Him sitting on your car is probably an idea he contemplated...seeing as how sitting on a car does not get you in trouble like keying one.
Scenario 1:
Fat guy: *keys your car*
Cop on patrol/Passerby: "Hey fattie! what are you doing to that car?!"
Fat guy: *Attempts something similar to running but not quite*
Scenario 2:
Fat guy: *Sits on your car*
Cop on patrol: "What are you doing sir?"
Fat guy: "Nothing officer, just sitting on MY car waiting for friends"
Cop on patrol: "Okay." *Leaves*
Passerby: *gives the 300 lbs+ guy a weird look and leaves*
If scenario 2 really happened, your 1 broken shock will turn into 4 broken ones
