Parental Thread

[6793026]

We are at week 20 and man, after joining the bandits group, we still see people with 23 weeks and sudden turns for the worse.

I keep telling my wife... you NEVER EVER celebrate until you're at the finish line and actually crossing it. I am not a fan of these baby showers. Man, if I was early 20s / 30s, sureeeee... the fact we are 40s... everything is risky.

[EvoFire]

^ Oh yeah there was a post yesterday or a day before where the couple failed on multiple attempts even with IVF, that was disheartening.

On the flip side. We have a friend who tried for many years and couldn't get pregnant. Ended up going the IVF route and had their first one. Then they recently had an accident and are expecting their second via natural.

[BIC_BAWS]

^ it's the same guy

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by 6793026

pass on the tips and wisdom...
i feel like i'm in AA now.

Can't get closer to you guys if I don't start off being vulnerable.
I'm mid 40s, wife is 41, took us 3 yrs, 3 IVF, broke as F and now just suddenly when we gave up, she got preggo.

Now I gotta deal with all the new reno with man cave just to find out i have ot take it all down for baby girl.. FML LOL.

I'm blessed to have grandfathered a lot of hobbies, so I guess i can re-pick them back up again in 30 yrs LOL.

One suggestion from my lesson learned as I was 43 when my daughter was born and my wife was 41 - since you're also in your mid-40s you (and your wife) won't have the energy levels you once had so use the few months you have left to try to improve your fitness and improve your diet. Learn to make meals that are easy and healthy now (in some cases even start stocking up the freezer with pre-made meals or the ingredients you need for the easy meals). Depending on Uber Eats/DD is just not sustainable and even the meal kit stuff isn't great (and it gets expensive fast).

Maybe the nuclear reactor your wife births will be an easy kid but if they are not they will be exhausting and in your mid-40s it's just really, really hard to recover and keep up. I was working heavy hours leading up to my daughter being born and didn't have a baseline that let me keep well.

[6793026]

I'm at that stage. I've been very blessed to have high energy level and being able to prep meals, create plans and execute for the last 20 years. It's been very difficult for my wife to even plan meals or cook food beyond just for herself.

I just have to suck it up to say the least, you really can't change someone that stage in life.

Honestly, each time I complain (and many times when I discuss with my wife); we have to realize how good we have it. Do you not even realize there are single mothers and or fathers who has to still go to work? There are families with 1 income with family of 3 and still trying to make things work. STFO, just appreciate you're able to have a kid.

I keep telling myself - no one forced you to this, you want a kid, you're going to have to deal with pregnancy. Yeah.. not something you want to tell your wife face to face. LOL

[Tapioca]

Congratulations.

I've been a parent for almost 10 years with two kids. 10 years ago, there were barely any supports for new and expecting fathers. My wife and I did pre-natal classes, but that's about it. I used to take my newborns on walks all of the time. I used to have to drive around with my first-born in the car when she was an infant so that I get could her to fall asleep. Lots of WTF moments during those first couple of years and PPD from my wife too.

We got by without a lot of fancy things. My kids aren't perfect, but they're pretty good and well-adjusted, all things considered.

Everyone has advice to give, but take it all with a grain of salt, to be honest. You're going to make a lot of mistakes - be easy on yourself. Focus on your kid and get to know them so you can make the best choices for them - not based on what others have done or what your wife's friends and family are telling you to do.

Parenting is hard, but it's not that hard all things considered. You got this.

Good luck.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by Tapioca

Congratulations.

I've been a parent for almost 10 years with two kids. 10 years ago, there were barely any supports for new and expecting fathers. My wife and I did pre-natal classes, but that's about it. I used to take my newborns on walks all of the time. I used to have to drive around with my first-born in the car when she was an infant so that I get could her to fall asleep. Lots of WTF moments during those first couple of years and PPD from my wife too.

Suggestion: Pre-natal classes are a great way to form a dad support group and an opportunity that I regret not taking advantage of. The moms all formed a group chat (the dads were in it too) but it was basically the moms doing all the talking (and organising get togethers). Get the numbers of the dads and form your own group chat so you can support each other.

[EvoFire]

So we booked a trip to Japan in April via Zipair. The total came to under $3k for just flights (not including luggage yet)

After we booked we came to the realization that Zipair is going to be FULL of under 6 kids because of their U6 fair being ~1/4 to 1/3 of an adult fair. If you are two adults flying and need luggage there's no reason to fly Zipair.

Zipair is the JAL budget subsidiary.

[Gumby]

Have fun! Japan is great for kids. The washroom at the airport was arguably cleaner than my own bathroom...

[winson604]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

So we booked a trip to Japan in April via Zipair. The total came to under $3k for just flights (not including luggage yet)

After we booked we came to the realization that Zipair is going to be FULL of under 6 kids because of their U6 fair being ~1/4 to 1/3 of an adult fair. If you are two adults flying and need luggage there's no reason to fly Zipair.

Zipair is the JAL budget subsidiary.

You never know until you know. I went to Japan via Zip, 2 adults 2 kids and needed luggage. After all the upgrades it was still cheaper than the next cheapest option by quite a bit. The plane was in my estimation 75% adults and 25% kids. It was a solid experience and wasn't any better or worse than any other flying experience I've had.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by winson604

You never know until you know. I went to Japan via Zip, 2 adults 2 kids and needed luggage. After all the upgrades it was still cheaper than the next cheapest option by quite a bit. The plane was in my estimation 75% adults and 25% kids. It was a solid experience and wasn't any better or worse than any other flying experience I've had.

That sounds about right. Most parents are 2 adult + 1 kid nowadays. Plus the straddlers who went for the cheap fare and will only bring a backpack, so for those it's still cheaper than flying a full fare with JAL/ANA.

[Hakkaboy]

I haven't flown Zipair yet, but will be shortly and one thing everyone with kids should understand is that there is 0 inflight entertainment, so make sure to bring your own.

[EvoFire]

They are supposed to have wifi to serve in flight entertainment, but so far it seems a bit hit or miss.

I really only want wifi for whatsapp.

Winson how was the wifi?

[RabidRat]

What method did you guys use for potty training, and roughly when were they ready?

Our daycare says they'll follow our lead and didn't have any particular preference.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

What method did you guys use for potty training, and roughly when were they ready?

Our daycare says they'll follow our lead and didn't have any particular preference.

We did the 3 day cold turkey method: https://www.todaysparent.com/toddler...t-was-intense/

Our daycare "required" that she be potty trained by the time she was 3-ish so we used a long weekend to do it and spent the entire time basically inside the house. It worked pretty well - had the odd accident after but that's pretty normal.

[SSM_DC5]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

What method did you guys use for potty training, and roughly when were they ready?

Our daycare says they'll follow our lead and didn't have any particular preference.

Similar to the 3rd day boot camp, but still did diaper when sleeping. Also started it on a long weekend, let the kid run around the house with bare legs and a t shirt with a squatty potty nearby. I forgot how much time has passed, perhaps 6 months? There are still some voiding accidents at daycare, but at home, it's pretty much stopped. Bowel movements, seem to still be in the underwear or diaper unless we're dealing with constipation. Reminders or telling us when she needs to pee or poo still happen. In the morning, diaper is usually dry and putting on the toilet first thing in the morning when waking usually results in a pee.

Be ready with lots of clothes, doing lots of laundry, and have an extractor if you have cloth furniture.

[winson604]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

They are supposed to have wifi to serve in flight entertainment, but so far it seems a bit hit or miss.

I really only want wifi for whatsapp.

Winson how was the wifi?

Shockingly on my flight there and back the wifi was solid for plane standards. While it wasn't always blazing fast I didn't have many issues with it being frustratingly slow or not working at all. But of course huge YMMV

[AzNightmare]

Are infant Tylenol illegal to sell without the pharmacist or something?

Went to Superstore and Walmart in the evening and everything was locked down since the Pharmacist department was closed and they said only the pharmacist has the key to open it... that's assuming if they even have stock. I couldn't tell with all the cabinets locked up. All the adult Tylenol was on the shelves unlocked though.

Somehow something somewhat essential seems very difficult to buy.

[Traum]

That's just how the supermarket pharmacies work -- at least with Superstore and Safeway. When the pharmacy is closed, they pretty much lock up everything in the over-the-counter section as well.

That said, ever since COVID, it seems to me that the supply of infant & children Tylenol and Advil has been forever unstable. Sometimes they have them, and sometimes they don't. Usually when I need it, they don't have any in stock. And so I buy it in advanced when it is available, only to have it go past the expiry date the 2nd or 3rd time when we need to use it.

[AzNightmare]

Originally Posted by Traum

That's just how the supermarket pharmacies work -- at least with Superstore and Safeway. When the pharmacy is closed, they pretty much lock up everything in the over-the-counter section as well.

That said, ever since COVID, it seems to me that the supply of infant & children Tylenol and Advil has been forever unstable. Sometimes they have them, and sometimes they don't. Usually when I need it, they don't have any in stock. And so I buy it in advanced when it is available, only to have it go past the expiry date the 2nd or 3rd time when we need to use it.

Yup... I have 2 unopened bottles that expired back in October. The whole pack is basically unopened. I don't want to risk using it.

This is so dumb. I just ordered it on Amazon now. Getting it tomorrow because I have Prime.

[SSM_DC5]

Tried to help a friend find some homeopathic cough syrup. Checked my local superstores and couldn't find it.... So I ended up asking the pharmacy at the last superstore. It was being kept behind the counter due to theft. So perhaps infant Tylenol is being held behind the counter for the same reason.

[6793026]

Hey, did all of you get time off during the 1st month?
Wife is really wanting me to go off grid for 1st month. I do get a chance to work from home and I do like my job so I thought it might be ok to just periodically log on.

Happy wife happy life so I don't want to piss her off.

[68style]

Fuck I hate it when either parent in a couple makes the baby the centre of everything... happy divorceville when the kids hit their teens and you realize you've done nothing but live for someone else for a decade+ of your life and don't even know who you or the other person you live with are anymore.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Hey, did all of you get time off during the 1st month?
Wife is really wanting me to go off grid for 1st month. I do get a chance to work from home and I do like my job so I thought it might be ok to just periodically log on.

Happy wife happy life so I don't want to piss her off.

I took the 1st month off and I would recommend at least 4 weeks for anyone. None of the dads I know took less than 3 weeks off. I mean, it's basically a war zone in the first month. No sleep, no idea what you're doing, grandparents getting in the way, doctor's appointments, nurse visits, wife exhausted etc. Work could go fuck themselves for all I cared.

I'm finding that a decent number of dads I know will take the first 4-6 weeks off then go back to work for 6-10 months and then take another 2-4 months off. Some will take the time off when the wife goes back to work. All of them have loved that opportunity and if you can afford it I would highly recommend it.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Hey, did all of you get time off during the 1st month?
Wife is really wanting me to go off grid for 1st month. I do get a chance to work from home and I do like my job so I thought it might be ok to just periodically log on.

If you actively help with any of the actual or supportive baby duties, the first month will blow by so fast that you don't even realize it has already been a month. Newborns need to be fed every 2 hours, and they are often quite slow with the feeding at first, with falling asleep while being fed pretty common. So regardless of whether you guys breast or bottle feed, there really isn't a lot of time between feeding sessions, but there is still a mountain pile of stuff to do.

And being first time parents, at first you'd have no idea what you should be doing, so there'll be a lot of trial and error. On top of that, newborns are growing and changing so fast within those first 2 - 3 months that their behaviour and cues are constantly evolving. Just when you think you have finally figured out what this one cue means, things take a turn and he doesn't behave the way he used to in the past week or so. So you are constantly trying to decode what a certain behaviour cue might mean. Is the baby hungry? Is he about to poop? Is he sleepy? Is he too hot? Any and all and more of those could be the reason why he is grumpy, and it is up to you guys to figure out what the little person is trying to tell you through his constantly evolving cues.

For us, my wife went away from work for 3 months, and for me, between using up my annual vacation and parental leave, I stayed home for almost 9 months. Our first 2 weeks were basically an exercise in sleep deprivation survival. Neither of us got any real proper sleep. The exhaustion kicked in so bad that some time in the 3rd or 4th week, both of us passed out on our bed for a 4+ hour nap after the baby went to sleep post feeding. We woke up to the sound of some maddening crying bcos at that point, the baby was more than 2 hours overdue for his feeding, so he must have been really, really hungry. He might have soiled his diaper too -- I don't really remember. But we had no idea how long he had been crying for, other than knowing that it must have been a really long time bcos his voice was all cracked up and coarse by then. We were both ridden with guilt bcos both of us felt like we have failed as parents. At the same time, that 4+ hours nap was the longest we have slept since the baby was born, and I haven't felt that refreshed since the baby came.

So if you are only looking at taking 1 month off, it'll be over before you even know it.

Good luck!