Parental Thread

[PeanutButter]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

The fragment was left there by Children's Hospital when they operated on his cracked tooth. It was not done purposely and there was no xray done as it was supposed to be a straightfoward procedure despite being an emergency. My son didn't handle the oral sedative well and they had to rush through.

I feel like Children's should be taking care of the procedure, no? since they're the ones who caused the abscess?

Originally Posted by Liquid_o2

Twins hit 20 months and both are going through huge separation anxiety issues. They used to be able to play by themselves in their play area for 20 to 30 minutes at a time while we cooked or cleaned in the kitchen. Now they have huge tantrums as soon as we step away from them. They can see us in the kitchen (we have a safety gate separating the kitchen from the their play area), but are inconsolable as soon as we close the gate. We tried to wait them out on Saturday, but after 20 minutes of hysterics, we gave up.

Anyone have any tips? Or do we just wait out the phase?

At 20 months, I would say separation anxiety and tantrums are the norm. It's more developmental than anything. They're at a point where they know some language, but they can't articulate what they mean so they just go nuts. They are also becoming more aware of their surroundings, which is why they get the separation anxiety.

For us, this was the toughest age because we just couldn't communicate with our little guy effectively.

If you co-sleep, the separation anxiety is usually more apparent at this stage as well.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

I feel like Children's should be taking care of the procedure, no? since they're the ones who caused the abscess?

Was told that it was not an emergency and they won't operate on it. Dental is not a regular part of the services offered there. Last time they had to call a dentist in to do it.

I find it so dumb that dental is not part of MSP. It makes no sense.

[EvoFire]

My son had the surgery yesterday and it was overall uneventful, it was scheduled for 9:15am.

They explained everything in detail, my wife held him while they inserted the IV needle. He has really high pain tolerance plus they had put on numbing cream so he just merely grimaced. They administered the anesthetic and he fell asleep in about 8 seconds.

So I know how the anesthetic works because I've had it given to me at 11 when I got appendicitis. They explaining it again before it happened. But the moment they actually do it, despite knowing everything and the timing and everything, it still made my heart jump to see him go limp and they laid him down on the operating table.

The surgery took just over an hour, they took a new xray to ensure they are operating on the newest info. The recommendation was 2 crowns over the two deep cavities and fillings for the rest of the teeth that had them, on top of the root extraction for the front upper tooth. They ended up not doing any crowns because it was not as bad as they had thought.
The explanation was that when the initial xrays were taken in the dental office, he was moving around which caused the xrays to show gaps or holes where there wasn't. Where they thought were deep cavities turned out wasn't so bad so they put in fillings instead.

The root they extracted was much bigger than I thought. I don't remember my baby teeth when they came out had such a large hidden piece. The root was gray though which meant it was dead and decaying. They cleaned out the infection and glued up his gum where they had made the cut.

The anesthesiologist did a good job and he woke up about 10 mins after the allotted surgery time. He was woosy as hell, the nurse suggested we put him to bed but once he got home he didn't sleep. By the afternoon he was running in the yard with his grandparents and trying to pick the ripe raspberries from our bush (gonna need to move it into the ground next season so it grows bigger for more berries)

He complained about discomfort and some pain around dinnertime as the pain medicine that was administered during the surgery wore off. We gave him Tynenol at dinner, and they Advil before bed and he didn't complain about pain again until this morning. He did wake at 5:30am which I think is due to being uncomfortable. The surgeon said he will feel some pain, unlikely due to the fillings but rather partly from the extraction, and partly from the anchors they put in his mouth to keep it open during the operation. I remember going to some dentists where they like to install this whole tent system in your mouth and I hated it.

The tooth fairy came last night and gave him a quarter for his root. I argued with the tooth fairy that he got a loonie for the same tooth 2 years ago already but she insisted. I guess the tooth fairy is just rich.


@Peanutbutter we specifically asked the surgeon about why there was a piece left. She said what probably happened was there was no cut to extract the tooth in the original operation, it was just a freeze and pull, and there was no desire to open him up at Children's when he was still flailing about. Just wasn't a safe thing to do. It was a calculated risk that paid off for two years until now when it got infected. It could have easily been fine for the rest of his baby teeth life and it would either be absorbed by the body or just pushed out when the adult teeth came in.


I don't wish for anything like this for any of your kids. But hey, some info if it ever happens would be helpful.

[RabidRat]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

The explanation was that when the initial xrays were taken in the dental office, he was moving around which caused the xrays to show gaps or holes where there wasn't. Where they thought were deep cavities turned out wasn't so bad so they put in fillings instead.

Oh man, this never would've occurred to me. And I guess you can't just redo an x-ray on the spot either, or you'd zap them too soon with too much radiation :/.

Good thing they follow up with another x-ray before actually operating!

[EvoFire]

The recovery has been going fine?

He initially complained that his molars are hurting. I think a slightly different bite pattern + the anchors they used on the rear molars to keep his mouth open was making him sore. The dentist made note of that to us.

Over the weekend he complained about his front gum more. Turns out he has developed a canker sore where the cut was made. It's supposed to be normal, but it's making him not want to bite so we've had to cut up his food so he would eat.

[SSM_DC5]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

Oh man, this never would've occurred to me. And I guess you can't just redo an x-ray on the spot either, or you'd zap them too soon with too much radiation :/.

Good thing they follow up with another x-ray before actually operating!

I think xrays these days are a non-issue. This YouTube video gives some examples of daily living where we are exposed to radiation and relates it to xrays.

https://youtu.be/Vz87T2p4jOA?si=0lcvizuCuN2hWoCY

[RabidRat]

Shieeet... so my mother in law has been helping out with the kid.

Recently she's started ignoring my wife's instructions on when his nap times are. She just puts him in whenever she thinks he seems tired, and he's of course raging and crying because it's not actually nap time. Then she goes in and holds him / lies down with him for an hour, while he alternatingly plays with her and cries.

Finally we take him out because he's not going to sleep anymore. Later my MIL keeps insisting we should put him back, a couple hours before his bedtime because "the poor child must be exhausted". Which would be a terrible idea. "If we do that, he's going to wake up in the middle of the night." "Nooooooo, no he won't!!"

This happened a couple times and screwed up his sleep habits each time. My wife would talk to my MIL each time and my MIL would be like "FINE I'll listen. And if I don't, I'll LEAVE." ...but it keeps happening.

After a couple times of this my wife's like "hey could you please just follow the schedule?" And my MIL blows up at my wife saying she's not a servant and that she's not appreciated and she's so sick and tired of all our rules.

What the heck. It's like dealing with two babies.

[SSM_DC5]

MIL is showing signs of dementia. Is the wife educating the MIL on why you try to stick to a schedule?
Time for you to step in and strip MIL of baby duties?

[EvoFire]

Of course, MIL knows better. You guys are wrong.

Fuck me I know how that feels....... We got every few months before my wife blows up at her mom for dumbass shit where they won't take instructions or no for an answer.

[Mikoyan]

Yup. Grandmas on both sides are the same. That's the price we pay for family help.

Me 5 years ago: MIL, I think the kids could benefit from trying different foods other than the very nutritious rice/veggie/fish mix you make for them.
MIL: No! they need that nutrition!

MIL now: Why are your kids such picky eaters?
Me: <shrugs>

[Traum]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Fuck me I know how that feels....... We got every few months before my wife blows up at her mom for dumbass shit where they won't take instructions or no for an answer.

I am legit not sure whether having the wife blowing up at her mom is better, or whether the wife not liking what the MIL is doing, but doesn't say/do anything to stop her. Because in the latter case, I ended up needing to be the one to step in to stop the MIL from doing whatever inappropriate thing she is doing, and as her SIL, that is never a good thing.

[EvoFire]

We've got this arrangement where I deal with my parents and she deals with hers. Though I've been starting to give her mom shit when my wife isn't around to deal with them, like trying to feed the kids too much ice cream or telling them it's ok to not eat dinner and just eat cookies instead.

I had to tell my dad off last night because he put our kids on top of the roof of the plastic playhouse. He kept telling me it's safe. I'm like first of all this shit is not meant for that and it's flimsy as hell, and second of all you are setting a bad example that this is ok to do, it's ok to do dangerous shit and break the rules.

My dad's got some retarded rule breaking, do things without thinking BS going on. When he was a kid he played with matches under the bed and burnt the mattress. He grabbed a cat by the front legs and swung it around like a merry go around and he said the cat literally shat itself and it sprayed all over the walls. Like holy shit my dad was a monster. He somehow got it under control during his adult years and it's now all coming out again.

This past winter he tried to walk down a steep ramp that was snow covered and fell on his ass. I'm like wtf you are 70, can you act like a 70 year old?

[RabidRat]

Lol your dad.

Yeah it just seems like our parents are sliding into reverse-babies. Goooood times.

Originally Posted by SSM_DC5

Is the wife educating the MIL on why you try to stick to a schedule?

Ya man, every time. She doesn't believe us. "Nah that's not how it works." And we get access to sleep / eating specialists' video appointments through work benefits, which my wife's offered to set my MIL up with, but she refuses to listen to professionals either.

[Mikoyan]

They believe the 'expert' talking heads on TV or Radio through.

[winson604]

Ahh the dealing with your own parents or in law stuff. Such a common theme and of course it's expected to happen. Always drawing the line between what you'll let go and accept as a loss and non negotiable things that you just can't. Grandparents giving a little extra screen time than you want ok sure but completed screwing up sleep times man the results can be devastating for sure. Good luck ya'll!

[supafamous]

Ah yes, I remember those days of dealing with the parents who are set in their ways and don't think you know what you're doing (sometimes we didn't). I don't miss those days at all. Very early on we were tired enough that we'd let them help but we shut it down as early as we could and today we very rarely leave our kid with either sets of grandparents - sometimes with our in-laws for a few hours but that's it.

My parents are untrainable so I don't bother entertaining any of their desires for more time with my kid (my brother will let them babysit his much older kids from time to time but even then it's very rare).

For our own sanity we hire help instead.

[EvoFire]

My mom surprisingly has turned the page. She alienated my son and my brother's son early on with her hard rules. She softened up since my daughter was born and my son has warmed back up to her. My brother's son would have nothing to do with her though, calls her mean.

My dad though.... and my inlaws.... unteachable.

[68style]

Not kids, but my parents sometimes take care of my dog although that's, she's 18 and in decent health for her age but needs pretty specific care... no matter how many times I show my mom how much food she needs to eat with a damn measuring cup I always come back to way too much food left over and she's underfeeding her... she keeps giving her pieces of cheese even though I've told her like 100 times not to give her any cheese... she has a harness to take her outside so it doesn't choke her when she pulls especially at her age and my Mom absolutely refuses to put it on and instead uses this thin collar and says she doesn't pull with it on... I come by the other day and they're outside just by happenstance and she's pulling my dog along and my dog is choking.

Like seriously, it's some alternate reality shit. It's not even judgement related... it's literally like just follow these simple instructions and they can't fucking do it.

[Traum]

You know, what you are describing here isn't all that different from what some coworkers I've had in the past were doing too...

Originally Posted by 68style

Not kids, but my parents sometimes take care of my dog although that's, she's 18 and in decent health for her age but needs pretty specific care... no matter how many times I show my mom how much food she needs to eat with a damn measuring cup I always come back to way too much food left over and she's underfeeding her... she keeps giving her pieces of cheese even though I've told her like 100 times not to give her any cheese... she has a harness to take her outside so it doesn't choke her when she pulls especially at her age and my Mom absolutely refuses to put it on and instead uses this thin collar and says she doesn't pull with it on... I come by the other day and they're outside just by happenstance and she's pulling my dog along and my dog is choking.

Like seriously, it's some alternate reality shit. It's not even judgement related... it's literally like just follow these simple instructions and they can't fucking do it.

[EvoFire]

Is it just all parents would do that when they get older? Fucking shoot me if I ever become like that.

[SSM_DC5]

Yeah become senile or die first from another illness.

[inv4zn]

lol, parents complaining about their parents - although still within the spirit of this thread, lol.

We have the polar opposite with my MIL...she's so not-stubborn, and afraid that she'll 'break' what little rules we actually have, that she causes me stress.

Like, we're Asian, the wife's mom is supposed to be at the top of the food chain - but she's so afraid that we'll be mad (I wont, wife...maybe) if she does something wrong, she's constantly on her toes...which in turn stresses me out. Like she would call me throughout the day to ask things like "can I take her to the playground"; "can she play with this toy", etc. One time she asked me if she can give the kid yogurt, and I'm like we said yes yesterday, why would we not today...lol.

Still, grandparents help is irreplaceable, and at the end of the day, I think a lot of us will do the same thing when we're 60+ w/ grandkids, lol.