Parental Thread

[inv4zn]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

We just passed the first trimester. Still in shock lol.

We're starting the long process of buying all the gear.

I'm sure people here have done endless research. Tell me everything haha.

Congratulations!

Some tips from my (somewhat) recent experience:

For buying stuff, at least until the kid is ~1 year old, you want to buy things that make YOUR (ie. the parents, but more-so the mom) life easier/more comfortable. The baby won't give a fuck, s/he doesn't need a wipe warmer or any of that stuff. There's lots of lists online, but most of the stuff will be for your comfort. You can figure out what you need/want. Infants literally just need you to feed them, burp them, wash them every once in a while and the other times they'll sleep.

Get your wife a wedge pillow for when the belly starts to grow, and there's a whole line of post-natal products that are actually useful. I know it's a few months off but recovery from birth is pretty horrendous. Breastfeeding pillow helped us a lot as well.

As your comfort allows, buy used if possible, except (imo):
- Car seat. Many if not all of them need to be replaced even if you were in the smallest of smallest accidents, and with used stuff there's just no way of knowing. Plus they also have expiry dates so if you buy one that's used for 5 years you may only get a few years use out of it.
- Crib. We got a hand me down crib from a family friend, and it was really nice, until we picked it up and saw that the previous kid chewed the entire front railing and there were splinters and paint flaking. We took it anyway but it was an entire afternoon of sanding and painting, difficult to do in a condo. Cribs are something they will use for years and years and can store easily if you want more kids, so I suggest just getting new. You don't need the $3k carbon fibre crib, just any basic one will do.
- Mattress. Bed bugs, nasty shit from other kids, just get a new one.

Lastly, both during pregnancy and after birth, don't feel the need to listen to everyone around you. Everyone will have some sort of anecdotal experience they'll share, especially grandparents (they won't care that their experience was 30+ years ago, in a different era). If you have questions during the pregnancy, don't google it, call your doctor or 811. Your kid is your own, and what worked/didn't work with others may not with yours. It's sleepless and stressful because suddenly you're fully responsible for every single aspect of another (tiny) human being, but it's also pretty damn great. 10/10 would do it again.

[Eff-1]

Wow guys thank you so much. These are all great pieces of wisdom.

I am letting my wife drive the bus when it comes to pretty much everything. Breast feed or formula? Not my call, it's whatever she chooses. Wedge pillow? Sure I'll go get it right now. No questions asked. The pregnancy nausea has been pretty rough on her so far, so I am in no position to comment on anything these days except making her feel better lol.

She's kind of funny when it comes to buying used products. I think more likely than not she will prefer new stuff. So I have been doing all the research.

Newborn car seat = Luckily a close friend who just had a child is loaning us her Mico Max 30 (saving us $$) until she has her 2nd

Stroller = Looking like Bugaboo Fox 2 (which is compatible with the Mico Max)

Even though she prefers new things, the good news is she is super minimalistic so already she has said we don't need to buy very much. She's old school. Years ago she worked at Childrens as an RN so she knows how to do lots with very little when it comes to dealing with babies. We also live in a condo so don't have a ton of space so we are going to be buying as little as possible if we can.

[!Aznboi128]

Actually before I throw it up on marketplace, we have a nursing Pillow "My Breast friend" if anyone is interested.

https://www.amazon.ca/My-Brest-Frien...69348613&psc=1

[inv4zn]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

Wow guys thank you so much. These are all great pieces of wisdom.

I am letting my wife drive the bus when it comes to pretty much everything.

It sounds like you (as the dad) are doing things right haha. Men should get literally no say when it comes to this, like others have said a lot of it is on the mom just because there's no other way.

One thing a friend with 3 kids told me before I had my kid is whenever you disagree on something related to children and buying things for them, you have two options.

1. Agree with the wife (even if you don't), that way she's happy and only you're upset (secretly).
2. Disagree with the wife, have a fight, now you're both unhappy and you're going to do whatever she wanted anyway.

It's half in jest, and yes it is a slippery slope, but the amount of discomfort/pain they go through for over a year because you didn't pull out warrants a lot of it. Plus hormones.

[Eff-1]

Happy wife, happy life. No truer words have been spoken.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by inv4zn

It sounds like you (as the dad) are doing things right haha. Men should get literally no say when it comes to this, like others have said a lot of it is on the mom just because there's no other way.

One thing a friend with 3 kids told me before I had my kid is whenever you disagree on something related to children and buying things for them, you have two options.

1. Agree with the wife (even if you don't), that way she's happy and only you're upset (secretly).
2. Disagree with the wife, have a fight, now you're both unhappy and you're going to do whatever she wanted anyway.

It's half in jest, and yes it is a slippery slope, but the amount of discomfort/pain they go through for over a year because you didn't pull out warrants a lot of it. Plus hormones.

The above is true. However tired or stressed out you are remember that she has it worse than you. That doesn't mean you should suffer in silence (get a counsellor to talk to - dads also get post partum) it's just that you shouldn't take it out on your wife particularly late in the pregnancy and shortly after birth.

To help with this get an Amazon Prime account, let her order whatever it is she wants to order and just return stuff that doesn't work.

[EvoFire]

Congrats!

Doesn't sound like buying used is much of a problem cause I was gonna say don't buy used car seats unless you trust the original person that it hasn't been in an accident.

The other tip I had was not telling anyone that you are in labour and going in for delivery unless you REALLY need the emotional support. But with Covid I don't think it's really an option for ppl to visit anyways.

Allow friends and family to visit on YOUR TERMS. Don't let grandparents override you and guilt trip you.

In terms of kit, buy whatever you think you need. Don't let some one who tells you something is useless to sway you. The example I would use is the diaper genie. Some ppl say it's useless and a waste of money and refills are expensive just take out the trash more often, blah blah. We got it anyways. Our son is 25m old and we are still using it right now.

Oh and go get all the samples and free stuff. Toysrus gives out some free stuff if you sign up for a baby registry, same with London Drugs I think.

[Eff-1]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Oh and go get all the samples and free stuff. Toysrus gives out some free stuff if you sign up for a baby registry, same with London Drugs I think.

Nice. Didn't know about this.

[inv4zn]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

Nice. Didn't know about this.

Nestle also will send you a bunch of stuff if you sign up, but they are kind of an evil company, not sure how much you mind that.

I guess another thing is buy buy baby, if you do a registry, whatever isn't filled by birth you get a 15% or something discount at the end. Keep in mind this is one of the few ways to get discounts on stuff that is NEVER discounted otherwise.

Also it's kinda fun spending an afternoon with a scanner gun making the registry itself.

[!Aznboi128]

Most places gives you free things when you sign up for baby registry.

most baby registries also give you a completion discount as well, for example Amazon gives you 15% off (I think) on all the baby stuff like bottles etc.

[Eff-1]

Ahh got it. Just like our wedding registry.

[vash13]

I have a halo bassinet if anybody wants it for 120. Only used for 4 months. You can basically sell it again for the same cost after you are done.

[winson604]

Lol too lazy to read the responses already so apologies if I repeat anything that has alreadu been said.

Experience level 7 years. 2 kids ages 7 and 2, 1 boy 1 girl lol.

I'm just going to spew random shit and will most definitely miss a lot but just off the top of my head here.

- #1 advice is do not take any advice. What I really mean by this is you "might" experience people passing judgement on how you should raise your kid. Could be friends, family, strangers etc. Well you know what, there's no instruction manual and 1 single way to raise a kid. If you and your wifey are ok with whatever decision is made then that's the right call for you.

- People often think having a kid means the end of your life. Social gatherings, going to the gym, partying, whatever it is = game over. This however is so far from the truth I've seen couples stressing the fuck out over this before the baby is born. Look, having a kid is a big deal and a lot of responsibility and of course they will be your #1 priority. That being said it means you can still have a healthy lifestyle. You can still go out with friends, go out and eat, go hiking or whatever the fuck it is you do. You just have to make adjustments to how it's done, maybe you have to go home earlier because of sleep time or whatever but it's more than possible. You can still go party and have your wife take the shift tonight but the opposite is true too. Both you and the wife need breaks and don't feel guilty about pawning the kid off whether it be your SO or grandparents. Trust me just do it.

- Buying shit, oh boy when we had our new kids we went balls to the wall and spent a shit ton of money. $1000 strollers, $1000 crib, the fucking words I tell you. So much of the crap we bought was untouched or barely touched. I can tell you right now the baby 2nd hand market is NOT the same as other things. The value does not hold, I don't know if it's cheap parents or what but it is what it is. If you're ok with hand me downs take that shit. There will 100% for sure be many things you buy that you won't use either because you forgot you bought it, they don't like it, or many other reasons. This I can guarantee

- Apply for all the free money you can through the government, there are tons of benefits you can tap into.

I'll add more later, in a rush just wanted to throw a few at you.

[!Aznboi128]

Originally Posted by winson604

- Apply for all the free money you can through the government, there are tons of benefits you can tap into.

Tell me more about this...

[TypeRNammer]

Originally Posted by !Aznboi128

Tell me more about this...

I want in!

Unless it's related to RESP's

[winson604]

Here are some but and keep in mind some of these are income based. For most RS ballers the first 2 probably won't apply but they might during the year your wife tales mat leave since income would be reduced that year.

BC Child Opportunity Benefit
Affordable Child Care Benefit
BC Training and Education Savings Grant ($1200 when they turn 6)
Canada Education Savings Grant

[RiceIntegraRS]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

We just passed the first trimester. Still in shock lol.

We're starting the long process of buying all the gear.

I'm sure people here have done endless research. Tell me everything haha.

Congratulations.

Again i recommend buying off Facebook market place. Theres always familes, especiallly in North Van just giving stuff away like cribs just because they dont have the room to store it. My wife bought a pregnancy pillow when she was pregnant with our first kid and continued to use it after birth and with our 2nd kid. Helps them sleep and be abit more comfortable in bed so thats something i would recommend getting. We also use a baby swing several times a day which is extremely helpful if u need do something else like take a shit or cook. But it does take up some room. We also use a sound machine which helps our kids sleep at night and for naps. I thought i was minimalistic but in the end me and my wife bought everything if it meant it being easier on us at that time or later on. Even when we meet up with our parent friends, whenever a parent used something that made life just soo much easier we had to have it to and vice versa.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by winson604

- Apply for all the free money you can through the government, there are tons of benefits you can tap into.

Originally Posted by !Aznboi128

Tell me more about this...

We qualified for almost nothing. It sucks. We were just over the income bracket.

We got our CCB increased before wife was on mat leave last year so our household income is lower. It'll go back to nothing next year.

We looked into what we'll get if we have a 2nd kid. $1200! Awesome. Punched in the income levels that I am aiming for in the next year or so. Goes down to nothing. Fuck me.

[Eff-1]

Admittedly I will have a hard time convincing Mrs Eff-1 to buy used items. She's a bit of a germophobe and that might have something to do with it.

On a side note: Is it just me or does every single person in Vancouver have an Uppababy stroller?

[Traum]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

Admittedly I will have a hard time convincing Mrs Eff-1 to buy used items. She's a bit of a germophobe and that might have something to do with it.

Perhaps you can scare her into believing that the brand new clothes will have toxic chemicals that are more difficult to wash out than the germs in used clothing?

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

Admittedly I will have a hard time convincing Mrs Eff-1 to buy used items. She's a bit of a germophobe and that might have something to do with it.

On a side note: Is it just me or does every single person in Vancouver have an Uppababy stroller?

Not everyone, but probably a good quarter it feels. The thing with those is they last a long time. We got a hand me down Vista from a friend, they used it lots and we use it lots and we weren't careful with it. It's a stroller from 2013 and it's on its third kid. It would probably last a 4th and by a stretch a 5th kid.

A Graco or whatever won't last even 2 years hence you don't see them as much. I see a lot of Uppababy's that are close to 10 years old.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by Eff-1

Admittedly I will have a hard time convincing Mrs Eff-1 to buy used items. She's a bit of a germophobe and that might have something to do with it.

On a side note: Is it just me or does every single person in Vancouver have an Uppababy stroller?

My wife is a germaphobe as well and did extensive cleaning of any hand me downs and would even try to order free replacement parts for some of the stuff we got (and it worked).

re: Uppababy - sure seems like it. While it's not the priciest it's plenty fancy and built like a tank. We used hand me downs until my daughter outgrew her infant car seat but now I have the Minu and it's quite nice - my first one was stolen out of my car and we bought another one just as COVID hit and basically used it 3 times since (a tragic use of $600).

[!Aznboi128]

I have an Uppababy Cruz, while it's nice it's not for everyone. I also have a Babyzen yoyo which I've used a lot more.

think about where you're going with your child and what you like to do, if you like to go on hikes and trails you'll be using a carrier, if you're a runner a Thule maybe better. If you're in Olympic village and you need to fit in, Uppababy lol.

I got my babyzen yoyo cause I found that a lot of the cars I get into can't fit a full size stroller + everything else. Most car's trunk just isn't big enough. For example if I had my Uppababy in my crv. I get 2 boxes of diapers from Costco I would have no space for anything else.

[Eff-1]

Originally Posted by !Aznboi128

I have an Uppababy Cruz, while it's nice it's not for everyone. I also have a Babyzen yoyo which I've used a lot more.

think about where you're going with your child and what you like to do, if you like to go on hikes and trails you'll be using a carrier, if you're a runner a Thule maybe better. If you're in Olympic village and you need to fit in, Uppababy lol.

I got my babyzen yoyo cause I found that a lot of the cars I get into can't fit a full size stroller + everything else. Most car's trunk just isn't big enough. For example if I had my Uppababy in my crv. I get 2 boxes of diapers from Costco I would have no space for anything else.

We are leaning towards Bugaboo Fox 2. It's a bit more expensive than the Uppababy but we do like walking on trails and in the snow and the suspension is super nice. The Uppababy was nice too but a much stiffer ride.

I agree, once you throw one of these strollers in the car, there's not much room left. That was my first thought when we first went shopping.

[winson604]

Bugaboo Cameleon and Maclaren BMW Buggy stroller. Be prepared to have half your trunk if not 3/4 of your trunk taken up lol.

I highly recommend you try putting the stroller in your car before you buy it. The bugaboo fits in my trunk with the stroller facing north south which means I still half half the trunk to either side left. My wifes SUV trunk is an inch too short to fit the stroller north south so it goes in east west and awkwardly sort of takes up the whole trunk you have to fit things in random holes you find it's kinda annoying.