Quote:
Originally Posted by slammer111
Discuss.
Thought I'd start this thread because basically this happened to 2 of my friends (both guys) in the last month alone. One couple was 2.5 years, the other was 4.5 years. Both came out of NOWHERE. And no, my friends are not gangsta wannabes or uneducated bums, but they're definitely not doctors or lawyers. I'd peg them both as "average working class". It really did shake my world as I have been joking all year about who's getting engaged/hitched next, and suddenly Bam this happens.
In both cases above, the girl "ran out of patience" with the guy. One guy rents a place but lives on his own. The other one is in the lineup for the Mechanics program at BCIT but that doesn't start until 2011, so he's just working side jobs here and there. In case 1, my understanding is that the girl was asking my friend why he didn't buy a place yet, and when they can get married etc. Well actually, I heard something along those lines for Guy #2 too. 
In my early 20s, the girls always just went for the guy who was more "cool" with the flashier cars or whatever, but now that many of my friends are approaching their 30s (if not there already), oh wow there has been quite a shift in the mentality of the girls they're dating.
I was just chatting with 1 of those friends, and he mentioned that after he recovers, he's only going for younger girls. Says there's too much pressure, especially when he's in the middle of a career transition.
Just seeing what your thoughts/inputs are, or if you have a story to share. And no, I'm not Joe45.  |
I'm sorry for your buddies but take a look at it from the perspective of the girl. I can understand that they want some sort of security, not necessarily financially, but knowing that the guy will be there for the long run (ie marriage and having someone for the rest of their lives).
I'm not sure how old your friends' girlfriends are but I'm assuming they're in their mid 20 or higher so and they're going into another stage in life. You say that in the early 20s girls were into flashier cars and that was it and now girls that are nearing 30s want some sort of marriage and I don't see that as being abnormal at all.
Needs change along with wants when it comes to people growing. You can't expect to have girls being satisfied with playboys who drive a fancy car all their life. I noticed my own habits and interests have changed dramatically from the time when I was 20 and 5 years later I'm looking at saving for a house and no longer lusting for flashy cars and modding them. Just a few days ago I came across a post from some guy who "lost his passion" for his ITR and is selling it. People couldn't believe that he lost it. It's all a part of growing up and maturing.
The girl friends who left are probably at a stage in life where they want to start a family of their own and seeing that one of the couples had a guy that's still waiting in line for a mechanics program, the girl who left him probably has too many uncertainties on whether this guy can start a family with her within the timeframe that she would like to be married and have kids.
I doubt many girls would want to get married for the first time at 35 and start having kids at 40. From the way you describe the situation, it seems much less of a gold digger problem and more of two guys who aren't commited enough to pop the question. If these two girls were gold diggers and saw no potential to gouge money out of the two guys, they wouldn't have stayed for 2.5 years or 4.5 years respectively.
I'm sure on the surface it may seem like it came out of nowhere but I have no doubts that she had "the marriage talk" on more than one occasion and it really doesn't matter if the guy rents and lives alone or if he owns a house or lives with his family. If he's showing that he's not in the same mindset as the girl to get ready to settle down, then there's a huge conflict of interest and that's a huge deciding factor for her. She isn't gonna wait for him to come to his senses because she's not getting any younger.
Your other friend who is waiting to get into his program who is nearing 30 if not already, who knows when he'll be ready for marriage? That's the uncertainty that a girl is not willing to gamble with. Other uncertainties is what if he meets someone else?
Marriage is really dependent on which stage of life you're at. Two peoples' personality can be a perfect match for each other but inevitably if one is not ready to get married and the other is, then it most likely won't work.
While finances are relevant to the topic at hand, I don't think that was the issue that these girls had with the guys.