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Vancouver Off-Topic / Current EventsThe off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum.
I got married back in September this year so below is my experience and thought process from the other side (not as a guest.) Take my thoughts with a grain of salt and consider the context below. Be prepared that this is a long read but I want to genuinely share this for those of you who are genuinely curious.
Spoiler!
1. The COVID pandemic pushed out our wedding plans for two years and we live in Toronto (moved here since 2016.) All of our close friends and family were in Vancouver.
2. We are at an age where we know who our friends are. There was no "B" guest list. Everyone was an "A" lister.
3. We wanted to ensure everyone was accommodated and to the best of our abilities, including guests who had dietary restrictions and meeting cultural expectations (Chinese.) As such, we chose a well-known Chinese restaurant to host our wedding reception.
4. We planned our wedding based on previous experiences where we were invited as guests. Did we want to host a buffet? No. Did we want to cheap out? No (more on that later.) Did we want to make sure our friends and family would be happy? Yes.
Any how, weddings can be weird, depending on a lot of circumstances. On one hand, yes, you have people who might think this is a cash grab, hence why you need to know who you real friends are. Who you invite matters. I say this from the angle of "Are they worth this much to me?" If the answer is yes, expect nothing and be happy they say yes to the invitation.
We did not expect any gifts or even any monetary gifts, but people who came to our wedding gave us cash as a gift which is nice and quite honestly more than what we had expected. We made it clear we had no gift registry because we were well established and had everything we needed, except for some Rolexes, Lexus LC500s, and Porsches. (Sigh!!!! #sarcasm)
Any how, what we did was sent out invitations old school style, along with a micro wedding site. We showcased what was on the menu and which restaurant. If you are a guest, you can easily take a good guess how much each menu/table costs and divide that by 10 people. That would be your baseline, excluding tax/tip etc.
Let me make one thing very clear - If this is a Chinese banquet you are going to, they are no longer cheap. Cheap as in you can't really get a solid menu until you hit the $1100/table mark. Think Kirin, Sun Sui Wah and others. Places like Sun Sui Wah will be AT LEAST $1288 to start these days, so you can do the math. Western style buffets are still reasonable at $80/per person with a nice seafood menu. Again, you guys can do the math.
The thing about bargain priced Asian / Chinese style banquets - these are not easy to come by anymore. You can try to get an $800 menu but at a restaurant which may not be able to accommodate you or the menu / service / food is lack luster. Most restaurants we tried simply said no and would not entertain any weddings due to lack of staff and willingness of the chefs. Sign of the times.
Edit: For those who host a buffet at a rented venue, be it a hotel, off-site facility, castle in Victoria that will kick you out for taking pictures of your car, it's not the food costs that are expensive. It's the venue rental costs that will kill it. A dumpy hipster warehouse we wanted to rent wanted $12,000. Like, what? So consider it from that angle as well. Think of this as vendors dealing with revenge weddings. You have two years of pent up demand for weddings, and vendors have two problems: Make up for lost revenue and/or not enough staff. Again, sign of the times.
I don't want to sound imposing, but if you genuinely value your friendship with the person who invited you to their wedding, I suggest giving at minimum $100 - $120 per person as a monetary gift, unless you are planning to give them a thoughtful gift. Think of this as a two way street. Your friend would have invited you for a reason, but try not to think of it as a cash grab. That's just a lose/lose situation. If the invitation triggers you, my recommendation is to politely decline the invitation.
Any how, that's it from my perspective. Getting married is not cheap and it costs time, effort, and money. I invited some people here on Revscene who I consider some of my best friends in life and they were all super amazing with their monetary gifts. I was just happy they were able to attend my wedding and that's all that mattered. Even my photography team were from Revscene, and the principal photographer remembered me from way, way back in the day when I met him in a random parking lot (I think Oakridge?) to give him a Revscene sticker. We made an effort to take care of our vendors as best as possible be it food, drink, and what have you.
Now, as a guest, if someone I were good friends with invited me to their wedding, I would be more generous and give anywhere from $150 to $200 per person because I know weddings cost a lot these days. I want to help the bride and groom at least break even per person, and at least to cover some expenses such as tax/tip/alcohol etc. I've been lucky to have helped some of my older cousins plan their weddings so I know what goes into them and some of their general costs. I don't plan on going to any other weddings anytime soon but if I did, I'd give something cheesy like $888.99 or something like that. Please don't invite me to your wedding.
TL;DR: Minimum $100 - $120. If the thought of getting a gift or giving a monetary gift bothers you, decline the invitation. Personally, I don't give material gifts beacuse let's be real. Nothing beats cold, hard cash.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS
I literally do not plan on buying another vehicle in my lifetime, assuming it doesn't get written off.
Last edited by bcrdukes; 10-24-2022 at 07:31 PM.
Reason: Random updates/edits/spelling/grammar etc.
I got a wedding coming up in May in Japan, japanese couple, my friend who is getting married, he was saying it's acustom to give the couple 500$ in Japanese culture.
I was sort of baffled (I don't go to weddings normally, haven't been to one in 10+ years) considering I'm shelling out 3k for flights, stay, etc
I guess the 500$ covers your liquor, events, plus the gift to the couple etc
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Money i hate people who sound like they smoke meth then pretend like they matter.
Originally Posted by ilovebacon
Does anyone have a pair of 25 pounds one-inch hole for sale at a reasonable price?
Originally Posted by mikemhg
Clothes come off and my car is permeated with the smell of fillet-o-fish and canned tuna.
should start giving parties and presents for people who divorce. ive never seen happier dudes then when they got divorced hahah
Gonna derail this thread
Spoiler!
Bahahhahahahha, every time I'm out with friends, and we see a wedding or a couple taking wedding pics, the first thing out of my mouth is sorry for t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ his loss
I might have to take your approach to divorces, that is glorious
Weddings are women's happiest day, they get a glorious dress, pictures, all the attention on them, cake is for them, the entire wedding planning is usually their choice(s), they have MADE IT in life
What does the man get? A suit, and hopefully a permanent relationship so he does not lose 50% when he gets divorced
Yes I'm anti marriage, seen too many close friends get financially raped over the years on divorce
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Money i hate people who sound like they smoke meth then pretend like they matter.
Originally Posted by ilovebacon
Does anyone have a pair of 25 pounds one-inch hole for sale at a reasonable price?
Originally Posted by mikemhg
Clothes come off and my car is permeated with the smell of fillet-o-fish and canned tuna.
Bahahhahahahha, every time I'm out with friends, and we see a wedding or a couple taking wedding pics, the first thing out of my mouth is sorry for t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ his loss
I might have to take your approach to divorces, that is glorious
Weddings are women's happiest day, they get a glorious dress, pictures, all the attention on them, cake is for them, the entire wedding planning is usually their choice(s), they have MADE IT in life
What does the man get? A suit, and hopefully a permanent relationship so he does not lose 50% when he gets divorced
Yes I'm anti marriage, seen too many close friends get financially raped over the years on divorce
I totally agree that marriage isn’t for everybody. I remember the first 4-5 weddings I attended as a young adult all ended up in divorce.
With that said, I challenge your simplistic viewpoint on weddings. Happiest day for the bride?. What about those bridezillas? Super stressful. What about a guy marrying a wealthy girl? Happiest day for the guy instead?
If we could ditch tradition, my wife and I wouldn’t have had a “fancy” wedding. We got away with getting married in a civil ceremony with immediate family only, then dinner reception with friends and family a few months later.
__________________ Do Not Put Aftershave on Your Balls. -604CEFIRO Looks like I'm gonna have some hot sex again tonight...OOPS i got the 6 pack. that wont last me the night, I better go back and get the 24 pack! -Turbo E kinda off topic but obama is a dilf - miss_crayon Honest to fucking Christ the easiest way to get a married woman in the mood is clean the house and do the laundry.....I've been with the same girl almost 17 years, ask me how I know. - quasi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bcrdukes
I got married back in September this year so below is my experience and thought process from the other side (not as a guest.) Take my thoughts with a grain of salt and consider the context below. Be prepared that this is a long read but I want to genuinely share this for those of you who are genuinely curious.
Spoiler!
1. The COVID pandemic pushed out our wedding plans for two years and we live in Toronto (moved here since 2016.) All of our close friends and family were in Vancouver.
2. We are at an age where we know who our friends are. There was no "B" guest list. Everyone was an "A" lister.
3. We wanted to ensure everyone was accommodated and to the best of our abilities, including guests who had dietary restrictions and meeting cultural expectations (Chinese.) As such, we chose a well-known Chinese restaurant to host our wedding reception.
4. We planned our wedding based on previous experiences where we were invited as guests. Did we want to host a buffet? No. Did we want to cheap out? No (more on that later.) Did we want to make sure our friends and family would be happy? Yes.
Any how, weddings can be weird, depending on a lot of circumstances. On one hand, yes, you have people who might think this is a cash grab, hence why you need to know who you real friends are. Who you invite matters. I say this from the angle of "Are they worth this much to me?" If the answer is yes, expect nothing and be happy they say yes to the invitation.
We did not expect any gifts or even any monetary gifts, but people who came to our wedding gave us cash as a gift which is nice and quite honestly more than what we had expected. We made it clear we had no gift registry because we were well established and had everything we needed, except for some Rolexes, Lexus LC500s, and Porsches. (Sigh!!!! #sarcasm)
Any how, what we did was sent out invitations old school style, along with a micro wedding site. We showcased what was on the menu and which restaurant. If you are a guest, you can easily take a good guess how much each menu/table costs and divide that by 10 people. That would be your baseline, excluding tax/tip etc.
Let me make one thing very clear - If this is a Chinese banquet you are going to, they are no longer cheap. Cheap as in you can't really get a solid menu until you hit the $1100/table mark. Think Kirin, Sun Sui Wah and others. Places like Sun Sui Wah will be AT LEAST $1288 to start these days, so you can do the math. Western style buffets are still reasonable at $80/per person with a nice seafood menu. Again, you guys can do the math.
The thing about bargain priced Asian / Chinese style banquets - these are not easy to come by anymore. You can try to get an $800 menu but at a restaurant which may not be able to accommodate you or the menu / service / food is lack luster. Most restaurants we tried simply said no and would not entertain any weddings due to lack of staff and willingness of the chefs. Sign of the times.
Edit: For those who host a buffet at a rented venue, be it a hotel, off-site facility, castle in Victoria that will kick you out for taking pictures of your car, it's not the food costs that are expensive. It's the venue rental costs that will kill it. A dumpy hipster warehouse we wanted to rent wanted $12,000. Like, what? So consider it from that angle as well. Think of this as vendors dealing with revenge weddings. You have two years of pent up demand for weddings, and vendors have two problems: Make up for lost revenue and/or not enough staff. Again, sign of the times.
I don't want to sound imposing, but if you genuinely value your friendship with the person who invited you to their wedding, I suggest giving at minimum $100 - $120 per person as a monetary gift, unless you are planning to give them a thoughtful gift. Think of this as a two way street. Your friend would have invited you for a reason, but try not to think of it as a cash grab. That's just a lose/lose situation. If the invitation triggers you, my recommendation is to politely decline the invitation.
Any how, that's it from my perspective. Getting married is not cheap and it costs time, effort, and money. I invited some people here on Revscene who I consider some of my best friends in life and they were all super amazing with their monetary gifts. I was just happy they were able to attend my wedding and that's all that mattered. Even my photography team were from Revscene, and the principal photographer remembered me from way, way back in the day when I met him in a random parking lot (I think Oakridge?) to give him a Revscene sticker. We made an effort to take care of our vendors as best as possible be it food, drink, and what have you.
Now, as a guest, if someone I were good friends with invited me to their wedding, I would be more generous and give anywhere from $150 to $200 per person because I know weddings cost a lot these days. I want to help the bride and groom at least break even per person, and at least to cover some expenses such as tax/tip/alcohol etc. I've been lucky to have helped some of my older cousins plan their weddings so I know what goes into them and some of their general costs. I don't plan on going to any other weddings anytime soon but if I did, I'd give something cheesy like $888.99 or something like that. Please don't invite me to your wedding.
TL;DR: Minimum $100 - $120. If the thought of getting a gift or giving a monetary gift bothers you, decline the invitation. Personally, I don't give material gifts beacuse let's be real. Nothing beats cold, hard cash.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StylinRed
YOU GOT MARRIED?! CONGRATULATIONS DUKES
Anyone taking bets?
When I got married, friends all bet on how long the marriage would last. One, by one, by ten, they all filed for divorces. Wife said to me once, "We showed them, didn't we?" Till death do we part," took on a whole new meaning..............
On a side note, congratulations, dukes. Treat her like gold plated latinum. And, if you ever have kids, teach them well.
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I got a wedding coming up in May in Japan, japanese couple, my friend who is getting married, he was saying it's acustom to give the couple 500$ in Japanese culture.
I was sort of baffled (I don't go to weddings normally, haven't been to one in 10+ years) considering I'm shelling out 3k for flights, stay, etc
I guess the 500$ covers your liquor, events, plus the gift to the couple etc
That depends - white wedding? Gift. Asian? Money. My ballpark is 100-150 per person if we don't know them that well, 200 if we knew them well/were super close friends with them.
What bcrdukes said - weddings are expensive as fuck now, especially Asian banquets. My wedding budget was in the 40K range once you figure on photographer, gifts, venue, banquet etc - and that was with us being as frugal as possible on other expenses like flowers, suits/dresses etc. We had 230 guests planned, and if we broke even, that was fine, and if we didn't that was fine either. We got "lucky" with Covid and didn't have to host a reception, and sunk the budget into buying a place/getting a new car lmao.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutButter
Damn, not only is yours veiny AF, yours is thick AF too. Yours is twice as thick as mine.. That looks like a 2" or maybe even 3"?
I pretty much try to ball park how much the couple is paying per head for the dinner and give enough to cover the cost, usually its about $150 - $200. Depending on how close I am with them, I'll give them more
For reference, my banquet that I had at kirin this year, the lowest menu we could choose from was starting at 1k and that menu didn't have the usual asian parent flexing dishes. had to move up a couple of teirs inorder to get those dishes.
my wedding budget was thrown out the window. covid made a lot of things expensive. pretty much ended up spending about 20k more compared to 2020 prices for photographer, venue, and banquet. biggest hit was the food cost.
weddings are hella expensive, i don't expect to even coming close to getting half back at my dinner. everyone just enjoyed the huge party we had after being stuck inside for so long for coivd and that was all it mattered for my wife and I. Getting to see everyone after 2 years and everyone having fun.
I wish this thread existed a few months ago, which I asked a few of you here. I think I ended up giving $300 (or $500) don't remember.
It was for a pretty good buddy. He had a very nice wedding at Hycroft Manor and the banquet was at Sun Sui Wah. While I wasn't part of the wedding party, since that was my entire friend group (for this set of friends), my friend made accomodations to have me tag along on their adventures. Plus he sat me with the cute single girls + our friends dates so it was a lot of fun.
I was pretty much liquored up since 12pm lmao. No shortage of alcohol as well. Party Bus - Casa Blanca, Banquet was Moet Nectar Imperial Rose Limited Edition, Hennessy (BC viet family) and Calirosa Rosa Blanco. Sun Sui Wah also provided alcohol, idk what it was but we drank it lol.
Solid dance floor and partying with friends + strangers.
Depending on the friend and how Asian they are, you may want to give more than $100 to give face lol. It's not a simple dry cut answer unfortunately.
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The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I donīt care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. Thatīs how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. - Rocky Balboa
BIC_BAWS, given your generosity and that we've only met once at a Stock & Noob meet, I'm hosting a Toronto-based reception this weekend. You are cordially invited.
If you can't make it, come down to Los Angeles during their Thanksgiving weekend for our LA-based reception. Please note the currency.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS
I literally do not plan on buying another vehicle in my lifetime, assuming it doesn't get written off.
Love the idea of paying more for the Asian “banquet” style weddings to pay for that complete trash food lol
In termss of giving gifts Vs cash, I think it really depends on the situation of the couple. When my wife and I got married we had already been living together for about 4 years, we like nice shit so we already had nice appliances, high end cookware, etc.
We setup a registry for people with the old-school mentality of getting a gift and it was mostly just frivolous BS like a fancy bar set etc. we did end up getting some nice stuff and some nice wine glasses, snifters etc. but the one item we kind of made a point to say, if you’re gonna buy a frying pan, BUY THIS ONE, to match our set. Of course the person bought a slightly cheaper, different branded one and we instantly returned it and it became a big headache to exchange it, use the gift card etc.
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Dank memes cant melt steel beams
Last edited by Hondaracer; 10-25-2022 at 01:10 PM.
i love my wife, but if we ever get divorced the first thing ill do is throw a HUGE FUCKING PARTY.
Waiting for my invite!
I've been married before and made a healthy profit off my wedding doing a lot of stuff myself... but I think those days are over based on what I know people are paying nowadays unless someone's rich business friends feel like making a big splash to show off lol
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