[El Bastardo]

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I don’t know what to do in my current situation, can someone please give some advice?
Me and my girl have been together for a long time, and things have gotten progressively worse over the last several years. The first year we were together I made out with some random girl, and I wasn’t going to tell her, but I did a year later. Regardless of what I did, we stayed together. I have always been overfriendly/flirty, and had developed friendships over the years, which come and go, which she would consider ‘emotionally’ cheating, but I would never think of messing around with any of them, regardless of what happened in the past. Most of the time it would hit a breaking point with my wife over a friendship, and I would eventually sever it.

I understand and realize NOW what I was doing was wrong and I was hurting her a lot. Why did I do it? It might sound cliché, but I wasn’t really thinking, or maybe I just didn’t realize what the consequences would be. I never really received much affection from her, especially after cheating (which is expected), and I’m not making that an excuse, but that could also be another why I turned to these friendships.

I tried to talk to a couple of my guy friends, and they have seen these friendships of my mine develop and how close I’ve gotten, but they think my girl is overreacting, and that I haven’t really cheated on her since I didn’t actually fuck another girl. I try to explain emotionally cheating, but they just roll their eyes…

Just in the last several months things have gotten much worse, I guess after all these years she has had enough, and she has so much anger towards me, and I don’t blame her. As stupid as it sounds, it’s only in the last several months that I realize how much I have hurt her, and I do whatever I can to do the right things. She admitted I don’t act like I used to, but she still holds on to everything that has happened in the past. We have planned to see someone, but in the meantime she gets these moments where she would go off on me about things for a couple hours screaming at me about things I have done and how I am. I’m tempted to take my stuff and move out, because I don’t think it’s healthy for anyone to live under as much tension and screaming.

Please let me know if you need more info to get a better perspective on what I should do.