Parental Thread

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by !Aznboi128

Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier, everything that I keep learning says otherwise.

The first 9-10 months were total hell for my wife and I - it wasn't till we successfully sleep trained (3 attempts) our monster that things got better. Prior to that I slept in the guest room for 8 months and my wife and I would take turns with her at night as she woke every 2-2.5 hours. I still have PTSD from it as I'm not able to sleep a full 8 hours anymore without waking - I have to block off 9-10 hours in order to get 8 hours.

Now she's about to hit 2 years and while she's still a lot of work she's also a huge amount of fun. She's the best (except when I have to spend the entire day with her) and I only occasionally think about leaving her at a fire hall.

[underscore]

Our first had a bunch of minor issues that made her a nightmare sleeper til we got her sleep trained at 8 months. Even that wasn't easy since they have different expectations for mom vs dad so I had to keep running home from work to put her down for a nap which was an annoying couple of weeks, but it was qorth it because ever since she sleeps 12 hrs a night and if she does wake up she just quietly goofs around in her crib. I guess that's to even out the hell the first 8 months were lol, but now that she's approaching 3 she's started stalling any time we need her to do anything.

Kid #2 has no medical issues that we've found yet, she just hates to go to sleep. She goes full on Super Saiyan every damn time we turn out the lights and absolutely nothing calms her down, we just have to wait til she's done and go from there. Fucking exhausting.

The thing I keep in the back of my head is that each challenge is only temporary. You get new ones at each stage, but at least when one is hell I know it's not permanent and I just need to survive til it ends.

[inv4zn]

Sleep training is huge, but as is with everything with kids it's truly YMMV. We had ours riight on the verge of being sleep trained around 6 months, and then there was that big heat wave in the summer and we all slept in the living room with the A/C for a few weeks, so all the effort went into the shitter.

Now about 90% of the time she sleeps ~11 hours-ish, but she's been waking up earlier and earlier (friggin 5:55am today), I think because the sun rises earlier. We have blackout curtains, but she just seems to know.

Something I always tell myself is no matter how hard and frustrating it is right now, it's going to be incomparable to when she inevitably calls me when she's 17 saying how she drove the car into a ditch.

[inv4zn]

Found this

YouTube

[Zedbra]

Originally Posted by 320icar

He’s never been much for a pacifier except for when he was a newborn. He has some chew toys he likes, but he grinds randomly. The sound pushes me into the red immediately so I need to think of a ‘correction’ for every time he does it or something.

Both of our sons never liked a pacifier as well; instead, we would buy the bulk packs of children's toothbrushes to let them chew. They quite liked the plastic for teething and the softer brushes if there was sensitivity from the tooth breaking skin. If they drop it or clean the floor with it - toss it and give them another toothbrush.

As for spanking, I have spanked my children. Between the two of them (now 12 and 10) a total of 7 times. Prior to the spankings, I gave them a choice to either say they were sorry for their misbehaviour or to get spanked. They chose to not say they were sorry, and therefore chose to get spanked. They learned real quick to be polite and how to consider better choices in life thereafter.

We had a rule when going to the store that they had to keep within arm's reach of the shopping buggy at all times. One time, we were entering Walmart to grab a few items and they were both being rowdy towards one another, eventually the oldest pushed his brother to the ground right as we got into the store, making the little one cry. Without raising my voice, I told him to behave appropriately, and say he was sorry to his brother. His reply" I'm not saying sorry". I gave him the option to either say he was sorry or I would spank him right here and now. His reply, "you aren't going to spank me in front of these people". One good rap on the butt, now I had two crying children, but they never left the buggy out of arms reach and always behaved in any store we went into; we received many compliments over the years for their courtesy and manners.

TL/DR - spanking I believe has been useful, moreso because the choice was our childrens' to do the right thing or receive that punishment.

[EvoFire]

Feels like I have an angel on my hands reading your stories.

We never co-slept. He slept in his own room starting at 5 1/2 months old. Didn't need to sleep train. The worst was just him relying on the pacifier and whenever it fell out he would wake and cry. We weaned the paci after 3 days and he was good.

Lately he's hitting what they call "18 month sleep regression" and he also doesn't like going to bed anymore. Can take awhile to fall asleep and only sleeps for about 10 hours now at night. Otherwise seems to be fine.

Clingy as all hell though. Going through separation anxiety it seems as well. Starting daycare was interesting....

[RiceIntegraRS]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Lately he's hitting what they call "18 month sleep regression" and he also doesn't like going to bed anymore. Can take awhile to fall asleep and only sleeps for about 10 hours now at night. Otherwise seems to be fine.

10 hours a night? thats my best case scenario! my kid sleeps about 7hrs wakes up and wants to a bottle or sleep in my bed, and then sleep an additional 3-4 hrs. I think all my friends kids wake up atleast 1-3 times a night.

Taking care of my kid full time has been very very challenging but rewarding at the end of the day. I do have a new found respect for any stay at home parent taking care of their kid fulltime on their own.

[EvoFire]

Do any one of you have a left handed kid but both parents are right handed?

I feel like we are potentially staring at this scenario as my son mainly uses his left hand for most things. Occasionally he'll use his right hand.
I'm a little anxious about having to teach him how to hold chopsticks or write because I'm not sure how a RH person can teach a left hand person.

Side note, my wife thinks I might have been left handed and had the left handedness beaten out of me because it was unwanted in old school Asian culture.

[320icar]

My wife and I are both right handed, but both our fathers are left handed. As of now Ethan seems to be pretty ambidextrous, it seems to change day by day. Watching him pinch and pick up peas and Cheerios etc one day he’ll only use his left. Two days later he’ll only do his right...

[snowball]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Do any one of you have a left handed kid but both parents are right handed?

I feel like we are potentially staring at this scenario as my son mainly uses his left hand for most things. Occasionally he'll use his right hand.
I'm a little anxious about having to teach him how to hold chopsticks or write because I'm not sure how a RH person can teach a left hand person.

Side note, my wife thinks I might have been left handed and had the left handedness beaten out of me because it was unwanted in old school Asian culture.

I coach and i find teaching left handed people easier. They just face you and mirror you instead of learning side to side.

He'll figure it out with practice anyway. Left-handers are also disproportionately high achievers in sports, time to rake in the dough.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by snowball

I coach and i find teaching left handed people easier. They just face you and mirror you instead of learning side to side.

He'll figure it out with practice anyway. Left-handers are also disproportionately high achievers in sports, time to rake in the dough.

I hope that's the case haha. Time to plan my billionaire retirement on the back on my son.

We are also curious where he got that from because none of the grandparents are left-handed, though we can't guarantee it wasn't beaten out of them either.

At the great grandparents level it's a little murky.

[TypeRNammer]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Do any one of you have a left handed kid but both parents are right handed?

I feel like we are potentially staring at this scenario as my son mainly uses his left hand for most things. Occasionally he'll use his right hand.
I'm a little anxious about having to teach him how to hold chopsticks or write because I'm not sure how a RH person can teach a left hand person.

Side note, my wife thinks I might have been left handed and had the left handedness beaten out of me because it was unwanted in old school Asian culture.

Over here

Both me and the wifey, along with my daughter are right handed but my son is left handed.

Writes and draws with his left hand, but when it comes to utensils, he uses his right hand.

Don't feel too anxious when it comes to teaching how to write or using utensils, it will come naturally or just go with the flow.

[xxxrsxxx]

When do you start looking into daycare? I heard the waitlist are long. Planning to start when kid turns 1. Any recommendations in east van?

[TypeRNammer]

Originally Posted by xxxrsxxx

When do you start looking into daycare? I heard the waitlist are long. Planning to start when kid turns 1. Any recommendations in east van?

You gotta start way earlier than that if you want a spot in day care.

For example, when my son was about a year old, we had him on the waitlist for Collingwood. Now it's completely pointless cause he'll be going to kindergarten this year

[!Aznboi128]

God damn, no way.

[TypeRNammer]

Originally Posted by !Aznboi128

God damn, no way.

I believe it's just an East Van thing when it comes to waitlists

So I ended up putting them into a Richmond daycare.

One of my friends who also lives in East Van also ended up putting her kid in Richmond also due to wait list.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by xxxrsxxx

When do you start looking into daycare? I heard the waitlist are long. Planning to start when kid turns 1. Any recommendations in east van?

You're already too late. I put my kid's name down at 6 months pregnant before we even had a name for him (because we didn't know whether it'll be a boy or a girl yet), and we still didn't get into any of the busy ones like Collingwood Neighbourhood House by the time she turned 3. None.

Having said that, the pandemic has completely changed the game with lots of parents pulling their children out of daycare, so the daycare places were desperate at one point. I'm not sure how things are right now, but try your luck asap and see what you get.

[xxxrsxxx]

Thanks for the info guys. Just took a quick look at collingwood, it’s $300/month full time? Is that right? Looking at other places, it’s around $1500.

I also noticed there are “family” run ones vs “companies” (kid and co.). What are your suggestions and/or experiences with the two?

[inv4zn]

I can comment a bit because my wife worked at a daycare before mat leave. A non-profit one, as this is quite important.

Full disclosure, our kid isn't in one yet, so all this is anecdotal from my wife, and what I feel is safe to share. It's also a more broad outlook from a third-party, and not specific to what they do at this, or any daycare.

The wife is strongly against 'franchised' daycares, or anything that include an 'educational' aspect, ie. Montessory, CEFA, etc. While cultural upbringings of the parents may dictate what sort of program they see as 'better', according to the wife and everything she's studied kids just need to be kids. There's no benefit to having structure or organized schedules for a child that young, they just need to do whatever. I tend to agree.

Also, the interaction between the daycare centre and you as the parent will vary greatly on how you're perceived by the daycare. It's all professional of course, but the parents that complain about the teachers, or the daycare, are generally because the parents are dicks. Just be nice, and educate yourselves on what is really best for the child, as that shows through in the kid very easily. An example is a mother who sent her 3 year old to daycare everyday with chocolate milk. When the centre told her to stop because it's not healthy she said 'but that's all he drinks at home.' Needless to say the kid is a brat at the centre, and the teachers have little kind things to say about the mom. Another is a child that refuses to go out when it's raining when all the other kids are outside in muddy buddies. His parents just coddle him and he cries when he has to go out when it's raining. Stuff like this.

That said, even in my wife's centre, there are some 'teachers' who are doing it just because ECE is easy, and they really don't care-care about the kids. You can tell them apart quite easily with how they interact with the children - I could pick them out without my wife telling me.

Going back to the first topic, for-profit or private daycares will have nicer things inside, but that may not be the best for the child. You really need to look at how the kids are treated and cared for, and if the teachers look like they genuinely care about your child. Do the kids look like they also like the teachers, or are they scared of them? But also stay the hell away from unlicensed basement centers. Not only are they illegal, they lack insurance and any proper procedures.

Lastly just remember that the job itself is both physically and mentally taxing. Everyone knows it's a struggle looking after a toddler, imagine having to look after 4 all day. Minor injuries will happen. Some kid will bite another, maybe yours. Be reasonable and don't take it out on the teachers, please. Mistakes are not gross negligence.

Lastly for the love of God please don't bring a child in if they're sick, or showing signs.

[stanton]

Originally Posted by xxxrsxxx

Thanks for the info guys. Just took a quick look at collingwood, it’s $300/month full time? Is that right? Looking at other places, it’s around $1500.

I also noticed there are “family” run ones vs “companies” (kid and co.). What are your suggestions and/or experiences with the two?

There is also a third option, "not for profit" community run ones. I am on the board for one here on the island and it is very eye opening. There are many grants available to help bring down the costs of childcare based on income levels, so yeah some people get $300/ month rate but they are lower income, most families are averaging in the $500 - $700 per child per month. It takes a great leadership group to consistently get the funding year after year so if they don't get a grant the costs can go up. Another advantage is that we are required to hire ECE's that are trained and certified and have to maintain a minimum ratio of 1 ECE per 3 kids for 3yo's and above and a 1 ECE per 2 toddlers. There is no incentive for us to try and "maximize profits" and run with lower number of ECE's.

If you have any specific questions just pm me.

[EvoFire]

We had put in spots in waitlists the moment we knew we were pregnant. Then Covid happened and threw everything out the window.

So many parents pulled kids out of daycares that some daycares were scrambling to fill spots. It went from worrying about having to shove him wherever that had space to having some choice by us as parents on where to send him.

There are the more expensive "business-y" ones that advertise schedules, and lessons, and also you pay more for extra-curricular stuff. At the end we decided our kid at 18 months old, really isn't going to benefit from those. A friend of ours sent her kid to one of those and she says she watches the cams and her son just derps off and does whatever when these "special" lessons are taught. They really aren't benefitting from it. The only big upside is they catered lunch so you don't have to think about it. Is it worth the extra $500-800 a month is up to you.

One more thing we noticed with our kid is, the fancy toys don't make too big of a difference. I've always said having a cat is like having a 2 year old. They hear you, whether if they listen or respond is another story. I've added one more thing to that, they can have the most fun with the most ridiculously worthless things. Clicking bottle caps? Awesome. Ball of paper to throw and bat around? Great. Kind of defeats the point of the $2000/m daycare with their fancy toys.

[Great68]

Yeah we've had pretty crazy daycare experience with my son. He's been through a few. It's been on of the biggest stressors, bar none, it fucking sucked.

My kid's first daycare when he was a licensed home daycare just down the road from my wife's work. We thought this worked out pretty good, he seemed happy there and things were going well. He was in this daycare for about 9 months when out of the blue the operator said she was terminating his care with one month notice. (We think it was to make space for a sibling pair which would have given her an extra care spot on her license).

So that left us scrambling to find something. For next 3 months he bounced around a couple different temporary daycare spots as they were available, as well as having each grandma come over for a couple weeks to look after him.

We finally found a spot with an LNR daycare, which had 2 of her own kids plus one other in a home basement suite. Not an ideal choice but we were pretty desperate at that point. The caregiver actually separated with her husband during my son's stay there, she never told us outright but we started noticing that he wasn't around in the mornings/afternoons anymore. I can only hope they kept any that crap away and separate while she was caring for my kid.

Anyways we pulled him after 8 months when my wife found a spot with another licensed home daycare out close to her work again. This place and the lady running it turned out to be fantastic. Structured, lots of activities (lots of outdoors time), my kid was so happy there (he asks about that place and if he can ever go back). Unfortunately he was only there for 2 months before COVID hit and she closed down.

Not the end of the world as we both started working from home for the next few months and could have him at home with us. When we started hearing other daycares re-opening and/or other kids starting to go back we kept asking if she was going to re-open but she never did.

As luck would have it, we got a call from a daycare where we were on the waiting list since the time we were scrambling after the first daycare. It's a non-profit, community run, 16 kid daycare that's only a few blocks from my house. It's been great, he's been happy, and it turns out that many of those kids live in the neighbourhood as well and will be in the same school catchment when he goes to kindergarten.

[320icar]

This is where I think universal base income would be amazing. Afford one parent to stay home and actually raise your own children. Avoid this whole toxic battling for insanely expensive daycare stuff

[inv4zn]

So our little sh..princess has recently started making herself throw up by sticking fingers in her mouth. Second time in 4 days she's done this.

The internet says it's her seeking attention, which may be true because both times she's done it while left in a playpen while her mom was in the washroom, but does anybody have experience with what can be done to stop this?

[320icar]

My coworker and I were just talking about this. Her second youngest did this for a few months because he thought it was hilarious. Everyone freaks out, gets a big reaction etc. I believe he just eventually grew out of it