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You weren't wrong for saying the N word. You weren't right for saying it too. This is because in this context you provided you were referring to your friend and he wasn't offended by it. However, this girl that you mentioned just happened to hear it. Now, if you were referring it to her then you are definitely in the wrong, but she was in fact in the wrong here too. She shouldn't have demanded you to stop using that word; she can't force it on you. She should have politely asked for an apology or something.
But you've also made a bad choice to respond in the way you did. You can blame it on the alcohol or whatever, but it takes a man to accept your responsibilities. You could have politely replied sorry instead of agitating her and yourself. Sorry is a word that doesn't have meaning until you back it up. You could have just 'apologized' but not mean it for that girl and it would have avoided the whole situation.
My main point that I'm trying to get across is that it takes two. There are always multiple sides for situation like these.
By the way, I don't really like the way you described her as 'ugly' you didn't have to put it there. I think you should keep this stuff yourself sometimes it doesn't matter if she's ugly or not. However you did mention that her ugliness agitated you, so I think something is wrong here.
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