Parental Thread

[RabidRat]

Hmmmm yeah so we took the kiddo to the dentist yesterday. He's about 17 m/o now.

He wouldn't open his mouth, and when the dentist reached towards him, he kept smacking her hands away.

Then when she relented, he started smacking me in the face with a "how could you let this happen to me" expression.

Then the dentist tried to give him a toothbrush, so he could show her how he brushes his own teeth - a ruse to get him to open his mouth. He threw it to the ground, never breaking his gaze with her. The dentist was all shocked and dismayed. "Oh my goodness. Oh my heavens." If she had any pearls she would've clutched them.

My MIL had booked us this appointment with her regular dentist, insisting they were experienced and great with kids. Sure didn't seem like it. Their idea of being kid-equipped was having a Zootopia DVD on hand.

We're now looking for a pediatric dentist lol.

[EvoFire]

Oh it's always the MIL, they know everything.

[inv4zn]

We took our first to the dentist for the first time around 18 months and she was a champ. Full cleaning, flossing, etc, the whole 9 yards. They gave her like 5 toys instead of 1 because she did so well.

Next time we went about a year later, the dentist made the mistake of asking her if she could open her mouth, instead of telling her lol. The moment she realized she had a choice in the matter her hands went up over her mouth and didn't come down until we left the office.

She's 4 now and has no issue with the dentist. I think it's also a matter of conditioning. If you make it a big deal before you go, then they realize something is off, and act out accordingly.

[EvoFire]

We've been trying really hard to adjust our parenting style to more of a let them figure things out and not help them so they develop the critical thinking and problem solving skills that are useful in life.

My wife had made an observation that my brother and his wife adhere to a more traditional helicopter style parenting. My nephew doesn't problem solve, he calls for help everytime. Or if there's conflict, he stands and waits for his parents to intervene. My wife had privately made comments about our nephew not being able to self think or fend for himself.

Then this article came up yesterday and I feel like it really affirms our thinking, and now I can apply a name to it - Lighthouse Parent
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/a...t-newtab-en-us

[inv4zn]

My wife works at a daycare, and she said the kids are generally "dumber" these days. As in an alarming proportion of them won't do anything for themselves at daycare, because at home the parents literally do everything for them. Not every kid obviously, but far more than before. She had a 5 year old piss her pants because she was just told "go to the washroom" instead of being helped pulling her pants down, going on the seat, etc. Same thing with eating, some kids (like 3+) will sit there until they're literally spoon-fed.

Also yesterday we were at swimming lessons, and there was this mom who was CONSTANTLY hovering by the pool trying to tell her toddler to do this and that as the instructor was trying to get this kid to focus. Eventually the instructor got fed up and told her quite firmly to leave the area, and she did. But the kid then just cried for the remainder. Like bitch how do you possibly think that's good parenting.

[EvoFire]

My observation has been, it varies.

Lots of helicopter parents nowadays, especially the Chinese families who are just trotting out the same set of expectations that their parents did. It's fine when the whole system is setup the same way ala in Asia, but here there's a varied set of expectations depending on who you talk to, which school, what type of education, and even area.

Of the helicopter set of kids, they, like you said, lack self regulating abilities and other emotional soft skills, in turn their knowledge and hard skills are stronger as parents push academics beyond all else.


The daycare group that we are with, they have centers across the lower mainland. Some of the teachers/caretakers sub in at other centers as needed and they've remarked the location mean their curriculum varies a lot, and the parent expectations are different.

Surprisingly, despite being a very Cantonese heavy area, the Fraserview/Killarney set of parents don't have as much helicopter tendencies. At least the ones that we meet at daycare and classes at KCC.

[Mikoyan]

I attribute that to the fact that it's still a working class neighborhood, both parents work.

SIL is teaching in the VSB on the west side. There're 6 vacancies at her school for FT positions. Officially, they're moving on for professional reasons. Unofficially, they got fed up with dealing with parents.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by inv4zn

My wife works at a daycare, and she said the kids are generally "dumber" these days. As in an alarming proportion of them won't do anything for themselves at daycare, because at home the parents literally do everything for them. Not every kid obviously, but far more than before. She had a 5 year old piss her pants because she was just told "go to the washroom" instead of being helped pulling her pants down, going on the seat, etc. Same thing with eating, some kids (like 3+) will sit there until they're literally spoon-fed.

Also yesterday we were at swimming lessons, and there was this mom who was CONSTANTLY hovering by the pool trying to tell her toddler to do this and that as the instructor was trying to get this kid to focus. Eventually the instructor got fed up and told her quite firmly to leave the area, and she did. But the kid then just cried for the remainder. Like bitch how do you possibly think that's good parenting.

This is really interesting to hear - maybe I'm just lucky with our daycare (CEFA) and the programs we send our kid to but I've never seen any of that. The day care kids I encounter are really independent for their ages and I've never seen parents hover during stuff like swim classes.

CEFA really reinforces independence though and most people who send their kids there make good money so very different economic class (sure are a lot of German luxury cars that do drop off after 9am and pickup before 5pm) and different level of parenting too.

I don't have reference points since I haven't raised any other 5 years old but I'm pleasantly surprised at how well my 5 year old can operate the TV and how she gets her own utensils or can put her own clothes on or when we finish eating ice cream she'll collect our bowls and put it on the kitchen counter without asking. The only thing she still won't do on her own is wipe her ass but otherwise she's pretty independent.

[EvoFire]

Personality also plays a pretty big part on the independence thing. My 5 year old is ok, not as good as supa's, he needs to be challenged for him to make the move to become independent.

Our 21 month old though is very independent, she will go do put things away, try to do everything herself and only ask for help if she really can't do it. She was in the basement with my parents a few weeks back, she knows where the snacks are and would go get it and bring it to my dad and ask for some. After she finished she went to play, but as she walked into the playroom, she doubled back. My dad wonder if anything was wrong, but no she just remembered she forgot to put away the snack, went to grab it and return it to the correct place.

We haven't asked her to do it ever, she just does it.

[supafamous]

My kid yesterday while pooping: "Dad, when little kids get bigger their bum holes get bigger."

She's gonna be great when she gets a Twitter account.