[underscore]

holy fuck I was a wreck last night, I was fine at first and oddly we were talking more yesterday than we have been in the last while, but after dinner I pounded back a 2L can of beer and went for a walk by myself down the access trail and made it to the ski lift, I sat on the chair that was swinging at the spot where you get off and mumbled out all the stuff I wish I could say to you but couldn't because you're too much of a sweetheart to talk to like that. Then I wrote "I love you <initials>" in the snow and walked back. Then I sat in the snow on the edge of the trail below our condo and heard some of our friends in the hottub saying they didn't like the way you broke up with me (not knowing how to do it so ignoring me until I asked you wtf was up).

I'm going to miss you so much it's unbelievable, I think we'll still be friend but it's not the same, you gave my life so much more meaning and purpose. I have a lot less to look forward to now and have a lot less motivation for a lot of stuff. Hopefully that feeling goes away but if you get to the point where you're ready to be in a relationship again before I get over you maybe you'll let me know. Here's hoping.