf and more than just a friend, you and she would have known that a lot sooner without stringing you along. Truth is, if she knew what kind of catch you are, she wouldn't risk losing you by not putting a "title" on your relationship with her.

what trancehead said.


nothing is forever. no relationship lasts forever. nothing is permanent in this world.

your encounter with her was a shorter one. just enjoy the sweet moments u had and that's the end of that chapter. time to make a new one.

always remember that with every relationship you have. even if you get married.

nothing in this universe stays in a permanent state. everything ends.
you take what you can out of it, and enjoy it while it lasts. thats it.

a happy memory is better than a long drawn out suffering life trying to revive something that's been dying for a long time.

i didn't read the replies, but sounds like to me she's keeping her options open and pretty much decided "not you", even tho you guys were friends with benefits.

the way i look at it, you can't win 'em all. You got some, which is better than some smchos that hang around a chick and get cockblocked and never even get to hold a hand, let alone some funbags

just focus on another girl and if she comes back, you're good, if not, then you have another goal to look forward too

here's something to remember. A girl is never 'done'. just put her on the back burner and when the timing's right, you can move her back to the main burner. If you give up and get bummed out, all that 'negative energy' (i hate using that phrase, but it's true), won't get you anywhere.

my 2 cents. good luck and get some more tail

Yeah man, you where her pet and she was a cougar with self-esteem issues.

You know she had fake everything and loved PDA? Because she takes he self-worth from what others think. She bought things to make you like her more and she wanted others to see her as desired.

Single women in their 30s are an interesting breed...desperately trying to hang on to their youth yet feeling the need to procreate with a viable dude.

Also, you may be a 3 in your eyes, but you may just being a bit too critical (a 3 is pretty dog-ass fugs, imo).

You probably dropped the ball on this one by not declaring a relationship with her. Yeah, you guys slept together, did everything couples do, but you never really asked her to officially be your GF.

And then, someone else came along. Who knows what happened between the two of them. If she honestly did not have interest in that guy, she would not even go on a second date with him.

You can't really say she used you when in turn, she probably thought you're using her.

From here on I guess it's best to just be straight up to the point with her and ask her if she still wants to be with you. If not, the only thing you can do is move on dude. It's been way past the stage where you declare GF/BF to mend it back, not to mention there's another guy. Not that I'm saying you can't try.

Boom. You definitely can't win them all, but you'll look back on this experience fondly in a few years (hopefully, when you have someone who actually wants to spend time with you.)

you got suckered and was a second choice to her.. ask her str8 up one last time if shes gun be wit u and if she even hesitate than fk itt

I see.

Thanks for clarifying.

I'm sorry to say, unfortunately, that you have little or no chance if she stopped communicating with you.

Like many posters said previously, it is time to move on.

If she comes back to you, I don't think it is a good idea to even talk to her again.

The entire cycle will repeat itself again.

Can't resist this quote:
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"