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Gridlock · 01-28-2012, 09:05 AM

I wanted to add something that I learned through the whole process.

I struggled with, "is it worth it?" I found myself not being happy but continually asking myself, "what reason is there to break-up?"

People around me would constantly be telling me that she's "nice" and she kind of was. She never did anything offensive to anyone.

I found that the proper question to ask isn't what reason do I have to leave, but what reason do I have to stay. I found that you were rarely going to have that aha moment that she finally commits that fatal sin that you can be proud of in saying, "this is it! You are being dumped because...this."

These nice girls aren't suddenly going to go and fuck your best friend. They aren't going to take up cocaine for you. They aren't going to cut you in your sleep.

For me, I got to the point where I couldn't answer the question. Why am I here? I don't know, moving sucks, that's why. I finally learned where we keep the dish soap, and don't want to re-learn.

Once I learned that key way of looking at the issue, man things started popping in place. If you can't think of a reason why you are "somewhere" doing "something" with "someone", then dude, you do not need to be there, doing that, with them.

May sound cold, but its true. The question is for you to decide if the reasons you have: financial considerations, history and love is enough reason to stay.

And one other thing, and a friend warned me of this and I've seen it happen. Don't be stupid!

If you decide to leave, do NOT do that thing that guys do and be like, "oh keep the car, and the apartment and the furniture" out of guilt for leaving! One day you will wake up in your shitty apartment and say, "fuck me, I miss my sofa" Get your head in the right place before you even crack the conversation. What's the right place?

1. I have made arrangements for where I am going to live/stay for the forseeable future.

It could be the apartment, it might not, but have a back-up plan. You are pulling the trigger, so its kind of on you to vacate for awhile. She may just run to her parents.

2. I have already decided where I want the division of assets to go.

Have a plan man! Here is what I see as equitable. It's a whole lot easier to think about this before she's melting down into tears before your eyes. Be aware that she is going to have a different plan for that division of assets-this is where guys end up walking away with the clothes on their backs. Namely, her plan for the division of assets is going to be "die in a fire".

3. We are breaking up.

That's key man. Don't load the gun if you can't pull the trigger. At this stage, you can let her in to the new life plan.

4. Execute plan.

Wait for fallout.

01-28-2012, 09:05 AM	#21
Gridlock Banned By Establishment Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New West Posts: 3,997 Thanked 2,982 Times in 1,135 Posts Failed 284 Times in 109 Posts	I wanted to add something that I learned through the whole process. I struggled with, "is it worth it?" I found myself not being happy but continually asking myself, "what reason is there to break-up?" People around me would constantly be telling me that she's "nice" and she kind of was. She never did anything offensive to anyone. I found that the proper question to ask isn't what reason do I have to leave, but what reason do I have to stay. I found that you were rarely going to have that aha moment that she finally commits that fatal sin that you can be proud of in saying, "this is it! You are being dumped because...this." These nice girls aren't suddenly going to go and fuck your best friend. They aren't going to take up cocaine for you. They aren't going to cut you in your sleep. For me, I got to the point where I couldn't answer the question. Why am I here? I don't know, moving sucks, that's why. I finally learned where we keep the dish soap, and don't want to re-learn. Once I learned that key way of looking at the issue, man things started popping in place. If you can't think of a reason why you are "somewhere" doing "something" with "someone", then dude, you do not need to be there, doing that, with them. May sound cold, but its true. The question is for you to decide if the reasons you have: financial considerations, history and love is enough reason to stay. And one other thing, and a friend warned me of this and I've seen it happen. Don't be stupid! If you decide to leave, do NOT do that thing that guys do and be like, "oh keep the car, and the apartment and the furniture" out of guilt for leaving! One day you will wake up in your shitty apartment and say, "fuck me, I miss my sofa" Get your head in the right place before you even crack the conversation. What's the right place? 1. I have made arrangements for where I am going to live/stay for the forseeable future. It could be the apartment, it might not, but have a back-up plan. You are pulling the trigger, so its kind of on you to vacate for awhile. She may just run to her parents. 2. I have already decided where I want the division of assets to go. Have a plan man! Here is what I see as equitable. It's a whole lot easier to think about this before she's melting down into tears before your eyes. Be aware that she is going to have a different plan for that division of assets-this is where guys end up walking away with the clothes on their backs. Namely, her plan for the division of assets is going to be "die in a fire". 3. We are breaking up. That's key man. Don't load the gun if you can't pull the trigger. At this stage, you can let her in to the new life plan. 4. Execute plan. Wait for fallout.