RS lost ones thread
 

Do me a favour, 320icar. Give the missus and extra, extra long hug. Tell her you love her. My wife of 31+ years passed away over a year and a half ago. Not a day goes by I don't think about her. I visit her every day at the cemetery. All the things I should have done when we were still together. I have so many regrets............

She was my best friend and a golden moral compass to me.

Not sure why I'm spilling my feelings out on RS, of all places, and in this thread, but maybe it will finally help in the healing process.

Although she is gone, she will always, always be a big part of who I am. She found my sense of humour weird, but she stuck with me with all my faults, and guided me.

I try to keep my chin up. Keeping busy and humour does help. And no, I will not go to therapy............. RS is my therapy.

All you RS'er with loved ones - NEVER take anyone for granted. One day, you will be without. Hopefully it will never happen to you. I wanted to grow old with the girl who stole my heart. Didn't get the opportunity. I did, however, spend a good 3 decades with her......... actually, I've known her all my life. She grew up two blocks away from me.

Anyway........... keep on keeping on.

And where's the salt, goddamn it!

geezus MG1, I had no idea. Sorry to hear about your loss.
:(

But I can say that I get why she was into your sense of humor. You're probably my favorite RS member, mainly because your wisdom carries through your posts. Please continue to keep on, keeping on, and if you need to talk and all that. RS is a much bigger community than just those who post.

Actually, can you, or another mod, move the post elsewhere? It really doesn't belong here. I just posted it because of 320icar's comment about wife taking so long to get ready. It made me think of her.

Call new thread in VOT, RS Member's Loss or something. Tragedies hit everyone. Parents death, etc. It does help to talk about it. I kept my silence and it was killing me.

Don't worry. RS will always be here for you.
Just let it all out. It will help. :heartsmile:

Feel free to copy and paste your post in a new thread. I think it would be a great thread and I know I'll prob shed a few tears reading through it.

Berz out.

I don't think you need salt anymore. Your heart is warm enough to melt all the ice and snow around you. Both literal and metaphorical.

RS lost ones thread
 

Sorry for the delay MG1.
No BS, I forgot how to moderate.
All good now.

sorry to hear that... everyday at the cemetery shows true love

this may be a bit personal but what regrets do you have? (wisdom for us youngins to fix in our relationships)

She loved to dance. Ballroom dancing. She kept asking for us to go take dancing lessons. She loved weddings because of the dancing at the reception. She told me near the end how she loved holding my hand. How safe and comfortable she felt. I didn't do enough of that.

I didn't listen to her enough, either. Kept putting things off. I was too busy working and stuff. Two jobs to make ends meet because we both believed in a stay at home mom.

I regret being so selfish in the beginning. we fought like cats and dogs, but looking back at it, we really did love each other and relied on each other in times of need. Nothing was easy back when we first started out. We got through all that. Now that I'm retired, the kids have all grown up, and the house is paid off, we were going to spend our "Golden" years travelling and if not, just sit on the porch in a swing chair for two............. now this. I watch other people walking down the street with hands held. It makes me want to cry. I saw this couple on Guide Meridian in a tiny RV and thought to myself, this could have been us. It's noon and I have to go see her............. such a nice bright sunny day.

From another thread I made. Mods, please delete the other one.

I posted something on a thread on VOT that was a spur of the moment thing. Below is the original post. I felt I had to move it to a new thread because the thread was about snow and recently, about Vancouverites trying to find salt that is nowhere to be found.

Anyway let this thread be about dealing with loss. I kept the news of my wife's passing for nearly a year and a half from friends. It was my wife's wishes not to make her passing a big deal, 'cause life goes on.

=================================================

Quote:
When the missus is done getting dressed finally, will be heading up to cypress from Richmond.
Do me a favour, 320icar. Give the missus and extra, extra long hug. Tell her you love her. My wife of 31+ years passed away over a year and a half ago. Not a day goes by I don't think about her. I visit her every day at the cemetery. All the things I should have done when we were still together. I have so many regrets............

She was my best friend and a golden moral compass to me.

Not sure why I'm spilling my feelings out on RS, of all places, and in this thread, but maybe it will finally help in the healing process.

Although she is gone, she will always, always be a big part of who I am. She found my sense of humour weird, but she stuck with me with all my faults, and guided me.

I try to keep my chin up. Keeping busy and humour does help. And no, I will not go to therapy............. RS is my therapy.

All you RS'er with loved ones - NEVER take anyone for granted. One day, you will be without. Hopefully it will never happen to you. I wanted to grow old with the girl who stole my heart. Didn't get the opportunity. I did, however, spend a good 3 decades with her......... actually, I've known her all my life. She grew up two blocks away from me.

Anyway........... keep on keeping on.

And where's the salt, goddamn it!

=================================================

I've witnessed too many deaths in my days. My father, my two aunts, a dear friend, a friend who's son committed suicide, colleagues, etc. It never gets easier dealing with a loss of a loved one. I will never get over my wife's passing. It started during the first Operation Rev Nose night. My wife told me she needed to go to the hospital. She's tough as nails, so her asking me to take her to the hospital is a very big deal. Turned out she had internal bleeding caused by stage four cancer. One year later to the day, on the second Operation Rev Nose, she had to go again to the hospital. Another procedure had to be done. We thought we were in the clear as the doctors said they thought they had got all of it the first time. Needless to say, it got worse over time. She went from being so active and energetic to............ she fought to the bitter end - chemo, radiation, etc. and outlived the two years she was given by two more years. I recall one night, she held up both arms in the air and yelled out, "Yay, I outlived my expiry date!"

The positive thing was, she had time to say goodbye to everyone. They say it's hardest on the survivors. The pain my wife went through is nothing I would wish on anyone.



__________________
"Youth is Wasted on the Young"

RS - helping FOB's blend in with Canadian society and culture since its inception. god bless

MG, do you have any hobbies? maybe that can help with your time and you will enjoy it!

pm me and maybe we can grab Bubble tea

MG1 - seeing your words just gives me mental images of the many loved ones I have had to let go as well; this is a good thing to remember, though. Thanks for sharing them - and if you ever want to get out and go for a drive I would suggest Squamish....and call on this Zed guy for a bevvy of some kind, I would welcome meeting you.

For the record - I took 4 months of ballroom dancing with my wife last year. ;)

Let's take MG1 to No.5!

From what I do know of him, he collect stamps and rare coins.

He likes all things black. All his cars are black.

Does this mean more people will start coming out to the thursday Kensington meats to hang out with Grandpa MG1?

I do have my small scale models - 15 that take about a year two to complete. And the Olympic and Coca Cola collectibles. I have enough hobbies to cover a half dozen lifetimes.

Btw, I am overwhelmed by the kind words and support shown by RS. Even the offer to hang out at No. 5, kind of out there, but........... Gulolol.

Thanks MG1 for the good feels. Honestly made me think about my wife all day at work today.

God Damnit, second time I cried like a baby this week :( (the other was the story of the boy that died in Santa's arms)

My father's currently ill, and I've been doing my best to avoid the subject, and avoid seeing him, I just don't want to deal with it, and we haven't had the steadiest relationship, but stories like this make me kick myself and want to pickup the phone...

Sorry about things MG1 I recall noticing a few breaks from seeing your posts, and was wondering if u were doing ok, but then I saw you become a regular again and was relieved. I had hoped everything was going good for you, you have your family and friends there for you though, and I'd like to think we are a part of that, so if you ever need, we're here for you

Thanks for the kind words..........

yeah I would find the phone thing awkward. Seeing him in person, if possible, might be better. Every situation is different. I was fortunate that my father and I got along......... well, as much as any asian father/son relationship goes. I miss playing chess with the old man. He was impossible to beat in Shogi (Japanese chess) but I beat him almost all the time in XianQi (Chinese Chess). We were pretty even when it came to western chess. Every time he had me by the balls in a game, he would start singing stupid songs just to piss me off.

You must have something you used to do with your father, yes?

beers with MG1 this christmas season? who's up?

lets do it!

I'm about as smooth of talker in these situations as I am when picking up women. This reminds me of the time (Which i'd like to forget, but lets hash this one open one more time) one of my very close friends had one of his ex girlfriends tragically drown in a hot tub. If I remember correctly; he told me the news and after a few moments of silence, the first words of out my mouth were "I guess they don't float." (She had 1990's Pornstar oversized fake breasts).

Insensitive? Most likely, but we did have a quick chuckle before settling back to reality. Everyone copes with things differently. I don't think the poster mentioning No.5 was doing anything other then trying to console a hurt individual. Probably not that smart if you don't know them though.

Honestly though, it's sad to hear someone you loved so much had to leave so early. In this day and age having a marriage last a decade, never mind 3+ is no small feat. It is heart breaking to hear a relationship like that can end so suddenly.

I will let you know Mr. MG1. I cherish my GF. My soon to be fiancé (you guys keep secrets right?) but I will take extra care to tend to her needs. The ones that really deserve the attention probably don't get enough of it.

Time will heal. Your loss was not that long ago. Keep strong. I'm sure she wouldn't want it any other way.

Wrong time and place... Grow up

i think it is time for the daily monthly thursday non car related, adult coffee/food meets with MG1 plus i need to return some stuff to him lol. everyone should get to know the wise man.

She knew me well enough to know I would survive and be there for the kids, but I'm my own worst enemy. I'm now without that person who kept me in check.

When we got married, she took care of all the finances, paid the bills and kept that part well taken care of. Before I got married, I was in debt and had no plans in place - never thought about the future.

In the four years she knew she had cancer, she prepped me. I do all the finances, taxes, what have you now. I'm even pretty good at cleaning and doing the dishes, lol. The kids leave me alone, but I know they are checking up on me from the corners of their eye to make sure I don't lose it or do something dumb.

I am blessed in many ways. Good kids and good friends, but I still long for her voice......... even miss the nagging. There are times I can't believe she's really gone.

The scariest part is I don't know my kids like she knew them. I get into arguments with them here and there and I can't figure out what to do. I'm a traditional Asian dad. What the hell am I supposed to do? I'll figure it out, I guess. First time in my life I wish I had a manual to read.

Everyone always says this but I don't buy it. With true love, time doesn't heal - you just get used to dealing with the absence. I can just think of a few of my loved lost ones and the tears will come back as strong as the first time I found out they moved on, some several years ago.