Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamboda
I don't think it's too weird. Lots of girls have guys like these (your friend in this case) as a backup, bro or a shoulder to cry on. I would let your friend know to stop wasting time here because time and money is precious. You can make money back, but you can never make time back.
In this situation you've provided I cannot critique the actions from your friend. But what I evaluate from this is that he 'friend-zoned' himself. I THINK (again I don't have the proper information I'm making assumptions based upon information provided) that he took way too long to try to make a move and if he just found out that she has a boyfriend now, he obviously didn't pop the question or even ask intimate questions like "are you looking to date now?" or "what type of guy are you into?".
Remember, to get the aces and kings in a deck of cards, you just have to keep flipping them.
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I agree.
Define "couple" activities.
There are 2 possibilities. One was described up top and the other is the current boyfriend isn't satisfying the emotional needs of the girlfriend, by doing things that make her feel like he cares/loves her ie. remembers little things about her, doesn't forget their anniversary and spend the day with his buddies, doesn't ignore her texts, instant messages or facebook posts but is obviously online cuz recently just tweeted or updated something on FB, introduces her as Sally my girlfriend instead of "my friend, Sally", doesn't just let girl friends spend the night and SHARE the bed with him, doesn't talk on the phone or go out for drives with a female friend after 11pm (more specifically 3am), listen to her, be interested in her life, not act single in front of ppl be it in real life or online, takes care of her when she's sick, doesn't blow her off for Mass Effect 3 (ok...maybe if he's been waiting months to get the game). Just stuff that makes her feel like she's wanted, that she IS the girlfriend and that she's not going to be treated like one of his friends or even less special treatment than friends. I know of situations where the boyfriend treated and cared for friends more than the girlfriend sometimes and she didn't feel emotionally wanted even though they've been together for years, one of my gfs recently told me her bf refuses to chat on the phone with her or do video calls with her cuz he's "not into that stuff" (they live 2 hours away from one another) and on a few occasions when she asked him what he's doing, he responds with "I'm on the phone with Jane or I'm i'm on a video chat with Stacy -.-". That usually leads to the gf finding it in other guy friends, most of the time friend-zoned guys (best type) or just a friend she jives well with (not so great cuz if the relationship goes south then suddenly you find her with that guy). Not cuz she's interested or wants to cheat or doesn't love her boyfriend, she just needs to feel validated that she is indeed the fun, loving person that her boyfriend fell for. It's also not cuz she's using Joe either, she just enjoys hanging out with him and it also gives her that emotional boost that she seeks. Sucks for Joe. Sucks for Sally too. But we can't really blame the boyfriend for not knowing how to emotionally satisfy Sally or is too lazy or selfish to satisfy her emotional needs. I actually see it in a lot of long term relationships/live-in relationships where the relationship gets stale and ppl are in a rut/ comfort stage and all they do is bicker, words aren't heard by either party and everything is just swept under the rug. Which is just a natural cycle of all relationships, but that's usually where all this shit starts.
Now what would be wrong is if the girl "Sally" has crossed that line with Joe. Meaning there is hand holding involved, flirting, never once mentioning the boyfriend when they hang out, teasing Joe in flirtatious ways, making sexual innuendos, inviting Joe to corporate, family parties and not the bf (unless the bf refuses to go, then that's a whole new problem). I always find not talking about the boyfriend a huge sign, cuz when a girl likes a guy, she can't shut up about him. There is the guy who you have a shoulder to cry on and then there's a guy where the bitch is playing with 2 men and leading one on, but those lines are never blurred, it is a very solid line to cross. You KNOW when a girl is treating you like a friend and when she's not. If you get even an inkling that she's flirting with you then there is issues in the current relationship she is in. Having said all this, there indeed are the girls who are attention whores and just loves the attention from all types of men even when in a relationship.