[miss_crayon]

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Originally Posted by Fafine

lost her before you had her

Not entirely sure about this, I don't think i've actually lost her..

Originally Posted by The_AK

I remember my first real relationship, being too open will eventually kill it. What shes doing right now is moving on with her life and experiencing the joy of university. You need to stop revolving your life around hers and do the things you want to as well. Good luck

Thanks, I'll try to focus more around my life instead of focusing on hers way too much.

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

I'm going to assume you both are still fairly young (19/20?) and all you guys had up to this point has been just you and her. Being in a relationship when you're in highschool seems like rainbows and shooting stars, but once you're thrown into a new scene (Uni/College) things are bound to change. You meet more people, you see new things that as a 'kid' you wouldn't have experienced. Right now, she's trying to be grow out of her shell as a girl and into a woman. And she's choosing partying as her way of fitting that womanly role. It's normal though, everyone goes through the partying phase to "find" themselves somehow.

I hate to say it, but from what youve mentioned...she just seems to be losing interest in you and if anything..somewhat disrespectful to you to say all that bs about sleeping with someone if she's drunk and shit. However, is saying all this to you..come to the point where she wants to break up with you? No. She's comfortable, she's content with her relationship thus far and will continue to be with you. It's nothing that you did to make her change or whatever... but just naturally..she's growing up and curious about the other things around her. Whether it be who she be friends with, drinks herself to an oblivion to feel that PAIN the day after etc...she's just simply growing out of her younger years.

As for how youre feeling, I think you just need to let go of the fact that youre no longer in highschool and the relationship isn't going to be as simple. Yes, it's scary to think you might lose her but at the same time...you can't let fear keep you from living your life. Cherish the relationship you have right now and just let it run its course. If it ends, it ends. If it lasts, it lasts. But don't let this relationhip MAKE YOU.

At the end of the day, you are stronger than you think! YOU WILL BE OKAY!

Yea we're both 20. I understand what you mean about it being completely different. I guess she's meeting a lot more people than I am, she's involved. I'm not. I'm shy :$ so I usually just keep to myself and it's hard for me to meet new people unless they come to me, I'm afraid they'll automatically assume I'm hitting on em or something (this is for girls). Guys I'm kind of ok too, just the initial approach. I still feel kind of uneasy about the whole partying thing though as I really don't like the idea that it could end really badly . Hopefully the phase passes quickly or something, but I highly doubt it.

Yea, I really find it to be a butt load of BS. It's really hard to hear it coming from her too as she is a person with a lot of moral standards, born and raised religious type. And me always thinking she was the nice innocent type. Hopefully she's really not losing interest in me though Are there any other signs that'll make it more obvious to me that she is losing interest?

Thanks a lot for your advice, I'll do my best to not let the relationship make me. It's always just gets in the back of my mind from time to time and I can't help but get saddened by the thought. I don't really know how not to think about it. And I will cherish this relationship as much as I can

Originally Posted by trancehead

very well written. took the words right out of my mouth

Like miss crayon is saying, just go with the flow. You too should be experiencing university as it is a once a lifetime thing. It wouldnt hurt to meet a couple girls too...keep that bench lined up.

If you really want to save the relationship, all you can really do is just give her space and let her be who she wants to be. The more you constrict her, the more she'll push away.

Any tips on meeting new people haha, i'm not the social type so it's hard for me to approach anyone and just strike up a random conversation .

Yea I'll try my best to give her space, but I tend to find my self always wanting her to be with me. And I guess it's just me being the clingy type. I'll start to show that I don't care/mind that she's doing w.e(but i think it'll still give me a weird feeling inside). I just don't really know how to "let go" per se. Just not worry about it and just keep doing my own thing, as i will probably just keep thinking about it .

Thanks

Originally Posted by xmisstrinh

You're kind of in a similar situation my ex was in. I was his 2nd girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend and serious relationship. We went out for 3 years and towards the end of our relationship, the way you described your gf was kind of like me.

I started my first year at college and started meeting lots of new people. Having been with only this one guy since high school, I grew more curious as to what was out there. He kind of kept me away from the whole party scene because he was a bit older than me and he had it out of his system while I was just beginning to go out and have a social life beyond him.

He kind of grew obsessive and very over protective, and i was expected to tell him everything that I do. I didn't have any room to breathe because whenever I had a moment (he knew my schedule to the minute), he would call me and I would have to talk to him till my next class started, or had something else to do. This display of obsession turned me off a lot and I started to stray away from him and go to more social events to meet people.

Asides from him being obsessive, I agree with Miss Crayon, she just wants to grow out of her younger years just as I did.

Maybe you should start breaking out of your shell too, go out and have fun, meet new people, but not with finding someone better in the back of your mind, but just to expand your social and networking circle.

I hate to say this, but I think I'm kind of exactly how you described your bf (minus the schedule down to the minute). I don't really show it that much but I usually take note of it or w.e. I give her some room to breathe but I feel that I am really protective of her. I don't really ask her everything she does, just from time to time. I should really try and stop this and just try and forget about it or something along the lines of that :S

Hypothetically, if I wanted to be your friend, how would the best way to approach you be haha. It's sucks being socially awkward and shy .

Thanks again!

Originally Posted by FerrariEnzo

you need to have a good heart to heart talk with her... and if she doesnt want too, then maybe its time to move on because it sounds like she is not taking the relationship serious.

this is what gets me mad if she was my gf... its obvious after this statement that you need to really think about the relationship. maybe start when you guys are in university, have you notice that she has changed towards you? to me, it does...

Yea, I'll try and have a talk with her. I'm afraid it's just going to be the same answers as last time. I feel/hope that she's taking the relation ship seriously, other than the fact that she tells me that, there aren't really any other signs that i've noticed(not really sure what they are though :S).

Ever since she has told me that, I've been thinking about it every now and then. Everytime she'd go somewhere I'd be like what if someones trying to win her and she just lets them and leaves me in the dust . There hasn't been any other changes, we haven't really gotten really really intimate in a while (minus the sex part). Just a quick kiss here and there, but I think it's because our schedulees are packed and we just don't have time/a place to do anything really :S.

Thanks!

Originally Posted by butter_sashimi

You lack confidence.
She's not into you as much as you are into her.
You spend too much time worrying about her activities.
You are missing out on your own university life. Why don't you try to be more open minded and try school activities/meet other ppl.
Above all, you're putting her up on a pedastal.

again, it sucks that this sounds like me I really need to try and change this. Hopefully sooner than later and before anything happens. Its hard sometimes to not think about what she's doing and stuff . Thanks!

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read my post and to reply. It means a lot and I'm starting to get a lot more insight in the situation and has got me thinking.

I think my 2 main questions are:
1. How do I stop worrying and thinking about her all the time, and how I get this idea that i might lose her out of my mind?
2. How do I meet and approach new people? Me being the shy/introverted/socially awkward makes things a bit challenging!

Thanks again![/QUOTE]